


Over Six Months of Winchester Loving

by penultimateaxis



Series: Green-Eyed Dean-ial Winchester [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Big Brother Gabriel, Castiel and Dean in Love, Dark Dean Winchester, Dark Sam Winchester, Dating, Destiel Always, Drinking, Gabriel is a BAMF, Homophobia, Inappropriate Erections, Infidelity, Jealous Dean Winchester, Jealousy, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, M/M, Morning Wood, Pining, Pining Dean, Plot Twists, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Dean Winchester, Sam Is So Done, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-08 15:46:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 114,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4311084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penultimateaxis/pseuds/penultimateaxis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean just cannot wait to introduce Castiel, his best friend, to his baby brother Sam, who is coming home for the first time in years. Over the next few months, the two brothers and Castiel develop a strong friendship- until it stops. </p><p>Problems occur when you start developing feelings toward your best friend, Dean and Sam learn it the hard way. (Pun intended)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1- Introductions and Formalities

**Author's Note:**

> Dear avid reader,
> 
> Thank you for reading this fanfic. I hope you have fun- crying and giggling during your read. I know I did.  
> Remember to support Destiel/CasDean ship, respect the actors and have lots of fun. 
> 
> Sincerely,  
> penultimateaxis
> 
> Read the tags!  
> For those who may not be able to handle Homophobia, you have been warned.  
> I am writing based on experience.
> 
> The story switches between Dean, Sam and Castiel's POV. Especially Dean and Sam's.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam live in two different worlds but they love each other nonetheless. 
> 
> Castiel's world is a mystery but everyone who Dean knows, love him.

_**-Dean-** _

Dean can’t wait to introduce Sam to his best friend Cas, who he has known for years. They even have a party and the whole shebang set up in their parents’ place. Dean never moved out of Kansas, sure he went on a few road trips back in high school with his friends, and around the time Sammy was in college, but his parents were just down the road from his apartment so he never got the urge to live anywhere else. He practically grew up here and knows everybody. And he means everybody. Even his socially awkward but totally awesome best friend Cas. When he says ‘totally awesome’, he means totally awesome because everyone that matters in Dean’s life, loves Cas. He has all that he needs in Lawrence so there’s no need to go anywhere else.

It wasn’t always like this.

In fact, he could still remember a time when Cas wasn’t in their life. In Dean’s life.

Ever since Sam left for Stanford at the age of 18, Dean felt lost because all he needed to do in life was to put his brother’s needs before his. He’s got a tight knit family since dad’s dad passed away when he was little and mom’s side of the family was so conservative and hated dad. However, John and Mary, his parents didn’t expect Dean and Sam to follow any sort of life, all they wanted from their children was to care about each other and do whatever makes them happy after high school. That doesn’t change the fact that Dean is still at loss of what to do with his life after Sam left. He worked his ass off so that his parents can focus all their energy to provide Sam with the best resources to be able to get into Stanford. They didn’t really need to do much, in fact, all they had to do was have Sammy’s back and the Sasquatch ended up getting a scholarship, a free-ride to university.

Unlike Sam, Dean preferred a free-spirited life, just like his dad did when he was younger. John, found the love of his life, Mary, when he was really young and they became each other’s lives. They were so in love that they invested all their time building a relationship together, not caring about what mom’s family expected from her.

So mom and dad worked hard to find a roof over their heads and raise two children in a sort of apple pie life. Dean loves his family more than anything and would do anything for them. However ever since he became an adult, and Sam leaving for college, his parents have asked nothing but to find whatever makes him happy.

He is happy, he’s admitted it to them several times. And they nodded every time but Dean couldn’t escape the lingering feeling that he was lying to himself and to the rest of his family. He’s earning enough to keep an apartment a few blocks down where mom and dad live. He works as a manager in the garage that Bobby owns in the area. He’s had a few relationships with women since high school til his mid-twenties, all failed but he never let it get to him because he can confidently say that he’s content with his life. Mom and dad would visit him a couple of times a week or he visits them. He still managed to get around and find casual hook-ups but he knew there was something missing in his life. Something to fill the gap of not being needed by his family anymore.

Until Castiel Novak arrived.

Castiel Novak who moved in a large property at the end of the street, next to Dean’s apartment and had the neighbors drooling over his money and good looks. Dean admits that he wasn’t overly excited to hear that somebody finally bought the large estate next to his place, he just assumed that the new comer was already a douchebag by being able to afford such a large property, let alone the expenses necessary to maintain it.

Oh how wrong he was.

They met one summer afternoon after Dean caught Cas leaning on a tree and watching the neighborhood with a pensive look. Dean just got home from the garage and heard Missouri Moseley warn him about the new comer’s strange behavior. She didn’t exactly say that he was dangerous, she just said he was definitely something and walked back inside her home. Dean shrugged at the thought and decided to approach the new guy who, even from a distance, was scanning him from top to bottom. He had blue eyes, dark brown hair and three-day’s worth of stubble but overall, he was handsome. He could see the nosy mothers from the corner of his eye look at Cas as he walked right up to him to introduce himself.

When Dean greeted him and asked why he was standing there looking at the street, Cas replied that he was waiting for the plumber to arrive and fix his pipes. Dean chuckled, told him that the plumber wouldn’t be there for a few more hours and offered to fix his pipes. Cas nodded but didn’t say much, he didn’t say anything when Dean went back to his place to get his tools and again didn’t say anything when Dean followed him inside and directed him to the basement.

Initially, he imagined being on the headlines as the first victim of a neighborhood serial killer. Instead of getting his insides rearranged, Cas smiled and thanked him for fixing his water system and held out an envelope containing around a thousand dollars for the job. Dean’s eyes went wide open, this guy couldn’t be seriously paying him that much money just for tweaking a few knots.

When he asked _‘are you serious?’_

Cas did that head tilt thing that he usually does and Dean laughed. He heartily laughed and he hadn’t heard himself laugh like that in long time. He said that they were neighbors so he didn’t need to pay him anything and told Cas to call him if he needed anything else. No matter how much Castiel insisted to pay Dean, he declined. He felt bad and sorry for the guy because he clearly had problems in the social department. So they went their separate ways and Dean waved him good-bye while Cas just stood on his drive way, gazing at him with those stern blue eyes.

Dean didn’t think that was the start of the many instances when Castiel needed his help.

From house repairs, to gardening tasks, Dean practically managed everything so Cas could settle in. He even got to know the guy more. Apparently he moved away from the big city because his family was too dramatic and was looking for peace. He doesn’t really like talking about his family a lot but he was more than interested in getting to know Dean’s family. Mom liked Cas the moment she laid eyes on him and said he looked like an angel, earning a red blush on the poor guy’s cheeks. When dad met Cas for the first time, they just looked at each other in callous seriousness then eased their expressions and shook hands. Dad said that Cas was a good guy just by looking at him. Bobby was quite distant at first until the second family gathering where he practically invited everyone that Dean knew. Charlie, Benny, Garth, Ash and even the Harvelles rocked up for a weekend just to ‘apparently’ meet Cas. Meeting Cas was apparently worthy of a huge party.

Eventually, Cas became an inseparable part of Dean’s everyday life. Whenever Dean would wake up, he would look outside to see if Cas has been tending the flowers Mary got him a few days earlier. His mom can be so nosy sometimes and just invites herself over to Cas place for tea. Sometimes she wouldn’t even tell Dean until she’s already invaded Cas’ place. On the other hand, Dad would invite Cas to watch football at their place. Dean would bring the beer and mom made the snacks while Bobby would arrive a few minutes later with more beer to last them the rest of the night. Dad and Bobby would crash on the couch while Cas would sometimes sleep on Dean’s shoulder. Dean was weird about it at first, then eventually it became a regular thing between the two of them.

Dean would just expect Cas to sleep on his shoulder after drinking enough bottles of beer.

All of his friends liked Cas instantly as soon as they realized how adorable he was. Especially when it came to his social awkwardness. No one ever made fun of him, in fact, they loved the fact they could teach him on how to conduct in public or what to say to others. Sometimes they don’t teach him because he’s just too adorable to change. Especially the times when Cas would ask Dean help with cultural references.

Dean would heartily laugh and pat his best friend on the back, telling him to never change.

Dean needs to be needed and he found someone perfect for the job. He couldn’t ask for a better best friend.

On the ride to the airport, all Dean can talk about is his baby brother to Cas. Cas rides shotgun and listens. Of course he brings Cas because they’re practically attached to the hip. Plus, he always listens to everything Dean has to say. He’s awesome like that, at some stages, Dean wonders how he got so lucky in having this little dork in his life. He’s not really so little when in fact Cas is just about an inch shorter than him.

“I think your brother is amazing already and I can’t wait to meet him too, Dean.” Cas smiles next to him and oh that smile has lightened some of Dean’s worst days. There’s not really a horrible day whenever Cas is around. He’s always there when Dean needs company or when he’s going through a tough break-up. Cas is always there to support him and it’s a strange feeling, being cared for. After all, for the majority of his childhood, he had to look after Sam’s needs before his because if any Winchester is going to succeed in life, it will be Sam and he certainly has.

Dean’s not just content with what he has right now. He can finally admit that he’s happy with his life. His parents and friends are fine, and he has an angel riding next to him. Humming to ‘Highway to Hell’ by AC/DC and Dean cannot be prouder.

He has improved Cas’ taste in music ever since he skimmed through his deplorable music collection. The guy pretty much owns every classical music known to man, and he said ‘HELL NO!’ He immediately dragged Cas to Ash’s music store and gave his mullet haired friend a fortune while Cas a new record collection.

Upon arriving at the airport, they wait for Sam to arrive and Cas is standing next to him with a smile on his face.

“What’s got you smiling?” Dean asks and Cas shyly blinks before answering.

“I am just glad that you get to see your brother again after so long. You’re always so happy whenever you mention him, or talk to him over the phone or just by looking at his photos. I can’t help but feel happy as well.” Cas blushes again and Dean can’t get rid of the grin plastered on his face. That’s another reason why Cas is awesome, he notices these little things that nobody else does about Dean. It still a mystery on how Dean never notices Cas watching from afar. Like his own guardian angel…

Anyway, Dean is doing that thing again where he just stares at Cas as if there’s no one else in the room. Cas actually started it right around the time Dean started teaching him about the significance of personal space. Eventually Dean just went along with it because…because…he doesn’t actually know why. It’s one of the things that they haven’t touched base on and Dean doesn’t really like talking about that stuff. Especially since he has a feeling that these moments and lingering stares into Cas’ eyes will most likely lead into an awkward conversation. And Dean wants to avoid that situation at all cost.

So Dean looks away and Cas also breaks the stare while they scan the crowd. Dean is expecting a giant moose of a brother and maybe Cas is doing the same from what he’s told his best friend. It has been years since Dean has seen Sam and there has only been a few instances when Dean or Mom and Dad gets to see Sam in Chicago. He’s always too busy to come over but then this new case he’s working on is taking forever to sort out, and luckily for Dean and his family, it happens to be stationed in Kansas.

In the times when Dean saw Sam, he was tall. Over six feet of nerd and long hair that’s overdue for a haircut.

Beyond the twin brunettes giggling and laughing, he can see his long-haired baby brother cutting through the crowd. The damn moose has grown taller since Dean last saw him.

“Sammy!” He calls out and his brother looks up and smiles. He marches towards Dean and pulls each other into a tight hug. Dean laughs and they both break the hug.

“Ha ha! Sammy! You’re back! Whoa look at you! Wearing fancy clothes and Jesus Christ you’re huge!” Dean inspects his brother from top to bottom, noticing all the expensive looking garb he’s got on compared to his jeans and flannel. Sammy’s definitely lived in the city.

“They’re just clothes Dean, I’m still me and don’t call me Sammy, I’m not a chubby twelve year old kid!” Sam pulls bitch face number one out of the many more to come. Dean reaches up and messes his brother’s hair and laughs while Sam calls him a “jerk”.

“Bitch” he replies just like the old days and Sam laughs before looking beyond Dean’s shoulder.  Dean almost forgets to introduce someone really important. One of the reasons why he’s been looking forward to today.

“Hey Dean?” Sam asks and Dean grins and puts an arm around Cas’ shoulder.

“Sammy I’d like you to meet Cas, he’s my best friend and he’s awesome! Cas this is my giant of a baby brother Sammy!” Dean smiles and can’t help but feel helplessly happy as two of his favorite people are standing in front of each other.

“Hello Sam. My name is Cas- short for Castiel. It’s nice to finally meet you in person.” Cas holds his hand out and Sam looks at Dean then back to Cas then to Cas’ hand.

“Hello Cas! Can I call you that?” Sam grins and eagerly takes Cas’ hand.

“O-of course…” he replies and Dean feels warm when he sees his best friend all flustered. Cas looks around before dropping down to retrieve Sam’s luggage. “Let me help you with that.”

“Don’t worry about it Cas, that’s what Dean’s here for. Isn’t that right Deeeaaan?” Sam nudges his shoulder while Dean gives him a death stare.

“Ha ha! You’re still as funny as ever Sam. Or maybe you can walk home!” Dean grabs his luggage anyway and Sam cackles while they follow from behind. Dean can hear his baby brother and best friend get along.

This is what Dean expected to happen and he’s glad that everything is falling into place.

***

 

The drive back to their place is one of the best things that has happened today. Though Sam has been a little bitch by talking about all the embarrassing things that happened in Dean’s childhood, Cas doesn’t make any of it. He just blushes at the back seat whenever Dean glances through the rearview mirror.

As soon as they get back to their place, Mom and Dad give Sam a big hug and everyone gathers around them welcoming him back. Even Benny and Sam are getting along now since they didn’t like each other when Dean was in high school. Now they can be in one room without ripping out each other’s throats. Charlie, Ash, Garth and Jo also greet him while Dean tells Cas about Sam’s relationship with every single one of them.

Cas and Dean are almost together for the rest of the night because Dean can’t help but be proud of talking about Sam to everybody, especially to Cas. In all those years that Sam was away, Cas was in it, wondering who his baby brother was. Now that they’ve met, Dean is happy that they get along quite well. He knew they would, especially since they’re both dorky nerds with the same taste in music (before Dean enlightened Cas).

All in all, the welcoming party goes well and Sam and Dean retire to their old rooms for the night. Mom and Dad may have taken the posters down but they still had their beds to return to. Having Sam back in their home is the best and Dean can’t be happier. He’s already thinking about taking Sam and Cas out for lunch tomorrow since he knows that Cas isn’t busy and it’s Saturday. They’ve got the whole weekend to go bonding.

***

Getting Cas to join Sam and himself for lunch is a success. Dean’s best friend nearly made some bullshit excuse about not interrupting their ‘brotherly bonding’, actually Cas did use that excuse but Dean didn’t give a shit and eventually forced Cas to come with them to the local diner where Jo used to work.

They order the usual stuff, Dean gets burgers and pie, Cas gets burgers, fries and a strawberry milkshake for dessert while Sam chews on rabbit food.

“And then I said to him, ‘it’s not food anymore Dean! It’s Darwinism!’” Sam tells Cas the story of the time when Dean stayed over in Sam’s apartment for a week and made a mess of the fridge. Well, the entire place was a mess by the end of the stay.

“Shut the hell up and eat your rabbit food Sam! That green crap on your plate IS Darwinism. Don’t listen to him Cas, he’s just a bitch.” Dean takes another large bite from his burger.

“Jerk! Anyway, I’m surprised you haven’t ran to the hills yet Cas. So what does Dean have on you? Debt? Witness protection?” Sam smirks and Cas stammers to get an answer.

“Shut the fuck up Sam! Cas loves the fact that I’m his best friend! Ain’t that right Cas?” He nudges Cas’ shoulder and sees his best friend blush by just that touch. Dean ignores the heat building in his jeans and takes another massive bite from his burger to distract himself.

“Yes Dean, you have been my friend for a very long time and I care about you very much.” Cas looks at him again with those deep pensive eyes that Dean just can’t stop staring at in return. Until Sam clears his throat and ruins their moment. If anyone notices that he’s blushing from what Cas said, he’d deny it of course. He swears over Sam’s ever growing hair.

Speaking of Sam, his younger brother’s eyebrows rise and then he smiles to himself while picking lettuce off his plate.

“Has anyone else noticed the blonde waitress ogling us from behind the counter?” Dean cocks his head back while Sam scoffs at his brother’s typical behavior.

“Seriously Dean? I’ve been in town for less than a day and you’re already looking for the next lay?” Sam asks in between chewing salad.

“A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.” Dean replies while keeping his head turned to the said waitress who is definitely ogling him,

“I can’t believe you had to put up with this Cas.” Sam chuckles and Dean snaps his neck back to give his little brother a glare.

“I’m quite accustomed to it Sam. I have been Dean’s ‘wing-man’ for some quite time now and it pleases me that he takes me around for most of his escapades. I have no judgment to whatever Dean does with his life. All I want is for him is to be happy.” Cas gives a small little smile and Sam throws bitch face number-something since he got back. The thought lingers in Dean’s head, Cas has been such a saint for putting up with his crap.

“Here’s your pie.” The blonde waitress arrives and bends over to give Dean the whole view of the twins. Oh they are a nice set indeed. Sam shakes his head like an annoying little bitch that he is and Cas just sits next to him, probably in deep concentration on the workings of musical straws on plastic milkshake lids.

She walks away with a lingering smile on both their faces and Dean stabs the pie with his fork, only to find a folded piece of paper underneath.

“Check it out! Looks like I’m getting lucky today!” Dean opens the folded piece of paper to read out its contents. “Amanda. Sounds like a pornstar’s name, probably could fuck like one!” he laughs but Sam just does that irritated bitch face look number whatever while Cas smiles at him. He’s always so supportive of whatever Dean does with his life.

“Eugh, whatever Dean…” Dean glares at his brother after that remark and raises an eyebrow.

“As if you can talk Sammy! Don’t you have that sexy intern named Jessica as your personal assistant?” he wriggles his eyebrow and nudges Cas’ arm to pass on the message. Cas as always, does that adorable smile that’s warmer the pie on his plate.

“Dean, she works for me, I don’t blur the lines between my work and personal life.” Sam bites back and Dean thinks two can play at that game.

“Oh c’mon Sammy, as if you haven’t done the dirty with her.” He turns to Cas who is staring intently at him. “Jess is Sam’s personal assistant who has been drooling over him ever since he hired.” Cas does a slow nod which he usually does whenever he finally gets his head wrapped around something.

“We haven’t done anything Dean!” Sam defends himself.

“Not yet.” Dean wriggles his eyebrows again and this time, he could’ve sworn the devil possessed Sam as he clutches his salad fork and the fire burning in his eyes.

The bitch does his look again and calls Dean a jerk then turns to Cas who is almost laughing at their interaction. Dean knows this is his best friend’s way of including himself in group talks. In his circle of friends, Charlie would talk to Cas about cultural references and whatever dorky thing Cas missed from living under a rock while growing up. Benny, Jo and Cas all seem to have an interest in weaponry, one way or another. Benny even invited Cas to their usual fishing trip which was one of the best memories Dean has ever had. He’ll never forget the time when Cas fell off the boat because his line got caught by a massive trout. That trout was delicious and they spent the night camping while Dean wrapped a blanket around Cas because all his clothes got wet.

“Anyway…”Sam clears his throat and Dean snaps back into reality. Back into the diner with his brother and best friend. “Are you in a relationship with anyone Cas?” Sam asks while casually sipping his coffee. Dean smiles to himself and interrupts his best friend before he can answer.

“Cas doesn’t do relationships or casual hook ups Sam, I know cause I took him to a brothel once and even bought him a lap dance.” Dean does remember the event clearly, it was one of the funniest moments of his life. “Cas went all Sigmund Freud on the stripper…what was her name again?”

“Chastity. Although I don’t believe that was he real name.” Cas answers.

“Of course it wasn’t!” Dean laughs and Sam nods, indicating that he’s on the same page. “Yeah anyways, Cas went and talked about her daddy issues then she got us both kicked out. It was hilarious! You should’ve seen it Sam!” Dean heartily laughs again, remembering how they spent the night in a diner talking about the incident and him discovering Cas’ obsession with burgers. It was a good night.

“So you don’t have anyone special in your life at the moment Cas?” Sam asks again as if he needs more reassurance from Dean’s story. Come to think of it, Dean’s not sure if Cas has ever shown any interest to anyone in that way.

“No Sam, I do not have anyone.” The tone from Cas’ answer was quite low for Dean’s expectations. Maybe the poor guy thinks his social skills have held him back from meeting someone.

“Don’t worry about it Cas! Just because you’re rough around the edges when it comes to social stuff, it don’t mean you won’t find someone! Besides, I told you to never change yourself for anyone! If they can’t appreciate you the same way that I do then screw ‘em! You’re better off without them!” Dean puts an arm around Cas shoulder, earning him a nice warm grin that goes straight to Dean’s groin.

“Thank you Dean. I appreciate it.” Cas says and Dean immediately shuffles his legs to ease the tightness in his pants, hoping that Cas doesn’t look down.

He’s been getting these twitches for a while now and he doesn’t know why.

To ignore its existence, Dean looks at Sam who nods again and moves his eyes to Dean then Cas then back to Dean before finishing his cup of coffee.

They spend the rest of the day together. All three of them as Sam continues to ask Cas questions about his life while Cas does the same. Dean adds or corrects some information in between their talks. Especially when the subject revolves around Dean’s childhood or whatever petulant habit that Sam likes to highlight for Dean’s embarrassment. Damn moose is trying to make him look bad to Cas but that doesn’t matter because Dean knows Cas would never judge him or look at him differently.

Cas has seen him at his best and his worst and he’ll continue to ignore the warm feeling that courses through the rest of his body whenever Cas touches his hand or invades his personal space.

All those personal space lessons Dean taught him went to waste. Well at least this time, he doesn’t mind as much as before. In fact, it’s one of the things that he needs to ignore in order to stay sane around Cas. Otherwise, he knows things will get awkward and he can’t afford to let things go in that direction.

So after Sam goes back to his apartment and Cas to his home, Dean decides to give Amanda a message. She tells him to meet up outside the diner in half an hour and that’s enough time for Dean to clean up. This is the only way to blow off some excess steam whenever he hangs out with Cas.

He’ll never admit to himself that his best friend has been lingering in his thoughts whenever he gets some alone time in the shower, or at night, or when he’s with a chick.

Never. He wouldn’t.

Over the next week or so, Dean, Sam and Cas has been inseparable. They would spend the majority of their free time either together or in each other’s apartments. Sometimes they would go to Sam’s apartment to educate Cas with movies while Sam sits on the dining table, working on some lawyer stuff and sending emails to Jess, which by the way, Dean still think that there is something going on between his moose brother and his sexy assistant. Cas still laughs at his jokes and has grown fond of how the two brothers interact with each other.

Most of their friends would find their brotherly bonding to be quite annoying and at times dysfunctional, only Cas seems to have the patience to withstand their stupid shit. Maybe a part of it is because Dean is just used to having Cas around almost every single day.

It’s like Dean’s head is programmed to think about what to do with Cas every time he wakes up in the morning. Whether they’ve only seen each other the night or the afternoon before, Dean still asks what Cas is up to whenever they drive to Sam’s apartment to pick him up or crash there.

Whenever they visit mom and dad, Dean never forgets to bring Cas. For some odd reason, having him there just adds an extra lightness to Dean’s feet as he walks and talks to dad about his latest hunting trip with Bobby. He would sometimes watch Cas talk to Sam and mom in the living room, having tea and some organic trash that Sam picked up from the supermarket.

Dean has never felt happier about the domestic picture. There’s just something about having Cas in their family that makes Dean’s stomach flutter and not think about the missing thing in his life.

***

 

_**-Sam-** _

Upon arriving at the airport, Sam can honestly say he’s exhausted. Over the past few months, he has channeled all his energy on trying to settle this court case between two rival brothers on their father’s will. The dispute was about who will get the most of the father’s inheritance and Sam’s client has given him the task to find loop holes to afore mentioned person’s will. Unfortunately for Sam, this has drained all his energy to keep a social life, let alone a personal life. His last relationship was with a woman named Sarah, and it failed a few months ago because he was just too busy to give her attention. And Sarah deserved more than that. Frankly, Sam didn’t really feel anything for Sarah anymore. He was just too busy to go through the drama of breaking up with her.

So he decided to focus all his attention in work since he knew from the start that the profession was going into involve little to no space for a relationship. Although, this has made Sam very lonely as he went home to an empty apartment while his best company is a bottle of Jack Daniels and voice messages from his personal assistant, Jessica.

Yes, voice messages, because Sam was too busy to actually enjoy the company of his lovely intern who has been giving signs of affection for a while now. However, Sam knows better than to mix his personal life with work. So he bides his time, working and taking care of himself by going to the gym or taking early morning runs to keep his sanity and ensuring a green healthy diet.

To his luck, the judge decided to dismiss the case for a few months while his client Luke, try and find his younger brothers who apparently have shares to their father’s inheritance. While his client does this, Sam has been given an extended holiday to visit and stay with his family in Kansas.

He has missed his family very much and it has been years since they spent a holiday together. Their last Christmas together was the winter before Sam had to go back to Stanford for his final year. Ever since then, Dean and his parents could only come and visit every once in a while. Sometimes he’d wait for a year or more just to give them accommodation. Having family over has been a scarce option for Sam, on top of that, he doesn’t want them to worry about his wellbeing.

The fact that he has hired someone to clean his apartment is a clear sign that he no longer has time for anything. To top it off, his client Luke is quite possessive and has consolidated Sam’s time for big money. Apparently his family was brought up from old money and has influences across the country (possibly the world). So Sam is stuck with his high paying job but at the expense of his personal and social life.

Going back to Lawrence is his perfect escape from this drab life, he intends to rebuild his familial and social connections. He can still remember some of his friends before going to Stanford, Charlie, Benny, Jo, Ash and Garth are some that Dean managed to keep in contact with over the years. Unlike Sam, Dean has a better social life. He may never admit that he wishes his life was just like Dean’s. He doesn’t want to sound ungrateful to his family, who has done everything in their power to get him to where he is.

They always supported Sam, the least he could do is appreciate what he’s got.

Although some days, he wonders what a life without mountains of paperwork and defending megalomaniacs would feel like. As soon as the opportunity presented itself, he packed his bags and bought the first ticket to Kansas.

Sam can’t wait to see his family again and actually spend some quality time without panicking for time. Last time he checked his emails was before he boarded the plane and ensured to turn his phone off, just so that Luke, his client, doesn’t call him in midair for an update on another idea to take his brother Michael down. At least Jess doesn’t send him grief. So far, she mainly forwards messages from Luke but the last one was wishing Sam a safe and pleasant trip which brought a smile to his face. Jess was an angel indeed.

Turning his phone off will also mean that Dean can’t call him. He made sure to warn his brother about his intentions to turn the device off because Dean can be quite over bearing and over enthusiastic about everything. Even more since the month earlier when he announced his return. He hasn’t stopped talking about what he plans on doing when Sam gets back. More importantly, he hasn’t stopped talking about his best friend whom Sam has heard a great deal about.

_Castiel._

Apparently, he has been Dean’s best friend for many years now and Sam admits to himself that he’s quite envious. Dean has always had the knack for making new friends easily because he’s charismatic and cheerful, unlike Sam who doesn’t even have time to install cable television and had to call a guy to come in and do it for him. He didn’t have cable for a month but it wasn’t the cable guy’s fault (even though he was a week late after promising to install it). Sam’s life just takes a very slow path before getting anywhere.

Even his relationship with Sarah was taken slow, if her father wasn’t one of Luke’s acquaintances then Sam would’ve taken months before he could get past the point of ‘getting to know you’. Sarah was very patient and kind with him which is why they lasted almost a year. However, Sam thinks he got lucky that time. Not everyone will have Sarah’s virtue nor have the effort to stay in Sam’s life without getting forgotten sooner or later.

Dean will never do that to any of his friends. He’s loyal and trustworthy and knows how to please a crowd regardless of being a jerk at times. That’s why he’s still in constant contact with all of their friends from high school, which is why he’s made a new friend when Sam was away. If anyone in the Winchester family can have a stable interpersonal relationship with anybody, it’s gonna be Dean.

Plus, Dean hasn’t shut up about his best friend since they became close. Apparently, they started out as neighbors then suddenly, they just sort of clicked.

***

Sam still needs to hear the whole story and he will, very soon, just as he can get past these two brunettes in front of him they’ve been checking him out and giggling since they boarded the plane. Sam has rolled his eyes, sighed and threw every bitch face that he has ever given Dean before to these girls. Actually, he’s thrown more but that doesn’t matter now because he can see his bow-legged older brother looking right at his direction. A huge smile is plastered on his face and Sam enthusiastically pulls his luggage past the annoying girls and pulled his brother in for a hug.

It has been so long since he’s see his brother and amazed on how much he’s shrunk over the years. It’s probably because of his unhealthy grease diet which is just asking for a coronary. He gets called ‘Sammy’ even though he’s begged Dean to stop calling him that, countless of times. He can’t help but smile and appreciate the fact that some things haven’t changed.

Right behind Dean, he notices a stranger with blue eyes, dark brown air and what seems like three days’ worth of stubble watch their interaction. Sam’s first impressions are ‘creepy’ but handsome, in the sophisticated pensive kind of way.

“Hey Dean?” he asks and his older brother turns around and makes the widest grin. Dean holds an arm out and the stranger walks closer, letting his older brother put his arm around the shorter man’s shoulder.

“Sammy I’d like you to meet Cas, he’s my best friend and he’s awesome! Cas this is my giant of a baby brother Sammy!” Dean introduces them to each other and oh how Sam goes wide eyed in surprise. He never thought that this handsome guy staring right into his eyes is Castiel. THE Castiel. Dean’s best friend who his older brother won’t shut up about.

“Hello Sam. My name is Cas- short for Castiel. It’s nice to finally meet you in person.” Oh and that voice, that commanding and raspy voice. And when he holds his hand out, Sam checks his brother’s expression first, then Castiel’s before clasping his hand to lock a hand shake.

“Hello Cas! Can I call you that?” The guy’s grip is firm and Sam grins.

“O-of course…” The little guy actually blushes and Sam can’t help but think that’s adorable. Cas seems awkward and a little lost but that just adds to his charm. “Let me help you with that.” He bends down and it incites the wrong images in Sam’s head. He snaps out of it before a boner starts to show in his pants.

“Don’t worry about it Cas, that’s what Dean’s here for. Isn’t that right Deeeaaan?” Sam nudges his older brother’s shoulder and receives a death stare in return.

“Ha ha! You’re still as funny as ever Sam. Or maybe you can walk home!” Dean threatens and Sam wants to say something back, but he becomes too entranced by Cas’ lips which lightly quiver to a small smile from the previous remark. He cackles, perhaps it’ll make Cas fully smile.

Something inside Sam wants him to make Cas form a whole smile. Perhaps he should make a joke or whatever, he just feels the need to see the whole thing.

The more Sam talks to Cas, the more he notices little things about him. Things that are adorable and cute. Sam notices Cas look outside the window sometimes through the rearview mirror on the drive home. Just the look on the man’s eyes brings a nice feeling in Sam’s chest. The blue in his eyes match the sky and it leaves Sam wondering what Cas is thinking about. He’s only known the guy in less than an hour yet he has this great urge to know everything there is to know about Cas. In the ends, he results to talking about some of the most embarrassing things Dean has done in the past, before Cas met his older brother.

Dean gets pissed at first but he knows that these are just brotherly moments. But Sam would be lying if he didn’t think that embarrassing Dean wasn’t a way to make Cas smile. Instead, Cas just watches them from the back seat as Dean tries to punch Sam’s face while Sam tells the story of the time when Dean had to wear panties for Rhonda Hurley.

Sam still looks at the back seat to see if Cas is smiling, only to find him staring ahead. He might’ve caught a glimpse of the guy looking at him and Sam doesn’t know why it makes him happy. It just does.

Upon arriving to their home, Sam gets happier after holding his parents around his arms for the first time in so long, his family and friends (Bobby and Ellen) gather around him and comment on how much he has grown and changed over the years. He feels slightly disappointed in himself for having to hear these things because they’re the truth.

It has been years since they last saw him and perhaps heard from him. Even after years of being apart, they treated him as if he never left. Charlie, Jo, Ash and Garth all welcome him with open arms and smiles on their faces. But the best feeling is the fact that none of them treated him differently, well not all. Benny, who is Dean’s friend since high school welcomes him and sets aside their past. He and Sam didn’t get along for some odd reason and Sam doesn’t even remember it anymore. It doesn’t even matter anymore as he pulls the shorter gruff man for a hug.

They celebrate as soon as Sam takes his coat off.

Amidst the party he searches for Cas, as expected, he’s standing next to Dean while Mary offer them both drinks. Sure Dean and Cas are close, it’s a no brainer considering how those two interact with each other from the airport, but Sam can’t help feel drawn to Dean’s best friend. He doesn’t get a chance to talk to Cas as much except for stealing a few quick glances.

At least Sam gets the pleasure of seeing the guy smile and laugh at several of Dean’s jokes. Cas also smiles from what mom and dad say about Sam and through all the embarrassing jokes his friends make, that may or may not be drawn from his teenage years. Cas doesn’t make a huge contribution to the discussions around him but just attentively watches everyone. Sam notices this and no matter how much he tries to get the guy’s attention, someone takes it or Dean butts in.

Unfortunately he doesn’t get a chance to get to know Cas more. The party ends and everyone leaves while Cas stays back to clean up. Even then, he doesn’t get a chance to talk to Cas as he spends the majority of the time with Dean while dad talks to Sam about his job. Sam doesn’t let anyone know about his non-existent social and personal life. Instead, he focuses on his successes and the court cases he’s worked on over the years; just to distract them from the horrible reality that is his life.

They all smile and say they’re proud and it’s all Sam needs to hear from them. Nothing more.

He doesn’t ever want them to worry about him or the growing gap in his life because again, he wants to show how grateful he is for what they’ve done. Even though he left a life here in Kansas and moved to the city to be miserable, he’s happy to see his parents and Dean proud of him. Their happiness matters more than anything and Sam will be damned if he ruins it by whining about being lonely. He’s not entirely lonely, he has a lovely personal assistant who tends to his needs from 9-5 every working day and a full-time annoying slash megalomaniac client, 24/7.

Besides he’s back and he can go back to rebuilding his social and personal life. In fact, not everything is the same. He’s got his eyes set on Castiel, who apparently has great taste in music before Dean forcefully fed him classic rock. Not to mention the fact that Cas is drop dead gorgeous and adorable, just as he is.

Sam’s looking forward to his holiday more than ever.


	2. Chapter 2- Attraction and Dating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean, Cas and Sam are best friends, that much is certain. What the Winchesters feel about Castiel- that's a whole different story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tags will be more ingrained in the next few chapters. 
> 
> Let me get a few things straight (nothing is straight when it comes to Destiel), Castiel and Dean are my One True Pair. Sam and Castiel is a mild ship so please put the pitch forks and torches down.

_**-Sam-** _

Getting to know Cas more has only made Sam want the guy more. After the incident at the diner, Sam can tell that Dean and Cas are NOT together and his brother’s best friend is available. It was made clear after Dean got a waitresses number and gloated about it the day after. Sam may or may not have noticed Cas’ extended silence after hearing the news. That wasn’t the end of it, whether Dean would take them to a pub or anywhere public, his older brother did not waste the opportunity to flirt with women and getting their numbers. It’s no wonder Sam was initially skeptical. He thought there was something going on with those two because they share these lingering stares into each other’s eyes, which at times, Sam needs to break.

To Sam’s luck, there’s nothing going on except for the damn staring and the little instances when those two would get all flustered whenever they stand in each other’s personal space. When Sam gave Dean a curious eyebrow raise, Dean laughed it off and told him it was one of Cas’ social problems.

If it’s a social problem then why isn’t his older brother taking the initiative of stepping away? These are the times when Sam wonders if nothing is really going on between them.

He tries asking everyone if they’ve noticed it as well and all of them nod but don’t give a proper answer about Dean and Cas’ relationship. The best answer he gets is from his mom. She says what Dean and Cas is special and she’s grateful that they have each other. Sam knows his mother won’t hide anything from him and she’s known Cas for a very long time.

Overall, by combining his knowledge on the subject and lawyering skills, he has come into the conclusion that nothing is going on with Castiel and Dean. Dean is too invested with his heterosexual single life and Cas is too socially awkward (but nonetheless adorable) for the two of them to be together. And in the weeks of staying with his family, Sam has drawn a conclusion about himself that he never thought he’d arrive to.

He’s definitely interested in Dean’s best friend and perhaps this is the perfect time to take a risk and plunge himself into something he has no knowledge of.

His family has only known him for being interested in women, as his history suggests. However, one of their female friends named Charlie likes females and his family accepts her just as she is. Well who couldn’t, she’s amazing but it still makes Sam wonder if his family will treat him differently.

He’s still the same Sam that went back to their lives after being away for so long. They’ll understand if he professes his feelings to Castiel right?

Because right now, he can’t stop staring at his brother’s best friend, who is examining a piano in a fancy restaurant that Sam recommended. Sam decided to treat his brother and Cas to this establishment as a break from obligatory burgers and pies.

“I dunno Sammy, this menu’s written in some foreign language that I don’t understand! Why can’t we just go to a simple diner?” Dean throws the menu on his plate and the clattering noises attract the judgy eyes of everyone around them, including the staff.

Dean pouts and crosses his arms in frustration while Sam scan Cas’ face filled with concern.

“Dean.” Sam gives his brother a glare to attract his attention. “I thought it would be a nice break from all the crap you eat in diners.” He replies and Dean purses his lips, obviously still not convinced.

“Well I like my crappy food just as it is! I don’t need people dressed as penguins telling me how to eat my food.” Dean pouts again and Sam sometimes wants to smack his brother’s head. This is one of those times.

“Dean, I think you should give this place a chance. Sam says he will pay for our meal. We should be grateful.” Cas interjects and Sam straightens his back.

“Yeah well, I don’t even know what to get. Can’t understand a single thing off the menu!” Dean points at the leather bound menu book on top of his plate.

“Allow me…” Cas takes a quick glance and points at something on the surface. “Is a Cabernet Filet Mignon adequate to your palate?” Sam straightens his back even more and moves his gaze to his lost looking older brother.

“What?” Dean asks and Cas faintly smiles.

“It is pan seared steak, cooked with cabernet wine and butter…er sometimes.” Cas rechecks the menu just to be sure.

“All I heard was steak and alcohol. I’m good with that.” Dean nods and smirks at Cas while giving Sam a glare.

Sam just shakes his head and laughs. No one has ever picked a meal for Dean since they were kids and it makes him smile, even though his older brother is glaring at him right now. Right there and then, he knows that Cas is special. A very good kind of special. One that might just be right for him.

He’s not worried about his parents and friends will think anymore. He’s just gotta have the angel sitting right across the table from him, no matter what.

***

 

_**-Dean-** _

The past few weeks with Sam has just been the best. Having him back home makes everything feel like the old days when they had each other’s company, only this time, Dean has someone else in the picture.

Cas has been hanging out him and Sam ever since his younger brother got back and he’s never been happier. What started out as the two of them being acquainted with each other has turned into an awesome friendship and Dean’s just over the moon about it all. The last person he tried to include in his circle of friends was Benny and that did not end well between him and Sam. This was before Sam went to Stanford.

Fortunately, Cas is an exception. The two dorks hit it off right from the start and Dean takes pride in his handiwork. He knew they were compatible from the fact that they have similar interests and can go from normal human being to crazy nerd in a matter of seconds. Their share in interests range from small to big things such as music, art and all that nerdy crap that Dean filters as soon as the conversation hit the nerd fan.

What can he say? His nerd angel best friend and moose bitch of a brother just knows how to clear the room of all trace of coolness, which is fine because that’s what Dean’s for. He’s there to make sure they don’t get into a nerd overload or something. Lucky for those two idiots, they’ve got looks going for them otherwise, they’ll have girls running to the hills before they can start another discussion on Sartre and Nietzsche. Eugh, even Dean is starting to remember the crap they talk about.

Apart from how awesome those two get along, something else has started to flicker in Dean’s thoughts more than it used to. These thoughts unfortunately culminate around Cas. It’s unfortunate because Dean has started to notice and wonder about some things that he knows is not best friend quality. For example, his casual hook-ups frequency has started to drop ever since Sam’s return. He used to have a few girls in a line, waiting for him to call around Friday or Saturday night however Dean can’t get himself to dial their numbers. All he has to do is push a few numbers and he’s one step closer to getting laid, however he just can’t. Not to mention, his pick up moves have gotten rusty. He used to be able to pick up chicks in a matter of minutes in bars and clubs, or wherever they’re available. Sometimes Cas would be there too of course but, lately, he has had no motivation to chat them up. All it takes is one look from Cas smiling and having fun with Sam to make him pull away and walk back to his best friend and brother, joining their annoying nerd discussion.

These were initially several instances, until they are not.

Eventually, Dean stops going to clubs and bars altogether whether Cas and Sam agree to go with him or not. All that he needs to satisfy his daily life is to do something with those two. Everything’s just way more fun when they’re all hanging out.

It’s still fun even when Sam takes them to fancy pretentious restaurants, where they’ll most likely be fed rabbit food, no bigger than the size of his fist and a plate costs around a hundred dollars. Seriously, the writing on the menu that he’s been looking at don’t even make sense and the numbers beside it is close to fifty bucks a plate. Who the hell spends that much money on a plate?

Apparently voicing his opinion in a restaurant like this will earn him a death stare from his bitch of a little brother, and judgy looks from everyone. If Dean wanted their opinion, they should just rattle their jewelry, it’s much less subtle than their condescending whispers. At least Cas doesn’t judge him. No, Cas is just awesome like that. He doesn’t judge Dean just as the butler did as soon as they walked in. Out of the three of them, he’s the only one who’s not wearing a tie and to be honest, he’s not all that comfortable wearing the stupid button up shirt he’s got on.  Sam and Cas are always dressed for the occasion, and it’s no surprise since the two of them have lived in the city before. They’re not like Dean who loves the simpler things in life, not this pretentious ‘establishment’ as Sammy likes to call it.

After Cas helps him order his food, the butler takes their menus and the bastard gives Dean a very condescending look. Dean starts playing with the silverware because he’s bored out of his brains and Cas and Sam won’t stop talking about some famous musician. He almost forgot that those two share the same taste in music and he was so close to converting Cas to classic rock, then Sammy had to show up and ruin it. Then again, Dean likes Cas just as he is, dorkiness and all that jazz. Just as long as he keeps denying that wonderful feeling in his chest whenever Cas looks at him like he’s the only thing that matters in the world.

There’s just no way.

No, he can’t.

“Excuse me.” Cas stops the butler who has been diligently avoiding their table because he’s a penguin wearing douchebag. “I heard that this place has live entertainment, when will it begin?”

The butler blinks for a second then adds. “I beg your pardon?”

Castiel looks away then back to the butler and continues. “I noticed there is a grand piano near the stage and no one seems to be using it. Would it be possible if I can play a piece while we wait for our food?” he asks and even Dean can agree with the douchebag butler’s facial expression.

The butler raises his eyebrow and looks at Dean and Sam who then returns a lost expression.

“Please?” Cas asks with no expression on his face and Dean looks at Sam for the second time, still looking as lost as ever.

“Uh, I shall ask the management first, if that is alright with you, sir.” Cas nods and points his finger up before the butler can walk away.

“Please let him know that Mr. Novak will deeply appreciate the sentiment.” The butler nods with uncertainty then walks away. There’s a pregnant pause on the table while Dean and Sam share another look.

“What the hell was that about Cas?” Dean asks and Sam looks like he wanted to ask the same question.

“I know you do not like these places Dean and I understand. However, I wish to show you some of the benefits of dining here. Also, I simply wish to lighten the mood.” Cas smiles at him again and dammit, Dean can’t get over that stupid and wonderful smile. It shouldn’t be making him feel like his neck is ablaze and make his blood rush through his veins.

Especially the heavy beating in his chest.

“Excuse me Mr. Novak. It is a pleasure to have your presence within our walls tonight!” A short balding man and the butler stand before them, the shorter man introduces himself with a name that Dean can’t be bothered to pronounce. According to him, he’s the manager and frankly, Dean finds his enthusiasm toward Cas quite annoying.

“You know him Cas?” Sam asks and the manager interrupts him.

“Mr. Novak, unfortunately, our live musician will be late but if you wish to use the piano, by all means, grace us with your musical skills.” The short manager smiles and gestures Cas to the piano. Dean’s best friend stands up and excuses himself then begins walking toward the piano.

Dean and Sam share a look again then turn their eyes to Cas, who has left his trench coat in their table while he unlocks the piano. The manager orders the butler to walk away with him, spouting small curses toward the other man which Dean doesn’t know the reason why. All he can see is his best friend, attracting some of the attention in the room while conversations continue to circulate around tables.

In a matter of seconds, Cas starts playing. His fingers moves across the keyboard with tenderness and his back is straight. His face give a faint smile as he plays something. The music from the piano has mute all conversation in the restaurant while all eyes are on Cas. Dean doesn’t know the name of this song and he’s probably never heard of it but when Cas plays it, the room just seems brighter, more heavenly. Yeah, that’s the word that best describes the feeling in Dean’s chest right now.

Heavenly.

Cas looks beautiful just as he plays the piano. There is something about the way Cas carries himself that makes Dean’s chest flutter with all sorts of wonderful feelings that he can’t put a finger to. He feels like he wants to cry softly and as chick flick as that sounds, it’s the feeling that Cas’ song evokes. But that’s not all. Dean can feel something else, something uplifting from the song. As if all the worries and problems of the world don’t matter and the only thing that does is Cas’ performance. Just the angel and the piano. It’s so beautiful that it hurts.

The song ends and the room erupts into applause and clamor. Dean can see some people wipe the tears off their faces while Cas closes the piano and smiles at their table. He’s smiling directly at them and nobody else.

He’s smiling directly at Dean.

The manager walks toward him and praises his performance but Dean hasn’t stopped looking at his best friend. He’s been trying his best to hold the feeling in his chest from exploding, they’re probably ready to implode, while Sam cheers Cas. Cas nods and is trying his darnest to excuse himself from the annoying manager. When he does, he walks back to their table and sits next to Dean and places a napkin back on his lap. Dean hasn’t stopped looking at him and he should stop. The staring has been held on for too long to be decent, but he doesn’t stop. He continues to look at his best friend and think about how awesome and how perfectly angelic he was when he played the piano. He needs to stop staring. He really should.

“So does that give you a new perspective on these sort of restaurants Dean?” Sam asks and Dean still hasn’t stopped looking at his best friend who is- holy crap, looking at him right now.

Cas looks like he wants Dean to kiss him because his lips are slightly parted and his body is leaning far too close for comfort.

“Dean?” Cas asks and only then Dean snaps from this trance. He nods shyly and hopes his stupid brother and best friend can stop looking at him because he knows he’s blushing. Pretty sure the whole fucking restaurant knows he’s blushing.

Luckily for Dean, their food arrives just in time so he can shove a steak in his mouth and choke to death because that’ll be better than feeling what he feels right now. He never asked his best friend to be so fucking wonderful, amazing and perfect. It’s making things hard than it should be and NO he’s not implying the straining dick in his pants which was definitely not caused by Cas. His best friend. His best fucking friend in the whole wide world that he just wants to kiss silly, take home to his bedroom and have sex til they pass out.

No he’s never gonna admit that so he focuses all his attention to cutting steak into little pieces and nodding along with Cas’ concerned questions. Even Sam starts to wonder what the hell is wrong with him, instead he just chews his steak and tries his best to ignore his fucking feelings which is gonna screw everything up.

After dinner, he gets drunk to the point of Cas carrying him out of the restaurant while Sam pays for dinner and apologizes. He doesn’t remember much except for loving the feeling of his best friend holding him in his arms. Dean might’ve nuzzled his face on Cas’ neck at some point but he can’t be too sure. He thinks Sam is paying for the taxi as well because he’s sitting at the front and apologizing for everything that he does. Well screw you Sammy, Dean can handle himself. He’s a big boy now. He can handle big boy stuff like drinking and feelings. Maybe not feelings but that’s alright. Cas will still be there to support Dean no matter what. He’s such an angel. Sam should really stop glaring at him.

He passes out in the back seat while remaining in Cas’ arms and not remembering everything else after that.

Except for the fact that he loves the smell of his best friend. And the way he looks at Dean like he’s the only person that matters in the room. And the feeling of being safe whenever Cas is next to him or holding him. And the fact that his best friend is practically an angel that his family and friends love.

Especially the fact that he loves Cas and don’t want it any other way.

The upcoming hangover will be well and truly deserved.

***

 

_**-Sam-** _

Sam is definitely sure he’s ready for it. It’s been weeks since he has come to an important decision regarding his feelings toward Cas. He has thought about it over and over. Before he goes to sleep, he can’t help but remember how adorable Cas looks whenever Sam and Dean share a cultural reference. He’d do this head tilt thing that automatically makes Sam’s pants tighter. Dean used to laugh but something’s changed about him and Sam doesn’t know what nor does he care. His brother isn’t really good at talking about his feelings like a normal human being should, speaking of doing normal human things, Cas is pretty much the same as Dean. He doesn’t know how to express things properly and just says whatever comes to his mind.

Which is why he has noticed that Cas and Dean have been quite distant since the restaurant incident: when Cas played beautifully for everyone and it took Sam’s breath away. Dean got super drunk that night and kind of spoiled everything because Sam had to apologize to everyone, especially to the taxi driver who wouldn’t let them in unless they can keep his brother under control. Dean just passed out in Cas’ arms and Sam felt bad for Cas. Dean has probably put him through worse shit before and Sam wasn’t there to help him out. But the look on Cas’ eyes convinced him that Cas can handle his brother.

Luckily for Sam, he can tell that there has been tension between the two of them since. Dean may deny it but Sam can tell just by the way Cas is looking at his brother that there is something wrong. Sam tried questioning Dean about it, which is stupid because he already knows how Dean will react. He tried in one of the days when they decided to take Cas out to a picnic by the lake. As expected, Dean told him to drop it and watched as their best friend walk up to them with a faint smile. Sam tried to lighten the mood by making a joke but what really extinguished it, was having a few beers while watching the ducks swim on the lake.

Hence Sam has made up his mind. He can no longer ignore the fact that he’s got feelings for Dean’s best friend and he’s got it bad. He’s listed all sorts of reasons why he likes Cas.

Cas is sweet, adorable and angelic, things that initially attracted Sam. Cas is loved by everyone in their family and friends, mom can’t stop talking about how much of a blessing he is, ever since Cas entered their lives and dad has a deep respect for him. Cas loves things that Sam loves. They share the same style in music, literature, fascination in the supernatural lore (which Dean thinks is weird although he’s caught his brother paying attention to them countless of times), and they’re level headed on almost anything unlike Dean who just says his opinions too freely.

But the one thing that really makes Sam’s heart flutter about Cas, is the man’s otherworldly stare. There’s just something about the look on Cas’ face that Sam can’t get enough of. It’s quite powerful in its own way and Sam finds that attractive in a person. He needs someone who may not show that they’re powerful but can really exhibit such a demeanor when necessary.

Plus Cas is single. He has shown no interest in anyone whom Sam is aware of, although he still thinks Cas’ relationship with Dean is uncomfortably close to his liking. However, his older brother is a lady’s man and he just sees Cas as a really good friend. That’s why it’s perfect if Sam gets into a relationship with Cas. He’s never met anyone more compatible to his personality and Cas’ naivety is a bonus. From what Dean has told Sam before, Cas is apparently a virgin too so he can’t wait to corrupt the angel.

Sam will show Cas what a real man feels like.

He’s got it all figured out. The perfect scenario to ask Cas out on a date.

After his birthday, which was a huge celebration in the Winchester’s household because he hasn’t been home to spend the occasion with his family for years, Sam decides to make a move. Not right after his birthday but shortly after.

He’s been waiting for a moment to ask Castiel out on a date, face to face, without Dean being annoying. To ask another guy out is a totally new level for Sam, one that he needs to do with full confidence and undistracted by his brother’s presence. Besides, he doesn’t even know what Dean or his family and friends’ reaction will be once he announces that he’s dating Cas. So he bides his time, carefully orchestrating a scenario where Dean won’t be around when he finally asks Cas out on a date.

It takes him a week after his birthday to ask Castiel out. This is the only occasion where Cas is not attached to Dean’s hip. Trying to ask his best friend’s brother out properly is harder than he originally thought because Cas is always with Dean.

So when Dean decides to go to a bar as Benny’s wingman and Cas is in his home, not attached to his brother for once, Sam swoops in for the kill.

He knocks on his best friend’s door, and yes Sam can call Cas his best friend now because they’ve spent the majority of their time together since his return. God, he’s really nervous, hands and feet are getting cold and not just because of the climate. He’s so excited yet at the same time, he’s freaking out because it has been years since he asked anyone out on a date. Not since Sarah and that wasn’t difficult because her father and Luke provided the foundations. However this all new to Sam. He’s asking a guy out. A really hot and wonderful guy that he’s only known for a short amount of time, yet during this period, he’s never felt more alive and excited about a relationship. Maybe the cold in his hands and feet will go away soon and he can finally have someone to warm his bed at night.

Oh god, what would Cas look like without clothes on?

The door creaks open and Sam sees Cas wear his usual white button up shirt, minus the tie, a few buttons down, untucked and blue boxers on.

On second thought, he can already picture it.

“Sam, where’s Dean?” trust Cas’ first words to be something along the lines of something something Dean’.

Sam smirks to himself and is glad to be reminded that Dean is not here for the first time and he gets to spend a moment with Cas alone.

“He’s with Benny remember?” Sam points his thumb over his shoulder and Cas looks…disappointed.

“Did he not tell you?” Sam asks and the frown on his best friend’s face gets deeper.

“Perhaps…he forgot.” Cas replies and Sam just slowly nods along as a gloomy tension builds in the air. Then Cas flinches and looks up to Sam.

“Would you like to come in?” Sam agrees and follows Cas inside. The place is in immaculate condition as he imagined it. He’s always known Cas is quite an organized person who likes a clean home, unlike Dean who still has pizza boxes lying around from a few months back.

“Would you like a hot beverage for this evening?” Cas asks and Sam declines, he doesn’t want to drink anything just yet. After all, he still has something planned.

“Been busy Cas?” Sam asks while they both sit opposite to each other, the coffee table divides them and Sam tried his best not to let his eyes linger south. To the package Cas is hiding under those light blue boxers.

“I have done nothing of great significance lately, although I have been getting frequent calls from my family, nothing else has happened beyond your knowledge.” Cas replies and Sam raises his head. He knows that Cas doesn’t like talking about his family, he’s also secretive about work. All they know is that Cas works in his home and he barely ever leaves town. Apparently he likes living here and he doesn’t intend to move anywhere else. Which is perfect because Sam plans to build a relationship with him.

“Cas, I came over to ask you…if you…” Sam is trying his best. The nervousness only dawn to him until they’re facing each other. Cas’ eyes give that curious puppy look that’s hell adorable. Sam swallows then continues. “If you would be interested in going out with me on Friday night, tomorrow night actually. For dinner.”

There it is, he’s finally said it. He just asked his best friend of a few months, out on a date. Well at least the sky doesn’t split apart and strike him with lightning.

Cas does his head tilt as per usual and Sam fiddles with his thumbs until he gets an answer.

“Of course Sam, I would be more than happy to have dinner with you tomorrow night.” Cas replies with a smile and relief spreads across Sam’s chest.

“Oh my god Cas that’s great!” Sam exhales deeply and leans forward to silently laugh at himself for getting nervous over nothing.

“It would be a good chance for me to talk to Dean about something.” Cas adds and Sam swears he heard glass shattering.

“Dean what?” he asks, mouth agape.

“I think I might’ve done something wrong to Dean and I do not know what it is. I haven’t had the chance to speak to him about it, so dinner tomorrow night with you and him will be an excellent opportunity.” Cas smiles again and this time Sam doesn’t feel relieved. Panic is the best word to describe the feeling that’s screaming in his chest.

“Hold on Cas. I don’t think you understood what I meant by dinner on Friday night.” Understatement Sam. Of all the months he’s spent with Cas, he forgets the fact that his crush is super dense and naïve.

Cue Cas’ head tilt.

“When I asked if you wanted to go out for dinner tomorrow night, I meant, just the two of us. No Dean.” DEFINITELY NO DEAN, he thinks.

Cas looks around in confusion while Sam realizes that his hands are wide apart, hoping his crush gets it.

“You wish to take me to dinner?” Cas asks and Sam nods once.

“Just the two of us?” another question that Sam nods to and Cas looks at the coffee table with great concentration. Then he does a silent ‘ohhhh’ to himself before looking Sam straight in the eye.

“You wish to take me out on a date.” It’s not a question but Sam is compelled to answer it.

“More than anything.” Sam answers and heart is beating faster than it has ever been in months.

Cas pauses again then straightens his back.

“I did not know you had feelings for me, Sam.” His expression almost look hurt which is the complete from what Sam expected.

“Well now you do.” Sam says with conviction.

“I should’ve known, I apologize for my inability to notice these things sooner.” Now even Sam feels sorry for making Cas look like he just kicked a puppy.

“Look Cas, don’t apologize about that. It’s actually one of the reasons why I like you. Really like you. Plus I’ve never seen you show interest in anyone, male or female, well not in that sense. But my point is, I thought you’d be interested since I thought that gender may not be an issue…” He stares at Cas’ eyes and notice them soften after what he said.

“I understand if you’re not interested Cas, thought I’d give it a go.” Sam readies himself to leave. Clearly he’s denser out of the two of them to think he’s got a chance.

“Wait Sam.” Cas pulls his arm and Sam looks back to those gentle blue eyes. “You are right, I am indifferent to sexual orientation nor the gender of the individual. I uh- I will…” Cas stammers and Sam is still waiting for an answer.

“Could you give me time to think about it? I shall give you an answer by tomorrow.” Cas negotiates and Sam smiles, the fact that he didn’t make a complete fool out of himself. Perhaps there is a chance that Cas will go out with him, well he did say that he doesn’t care about a person’s gender therefore he’s open to go out with Sam if he wanted to.

All Sam’s gotta do now is wait.

“Sure Cas. I’ll uh- you know where to find me.” Sam says and smiles before Cas walks him out and they wave each other good-bye.

He waits until his crush closes the door and notice his feet and chest feel a thousand times lighter. Finally he’s taken a step closer to becoming happier. Sure he’s happy to be with his family and friends however, there is something about having someone in his life that just makes everything feel better. He knows that he can get it if he has Cas in his life. In his arms.

In just a few hours, he’ll know whether he’ll be happy or heartbroken, either way, he’s never felt this excited about anything in forever.

Yeah, Cas is definitely worth the wait.

 

 

_**-Dean-** _

For weeks since the restaurant incident, something has been eating Dean inside. He knows that it’s nobody’s fault but his. Well there is a contributing factor.

Cas has been everything good to him and he can’t believe it took him this long to pin point the itch underneath his skin. For years, he has lived in denial about his feelings toward Cas. His best friend, who supports him and stands by his side no matter what. The guy practically knows Dean inside and out. Cas knows what makes Dean tick yet at the same time, know what makes him smile and laugh. Dean was so content of everything back then, he and Cas had the perfect system. They would spend time together and not care about whatever crap tomorrow may bring. It’s the perfect friendship set-up. Until it’s not.

Until his best friend had to go and be the most amazing and perfect person in Dean’s life. And Dean had to develop feelings.

Over the past few weeks, Dean has been actively avoiding Cas in one way or another. He doesn’t linger in their stare off anymore and even though they still hang out as per usual, he keeps the contact and interaction to a minimum. Taking Cas to bars and clubs is not an option anymore, the last time he was drunk, Dean nearly made the biggest mistake of his life. There is no way he’s gonna screw his friendship with Cas by doing something while drunk. Especially when he’s sober, Dean would rather have the hounds of hell drag him to the pit before letting that happen. So overall, he’s been a complete jerk to Cas and it’s nobody’s fault but his.

He’s the one who had to start having feelings for his best friend that Cas clearly won’t reciprocate. Not that Dean knows what’s going on in his best friend’s head but he knows it’s not feelings toward him. If their years of friendship proves anything is that Cas is NOT interested in Dean. No he’s NOT! He hasn’t even shown any interest towards anyone, male or female. Dean guesses that Cas is just not the kind of guy who gets attracted to anyone.

That’s preposterous.

Everyone’s gotta be attracted to somebody. Then again, Cas is probably asexual…

Or maybe Dean imagining Cas attracted to somebody gives him a chance to be that somebody.

Then again, Cas is probably into chicks, not men. Just imagining Cas in the arms of another woman, something about it makes Dean want to punch a wall. He shouldn’t be pissed off about it as much as he does. Sometimes he imagines Cas with someone else instead. The opposite gender to be precise.

He wonders what Cas would look like in the arms of a man instead. The thought makes him sick actually at least he’s not pissed anymore. It’s not sickening in the idea of a man on another man, it’s just…Cas. Cas is awesome, perfect and generally confused at human stuff that he’s probably gonna be so pliant to whomever goes to bed with. Just imagining Cas’ lips, plush and soft…its taste.

Dean’s dick has been getting hard for all the wrong reasons lately. He tries his best not to give in to it. The amount of times he’s beaten off because Cas got too close in his personal space is just criminal- Cas’ lingering stares should be illegal. It’s gotta stop. Or he needs to give his dick and his hand a break at least.

Luckily for him, Benny decides to go on a hunt for chicks and is need of a wingman. A night away from Cas is probably for the best. It’s a start so that Dean can regain his sanity. After all, being in love with your best friend is insane. It’s freaking crazy. What’s not crazy is going out and hoping to get back into action. He’s been sporting a bad case of blue balls and he could really use a night out with someone. Even though this night is about Benny, he can’t just deny a willing participant for some horizontal tango.

Besides, Benny’s not doing much on his part. He’s been standing around, drinking beer and playing pool with him. All of a sudden, two chicks walk up to Benny and one of them looks interested in Dean. He should be glad. Benny seems to be into one of the girls and all Dean’s gotta do is go with it. Prove to himself that all these feelings he’s been harboring for Cas is just an illusion.

A distraction from who he truly is.

Dean Winchester is a ladies man and he should stick by it.

“Hey what’s your name?” The red-head chick asks him ad before he can answer, something in his pocket vibrates. A call.

He checks and sees Cas’ number on the screen and he lets it ring. The device continues to vibrate while he tries to hold a proper conversation with ‘April’? Whatever her name is. Something at the back of his head is trying to claw out, telling him to answer his best friend’s call even though Dean is sporting a huge crush on him. Come to think of it, it’s probably not a crush anymore, it’s more than that.

“Can I get you a drink?” April, yes that’s her name asks and Dean is going to say yes because he is not committed to anyone and if he gets a chance to sleep with someone tonight, then he’ll fucking take it. This is Dean’s perfect chance to convince himself that he doesn’t have feelings for Cas. Just fucking say yes and fuck April. He’s ignored his phone for a while now.

“No.”

Well that surprised Dean more than it surprised April.

“I beg your pardon?” she asks and shivers tingle in Dean’s spine.

“I can’t, I’m sorry.” And shakes his head before getting out of April’s shocked face. He ignores the look Benny gives him and he avoids bumping onto anyone as he race to the exit.

He steps outside and looks up to the starry sky. Cas has stopped calling and he’s ruined his night. Nobody to blame but himself.

“Mind telling me what happened back there brother?” Benny comes up from behind him and he prays that his high school friend can understand.

“Benny, I- man I fucked up.” Dean chuckles to himself but he doesn’t find anything funny. He’s just a fucking mess.

“I won’t push you into telling me anything Dean, you know that and I’ve known it since high school. If something’s botherin’ ya, you just go on ahead and say it.” What Benny says reminds Dean of how they became really close friends after high school. Benny was one of the people Dean really opened up to about his aspirations. Even back then, Dean knew that he wasn’t going to amount to anything, not like Sam. But Benny was one of friends that saw through his bullshit and told him to have a lot more self-confidence. Self-worth.

“Benny, I think I might be having feelings toward somebody...” It’s a good start to a confession.

“I’m sorry brotha but I don’t feel the same way toward ya.” Benny chuckles and Dean blushes while glaring at his friend.

“Shut up Benny, I’m puking my guts here and you’re not making it any easier.” He earns another cackle from the gruff man.

“Okay, okay, is this somebody a friend of ours?” Benny asks and Dean nods. Dean doesn’t want to give names out just yet. He’s not sure if his high school friend will accept the truth just yet.

“I don’t know what to do man. I’ve been such a jerk and I know I’ve been such a jerk.” That gets Benny to raise a brow then Dean clears his throat. “Every time I’m with them, I’ve had to distance myself ‘cause I don’t know if I can handle having these…feelings.” He scratches his head then looks at his friend’s concerned face.

“So you’re sporting a huge crush. Nothing wrong with that brother.”

“Yes there is! I’ve known this person for a very long time now and I don’t know why I’m just starting to have feelings towards them. Actually, now that I think about it. Maybe I’ve had these feelings for a long time and I’ve just been too stupid to admit it…” Dean interrupts and Benny smiles.

“You’re not stupid brother. Maybe just dense at times but that’s alright, I don’t hold it against ya.”

“Yeah you won’t but I don’t even think this person would ever feel the same because I’m a mess Benny. You know I am. This person is wonderful and great and all that’s good in my life. I can’t mess em up cause I know I will Benny. There’s a reason why all the other relationships didn’t work out. Lisa, Cassie…all of them. They didn’t end well because I’m a train wreck waiting to happen. This person knows me inside out and they’ll leave me Benny. They’ll leave because I fucked up the friendship by having feelings and it fucking hurts that I’m stuck between wanting to be with them and knowing I shouldn’t. I don’t even know if I’m making sense anymore.” Dean sighs and digs the heel of his palms to his eyes.

“Dean, are we still going to pretend that this person isn’t Cas?” Benny finally says his name and Dean is about to puke. He painfully nods nonetheless.

“Alright, well Dean, I don’t see where the problem is because Cas happens to be sporting a massive crush on you too unless everybody has turned blind and deaf all of a sudden.”

“Wait what?” Dean must’ve missed something.

“It’s a no brainer that you two have feelings for each other brother. It’s not even subtle anymore.” Dean must’ve missed a step. “The amount of times I’ve caught you two giving each other those long looks is beyond my count. He’s been giving you that look as if you hold the moon in the sky and practically worships the ground you walk on.” There’s heavy silence between the two of them before Dean can open his mouth.

“Stop joking Benny. It’s ain’t funny.” Dean glares at him and Benny just heartily laughs.

“I’m not kidding brother. What you’ve been off for the past few months is actually what everybody has known, since forever. You two have been walking around egg shells and are both chicken shit to admit that you have feelings for each other. So now, you should do something about that. Maybe tell him the truth because honestly, I think you two getting together is long overdue.” Benny points a finger at him and Dean takes a moment to register everything he heard just then.

“Seriously, Benny, didn’t you listen to anything I said, How could Cas ever have feelings toward me. You’ve known me longer, you know I’m a mess. Nobody should have to put up with that.” Me is the word Dean was about to add but doesn’t.

“Dean, I think you’re the one who hasn’t been paying attention. If Cas hated putting up with you, which I know he doesn’t, he would’ve left your side since day one. He wouldn’t be sticking around for years and wasting his time. And I don’t think he likes ‘likes’ you, brother…”

Dean’s heart sinks for a moment after Benny pauses.

“I think he likes you more than you DON’T think and probably more than I expect. So stop denying brother and start doing something about it. I’m pretty sure we’re gonna have to put up with your unresolved sexual tension for a couple more years before one of you ever starts something.”

“We?” Dean panics at the thought.

“Didn’t I say that everyone knows you two have been walking around each other’s feelings for a while now? That includes your family and everyone we know. Want me to start listing names?”

Dean’s gonna be sick. He knows it.

“Beeeennnnnyyy!” He whines and holds on to his friend’s shoulder to keep his legs from giving out.

“Like I said before brother, not stupid, just dense.” Benny drives him home and thus concludes one of the most painful nights of Dean’s life. Before entering his apartment, Dean glances at Cas’ home. The lights are off and Dean remembers that he ignored his call. Dean is not about to march over there and confess his feelings. Just because Benny says that Cas likes him, doesn’t mean Dean believes it. He won’t believe it because deep down, Benny is right. He is too chicken shit to go up there and pour his heart out. Just the thought, makes him want to puke his guts out. He hasn’t felt like this in a very long time. If he’s gonna tell Cas what he truly feels, he’s gonna do it right.

He’ll do it tomorrow when he’s got a clear head and he doesn’t wake Cas in the middle of the night like some crazy stalker. Besides, Cas might think he’s drunk and not take him seriously. He’s gonna be sober when he tells Cas because he’s been blind for years. This time, he’s gonna be honest to himself and to Cas.

Maybe he never has to feel scared about feelings anymore.

That’s a comforting thought as he crashes on his bed and sleeps in a matter of seconds.

***

 

 

_**-Castiel-** _

He calls Dean.

It’s the first thing he does as soon as Sam leaves his home to give him time to think. He needs to think real hard before making a decision about dating Sam. Dean’s precious baby brother.

Dean, his best friend. Dean who he has feelings for…for years!

Now Sam has feelings for him and he doesn’t know what to feel anymore. Does he still have feelings for Dean? He admitted that he doesn’t have any problems with dating the same gender. However, he knows he has feelings for Dean and Sam is his best friend, even for the short time they’ve known each other. Because Sam is nice, intellectual and handsome just like his older brother. Castiel needs to think real hard before making any major decision. He doesn’t have feelings for Sam so he should’ve said no earlier however, something inside him feels flattered after being asked out on a date. Castiel has never been good with social interactions hence he has been misfortunate in terms of dating and keeping friends.

When Dean welcomed him to his life, Castiel has never felt more accepted. Sam is no different, in fact, they’ve grown very accustomed with each other.

Dean doesn’t answer his phone. Castiel wants to call again and hear Dean’s voice. Anything, just so that he can convince himself not to join Sam on a date…on a romantic date tomorrow night. He calls again, and again, and again but Dean won’t answer. So he tries Jo’s mobile just to see if she has seen Dean. Thankfully she answers.

“Hello Jo.”

“Hey Cas! How’re you this fine evening?” she sounds too cheerful from the other side but Castiel and her have been friends for years now.

“I am rather well, thank you for asking. I called to ask if you have seen Dean today.”

“Why he’s not answering his phone?”

Castiel nods then replies. “No, he is not.”

“Well that’s because I saw him with Benny at a bar earlier. They were playing pool but am sure they’ll be doing something more than that later.”

“What do you mean?”

“I saw them with a couple of chicks, probably local college students. I was gonna say hi then I thought, I could become a cockblock and Joanna Beth is no cockblock!” She giggles and Cas’ heart sinks.

“Cas?” She calls his name because he must’ve been forgotten to respond after hearing Dean is in the company of another woman. One of the many that Castiel has had the misfortune of hearing.

“Yes I am here. I apologize Joanna, I was just curious of his whereabouts. I have to go and do…stuff.” It’s not a complete lie.

“Aw if you’re not busy, maybe you should come out with me and become more than ‘rather well’.” He can practically imagine Jo making bunny ears at the other end of the call. “This is probably the first night I’ve heard you being somewhere other than next to Dean.” Castiel shakes his head then massages his forehead.

“I must decline and my apologies Joanna, perhaps next time…” Castiel sighs silently.

“Well next time, you’re probably gonna be with a Winchester again. Okay well I gotta go, have a good night Cas!” The line goes dead and Castiel sighs heavily this time.

Yet again, another night he spends alone while burning jealousy sits in his chest. Festering and corroding inside as he imagines Dean in the thralls of pleasure with another woman. It’s a sickening feeling and sometimes he just needs to go outside to breathe some air. Sometimes he takes a walk just to gaze upon the starry night, praying to the heavens not to feel this way. Feeling like he is about to cry that could probably start another flood in Noah’s Ark.

This has happened before, more than Castiel can count yet for some reason, it hurts more tonight than any other night.

Perhaps it is because he is very confused, very lost and definitely envious. Dean has never looked at him in such a way and sometimes he wishes that he was born a woman, that way Dean can be physically intimate with him. Not like this, not just as a friend. This is what happens when Castiel wants things that he shouldn’t.

He moves away from his family to search for himself. To search for what he wants. Fortunately, he found more than what he was looking for and joined a new family. Dean’s family. One that has less drama and hostility. Unfortunately, he developed feelings with the one who made everything possible for him. He shouldn’t have fallen for Dean because after Sam confessed his feelings to Castiel, he felt something that he has never felt in a long time.

He felt loved in a different way. It’s a different form of attention that he has never felt and wanted before.

Sam likes him but he likes Dean. However, Dean likes women which is not Castiel. It’s a vicious cycle, Castiel thinks.

It is then he realizes, he is at the other end of the street and standing right in front of Sam’s apartment. It is not far from Dean’s and John and Mary’s home. He knows he should turn back but he just feels so cold and alone. Walking back to his empty home is not going to accomplish anything. At least right now, he can give Sam a decision.

He presses the door bell, trying not to look at the dark empty street. Sam opens the door and he’s wearing a big white shirt and pajama pants. He looks comfortable and Castiel really needs some comfort right now.

“Cas? I thought we were gonna talk tomorrow?” Sam asks and Castiel almost feels like crying.

“Sam, would it be possible if I can spend the night? I need- I need someone right now.” Castiel knows this is him showing his sign of weakness but he just cannot return to his empty and lonely home. Especially not tonight for some reason.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Sam asks and he shakes his head. There’s no way he’d tell Sam about Castiel’s deepest miseries regarding Dean.

“Of course Cas, you’re welcome to spend the night. Come in.” He walks inside and this is probably the first time Castiel has ever noticed Sam’s shoulders. They’re very broad like Dean’s and there’s no mistaking they’re brothers. It’s one of the things that Castiel loves about Dean.

They enter Sam’s room and Castiel notices a large king sized bed opposite to Sam’s study.

“Okay, there’s my bed and I’ll just crash on the couch-,”

“No. Please Sam, this is your home. I would never let you sleep anywhere else.” Castiel declines and Sam scratches his head.

“Well I don’t think I have any other places to sleep on, unless you want to share the bed with me…” Castiel blushes and glances at Sam’s eyes. 

“Wait, you wanna…share the bed?” Sam asks and Castiel nods in embarrassment. Sam swallows then clears his throat.

“Are you sure about this Cas, I mean I did just ask you out and we haven’t even had a proper date-,”

“Before everything else, you are still my best friend Sam. I do not mind sharing a bed with you unless it makes you uncomfortable.” Castiel interrupts and Sam goes wide eyed.

“I thought it’d make you uncomfortable. I’m more than happy to share my bed with you, Cas.” Sam blushes then scratches his head.

“Then it is settled. We will share the bed.” Castiel says softly, almost covering his mouth in the end. Sam heartily laughs, it doesn’t sound quite like Dean’s but it’s nice.

“Cas you really are something! In a good way.” He puts a hand on Castiel’s shoulder and smiles widely. Then he tells Castiel to make himself comfortable as he turns the lights off. Castiel climbs on and pulls the blanket on top of him. For a moment, it occurs to him that Sam actually looks very handsome when he smiles.

This thought gets interrupted when Sam returns to the room and turns the light off except for the lamp next to the bed. It’s on the empty side of the bed. Castiel’s eyes fixed at the ceiling as Sam climbs on the bed, joining him. The bed already has two pillows, one under Castiel’s head and one under Sam’s which makes Castiel wonder if Sam has ever taken someone here before.

Last time Sam mentioned anything about dating was his last relationship with a woman named Sarah. He didn’t say much about her actually, Castiel is just curious.

Sam switches the lamp off.

At such a close proximity in the dark, Castiel can hear Sam’s breathing and feel his warmth. They may not be touching but he can feel it. It’s a strange new feeling because all his life, he always had to sleep alone. He and his family knew of his fondness to solidarity but that was before meeting the Winchesters.

“Good night Cas.” Sam says and puts an arm over his head. Up close, Castiel scans Sam’s physical features. There’s no denying that Sam is a very attractive individual. Even from afar, Castiel knows how ideal Sam’s physical features are. He’s taller, with nice long hair and very broad shoulders. They’re perfect for anyone to lean on, even for someone like Castiel.

It takes a while before Castiel can fall asleep. Sam doesn’t snore loudly, he looks and sounds serene. Then it makes Castiel wonder ‘what would it feel like if Dean is sleeping beside him instead of Sam?’ He’ll probably never find out. Perhaps he should get some sleep and stop thinking about Dean for once. Sam shouldn’t even be a substitute for Dean and Castiel knows he is being cruel.

This is his fault and he knows it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who read copious amounts of fics a day, if not repeatedly read the same one and those who are aware of the situation- what do you think is gonna happen between Castiel and Sam?
> 
> Muha muha muhahahahahaha!


	3. Chapter 3- Agony and Ecstasy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam, Dean and Castiel just wants to be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit I wrote a lot!
> 
> Savor it my darlings...

**-Sam-**

Sam didn’t expect Castiel to show up in front of his house tonight, not long after he asked his best friend out on a date the very next day. What’s more, is that he didn’t expect Castiel to sleep next to him, on his bed. Sam is not too sure if it’s wise for Castiel to be next to him at such a close proximity, knowing Sam’s been harboring feelings toward him. Clearly something happened right after Sam left Castiel in his home and to think about the date. It’s difficult to pinpoint what it is because Sam has never seen Castiel this distressed before.

Sure he’s been in heated arguments with others before but Sam has never seen Castiel so vulnerable and so fragile, it makes his chest flutter when his best friend turned to him before Dean. Perhaps it’s because Dean’s still out with Benny and if he wasn’t then Cas would’ve turned to him.

Sam doesn’t want to think like that.

Right now, he has a six foot somewhat delicious looking man sleeping next to him. On his bed. Not fully covered with three layers of clothing as usual. Last time Sam checked on Castiel, he was staring at the ceiling in deep thought. Sam doesn’t like pushing anyone to open up to him. It’s his way of showing respect however he is deeply concerned of whatever it is that’s bothering Cas. It’s probably not because Sam asked him out, if it was then why would he walk all the way over to his place?

He takes another peek at Cas who has his eyes closed now and turned to Sam’s direction. Small puffs of breath escape the angel’s mouth and Sam tries his best to keep his dick from tenting. He’s thinking of things that always make his boners go down but tonight, it’s at full mast. Perhaps he’ll go to the bathroom and rub one out before going to sleep. He needs it but he knows it’s not appropriate, given Castiel might find out. There is a conflict between good and evil inside Sam’s head, probably worse than the Apocalypse.

With another look, he notices Cas nuzzling on the pillow for a moment, then returns to sleeping soundly, and it doesn’t help Sam’s problem. His chest is beating hard and sweat is almost dripping out of his temples as he concentrates on getting some sleep and not waking Cas up. So ‘down boy, you’re not getting any action tonight’, Sam thinks to himself and he takes one last look at Castiel.

Even in the dark, his best friend looks even more angelic than awake. He looks so peaceful in contrast to Sam who’s currently a horny wreck. After a few minutes of thinking about all the dirty things Sam could be doing to his best friend, his conscience gets the better of his libido. As much as he wants to see the guy comel apart on him or under him, he has a deep respect for Castiel. Castiel is still his best friend before everything else after all. He knows that he has more control than this. Slowly, his erection goes down and he closes his eyes, thinking of virtuous things that can hopefully put him to sleep.

However, it’s still too good to be true that Castiel is on his bed. Thinking about it as a dream helps. It makes it easier to fall asleep when he can pretend this is all surreal.

Eventually he does.

***

In the morning, Sam wakes up for only a second before closing his eyes again. Something is different this morning and it’s a good sort of feeling. He hasn’t felt this good about waking up in a very long time. Usually, waking up means facing responsibilities and that’s more than enough reason to want to go back to sleeping. Except this time, he feels amazing as he has his arms wrapped around something warm. He can’t get enough of this warmth. His mouth presses forward as it follows a wonderful smell. It smells like something sweet and musky at the same time. Then he feels something tickling his nostrils and realizes that it’s hair. Someone’s hair.

His eyes shoot wide open as he remembers everything from last night. Castiel came over and slept with him on his bed. Right here and now, he feels himself and his best friend have their arms wrapped around each other like their lives depended on it. Their bodies are pressed on each other. He’s certain their morning woods have been rubbing together for some time now; judging from the wet patch between them.

He slides back a little and mutters, “Cas”. No answer. Just ragged puffs of breath nuzzle on his neck as he tries to pull away. This doesn’t seem to be working as Cas keeps pushing forward, onto his side of the bed, with his legs clinging onto Sam’s thighs. Sam can’t help but notice something poking out Cas’ boxers. Cas’ dick.

That’s definitely Cas’ dick straining and almost completely out of his boxers and Sam doesn’t know whether he’s violating some sort of friendship code for staring at it. Drooling actually and no matter how hard (no pun intended) he tries to get away, Cas only slides closer.

“Cas.” He tries again, half hoping his best friend wakes up to this awkward situation, yet at the same time, happy to have their bodies in a compromising position.

“Hmmm.” Cas hums and that doesn’t help Sam’s morning wood go down. As much as Sam likes the sound coming out of Cas, it’s not gonna make the situation any better for later.

Cas is humping Sam with his hips again and Sam is getting plenty of friction. He’s pretty sure that Cas’ dick is about to jut out. The friction is just too much, so he jumps up, breaking Cas’ grip and shuffling his pants on. He stands straight up in panic and returns his eyes to the bed. Cas is just in the process of waking up, his shirt is slightly messed up and his erection is still almost poking out of his boxers. His hair is completely dazed like as if they’ve just had sex- well close. Sam needs to rub one out right now before he really loses it because Cas looks absolutely and deliciously wrecked. It’s a surprise he doesn’t come there and then from the sight. He runs out of the room, barely excusing himself to Cas and slamming the bathroom door to relieve himself.

He almost passes out from the intensity of the orgasm.  

It’s all wrong, he shouldn’t be jacking off in his apartment while his best friend is in his bedroom, and probably unaware of how Sam was rubbing their crotches earlier. Well both of them were.

When he returns to his room, Cas is at least semi decent. He’s blushing which is to be expected and they both start to say something at the same time then stop as the embarrassment hangs thick in the air.

“You go first.” Sam says and Castiel is still not looking at him in the eye.

“I apologize for my behavior earlier… I can assure you that I did not know what I was doing. Regardless, I understand if you are upset. I crossed a line which I shouldn’t have and if you don’t wish to speak to me ever again then I understand that also.” Cas looks like he’s about to cry and Sam quickly swoops in to stop that from happening.

“Whoa whoa Cas! Hold on, I’m not upset or mad or anything like that. I’m just embarrassed that’s all. Don’t beat yourself up over it.” Sam pats his shoulder and touching Cas shouldn’t make his dick twitch after relieving himself just a few minutes ago. Cas looks at him with great concern as if he’s not convinced that Sam is not upset.

“Why are you not disgusted or upset with me? When I woke up, I was in your side of the bed and you left the room so quickly. And I was- I was not…proper…” Cas pulls his shirt down to his crotch, still heavily embarrassed.

Sam laughs for a moment and Cas does his head tilt as per usual. “Look Cas, I’m not pissed off or mad about anything! In fact, it was partially my fault why we were like that. It’s not like you were the only one guilty of the situation…” Sam knows he is blushing but Cas doesn’t seem to point it out.

“Are you saying…?” Cas asks.

“I may have liked what we were doing earlier…maybe a little too much.” Now they’re both blushing and Sam finds Cas even more adorable now. “Cas, I need to make my intentions clear with you. I do not intend to pressure you into doing anything. That includes last night. If you do not wish to talk about what compelled you to come over here then that’s fine. We don’t have to dwell on it. We can move past it because like you said before, we’re still best friends and I’m here for you.” That brings a smile out of Cas’ face and it lessens the tension in the air.

“Thank you Sam. I am truly grateful for your kindness. I could not ask for a better best friend.” Castiel says and it should bother Sam that Cas still thinks of him as friends but then again, Cas hasn’t given a decision on what will happen tonight. Maybe he forgot.

Sam hopes he did not forget.

“As a token of my gratitude, I wish to take you out to breakfast. At the diner we always go to.” Cas asks him and Sam knows he is hungry. This is one of the reasons why Sam is best friends with Cas. He’s thoughtful and maybe Sam won’t be disappointed as much if Cas doesn’t wish to go on a date with him tonight. They’ll still be friends regardless and Sam won’t deny that he’d be disappointed. At least Cas, as his best friend, will never disappoint him.

He agrees to drive to the diner but stops over Cas’ place so Castiel can get changed. Sam waits in his car and he notices the Impala parked at the front of Dean’s apartment. It’s been there since yesterday and the fact that it’s still here and he hasn’t received any messages yet, would mean Dean got lucky. This is good because Sam can get some time alone with Cas without Dean always picking on him for being a nerd. He never seems to make fun of Cas as much nowadays. Only toward him which is kind of unfair because Cas is just as much of a nerd as Sam. Probably more- which is one of the reasons why Sam likes Cas.

After Castiel closes the door behind him, Sam’s eyes go wide open as they capture as much of Cas as they can. His best friend- no crush is wearing casual clothes. He has a white buttoned up shirt that has pockets on each side of the chest. He has blue jeans and brown leather shoes on, making Sam’s heart beat fast. He looks at Cas’ smile and right there and then, he knows he’s smitten for the guy.

Screw what Dean thinks about nerds, Cas is amazingly hot.

“Shall we go?” Cas asks and Sam almost forgot what they were supposed to do.

“Uh yeah, let’s uhhh- let’s go…” Sam thinks he’s a fucking idiot for sounding like that but Cas doesn’t seem to mind. He probably didn’t notice. Cas just glances out the window and Sam knows that he’s looking at Dean’s apartment. Perhaps Cas is still trying to get used to hanging out with Sam alone. God Sam hopes Cas doesn’t get bored because Dean’s not around to joke around or make stupid jokes.

However Sam is serious about taking Cas out so he’s gotta know how to spend time with him without his brother’s help.

He turns on the radio and tries to change the station. When the classical radio station goes on, Castiel stops him from changing it and they ride to the sound of Beethoven. They start a discussion on the best classical music there is and Sam just knows; even though Dean may not be around to joke all the time, he can still have fun by talking about the things he and Cas are interested in. Which is a lot.

It’s stupid to think that he can’t make it work with Cas. He’ll just have to wait and see if he can find out for himself.

***

In the diner, their conversation continued from the history of classical music, to historical European artworks, then to food, triggered by the smell of bacon and eggs which they both know too well from frequently visits to this diner.

After ordering, they continue their conversation to more social topics such as family events which is usually discussed by Sam or Dean, more than Castiel because he doesn’t like talking about his family. Although Castiel has plenty to share about his experiences with the Winchesters. Especially on events that Sam missed over the years. Sam has heard some of it from Dean before but it is refreshing to hear it from Cas. It occurs to Sam that Castiel is not just his best friend and his crush, he is also a very important member of his family. All the insecurities he has about introducing his relationship with Cas to the family is now gone. He doesn’t need to worry about what they’ll think about Cas because Cas is already family. Probably even more family than Sam from the sounds of it.

Instead of being upset by that fact, he just smiles. There’s no need for Sam to look down on himself because having Cas right in front of him just makes things feel better. And probably even more if Castiel says yes to dating Sam.

Before Cas notices Sam’s extended staring, their food arrives, sparing Sam from an awkward conversation.

“Sam, what does a date look like?” Castiel asks and Sam nearly chokes on chorizo. He gulps some water and signaling his hands to let Cas know that he’s fine.

“Well it depends Cas. Traditionally, it’s a time when two individuals share a meal, or a stroll in the park.” Sam replies and Castiel does not look enlightened.

“I’ve done those things before however I don’t think they were classified as a date.” Cas starts playing with his scrambled eggs.

“Uh, well again, it depends- you’ve probably done those with relatives or friends before, right?” he asks and Cas nods.

“That’s different Cas because when you’re on a date, the person whom you are with is someone special. Someone who you have very strong feelings toward.” If Dean was here, he’d already made fun of everything Sam has said and twisted it into an innuendo.

“Is it a romantic attachment?” Castiel asks.

“Yes. That’s exactly right. A romantic attachment’s different to a platonic relationship with another person. When you’re on a date, you should only have feelings for that person and you do things to entertain yourselves, such as the stuff I’ve mentioned before. Only you wouldn’t classify it as being out with friends or a ‘friend’, you’d classify it as being out with your partner or in the other terms…”

“Lover.” The word comes out of Castiel’s mouth with such calmness.

“Exactly, or boyfriend er- girlfriend…I hope that I’m making sense.” Sam winces and Castiel smiles at him. It’s not the reaction he was expecting but he’s not gonna complain.

They go back to eating.

“Sam…” Cas shyly calls his name even though they’ve been in each other’s company the whole time.

“Would you classify right now as a date?” Castiel asks and Sam smiles to reassure him.

“It doesn’t have to be a date. Remember what you said about us being best friends before everything else? The same goes right now.” He smiles and eats the rest of his chorizo.

“Sam…” Cas calls him again and this time, when Sam looks up, his best friend doesn’t look convinced with his previous answer.

“What if I wish for this to be a date?” Castiel asks and Sam wishes he could somersault this instant.

“Cas…you do know what it means if this is a date.” ‘Do you?’ Is what Sam wants to add, just to be sure.

“Then I wish for this to be a date. Is that alright with you?” Castiel is blushing now and Sam wants to scream ‘Yahoo!’ for the entire diner to hear. No for the whole world to hear.

“Of course. Holy- I would lov-like that Cas! I would like that very much!” Sam can’t even stop his mouth from holding a smile. He can’t. Cas is smiling at him too and it’s settled. This is the happiest day in Sam’s life- well one of the happiest.

“Cas you do realize this means we’re going out.” Sam still can’t stop his face from smiling.

“What does having romantic feelings toward each other have to do with leaving this diner without finishing our breakfast?” Cas asks as if he’s really hurt that they’ll actually skip breakfast.

“No- Cas I mean- IT means the same thing. We’re in a relationship now. A romantic relationship.” Sam laughs and he doesn’t care if it’s too loud or if everyone else in the diner is looking. Cas finally looks enlightened, his mouth doing an ‘oooohhh’ expression.

Sam can’t believe he’s fallen for this guy. This angelic, naive and nerdy guy who manages to surprise him in unexpected ways. Ever since Sam could remember, his life has always been planned for him. His family supported him through school to become successful. Although the plan wasn’t said out loud, Sam went along with it because he loved them. Somehow, he started to love the idea of planning and mapping out his life. That’s why he has an assistant and a stable client regardless of what he thinks toward Luke, he pays generously to cater Sam’s uniformed life. From his hobbies to health, Sam needs to keep everything planned and organized because it was always brought him success.

Even asking Castiel out on a date took planning and he thought it was enough. Until last night happened and Castiel conveniently slipped away from his plans and gave him a decision beyond what he expected. Maybe that’s why Castiel is perfect for him. He doesn’t need a plan when it comes to Cas.

Letting things happen as they are, should be enough.

Castiel should be enough.

***

 

**-Dean-**

Waking up after last night is hell. He shouldn’t be drinking like he just turned 21. He’ll never learn because Dean Winchester is good at repeating mistakes. It’s a talent actually. For the majority of his adult life, Dean has strived to commit mistakes over and over again. Not in the small things but in the big things.

Let’s start with after Dean finishes high school. Since Dean has no aspirations to get into college, he got a job and waited for Sam to finish high school so they can send him off to a prestigious college. When Sammy went to Stanford, Dean got shit faced and passed out in an alley after celebrating with Benny because all his high school friends went to college and only Benny stayed. Benny told him he wasn’t just celebrating, he was apparently drinking his problems away. Dean didn’t know what the hell he was talking about because the only problem he had in his life is finding the perfect cure for hangovers.

Perhaps now he kind of get what Benny was trying to say.

Instead of saving up to move out of his parent’s home, he spent his money on booze and strip clubs. He did manage to save up, it all happened the year before Sammy graduated and they all went to his university to celebrate. Dean has never been prouder of his baby brother, actually he’s been proud of Sam since his brother was born.

His dad told him when he was very young, perhaps four to put Sam’s needs before his own because he was the eldest. From looking at his precious baby brother, Dean just automatically knew how to be responsible for Sammy. Watching over Sammy was just inherent to him because he loved his baby brother and mom taught Dean that no one is more important than the people you love. Even at that age, Dean knew mom was talking about dad since their family chose to stay away from mom’s family.

And ever since Sammy started to get better at school while he’s out with friends like Jo and Ash. Dean knew then and there that his brother was destined for greatness, so he let his brother walk the road to achievements while Dean stood by the sidelines, supporting him and protecting his future. That’s just how Dean grew up.

He didn’t need anyone telling him to support Sam and protect his future. He just did it.

He did a fucking good job at it.

Sam’s so successful, he’s practically a star to the entire family and all of Dean’s friends love him. Dean’s not complaining because Sam’s the perfect son, friend and brother unlike Dean who still hasn’t even found the cure to hangovers.

Speaking of cures, Dean needs a really good one to fix the massive ache in his chest. And no it’s not because of having a medical history or smoking. No, he needs a cure to fix his problem of being in love with his best friend and only realizing it recently.

Apart from being the king of repeating mistakes he also takes the throne of running away from feelings. As he stumbles around his dirty and empty apartment, he takes one quick look around and realizes how much of a mess he is. Seriously, no wonder hasn’t invited people over for weeks now because he’s falling behind on some spring cleaning. It’s all his fault and he knows it. Cas has got nothing to do with it, and apparently because, according to Benny- Dean’s dense.

Well fuck, it’s not Dean’s fault that Cas is so fucking perfect and everything good for Dean and Dean can’t even begin to imagine a life where he and Cas have a happily ever after. Jesus, now he’s talking like Sam, that little bitch. Hanging out with those two a lot lately has really taken a toll on Dean’s personality. He’ll probably start spouting nerdy crap out loud and every ounce of his masculinity will be drained away forever.

Speaking of nerd, he remembers that he has something important to do about Cas. Having these feelings is probably gonna mess things up with his best friend but Dean’s not about to physically run away from the problem. Maybe he’ll just ignore Cas more and hopefully it’ll change things-

Well he’s been doing that these past couple of weeks and it didn’t work.

_‘Cas is sporting a massive crush for you too…’_

Perhaps Benny’s right and he should-

Nah, feelings always ruin everything, if the names of Dean’s ex-girlfriends come to mind.

Then again, Cas is not a chick so maybe it wouldn’t so difficult.

 _‘Are you kidding Winchester?’_ he thinks to himself. _‘He’s a dude, it’s even more complicated because you don’t even know if Cas likes men-,’_

Maybe he can start from there.

Now that he thinks about it, he has never actually heard Cas talk about sex and relationships as much as Dean does. Most of the time, Dean does all the talking while Cas listens like a good friend that he is. There’s only been a few occasions when Cas got involved with that kind of stuff and Dean had his handiwork written all over it. From the strip clubs to the bar scene, Cas’ social interactions in terms of attraction has always been Dean’s responsibility. Again, Dean needs to be needed and perhaps he’s done the same to Cas’ life. He’s meddles with Cas’ love life because he thinks the guy needs it. Maybe he does.

Dean can’t be that much of a douche for running Cas’ life, right?

Above all else, Dean and Cas are best friends, they’re buddies. Dean may be in the wrong for having feelings for Cas however it is still his responsibility to be supportive of Cas. And if by supporting means Dean gets to find out if Cas is interested in guys, and even better, interested in him, then Dean should know. It’s only right.

They’ve been together for years and Dean needs to know Castiel’s views on sex.

It’s what any best friend would do right? He’s just being a good friend and not doing it for his own selfish reasons. Maybe he can get Cas drunk tonight and ask him about it. Dean’s probably gonna succumb to drinking so it won’t hurt so much if he hears Cas say that he’s straight, and has no feelings toward Dean whatsoever.

Maybe he’ll even say it while looking at Dean for a few minutes. Yeah, they always do those looks.

Yeah, because Dean’s hoping for Cas to reject the male species altogether, especially him. He’s really hoping that his best friend has NOT been harboring feeling towards him for years and only Dean’s been stupid enough to realize it.

Of course that’s what it is! That’s what he’s expecting…

He shakes his head which is stupid because it just made his headache worse. After brushing his teeth and getting changed, he decides to walk right up to Cas’ front door and ask his best friend to come grab breakfast. And no, just because it’s midday, Dean’s not gonna call it lunch and he’ll punch anyone’s teeth out if they say otherwise, because his headache says so.

He rings the doorbell instead of knocking on Cas’ door, He should be home, he doesn’t remember Cas saying anything important on today, then again, he’s been avoiding Cas and Dean deserves to stand out here and be ignored. God he’s been such a jerk, he should’ve at least texted Cas if he’s free to meet up. Dean never used to do it before. Usually Dean just rocks up to Cas’ front door and his best friend just greets him with a warm smile.

Perhaps Dean’s really fucked things up and Cas doesn’t want to see his stupid face.

This isn’t like Cas, even after an argument, they’d at least sort it out. Well in this case, Dean needs to apologize and not just get cold-heartedly rejected in front of Cas’ home.

After a few minutes, he decides to leave it because Cas clearly doesn’t want Dean to bother him. Clearly Dean’s been a giant douche and deserves to be ignored by his best friend who supposedly supports him through thick and thin. Dean’s not pouting or murmuring to himself from getting ignored. He’s better than that.

Dean sends a text and walks away.

He’s a full grown adult and he’s not just gonna wait around and let others ignore him. He needs to show some resilience.

He walks over to Sam’s place just a few blocks down. Maybe his baby brother can lighten the day. Besides he needs to take his mind off Cas. Call it- Castiel detox. Yeah, that’s what he needs right now as he knocks on his baby brother’s front door.

Nobody answers.

Dean also sends his brother a text then waits a few meters away from the door. The neighborhood seems to be looking fine from where Dean's standing. He's so fucking bored of waiting, he's talking about the freaking neighborhood.

He checks his phone after receiving two buzzes and sees both Cas and Sam replies at the same time. Weird.

He checks Cas’ first because he doesn’t have some sort of priority over Cas. He sent a text to Cas BEFORE Sam and obviously NOT obsessing over his best friend after getting ignored just a few minutes ago.

**Castiel: I am currently preoccupied with something and not at home.**

_‘Well shit.’_ Dean thinks. It seems that Cas is too busy for the likes of Dean now. Again, this is CLEARLY not payback at Dean for being such a distant jerk to Cas. Dean wants to throw his phone away or crush it into little pieces. Cas was never one to hold grudges, clearly now he is and Dean’s only learning about it.

 _‘Careful Winchester.’_ he tells himself to calm down. Dean was the one who has been acting like a jerk and Cas is probably really busy and not deliberately ignoring him. It’s not something Cas would do and it’s Friday. He’s probably working on his laptop in the library as always because that’s the only other place he’d go to do work other than home.

Dean breathes in and out thinking everything wouldn’t be easier if he could get something to eat. He doesn’t need Cas to be there all the time. He’s had breakfasts without Cas before but then, he remembers that they’re not as fun when Cas is around.

Checking Sam’s message he reads:

**Sammy: Gone out. Won’t be back til later. Sorry Dean.**

Well that’s shit again.

Everyone’s clearly too busy for Dean nowadays and he sounds petty. Really petty.

Perhaps this is part of the first stage when a person discovers their feelings toward a really close friend. He keeps that thought in his mind to make things bearable and ignore the fact that having breakfast alone in the local diner where they all usually go to, doesn’t suck.

It doesn’t.

Maybe he can spend the rest of the day trying to find the cure for hangovers then move on to finding a cure to being in love with your best friend.

“Dean!” Well if it isn’t Joanna Beth, Dean forgot to contact her to see if she’s busy. Maybe spending too much time with Cas and Sam has made him neglect his other friends.

“Joanna Beth. I’m surprised to see you here.” Jo punches him on his left arm.

“Told you to stop calling me that Dean! Mom calls me that whenever I’m in trouble!” Dean snickers, Jo’s like the little sister he never had.

“Ya should be used to it by now given how much of a trouble make you are when Ellen’s not looking.” She punches him on his right arm after that.

It’s all laughs and giggles to Dean but he knows Ellen Harvelle, Jo’s mom, is not someone he’d cross.

“I’m surprised to see you here by yourself. I thought you’d be with Cas or Sam. The three of you’ve been inseparable for months now.” Jo sits opposite to Dean while the waitress brings Dean his coffee. Black with one sugar- possibly one of the ingredients to curing hangovers.

“Well actually those two are too busy for me today. Went over to their places and no one was home then I get a text saying they’re both out and in Cas’ words- ‘preoccupied’.” Dean hopes that Jo doesn’t pick up on how his voice drops right at the end.

“As if you can talk Winchester, Cas called me last night, asking about you since you were too ‘preoccupied’ with some college student hoe” Jo laughs but Dean doesn’t. This is not a laughing subject.

“Hold on, did’ya say Cas called you?” Panic starts to crawl on Deans neck.

“Well yeah, told me you wouldn’t pick up the phone so I told him that I saw you with Benny and those two other college student looking chicks.” Jo replies and continues to talk. Dean stopped listening after hearing the words ‘Cas’ and ‘last night’. Last night Cas called and Dean ignored it. Ignored it because he was trying to score but failed miserably because he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to ignore his feelings toward Cas anymore.

Jo has stopped talking now and there’s a long pause afterwards.

The pause lingers.

“Dean?” Jo asks, looking at him with concern.

 “Tell me what you said to Cas exactly!” He almost stammers and Jo’s jumps from his order.

“Jeez, you’re a bit grumpy for someone who got lucky last night…” Wrong again Joanna Beth, he thinks but the feeling of panic is escalating within his chest.

“I told him that you were with Benny and easy company, then I asked him to come out but he declined then we dropped the call…” Jo carefully says as she looks at Dean with concern. Well why would she?

It’s not like Dean’s screaming in the inside as he worries about Cas finding out that he got lucky last night. He doesn’t know why he’s worried, he should be fine with it. They’ve been friends for years and not once has Cas ever said anything about Dean’s ‘escapades’, as Cas likes to call it. Actually Cas doesn’t say much about it. Cas just brushes it off and they eventually talk about something else…

Holy shit.

It sorta makes sense now.

Cas not being at home this morning and avoiding him…

“Dean?” Jo asks and Dean is trying his best not to look too transparent. If he can see himself through Jo’s eyes, he’ll probably see himself dying internally, because that’s what he feels right now.

“Did something happen between you and Cas?” she asks and when he doesn’t respond after a second, she continues. “Because he seemed kinda down and out of it last night. I hope you didn’t do anything stupid.”

Holy shit again.

Dean may not be entirely sure, but things are starting to make sense. Unfortunately.

“You can be a jerk sometimes Dean, I hope you treat Cas a bit better ‘cause you know, he’s your best friend and all.” Jo says and the panic inside Dean’s chest only screams louder.

“Yeah you’re right Jo. I should treat him better…” he finally replies while trying to sound less of a mess.

Jo smiles and nods then starts talking about something else but Dean sorta drifted off and encased his thoughts into one single subject.

_‘Cas must like me.’_

He chants those four words like they mean death yet at the same, they make him…happy.

No, Dean Winchester is not the sort of person who deserves to be happy. Whatever realization he has on Castiel’s feelings is so not true. It can’t be.

Cas ignoring him, then calling him and being sad because Dean didn’t answer cannot possibly mean…

Dean needs to drink again.

Jo says to ‘not be a stranger’ before going their separate ways, Dean spends the rest of the afternoon fighting his thoughts on Cas liking him. He gives mom a visit because he knows that John is working. It hasn’t been long since he last saw Mary. Just over a week ago, at Sam’s birthday, they all went over to his parents’ place to celebrate. Mom made Sammy a giant birthday cake that she worked on for hours to surprise him. Even though it embarrassed Sammy, his baby brother was still grateful. She said that it was her way of making up for years of not being able to celebrate his birthday. That was a tear jerker to Sammy’s eyes, trust his baby brother to be so emotional.

Like Dean could talk. He made sure nobody saw him shed some waterworks from afar.

Nobody.

So what if he misses having these occasions with his family. Things were simpler back then. They never had to miss anyone and the world revolved around Sam while Dean watched in the sidelines. It was a good system. Speaking of Sam, he messages the little bitch again, to meet up with him because Dean’s got something important to say. He’s been itching to get his thoughts about Cas off his chest and only one other person in the world could possibly shed some light on what he needs to do next.

Sam still hasn’t replied.

“Sweetie, is there some wrong?” Mary asks and Dean flinches after staring at his phone for a moment.

“Nothing mom. I’m fine.” He gives her a toothy grin like he always gives whenever he hides something. Ever since he was little, for whatever reason, Dean would always use that smile to tell his mom that he’s okay, or he’s fine. Even though at times, he’s upset because dad seems to give Sam more attention because Dean can’t get awards in school. Or the time when Dean broke up with his girlfriend because she wouldn’t agree with him about a bullying incident, involving Sam. Yeah, from little things to big things, Dean has always given Mary that toothy smile. He never wants to worry his mom, she’s practically an angel to his eyes and there’s no way in hell he’d let her worry about him.

“Is this something about Cas?” Mary asks and Dean winces because no matter how well he gives that toothy grin, mom always spots the problem.

“It’s nothing mom. Cas’ is fine.” He replies, hoping that’ll stop the asking.

“But are you fine?” Of course that never stops mom from asking more.

“Yeah mom, I’m peachy.” There he goes again with that toothy grin.

“Did something happen between you and Cas? You’ve been quite distant to him lately.” she asks as if everything Dean said before was an obvious lie. Then again, they were lies.

“How do you know that?” Dean carefully asks, trying not to drop anymore hints.

“Mother’s intuition.” She smiles and hands a plate of cookies to Dean. They’re home-made and Dean loves his mom’s baking. Especially when she comes over to his place with pie.

Dean takes a bite and chews before asking his mother. “Are you sure it’s got nothing to do with you inviting yourself over to Cas’ place and talking to him like you’re both buddies?” He darts her a look and she cackles.

“Castiel and I are very dear friends Dean and you are my son. I can pick up these little things over tea and a plate of snacks.” Mom puts hands Dean another plate of cookies and somewhere in Dean’s head knows that his mom probably did the same thing to Cas already.

“You’re a witch, I don’t know why I let you hang out with Cas.” Dean pouts ansd his mom pretends to be offended.

“On the contraire sugar, I’m a hunter. How else do you think I got these skills?” She smiles and takes a bite off a cookie and mischievously smiles. Dean rolls his eyes and nods along to show his annoyed indifference.

“Don’t give me that look my son. I’m just saying, I didn’t get your father without a few tricks.” She laughs and Dean thinks he’s gonna be sick.

“This is why I don’t visit enough.” Mom puts darts an annoyed look and snatches the plate of cookies away from Dean, making the son whimper.

“Fine fine. I’m sorry mom.” Dean apologizes and Mary puts the plate back on their coffee table.

“Anyways, I think you should talk to Cas.  He’s your best friend and I know he cares about you a lot.” Dean is not pouting because he’s getting a lecture from his mom. That’s what a five year old would do.

“I don’t want to see the two of you fighting.”

“Mom we’re not fighting!’ that sounded more hurt than he intended.

“Mhmm. I’ll leave you to it darling. Just remember I’ll know if you haven’t cleared things out with Cas.” She takes the whole plate of cookies away and Dean almost whimpers again. “You need to watch how much cookies you eat Dean. Cas says you’re eating nothing but junk food.”

Dean gives her an annoyed look. “Mom can you not talk about me to my friends behind my back?”

“It’s all in the cookies dear.” Mary laughs and puts the dishes away. Dean may not be able to hide things from mom regardless of how toothy his grins may be however her cookies always make everything feel better. Yeah, it’s all in the cookies. When Dean receives a message from Sam, relief swells in his chest.

**Samantha: Yeah sure, I’ll be home in 20. Meet at yours?**

Dean replies yes and jumps up to bid Mary good-bye with a kiss on her cheek. His mom reminds him of what to do with Cas and threatening him with a wooden spoon. Dean waves at her and walks out of their home. He walks toward his apartment, surveying Cas’ property to see if Cas’ is at home.

It’s late in the afternoon and Dean wonders what his best friend did the whole day. Again, this is not Dean obsessing over whatever Cas’ does in his own time and it’s NOT because Dean’s still upset that his best friend didn’t even bother to message him after doing whatever it is that Cas needed to do., Perhaps Cas thinks that Dean needs space. Well Dean needs something and space is not included. He admits that he misses the way his best friend invades his personal space.

Dammit Dean.

He unlocks his apartment and cleans as much mess as he can before Sammy comes over. Everything’s been such a mess in Dean’s life, figuratively and literally. Perhaps this is the time when he can straighten things out and put things in order. Maybe not everything has to  be done all at once. Maybe he needs to takes things slowly before being sure of what to do with Cas.

Of anyone, he knows Sammy can help him out. Dean’s always been there to help Sam out and honestly, Sam’s also been there for Dean. His baby brother is always happy to help him out with everything.

***

 

**-Sam-**

So far, spending the majority of the day with Cas has been awesome. Most of the time, Sam would teach Cas something about dating and the rules behind it. For example, Sam’s rule number one is to NEVER EVER listen to what Dean says about dating. While walking on the park (as part of their first date after breakfast), Sam tells Castiel a story from his high school years involving Dean making an assumption that Sam liked this girl in his class named Amelia. It was a mistake after Dean witnessed Sam helping Amelia nurse her dog back to health by agreeing to come with her to the vet. Dean tortured and tormented Sam by giving Amelia NOT very subtle hints that Sam liked her.

Dean went as far as to setting them up on a date, in which case Sam had to apologize after they were caught by Amelia’s father.

Ever since then, Sam just never trusted Dean with relationship advice, however he never really needed it because he never had time to form a relationship with anyone. He may have said that last bit with unintentional depression but Cas just smiles and places his hand on Sam’s.

Cas jumps and flicks his hand away out of embarrassment because he was ‘invading Sam’s personal space’. Sam laughs because Cas is too adorable and precious. The younger Winchester tells Castiel that it’s okay for him to enter Sam’s personal space because they’re dating now. He might’ve left out some detail about how it makes him hot whenever Cas touches him. That part is something they’ll just have to work on with time. Sam holds Cas’ hand to sooth him.

Since Cas has never dated anyone before and Sam feels proud of himself for being the first (hopefully the only), they agree to take the relationship slow.

This is not because Sam still has plenty of time in Kansas, it’s that Cas is worth the wait. For the majority of Sam’s personal and social life, he’s always had to take things slow because of work. However this time, Sam doesn’t mind taking things slow with Castiel because he knows Cas is worth it.

Even though they do things like walking in the park and just talking, is enough to Sam. He has a feeling that his patience will be greatly rewarded, hopefully with an angel writhing in his arms. That thought is enough to keep Sam’s gears going as he watches Castiel smile and laugh at his jokes. He may not have Dean’s sense of humor but he has his own and it’s enough to make Cas laugh. That’s all that matters.

Call Sam a hopeless romantic but even his relationship with Sarah was never this special. When he was with Sarah, a lot of things were quite formal and uniformed. Sure it complied to Sam’s way of life however Sam felt like he was in a cage rather than a relationship. It is as if he can’t be his true self. The things he talked about with Sarah were mainly about people they knew and business relations. As much as they wanted to break-away from what her father and Sam’s client Luke had in common, it’s all they could talk about.

With Cas, it’s different. It’s a whole new type of interaction, in a good way.

Sam can talk about whatever he wants, without the fear of seeming uncultured. It’s actually not difficult because Cas practically understands a lot of the things that Sam likes to talk about. Whenever Dean’s around, they never get a chance to indulge in intellectually talk as much because his older brother is a bully. A jerk. If Dean was around, Sam wouldn’t be able to talk about the history of film making without hearing a sex scandal or getting called a nerd, especially since that is what he and Castiel have been talking about for a while now.

“You seem to know a lot about what goes on in movie production for someone who didn’t see the entire Star Wars franchise until recently.” Sam laughs and Cas blushes. This has been how their conversations usually go, Sam will somehow embarrass Cas, causing him to blush and ain’t that the cutest thing.

“My older brother, Gabriel, knows a lot about movie productions because at times, he works as a director…” Castiel pauses and Sam’s smile fades for a second. Sam knows better than to indulge into a topic surrounding Cas’ family.

“My apologies…” Cas says and Sam shakes his head.

“Cas, you don’t have to apologize about anything.”

“I know I don’t speak about my family as much, also I do not know how much I need to share…”

“Cas you don’t have to share anything that you don’t wanna share. I’m not gonna pressure you into doing anything, remember that. We’re in a relationship after all, it’s my job to listen to whatever bothers you and respect your boundaries.” Sam admits and that brings a smile on Cas’ face. Sam wishes he can cause that smile to happen; over and over again.

“You are right. Since we are in a relationship I think I should be more honest toward you.” Sam wants to protest but Cas stops him with a hand gesture. “And I do not feel pressured around you Sam. In fact it’s the total opposite. I feel relaxed and it’s because you are kind and understanding. In time, I wish to talk to you more about my family.” Cas smiles again and Sam can’t help but grab his partner’s hand. Yes, he can call Castiel his partner now, including other names such as boyfriend…lover. Cas stares at their hands linked together and then moves his gaze to Sam’s eyes. His mouth is almost parted and the space between them closes. Sam carefully leans forward, almost close enough to hear Castiel’s breathing when his cell phone rings ‘Heat of the Moment’ by Asia.

He hates ‘Heat of the Moment’ and he knows the one person who loves it. It’s the same person who used his phone without permission and changed his ringtone.

Dammit Dean.

The moment’s ruined and Sam takes his phone out and checks it while Cas stares away and checks his own.

“I received a message from Dean just a few minutes ago.” Castiel says and Sam’s eyes shoot wide open.

A deathly cloud of silence hangs in the air. They take a moment to reply at the same time and Sam feels the tension.

“I almost forgot.” Cas’ eyebrows wrinkle and panic masks his face. “Dean and I are in a disagreement. Well I believe we are, because he has been avoiding me for some time now and I think it was something I did. But I don’t know what I did wrong Sam, and I don’t know what to do…”

Sam grabs both of Castiel’s shoulders, hoping to calm him down.

“Cas listen to me, I dunno what Dean’s problem is but I’m sure you did nothing wrong. He’s just an idiot so don’t beat yourself up. Besides you know Dean doesn’t know how to talk about his feelings and all that crap. Don’t stress about it, I’m sure he’ll bounce back.” Sam says and he’s too close to Cas’ face. It’s important that he gets his point across because he knows how dense Cas can be about these sort of things, especially when it comes to Dean.

There’s confusion on Cas’ face for a moment then he looks at Sam straight in the eye. Castiel looks so badass, he doesn’t even need to try.

“You might be right. I think I shouldn’t blame myself so easily...thank you, Sam.” Cas smiles and that’s another point for Sam.

Making Cas smile has been his priority for the rest of the day and isn’t that what being in a relationship means? It’s when two people do whatever they can to makes the other person smile. Cas doesn’t really need to do much to make Sam smile.

“You’re welcome Cas.” Sam says and he knows he’s blushing. Dating another really is something different, it’s not similar to dating a girl. Perhaps it’s not really about gender, perhaps it has something to do with the fact that he’s dating Cas. Cas is just so wonderful and perfect, Sam doesn’t like to count chickens before they hatch however, he knows Cas is boyfriend material.

He clears his throat to dissolve the silence. “If it makes you feel better, I can go talk to Dean about it. See what’s been eating him up.” With that, Cas nods and smiles again. This makes Sam happy too and even more than what Cas thinks.

Deep down, Sam thinks that Dean is probably the number source of their relationship problems. It took Sam weeks to find out if something was going on between Cas and Dean. Not to mention Dean has a tendency to be nosy and prod on Sam’s business, if his story about Amelia isn’t proof enough.

It’s just how Dean shows that he cares and unfortunately, he cares a little too much. In his time away, Sam can tell that Dean has taken Castiel under his wing and has probably gotten himself too involved in Cas’ life, and Cas to Dean’s life. Now that Sam is dating Castiel, perhaps it’s time for the younger Winchester to set the boundaries between his older brother and his boyfriend. Their friendship is too close for Sam’s liking and right now, he’s glad that Cas and Dean aren’t next to each other. This time, Sam gets a chance to be himself around Cas and that doesn’t involve Dean who usually has to ruin everything.

They spend more time together, with Sam trying his best to divert any conversation regarding Dean into something else. The truth is, Cas has a tendency to talk about Dean a lot and as much as Sam loves his brother, too much attention on Dean is annoying. Sam takes the matter to his own hands.

“Tell you what, I’ll swing by his place later and ask him what’s wrong.” Sam suggests and throws an arm around Castiel’s shoulder. It’s unsuspected as Cas’ blushing indicates.

“Should I come with you?” Cas asks and Sam shakes his head with a little more furiously than he should.

“Let me handle this Cas. Dean could barely talk about his problems toward you when you’re around. I could go see him and I’ll let you know what happens.” Sam is ready to do anything just to get rid of that frown on Cas’ face.

“You’re right. I think it will be better if you talk to him. Thank you Sam.” Cas smiles again and that’s another point to Sam. After receiving another text from Dean just moments after his conversation with Cas, they decide to go home. Sam drives them both and promises to message Cas right after talking to Dean. Giving Cas a good-bye kiss on the cheek makes Cas blush so hard, it’s too adorable to watch. Sam drops him off and parks right next to the Impala and walks to Dean’s apartment.

 

***

“Dean?” he knocks and moments after, Dean opens the door and Sam enters, noticing the apartment has gotten cleaner since his last visit.

“Been cleaning today?” Sam asks and Dean nods while washing his hands in the kitchen sink.

“Well I didn’t have anything to do today since you were so busy.” Panic escalates in Sam’s chest, he doesn’t remember telling Dean about his day with Cas. Unless Cas told him earlier…Fuck.

Maybe Dean knows.

“I don’t always have to be free for you Dean.” Sam hisses and Dean throws him a ‘what the hell?’ look.

“Something wrong Sam?” Dean asks and Sam carefully shakes his head, trying not to seem mad.

“I’m fine Dean, it’s just…don’t worry about it.” Sam takes a seat on Dean’s couch and his brother offers him a beer. He refuses, wondering how long it’ll be until Dean will bite his head off for dating Cas. Dean takes some dirty clothes off the couch and walks away before coming back.

“You know you’d tell me if something is bothering you…right Sammy?” as much as Sam hates that nickname, the hairs on his neck are standing. There’s more than dust in the air- there’s tension. Dean just casually walks around the apartment while Sam sits with panic rising in his chest. He hasn’t told Dean that he’s dating Cas but maybe Dean found out and is probably pissed that Sam hasn’t shared his feelings toward Cas sooner.

Dean finally takes a seat on his lazy couch and opens a bottle of beer. Every sound and every movements matters to Sam right now as he carefully inspects his brother.

“So what were you doing today?” Dean asks and takes a massive gulp from his beer.

The question haunts Sam like a ghost, calling out to his guilt. Why should he feel guilty? He didn’t do anything wrong, in fact he should be sharing the big news to Dean. The news of him and Castiel getting together is a big thing yet, Sam can't find the courage to open his mouth.

 _‘I went out with Cas today and we’re dating.’_ Should be easy enough. It should be simple.

“Nothing much. Checked my emails and replied to them…just the usual work.” Sam lies between his teeth and he knows it. There’s something stopping him from saying a few simple words.

“Lemme guess…” Dean pulls an inquisitive look and Sam almost braces as he waits for his brother to blow up on him.

“Couldn’t get Jess out of your head?” Dean wriggles his eyebrows and Sam swears he hears something crack inside him. That must’ve been the sound of his panic, crumbling to pieces.

“Shut up Dean. It’s nothing like that!” Sam bites out and his older brother just laughs at him. Taunting him.

“Calm down Sammy, no need to get your panties in a twist.” Dean says and Sam thinks _‘says the person who wore them for Rhonda Hurley’_ but doesn’t say it. At least Dean doesn’t know he went out with Cas today.

“Don’t you have wi-fi at home? Where else would you go?”

“I went to the library…to uhh get some privacy.” He lies again and who knew it would be this easy. Luke’s evil ways must be getting to him. Dean raises his eyebrows then leans forward with callous seriousness.

“You and Jess try’na spice things up? Getting kinky are we?” Sam has an idiot for a brother.

“Sh-Shut up Dean. Gross!” He barks and Dean laughs again.

“Just screwin’ with ya Sammy…anyways, did you happen to uh- see Cas by any chance?” Dean asks and the feeling of panic returns to Sam’s chest.

“Actually…I did. On my way out actually. Why do you ask?” Sam tries to turn the tables around, hoping to ease the fear.

“Oh okay, did he seem pissed or...” Dean inspects his beer, clearly deep in thought and ignoring Sam’s question. If Sam has to sit here for another round of interrogation instead of taking his brother’s screaming for thinking of boning Cas then he could just die. Sam would take the screaming part, any day. “It’s just that, I think Cas has been avoiding me.” Dean continued and puts his beer down and sighs.

“I don’t know. Why do you think that?” Sam innocently asks, knowing Cas said the same thing today. Knowing Cas was indeed upset this morning and last night.

Dean sighs deeply and digs the palm of his left hand to his face.

“I think it’s because I’ve been such a jerk to him s’all.” Dean blurts out and takes another massive gulp from his beer.

Well that makes sense as to why there’s been distance between Cas and Dean lately, but that doesn’t answer the question: why?

“Why?” and that’s what Sam really wants to know.

“I don’t know Sammy. I don’t know.” Dean slouches and from the look on his face, something inside Sam snaps. Something snaps like the sound of a wooden stick, bending in half and and it perfectly disassembles.

“I think I’ve been such a jerk. Have you noticed?” Dean asks and there goes that sound again.

“No- I mean yeah, I’ve noticed but I thought it was just gonna blow away…” Sam’s not lying entirely, he has noticed but chose not to do anything about it. Why would he? If it meant Dean doesn’t have to always be around Cas, then it’s good for Sam. In fact, that’s part of the reason why he and Cas are dating now.

“Well it didn’t Sam. It didn’t blow away, in fact, it blew right on my face.” Dean says and Sam takes a deep breath, trying to put the pieces together. “Last night with Benny, I tried to hit on a chick and I didn’t know what got into me. I just couldn’t- I just couldn’t take it any further.” The snapping sound comes back again and Sam hides a hand from Dean.

“I couldn’t- I didn’t want to sleep with her Sam and I think it’s because I’ve been such a jerk to Cas. I think the guilt’s getting to me.” Dean reaches forward and takes another gulp from his beer. Sam’s looking at him with quiet determination. Another snapping sound happens.

“I think I should make things right with Cas, Sammy. I hope you understand…” Dean pleads with his eyes and Sam slowly nods in approval.

“It’s just a rough patch Dean, I’m sure it’ll blow away- it’ll pass.” Sam carefully scans his older brother and he can feel fire burning in his chest.

“I hope you’re right. I don’t know why Cas puts up with me…”

 _‘He shouldn’t have to.’_ Sam thinks but doesn’t say because Dean is puking his guts out and he needs to be a good brother.

“You’re not a bad friend Dean.” Sam says with confidence. It’s not a half lie though, it’s actually a truth.

“Yeah, maybe. I should go up to Cas’ place right now and apologize. I think he’s home-,” Dean stands up and Sam does the same. Stopping his brother.

“Hold on Dean-,” Sam grabs Dean’s shoulder and his older brother looks back. “I think you should give Cas some time and space for now."

“Why would I do that?” Dean asks and the nerves on Sam’s neck twitch.

_‘Because I’m dating him.’_

_‘Because if you do, you’ll only get in the way.’_

_‘Because I know you have feelings for him.’_

“Because I think Cas sounded quite pissed today. Didn’t want me to bother him actually. I think you should give him time and he’ll come around.” Sam keeps his hold on his brother, hoping Dean drops it.

Dean looks down then up before meeting Sam’s gaze. Sam immediately changes his look, frowning for his brother.

“He was really pissed?” Dean asks and Sam nods furiously.

“Yeah Dean. I think he needs to cool down before you apologize otherwise, he’ll never forgive you.” Sam should’ve said those words with more sympathy but couldn’t. He can’t. Not right now.

Other things are flying around Sam’s head. He’s screaming things that would put Mary and John’s parenting to shame.

_‘Don’t go over there Dean, you’ll only make it worse.’_

_‘You’ve had your chance to get with Cas, now it’s my turn.’_

_‘Back off Dean. He’s mine.’_

“I think you’re right Sammy. I think you’re right.” Dean drops back down to the couch, giving Sam a slight relief. “Wait!” Dean jumps up again and Sam does the same.

“How would I know if he’s not pissed anymore?” Dean asks, much to Sam’s annoyance. “He’s been avoiding me, and if going to him will make it worse…how will I know when it’s time to apologize?”

“Why don’t I go over and talk to Cas? Maybe I can appeal to his better side or something. Try and let you off the hook?” Sam suggests and the light comes back to Dean’s eyes.

“You’d do that? For me?” Dean asks and Sam nods furiously again.

“That’s what brothers are for!” and Sam puts his arms out.

Dean leans in and tightly wraps his arms around Sam. Squeezing him for a hug. Sam pats his older brother’s back to return it, giving themselves a few moments before Dean continues.

“Thank you Sammy. Couldn’t ask for a better brother…” Dean says after letting go of the hug. Sam says it’s no problem and leaves his brother to clean his apartment. He also promises to text Dean on how everything goes tonight, hoping to hear good news. Sam reassures him that he will message Dean as soon as possible.

Unlocking the door to his car, Sam drives back to his apartment and turns all the lights on. He takes his shoes off and reaches for his phone in his pocket, he dials Cas’ number.

**Castiel: Hello Sam.**

“Cas. Listen I just had a talk with Dean.” He skips the formalities.

**Castiel: What did he say Sam? Is he mad?**

“He said a lot. You were right, he is angry.” There’s a pause and Sam winces, calculating how much he needs to say.

**Castiel: Should I go over to his apartment now, apologize immediately?**

There’s panic in Cas’ voice and as much it pains Sam he continues.

“I think you should give Dean some space for now.” That almost makes Sam laugh as he adds. “I also think that it’d be better if we talk about this over dinner? What do you say?” He hears a stuttered sigh at the other end then a pause.

**Castiel: Certainly Sam...Where would you like to go?**

“Anywhere you want. I’ll pick you up in 15 minutes?” Sam replies.

**Castiel: I would appreciate that. I will see you soon.**

“See you, Cas.” Sam ignores the drop in Castiel’s tone by the end of the call. Checking his phone, he changes his ringtone back from ‘Heat of the Moment’ to its classical ringtone.

Speaking of classical music, he turns his music player on and plugs his iPod in. He chooses Chopin’s ‘Nocturne’, the same music Castiel played in that fancy restaurant, a few weeks ago. He lets it play and fill the air with music while he sheds his clothes. He enters the shower and lets the hot water spray all over his body. The heat helps him wash the dirt away but that doesn’t mean he’ll leave the shower clean. Sam knows he lied to Dean, his own brother and to Cas, his boyfriend.

Now that he’s done it, there’s no going back. Lying is a selfish thing, and if he’s going to go that path then he’s might as well do it right. Coming back from lawyering, it has taught him the values of lying to get what he wants. Initially, it was not the reason why he wanted to get into lawyering. He did it because he wants to do what’s right. As satisfying that vocation may be, it was not enough.

It doesn’t change the fact that he’s unhappy.

Dean’s so lucky to have so many friends to keep him company and Sam could barely keep a relationship with another human being without it being strictly professional. Even then, he barely makes any contact. For once in his life, since leaving for Stanford, he wants to be able to break free from being in chains. Keeping his family proud is his highest priority however it has made him miserable.

And Sam is sick and tired of being miserable.

Cas is wonderful and perfect in every way and compatible to Sam. Unfortunately, Dean has feelings for him as well and Sam has a sickening thought that Cas and Dean have been walking around egg shells for years. And none of them has ever made a move.

However, that was back then.

Now he’s lying to both of them, practically all of them, for that matter. And if a few lies is what it takes to make him happy, then he’ll make them. This could possibly be the biggest court case in his life. Sam Winchester is in it to win.

Turning his music player off and grabbing his keys, Sam changed into a full suit for the occasion. Like a lawyer, he nudges his tie properly. Shutting the door behind him, he breathes the night air and savors it.

After all:

“All is fair in love and war.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was watching Season 4 Sam and thought of this. God, he's so hot when he's bad.
> 
> Anyways, I had to stop writing because I died thinking about what to do in this chapter.
> 
> I know what happened and will happened but what happens now is always so fucking tough.
> 
> Also I crossed over 10, 000 words and it drove me nuts.
> 
> Delicious Sammy!


	4. Chapter 4- Secrets and Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Castiel have an agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sam/Cas in this chapter but do not lose hope- Destiel/CasDean moments will return.

 

**-Castiel-**

Right after spending the rest of the day with Sam, which was truly wonderful as it helped Castiel get Dean off his mind for a few hours, Castiel returns home while Sam walks over to Dean’s apartment. Fear and panic crawl inside Castiel and he is not entirely sure why.

The most logical reason is hearing the truth that Dean is truly mad or upset with Castiel. He doesn’t know why Dean would feel that way, in fact, Castiel doesn’t exactly remember when it all started. After hours of thinking about it, even in Sam’s company, he has come to the conclusion that it must’ve started around the time when they all went to the restaurant.

Could it be that Dean is angry at Castiel for mentioning his last name to the manager?

Castiel actually knew the owner of the restaurant- not the manager per se, but personally know the person who owns it. Being a Novak, has been his greatest secret to the Winchesters. His family’s name was derived from old money and Castiel has plenty of siblings who would do whatever it takes to consolidate as much inheritance as possible. Thus Castiel moved away from the rest of his family, discarding all direct contact and indirectly messaging them through email or paper mail. He hasn’t seen his brothers and sisters in a very long time.

However, it doesn’t matter so much because he has joined a new family here in Kansas. He couldn’t be happier by being a close member of the Winchester family circle, and that’s where his fears stem from. Perhaps Dean thinks that Castiel is long overdue on telling the truth about his identity. Perhaps Castiel, unintentionally caused the distance between him and Dean and now his best friend doesn’t wish to speak to him.

Castiel has been watching the neighborhood the entire time since Sam walked right into Dean’s apartment. His body wouldn’t let him do anything else but sit in the dark and watch as the sun goes down. After all, Dean being distant with him is not the only reason why he’s anxious. Thinking about Dean’s reaction if he finds out that Sam and Castiel are…dating.

He should know better. He knows he should.

However, Castiel let his doubts get the better of him. Instead of being honest to himself and to Sam, he’s lied about everything, until he’s put himself in a complicated situation. At the very moment when they were having breakfast, Castiel should’ve rejected Sam’s offer. He should have said no, he really should have…and now it’s too late. There’s no way Castiel can get out of this one without hurting Sam. Sam has been so patient and wonderful and it’s unfair. Castiel is using Sam as substitute for Dean and Castiel knows he is.

Knowing that someone out there, who feels something more than friendship with Castiel has made him feel new things. Things that are nice and sweet. These feelings are things that Castiel has been subconsciously and consciously giving Dean but could not have in return. It’s because Castiel fell in love with someone he shouldn’t, someone who couldn’t possibly be interested in him. All this time, he’s put up this illusion that something could be there between him and Dean, something beyond the lingering stares and lack of personal space.

With Sam, everything somehow comes naturally. The reason behind this is because Sam actually has feelings toward Castiel. Sam doesn’t have to pretend to care and like someone to be in a relationship, he gives it his all. Unlike Sam, Castiel is pretending. He’s been living in pretense because he knows the truth hurts more than anything.

Dean Winchester will never love him the way Castiel loves Dean.

Castiel enters a depressing daze where he feels his chest hurt and his body grow cold at the thought. It’s pathetic, pitiful and he knows it. He shouldn’t be pining for someone he has no chance with, at least with Sam. With Sam he has a chance. As soon as Castiel witnesses Sam walk right out of the apartment, his trance breaks and hears his phone ring.

“Hello Sam.” He answers Sam’s call.

**Sam: Cas. Listen I just had a talk with Dean.**

Sam seems to be in a rush…that can’t be good.

“What did he say Sam? Is he mad?” Castiel asks all at once. Panic is building in an alarming rate.

**Sam: He said a lot. You were right, he is angry.**

Castiel realizes the exact moment when his heart stops and there is only pain. The panic is still omnipresent.

“Should I go over to his apartment now, apologize immediately?”

All that Castiel can think of in that exact moment is ‘Fix this and make Dean happy.’

**Sam: I think you should give Dean some space for now.**

Castiel snaps out of his mental chant and breathes heavily before Sam continues.

**Sam: I also think that it’d be better if we talk about this over dinner? What do you say?**

Of course, Castiel and Sam are dating at the moment. Castiel almost forgets.

“Certainly Sam…Where would you like to go?” Castiel does not have the mental capacity to decide what to do right now. He wishes to walk right over to Dean’s right now and fixes this. However, Sam is right. Sam knows Dean longer than Castiel has and he needs to listen otherwise he’ll make things worse.

**Sam: Anywhere you want. I’ll pick you up in 15 minutes?**

This is why Castiel doesn’t deserve Sam. He’s wonderful and caring, it truly is unfair.

“I would appreciate that. I will see you soon.” Castiel shouldn’t have sounded too low in that last part.

**Sam: See you, Cas.**

That’s where it ends. Castiel has been too unfair to Sam, he shouldn’t have sounded underwhelmed about going on a date with him. It just makes everything too obvious. Castiel should know better than to use people. So tonight he plans to make everything right. It’s the least he could do for the trouble he’s caused.

***

 

For this occasion, Castiel dresses well, according to the rules of dating from an online article he stumbled upon a while ago. At that moment, Castiel wasn’t interested in dating, Dean just happens to have left the browser open on his computer, which Castiel confidently knew was being used for porn. When Castiel noticed the article, it said to dress appropriately for the occasion as a sign to show an effort on the partner’s behalf as they undergo a ‘date’.

When Dean caught him using the laptop, the Winchester excused himself and made a joke about dating and how Dean’s not relationship quality. Castiel understood it as Dean looking down at himself so Castiel did what any best friend should do. Castiel bought Dean some pie later that night and told him he was not incompatible with relationships. Right after that, they watched ‘Casablanca’ and Castiel might’ve looked at Dean for the majority of the time instead of watching the movie.

Because of it, now he has a full black suit on, a white buttoned up shirt underneath and black shoes to match the ensemble. If Castiel needs to clean up his mess, he intends to do it well. Tonight, he plans on breaking up with Sam because Castiel is being unfair. Sam deserves someone who doesn’t lie and pretend to anyone. Not like him, no, Castiel is not relationship material as Dean said many months ago.

As planned, Sam arrives in front of Castiel’s home and picks him up.

After a bleak silence, Sam asks Castiel where to go and they agree to return to the restaurant where Castiel assumes his problems with Dean started. Where everything wrong that has happened started. Sam agrees, admitting his relief that Dean won’t be there to spoil the night like last time. The remark only adds to the chaos in Castiel’s thoughts as they drive in awkward silence for the rest of the trip. It’s because Cas agreed to hear what Sam has to say when they arrive at the restaurant.

While seated, Castiel observes at the general splendor. It has been a while since they went to the restaurant and it is one of the finer places in the area. Even though Dean caused such a ruckus, Castiel had so much fun that night. Perhaps too much. He remembers Dean passing out in his arms and liking it a little too much. He smiles at the recollection then panics a little upon noticing Sam staring at him. The younger Winchester has not said anything since they ordered their food.

Castiel feels guilty as he gazes upon Sam’s expression. Even though today should have been a commemorative occasion, he can’t help but feel bad for what he plans to do. Castiel has really caused enough trouble for everyone.

“Cas, I haven’t been completely honest with you.” Sam asks and he looks almost hurt. Chills tingle in Cas’ chest as he listens carefully.

“When I went over to Dean’s place, I spoke to him and told you he was mad.” Sam sighs heavily and his eyes become glassy. “I think I made it sound as if he was mad at you Cas, when the truth is, he’s not.” Castiel straightens his back for a moment, confusion fills his expression. “He’s mad, but as I expected, he’s not mad toward you.” Sam clasps his hands together and points both his index fingers toward Castiel.

“What do you mean?” Castiel asks, not knowing whether to feel relief or afraid. He knows he is lost at least.

“I mean, something’s been eating him up and it’s not because of you, well partially it’s about you but it’s mainly because of what he’s been feeling for a while now.” Sam looks around and shuffles in his seat. The anticipation is figuratively killing Castiel as the expression goes and he never thought he’d ever use it.

“He’s been feeling kind of lost, quite unsure of what to do because he’s been having so much fun having you and me around that he’s scared of what will happen when I go back to Chicago. He’s gone through this before actually, I think it was around the time before you knew him. It’s a sort of crisis that happens because he doesn’t know how to express his feelings to anyone. So lately, he’s been distant and moody toward you and he told me to come over and talk about it.” Sam pauses and scans Castiel’s features. Castiel admits that he feels a bit disappointed that Dean didn’t tell him what he felt sooner. It took Sam going over to his place to say it.

“I felt sorry for him yet at the same time, I was kind of pissed because I know he’s been a dick to you Cas and as much as I love Dean as a brother, I like you, I like you a hell of a lot and I don’t want him making you feel bad for something you didn’t do.” Sam almost looks like he’s about to cry and Castiel reaches forward to hold his hands.

“I got pissed at him just by realizing that what he’s doing is wrong and told him to be more responsible for his actions and take some time off before approaching you Cas. I told him to apologize to you when he’s finally got his head wrapped around his problems otherwise it’ll just kill me to see him act like such a jerk to you. I couldn’t let him do that…” Cas jumps up to his seat and wraps an arm around Sam. Clearly Sam has been hurting since going over to Dean’s place and Castiel knows that it’s only right to comfort his…boyfriend in his time of need. This is exactly what he would do to Dean when Dean is distressed, Sam should be no different.

“Sam…I did not know that I was putting such a strain in your relationship with Dean. I apologize-,”

“No Cas! I should be the one apologizing. I was the one who acted selfish and told Dean to back off. I feel like a jerk for getting in the way of your friendship with him. Dean even said that you’re the only best friend he’s ever had and he doesn’t want anything to change. He doesn’t want his friendship with you to go up in flames Cas…” Sam interrupts and his voice hitches then Castiel leans forward to caress the younger Winchester’s sorrow away.

The word ‘best friend’ rings in Castiel’s mind as the cold hard truth is laid bare before him. Dean only sees him as a friend. Nothing more and nothing less. Castiel is a fool to think that Dean would want him in any other way. He should’ve known better, should’ve listened to Dean when they had the talk about personal space because that’s as Castiel can go. They are ONLY best friends.

“Sam, do not apologize. You have nothing to apologize for. You have been nothing but good and considerate. I am the one in the wrong. I’ve done nothing but worry about what Dean thinks of me to realize how wonderful you are. I have not been reciprocating your kindness as much as I should. I’m the terrible person Sam. I should’ve known better.” Castiel feels guilt festering in his stomach. The pain of hurting others especially Sam is growing at an exponential rate.

“Cas, you’re an angel…you should know that. Don’t think for a second that I won’t do anything to protect you from anyone. Even from my brother.” Sam clasps Castiel’s hand and leans forward, giving Castiel a tender kiss on the mouth.

Castiel feels content from the kiss. Content that he’s doing something to help Sam feel better. However, he feels…empty.

They break the kiss, Castiel feels Sam’s heart beating, or is it his? Regardless, something inside him burns at the thought of feeling affection. Burying all traces of Dean in a pit somewhere, Castiel should know better than to fantasize about Sam’s brother right after they shared a kiss.

“Thank you Sam. You are a very kind soul. Dean should be proud to have such a brother and I…a boyfriend.” There it is, Castiel has finally said it out loud. His words betray what he intended to do tonight and there’s nothing much he can do.

Sam’s eyes go wide eyed and the light returns to them. Sam is handsome as he always is.

“I’m the lucky one.” Sam says and Castiel blushes. He is still trying to get used to receiving compliments, knowing they carry feelings of affection. Flattery is the perfect word.

When their food arrives, Castiel returns back to their seat and Sam smiles. They eat in pleasant silence as Castiel tries his best not dwell on thoughts about what to do now that he’s decided to prolong the relationship.

“Cas…” Sam looks at him and Castiel stops eating for a moment. “Since Dean needs some time to recover, I was thinking of keeping our relationship on the down-low. It’s not that I’m ashamed of it or anything like that. Actually, I couldn’t be happier- it’s just that…I think it’s unfair if we’re happily together while Dean’s not in the proper head space. Unless the idea offends you in which case I don’t mind telling everyone that we’re together, or you can just leave me here right now for even suggesting-,”

“Sam-,” Castiel interrupts and stops Sam from jumping out of his seat in panic. “I understand what you mean and I believe it is right to keep our relationship from everyone. Especially Dean. I am not offended for you suggesting it, in fact you have only been more kind and considerate thus far. I will not leave you for such a reason and I am more than happy to stay in this relationship because I have feelings toward you Sam.” Thoughts start to scream in Castiel mind as soon as he said it.

_‘Castiel what are you saying?’_

“I just need some time to adjust. I hope you understand.”

_‘This is not what you intended Castiel.’_

“We will not tell Dean or anyone.”

_‘You are a horrible person.’_

With that, Sam smiles and reaches to hold Castiel’s hand. It is warm like Sam’s soul, unlike Castiel who is wretched and cruel.

Sam is such a wonderful individual. How could Castiel have been so terrible and pretend to like him the same way? More importantly, how could Castiel plan on breaking Sam’s heart when the younger Winchester has done nothing but care and protect him. Castiel is truly thee selfish one and he should know better.

He should know how to care about other people instead of thinking of his selfish needs.

The least Castiel can do now is to try and make things right with Sam. Hopefully he can develop feelings toward the right Winchester and not the wrong one. Dean will never look at him the same way. At least with Sam, it’s a window of opportunity to learn how to care about someone- which Castiel is lacking.

Amidst all the lies, Castiel would be lying to himself if he doesn’t think what he’s doing, won’t benefit his selfish desires.

By hiding the relationship from Dean, Castiel won’t feel like he’s betraying Dean, should the said individual have actual feelings for him. Which he doesn’t, if Sam’s words earlier mean anything.

Castiel would be lying to himself if he thought he had a chance.

***

 

 

**-Sam-**

Call Sam Winchester a genius because he is.

So far he has successfully convinced Castiel to do everything as he expected. On the night of the first day since they started dating, Sam planned everything carefully, even at such a small time frame. He knows Dean and Castiel are harboring feelings toward each other, however, they haven’t done anything about it. To Sam’s luck, Castiel and Dean are currently in a very delicate situation because of presupposed feelings.

It’s not the right thing. He knows it’s not, but Sam has spent the majority of his life, letting the tide of fate make decisions for him. For this instance, he wants the tables to turn. Castiel is kind and perfect, unable to hurt anyone due to guilt and that’s all Sam needs to pull strings and make the angel his. Even though Castiel has had feelings for Dean, Sam is going to use this window of opportunity to plant the seeds of doubt and hopefully persuade Castiel to have feelings for him. It’s been too long since Sam has been alone.

No one, not even his family understands the pain of being alone because they always had each other. Dean always had everyone around him for support. Sam has a megalomaniac client and a kind personal assistant who he barely sees. When Castiel entered his life, he never felt more alive and excited. It’s a feeling he doesn’t plan on letting go any time soon, not until he can be sure that his future with Castiel will be secured.

Sam bides his time, carefully planning everything that goes on in Dean and Castiel’s life by simply being himself. There’s no better disguise than to act as the caring brother for Dean and the secret boyfriend to Castiel.

After their date, Sam drops Castiel in front of his home. To his surprise, Castiel asks if Sam wishes to have some company tonight. According to Castiel, Sam is in need of ‘company’ after experiencing such trouble with Dean. Sam acts reluctant at first, warning Castiel of the risk, should they stay the night together. Cas, like the perfect angel that he is, nods and reassures Sam that they won’t be caught. Of course Sam innocently nods as well and drives away from Cas’ parking lot, toward the front of his apartment.

They both enter quietly before realizing that Cas forgot to bring some clothes from his home. Sam suggests wearing his clothes, regardless of the size. Cas nods and enters the bathroom to take a shower and get changed. Sam gives himself a high five and a little victory dance because he’s got Castiel, who is oh so hot, sleeping over and wearing his clothes. Maybe they’ll have another ‘incident’ like earlier this morning.

Before Sam starts drooling, Cas exits the bathroom and Sam almost faints at the adorable sight. Everything that Cas is wearing is too big for him and Sam is seeing more collarbone and shoulder than usual, which immediately sends blood rushing to his dick.

Not a moment longer, he excuses himself and tells Cas to hang the used towel anywhere while he locks the door behind him, turn the hot water on and tug his dick until come sprays all over the tiles.

They sleep in Sam’s bed again and Sam does not start a conversation about the workings of sex in relationships. As much as he wants to, he knows Cas is thinking very hard and before Sam takes another look at the angel next to him, Castiel is asleep. Sam turns the light off and eventually joins Castiel’s slumber.

In the morning, Sam wakes up to a whimpering Castiel, just in time to witness Cas’ dick creating a wet patch between them, sending his boyfriend to the bathroom.

Sam laughs silently and licks some of Cas’ come from his fingers, before cleaning the sheets and mentally preparing himself for a very awkward but nonetheless inevitable conversation with Castiel.

***

It’s very wrong to think that Sam can separate Dean and Castiel forever because no matter how many days pass and empty promises, Sam could not keep his older brother and his secret boyfriend from talking about their problems.

Just a week after they started going out, Sam eventually succumbs to allowing Castiel and Dean to speak about their ‘misunderstandings’. Cas and Dean organized a lunch together in their favorite diner in which Sam does not wish to think of as a date. No, it’s not a date. Cas and Dean are best friend, that much he is certain, however he can’t help but feel jealous when Cas gets a little too excited to spend some time with Dean. It’s even more irritating when Sam knows that Dean and Cas has a huge crush on each other.

Furthermore, he should be scared that Dean might discover his relationship with Cas. The primary reason why Sam does not want Dean to find out about the relationship is because there’s a chance that Dean might act upon his feelings and potentially destroying everything he has worked so hard for. Especially since Cas has started to become more familiar with the workings of a relationship.

Sam has shared his experience on how a relationship works to Castiel. His boyfriend was quite awkward at first, especially in terms of sudden touches and affectionate kisses. However, Cas is a quick learner, a very quick and good student. On the day before Dean and Cas plan to meet up, Sam couldn’t help but feel overly jealous because Cas has been phasing out more than usual. The solution to Sam’s problem is to conduct a lesson on kissing, lip to lip kissing.

Castiel admits that he has never kissed anyone before and it automatically ignites a fire inside Sam.

Castiel makes a huge gulp at the thought and Sam positions themselves on his bed so that they’re facing each other. He leans forward, crossing Cas’ personal boundaries and presses their lips together. Cas makes a whimpering sound which causes Sam to press their lips harder and move his hands everywhere. As much as he wanted to continue the kiss, Cas is clamming up, almost resisting his touch. Sam doesn’t push it any further and breaks the kiss, complementing Cas for the effort and suggests watching Game of Thrones.

For the rest of the day, they watch television, Cas remains silent while Sam has an arm over his shoulder. Once the sun has set, Sam asks Cas if the kiss bothered him and his boyfriend shakes his head. Sam should believe Cas however he can’t help but feel as if he’s crossed a line. To dissolve the tension, Sam decides to walk Castiel home as they agree that it would look inconspicuous if Castiel stays another night. Before they exit the door, Cas pulls Sam in for a kiss. They share the moment for a while and Sam savors every minute by touching Cas everywhere and as much as he can. This time, the kiss feels and tastes different. It feels heavenly as Sam was expecting.

After breaking the kiss, they walk to Cas’ home, making sure nobody they know is out and about. However, Sam can’t help but feel happy with each step he takes, yet at the same time, slightly disappointed that Cas won’t stay the night.

It doesn’t really matter much. Sam is the one dating Cas, not Dean. Even though his older brother and Cas are gonna see each other tomorrow, Sam knows he’s got Cas’ first kiss and won’t look at it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next few chapters will be predominantly Dean's POV because of reasons...
> 
> How many of you are hating Sam right now?  
> I wrote him in such a way, to shed some light on how love triangles work. Reading other Sam/Cas to make Dean jealous fics- I don't see Dean getting jealous to a longer extent.
> 
> I want Dean to not only 'want' Cas but be really fucking sure he's got it bad because it's adorable when Dean pines over Cas.
> 
> NOT to mention- Sam and Dean love secrets and lying to each other.


	5. Chapter 5- War and Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's thoughts on the subject of Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Had a massive writer's block and I was busy with other things these past few days. 
> 
> The plot will move forward in the next chapter. More drama, more problems between Dean, Castiel and Sam.

**-Dean-**

Within the Impala, Dean suffers. His knuckles are white from gripping the steering wheel and his heart’s beating like he just ran a marathon. Who could blame him? It’s been over a week since he saw Cas. One long torturous hell of a week for Dean, as if the world was starting to end and the devil just got out of his cage. His eyes are fixed at Cas’ home, he’s been watching and waiting for the clock to strike 9 AM for almost an hour now. Excitement has been building up inside his chest since receiving a text message from Cas yesterday about meeting up for the first time since Dean found out that his best friend was pissed at him.

Well not pissed, from what Sam said, just upset that he’s been a massive jerk. It’s all his fault and he knows it. If he didn’t let his stupid feelings get in the way and just stick to how things are, then their friendship didn’t have to suffer. This has never happened before, really, before last week, the worst week Dean has ever had was right after his break-up with Lisa. She just up and left after a fight, because Dean wasn’t ‘in the relationship anymore’ and goes bursting out of the door, while Cas was standing outside, wondering what the shouting was about.

At least, Cas was there to comfort him through the pain. This time, Cas isn’t there and Dean feels…alone. Yeah, it’s weird because Cas may be his best friend and they spent most of their time together before the fight, however, it shouldn’t be normal for Dean to be so clingy to the guy. Initially, Dean thought that it was because Cas needed him around, it’s the reason why Dean is more than happy to spend time with the guy all the time. Now…Now he’s not so sure. They’ve never been away from each other this long, hell, three days without speaking, aslo felt like hell- it happened before when Dean and Cas got caught up with work.

Sometimes he wishes he can be just like Sammy. At least his baby brother knows when enough is enough and to take a step back from causing more harm to people. It kills Dean that he’s the one who’s messed up their perfect friendship, it’s his fault.

Another thing, talk about codependency, Dean can’t even remember a waking hour when he didn’t see or hear Cas. If he’s not with Cas, he’s talking about him to either mom or Bobby. The amount of times, Bobby had to tell him to shut up because Cas laughed about some stupid joke Dean said the night before and it made Dean so happy the very next day at work. At least mom doesn’t mind when Dean talks about Cas, she’s always listens to what Dean has to say. Then again, she’s so nosy, Dean bets she’s already heard everything through Cas because she just invites herself over and ‘apparently’ talk about her son to his best friend when he’s not there.

The fact that doesn’t bother him as much as it should, indicates that he probably does have feelings for Cas. He’s honestly smitten for Cas and it took him this long to realize it.

At the beginning of the week, the obvious thing to do in his situation is to be productive. Dean does just that. On Saturday, the day right after Sam goes and talks to Cas about Dean’s ‘problem’, Dean hangs out with his friends. It’s a weekend and right after bumping into Jo, he realized that he’s been neglecting his other friends by focusing on Sam and Cas. Mainly Cas. Which is stupid because Dean’s friends are amazing and loyal. Jo still makes any guy who hits on her cry, Ash’s mullet is still growing, Garth apparently got a pet dog a few months ago, Benny is still hustling in bars and Charlie just came back from a business trip. Dean admits that he misses hanging out with his friends and they miss him too. An even more brutal fact is that they all ask about Cas.

Yeah, no matter what Dean does, he can never escape the subject of Cas to pretty much anyone. As always, Dean doesn’t give in to feelings and all that crap and twisted every conversation about Cas with smartass or passive aggressive commentary. Perhaps he was a little too aggressive but luckily for him, Benny switches the topic to Jo’s not so lady-like bar brawl the night before. Apparently some guy slapped her ass and her fists just happened to fly toward his face.

Dean says thanks to Benny afterwards and Charlie asks him to hang out with her the next day. Since he’s free and Sam still hasn’t replied to his messages regarding the ‘talk’ with Cas, Dean agrees. He drinks a little too much that night, to the point of Benny driving him home and making sure he doesn’t drown in his own vomit.

The drinking was not caused by the fact that he’s slowly falling apart in the inside. No, Definitely not that. Especially since all he can think of is how Cas is going or if Sam has let him ‘off the hook’ as promised.

On Sunday, even Charlie couldn’t snap him out of thinking about Cas.

The rest of the week just went by as a blur and Bobby has had enough. He told Dean to leave the garage before he kicked his ass for being an over-sized ‘idjit’. Dean does so just that and in just a few minutes after getting home yesterday, he received a text from Cas, asking Dean to meet up. Dean replied almost instantly, asking Cas where and when like as if the text message meant the world to him. During then and there, it probably did. Dean hasn’t even seen Cas around the neighborhood, it’s as if his best friend just disappeared off the face of the earth and only Sam has seen him.

At least Dean’s got his baby brother to count on and he couldn’t be happier that Sammy has been keeping close tabs on Cas when Dean couldn’t. Not that Dean needed to know what Cas is up to every minute of every day, but he just…he just…he misses him.

Dean misses his best friend, regardless of his feelings toward him.

Looking back at the clock, Dean has been sitting in the Impala for an hour as the watch indicates 9 AM. He looks outside, to Cas’ door and sees his best friend for the first time in what feels like forever.

Cas walks toward the Impala, wearing his trench coat get up, minus the black jacket underneath. Cas wears his white buttoned up shirt, black slacks and shoes as if he’s ready to head to town on a Friday morning. Maybe he is, Dean doesn’t know what Cas does nowadays, or how he is or if he’s alright. Dean sinks a little on his seat from the thought. He really has missed his best friend.

Dean leans forward, opening the passenger seat and letting his best friend in. God, Dean loves Cas’ smell. It’s been so long, he’s almost forgotten it completely.

“Hello Dean.”

It also feels like forever since Dean’s heard his best friend utter his name.

“Heya Cas.” Dean replies and he tries to bury the awkward tension in the air. The atmosphere is enough to keep them in the car, sitting in silence. As soon as one of them starts talking, the other one interrupts, just in time to make the tension worse.

“You first.” Cas says and shuffles on his seat. Dean bites his cheek, patting Baby’s driver’s wheel.

“Sorry.” That’s the first thing Dean can think of and say. He doesn’t even look at Cas who he knows is giving him a curious look from the corner of his eye.

“Dean…”

“I got to say this Cas- I…” Dean interrupts and Cas stares at the glove compartment. “I now I’ve been such a jerk lately and it took me a while to realize it but…” _Jeez it’s harder to say than to think about it._

“Lately, I’ve been missing my best friend. And I only realized how much you mean to me until it was too late. Until I realized that I wasn’t treating you right. So Cas, I uh- I just wanna say…”

“I forgive you.” Cas says and it’s short and sweet. No hidden agenda no bullshit, no nothing. Just Cas being his awesome and perfect self. God, how did Dean get so lucky.

Then Cas continues. “”If it’s any consolation, I should’ve known how you felt sooner. I thought-,”

“Whoa Cas, this isn’t your fault I was the one who’s been a jerk and you’ve done nothing wrong. I did this. So if you don’t wanna be around me anymore, I totally understand.” Dean interrupts.

_‘Actually, I think I might just die if you don’t ever speak to me again.’_

Is what Dean should’ve said but like his feelings- his deep seated non-platonic emotions toward Cas is buried inside his skull. This is not the time to dwell on those feelings while he’s trying win his best friend back.

Unlike what Dean expected to happen, Cas smiles. Cas just smiles and his shoulders relax a little, easing the tension in the air.

“I could never hate you that much Dean. After all, we are best friends…” there’s a drop in Cas’ tone in the last part but Dean doesn’t delve into it. Dean’s barely keeping everything together and he should be glad that Cas forgave him.

“Well I don’t know about you but right about now, I’m dying for some breakfast.” As always, Dean smoothly avoids any lingering feeling that he may have toward what Cas said earlier.

“Yes you are right. Let’s go.” Cas nods and Dean starts the engine. Dean Winchester is not the type of person who gets into chick flick moments. He’s not.

He and Cas are buddies. Best friends. That’s enough to close his thoughts anything else, like his insecurities or whatever it is that’ll screw things up. He’s finally with Cas and they’re sitting in the Impala together just like the old days. There’s nothing else to worry about really. Nothing.

Not even the fact that Dean is so close to breaking point and pouring his heart out to Cas. Oh how he’s missed Cas’ presence next to him. Everything just feels right. As if the whole world was turned upside down and the sky wasn’t blue, everything was gray before Cas wasn’t there.

This right here, with Cas next to him listening to ‘You Give Love a Bad Name’ by Bon Jovi just feels right.

At the diner, Sam arrives just in time for Dean’s food to arrive. Dean gives his younger brother a heartily hug for helping him sort things out with Cas and Sammy nods. He doesn’t look too well and when Dean asks about it, he just brushes it off, changing the topic.

Sam leaves him and Cas alone in the diner, telling them that he’s got work to do, much to Dean’s disappointment. He was really looking forward to spending the rest of the day getting the three musketeers back together, after what feels like the longest week of his life. Sam still won’t budge and Dean just drops it, well at least Cas doesn’t have any plans.

Although the look on Sam’s face doesn’t convince Dean one bit that everything’s alright with his brother. Regardless, he moves right along because, solve one problem at a time right?

Dean spends the rest of the day with Cas, drinks at the closest bar and Dean does not bat his eyelids to any other person but Cas.

***

Dean’s mood has completely changed from bad to great over the span of a few hours. He and Cas have been spending more time together. Perhaps more than before and it’s just great. Did Dean already think it’s great? Yes, it couldn’t get any better. Cas is laughing at his jokes again and Dean hasn’t stopped talking about his buddy to practically everyone. He ignores Sam’s half-hearted smiles and when Dean asks what’s wrong, his baby brother again just shrugs it off, saying he’s just stressed about work.

Dean jokes about Jess to lighten the situation but Sam just gives him a death stare. Luckily for him, Cas interrupts and invites Dean to visit his mom. Apparently she messaged Cas a week ago, asking if anything is wrong and Dean remembers that it was the exact same moment when he visited her. Hence they decide to leave Sammy alone with his problems, which Dean has a hunch of not being entirely about work.

On Dean’s visit to his mom’s place, he asks about Sammy and if she knows what’s bothering him, however she hasn’t got a clue. They discuss it over tea and cookies which Dean happily indulges while Cas sits right next to him. Mom doesn’t fail to embarrass Dean by telling Cas about his visit a week ago. His angel just sits with a smile on his face and Dean tries not to think about the fact that they’re sitting far too close to each other. Mom doesn’t comment on it.

At work, Bobby can’t even tell whether he liked Dean better, being completely out of it or chatty about ‘Cas this or Cas that’. Garth just laughs and says he can’t be happier seeing Dean over the moon. At the end of the day, Garth invites Dean to go see his new dog and of course he brings Cas. From the looks of it, Cas is quite an animal person cause Garth’s dog couldn’t get enough of him. Perhaps the dog was too eager because it starts barking at Dean whenever he tries to pet him or get too close to Cas. It takes him a few moments to realize that the dog has a thing for Cas and Dean told Garth that they don’t plan on visiting any time soon. Garth just laughs and Cas blushes and cue Dean trying to suppress the fluttering feeling in his chest when he sees his best friend all flustered. 

By the end of the week, all of Dean’s friends see Cas again and Dean has to explain that he and Cas got into a disagreement. Jo punches him on the arm for being a jerk, Ash and Benny confront Cas with questions on what Dean did or if he was looking for a new best friend.

“Hey shut the fuck up! Cas doesn’t need a new best friend! I’m more than enough!’ Dean barks out while Jo laughs and Benny and Ash shake their heads, ignoring Dean.

“Seriously Cas, if you get sick and tired of Dean, just come to me and I’ll be more than happy to replace him.” Benny places a hand on Cas’ shoulder and Ash yells out ‘Or me!’ right after.

“I said shut the fuck up Benny you vampire!” Dean slams his hand on the table and everybody on it raise their eyebrows, except for Cas who flinches.

“Says the one who looked like the undead through all of last week.” Benny turns to Cas. “You should’ve seen this idiot.” Pointing his thumb at Dean. “Couldn’t give a smile even if it killed him.” Then Benny heartily laughs while Cas gives a concerned look at Dean.

“Don’t listen to him Cas, Benny’s full of shit.” Dean’s sweat is cold like the rivulets on his beer bottle, which he takes a massive gulp from to break the staring with Cas.

“I apologize for putting you through something like that Dean…” Cas slumps a little on his seat then shuffles closer to Dean’s side. It’s nice to finally be able to sit next to Cas again. One week of no contact is just too long and having Cas at arm’s reach is simply the best.

Every touch, every gaze… crap, Dean is doing that thing where he just stares into his best friend’s eyes. Does Cas think he’s weird for doing this? Then again, Cas usually starts it but Dean just can’t look away. Not even for a moment, until he’s had his fill.

Cas filling him.

The thought breaks their eye contact and Dean clears his throat then takes another huge gulp of beer. Dean’s not used to breaking the lingering stares anymore because his useless friends always let it happen. They happily snicker at the two of them looking into each other’s eyes and no matter how many times, Dean told Joanna Beth and Benny to interrupt it, those two just let it continue. Fucking traitors.

The only person he can count on is Sammy and he didn’t want to come. When Dean messaged him earlier, telling him to come out and see all their friends tonight because who knows how long Sammy’s got before he has to go back to Chicago, Sammy said he was busy tonight. Maybe it’s got something to do with his sour mood. Dean can’t put a finger into it and no matter who he asks about Sam, no one seems to know what the hell is wrong with him. Not even Cas and Dean knows that Cas is the last person who spent some time with Sam. Now Dean only sees his younger brother’s apartment lights on at night after he drops Cas home.

When one part of Dean’s life gets better there’s always another thing that gets messed up. Honestly, Dean’s too tired to think about it as he walks into his apartment and rest. It’s been a busy week and time just flew right over him. So far, he doesn’t know why Sam’s pissed and what to do with his ever growing feelings for Cas.,

Seriously, it’s gotten worse or better? -since Dean whined about it to Benny. Now he just can’t stop thinking about his best friend, can’t get enough of Cas’ company, Cas’ presence…Cas’ touch. As soon as he enters the shower and turns the scalding water on, his dick jumps up at the thought of Cas.

Regardless of the glowing smiles and approving nods, telling everyone that Dean has made peace with Cas, Dean can’t ignore the apocalyptic conflict going on in his head. Logistically, Cas is his best friend, end of story, no dramas no problemo. However, every fiber of his being especially his dick, is screaming to fuck and get fucked by Cas. He’s always known that Cas is hot but nowadays, everything that his best friend does can be twisted into something erotic.

Tonight, Cas was trying to catch the straw on his milkshake with his mouth and Dean ends up sporting a huge boner at the sight of Cas’ tongue just licking and curling for the stick…

He comes under the hot shower, jolts and jolts of white come drop onto the floor then into the drain. He knows this is wrong, it goes against every friend code of conduct but Cas is just oh so hot. And if he can’t find a way to settle his feelings once and for all, he might just go crazy.

Perhaps it’s time to find out if he’s got a chance with Cas. Maybe he can ask benny to help him out since he already knows about Dean’s feelings. However, that blood sucking vampire might take Cas all to himself. Dean might not be a guy who holds a grudge but he has noticed the way Benny has been looking at Cas, even though they were jokes to piss Dean off, Dean does not like those looks. Benny’s been predatorily watching Cas lately and who knows, when Cas is all by himself, Benny might swoop in. Dean can’t have that.

Something inside Dean burns and he clutches his bed sheets after getting changed from the shower. The smell of bourbon and fresh new sheets fill the air however the thoughts of Benny manhandling Cas just makes Dean want to chop the guy’s head off.

What the hell?

Dean shouldn’t imagine offing his old friend just because he laid a finger on Cas. That’s just crazy. Besides Cas probably doesn’t swing that way. Then again, Cas has never been with a girl as far as Dean knows. Also, Cas might be better with a guy, especially with his looks. He can make any guy drool.

Dean is not sporting another erection for his best friend right after jacking off in the shower over the same thought.

Imagine Cas on top of underneath another man’s body. Dean burns in anger as he thinks of any other guy on Cas, especially Benny, so he changes things. Perhaps someone with a body like Dean, holding Cas properly, tenderly fucking him. Now the body gets a face and it’s his. Cas writhing under him, gasping at Dean’s touch and muttering only his name.

After palming his erection, he comes again. Dean just spoiled the bed sheets by using it to wipe his mess. He’ll deal with it tomorrow, just like how he will deal with his massive problem with Cas. Benny’s clearly out of the question in helping Dean get closer to the truth.

Finding out whether Cas is interested in anyone, preferably guys, is the question eating Dean inside. He knows Sammy will help him out, maybe it’ll be a good chance for Dean to spend more time and find out what’s put Samantha’s panties in a twist.

Panties, yeah, Cas will probably look good in panties.

_Holy fuck Winchester, get your shit together._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wonder what's got Sammy's panties in a twist?
> 
> For those who have seen copious amounts of chick flicks, try and guess how Dean will find out about Cas and Sam.


	6. Chapter 6- Wrath and Envy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean tries to explore Castiel's sexual orientation. Sam already knows but is not very happy with his brother's methods.  
> Castiel and Sam's relationship escalate to new heights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did something bad. I wrote something very bad. I hope I'm not turning any of you into Alastair minions because I don't think any of you deserve to go through such angst. But here it is.  
> If I wrote it, how do you think I feel?  
> I'm going out to see people after this because this chapter is wrong and I know it, you all know it.
> 
> WARNING:  
> \- Self-hatred and Denial levels over 9000  
> \- Alcohol as a coping mechanism  
> \- Sam and Castiel explicit moment/Sastiel, whatever you wanna call it. :'(
> 
> Remember to breath and know that some of you inspired and fed me these ideas. Thank you very much, from the bottom of my wounded and battered heart. :')

**-Sam-**

To say that Sam hates his life right now is an understatement. He knew what were the stakes as soon as he reconciles his brother and Castiel however it still killed him, every time he knows Dean and Cas are hanging out right now. Keeping a straight face in front of Dean isn’t even an option because all he sees is how Cas and Dean share this lingering look that Cas never shares with him. Cas has never shared that look with him before. Every single romantic gesture in their relationship has been initiated by Sam. He knows this is because Cas likes Dean, simple as that. Sam knows that coming into the picture will complicate everything but he hoped that it would work out for him.

Seems as though, no matter how much Sam attempts to put a wedge between his boyfriend and his brother, they always come back to sharing lingering stares and awkward touches. Especially those lingering stares. Sam swears to god the staring has only gotten worse now that Dean and Cas are buddies again.

They are about one moment away from tearing each other’s clothes off since their eyes won’t do it for them. But Sam knows Cas won’t do it. Cas knows that relationships require commitment and as long as Cas thinks Dean doesn’t have feelings for him, then Sam is safe. Sam gets to keep Cas all to himself and even though Dean and Cas have been spending the majority of time together, at the end of the day, Cas comes back into his arms. No matter if Sam feels Cas is becoming more and more distant by the day, as long as Cas is clueless about Dean’s feelings then Sam knows that Cas won’t leave him.

Although Sam admits, Dean has certainly put a dent on the pace of his relationship. As much as Sam wants to get a move on and become more physically intimate with Cas, they need to keep a low profile because again, Dean might spring into action, once the truth is out there.

Sam cannot afford the truth to be revealed just yet. Not until he’s sure that Castiel can be his and only his.

So far, his options are pretty slim and he’s running out of ideas. Having one week with Cas without Dean’s interference; just wasn’t enough. Any longer, perhaps it could’ve worked however Sam underestimated how close those two are. Then again, he should’ve taken note of their over-attachment. Regardless, he’ll just find a way to take Dean down and be back in Cas’ good graces. Maybe even experience Cas start a romantic gesture for once.

Yeah, that would be great.

 

**-Dean-**

It may not be smart and it could be risky, however, Dean can’t think of any other way to scope out Cas’ sexual preference. The reason why it has been driving him insane is because as Cas’ best friend, Dean should know everything, well almost everything that matters in Cas’ life. After years as friends, Dean doesn’t even know what Cas looks for in a person, should he want to get into a relationship. And they’re not getting any younger. Dean and Cas are in the age where they should be settling down, maybe even getting married for Christ sake. However, Dean is a mess and he’s not gonna go through the reasons why he’s not relationship quality again.

Cas on the other hand, Cas is relationship quality.

Besides Cas’ awkward quirks, he has all the qualities to be in a decent relationship. He is loaded, if his property and belongings indicate anything. He has a job, although Dean’s not even sure what he does and it’s one of the biggest questions about Cas’ life. Whatever it is, clearly it helps Cas afford the finer things in life. Cas has great manners and is a super nerd when it comes to worldly things. The guy was probably brought up from high-end education since he can rival Sam in a nerd discussion.

Above all, Cas is kind and compassionate. Has that very innocent demeanor toward others but can sometimes give off a sex god appeal (Not that Dean has articulated that idea in his head over and over).

Those are qualities enough to get Cas a well-deserving relationship. A great relationship with someone who won’t treat him like shit and be a burden.

Someone like Dean.

Unlike his best friend, Dean’s highest pay was from working over the holidays, years ago, three jobs and almost 60 hours a week. His apartment only looks immaculate when he cleans it and his most expensive property is baby. Other than that, nothing costs as high as someone like Sammy would earn in a year- after tax. He didn’t even go to college let alone know how to talk about worldly views on politics and the economy. However, if someone asks Dean where to find the cheapest and best porn sites in the web, he’ll save them fortunes.

Overall, Dean is complete garbage in comparison to Cas but he doesn’t feel jealous of the guy. Dean couldn’t be happier for Cas however, he knows too well, what the heart-wrenching thought in his chest is about.

Cas is too good, too perfect for someone like Dean and it still makes him wonder why the hell could someone like Cas hang around him. Cas should be out there with people that aren’t lazy and obnoxious like Dean. Cas should be enjoying the finer things in life, who can afford the luxuries that would send Dean’s bank account to zero in a matter of seconds.

So there, Dean knows that he’s the one thing that’s holding Cas back from being amazing and it makes him sick, knowing he can never be good enough. Someone obviously deserves Cas more and Dean can only enjoy his friendship with Cas as long as he can. Until one day, Cas might just realize the reality of their friendship and walk away. Cas is free to go of course, but that won’t stop Dean from probably falling apart. With no chance to recover.

Dean doesn’t worry about that right now as he drinks his beer in the crowded bar after begging Sam to take him and Cas out for some drinks. Honestly, it’s been a while since the three of them went out and just had fun in each other’s company. Whatever bothered Sam a few days ago just went away because now his baby brother, happily sits next to Charlie, talking about Charlie’s over-controlling boss while Cas listens to their conversation. The guy attentively watches the two interact and Dean can’t help but stare at his best friend.

Cas just looks damn fine.

He’s gotta drop the staring.

“Anyway, next round’s on me. Sam?” Dean catches his brother’s attention. “Wanna escort me to the bar and carry the drinks?”

“Sure.” Sam nods and follows Dean.

Though the bar may be busy, Benny’s the bartender and Dean always gets his drinks fast.

“What can I get you brother?” Benny asks, ignoring the other patrons who got to there first.

“Just the usual Benny.” Dean replies and points at their table then Sam, indicating the amount of beers to get. Benny nods and moves right along. As much as Dean would like to engage in small talk, he can see that the bar patrons need Benny’s sweet words and service, more than anything.

“Take it easy brother, you too Sam.” Benny waves them off and Sam takes the other glasses of beer. Dean knows now is a good time to put his plan into place.

“Hey Sammy, can I ask you a question?” Dean asks and Sam stops on his tracks.

“Yeah sure. What is it?” Sam asks and Dean gazes at the pretty brunette who’s been looking at their table for some time now.

“I was thinking of setting Cas up with someone-,” Sam nearly chokes on his beer and Dean takes a step back.

“You okay there Sammy?” Dean asks although he’s more amused by his younger brother’s facial expression.

“Yeah- I’m good just (cough) peachy…” Sam replies and puts the beer down on the nearest table. “Anyway, what the hell?” he asks and Dean purses his lips.

“Look, I’m just looking out for the guy y’know. I think it’s been a while since I’ve seen him engage in the customary art of going to bars, which is, flirting.” Dean points his beer to the pretty brunette looking at their table.

“Yeah right, what makes you think she’s interested in Cas?” Sam scoffs and Dean raises an eyebrow.

“Dude, she’s been looking at our table ever since we’ve sat there and if she’s still looking at it while I’m not there, I think we know who she’s interested in.” Dean smirks then nods, ignoring the small speck of regret under his gut.

“Well maybe she’s interested in Charlie? That girl doesn’t look like the type of person who would go for someone like Cas.” Sam points out and Dean nods along.

“Maybe you’re right. There’s only one way to find out.”

“Dean!” Sam calls out but Dean ignores it. As much as Dean hates what he’s about to do, he’s been dying to know what makes Cas tick. Surely this chick is looking at Cas, unless she’s a lesbian who’s after Charlie. Even if she is interested in Charlie, maybe she’d be interested in Dean’s plan.

“Hey, my name’s Dean. I see you’ve been looking at our table for some time now.” Dean introduces himself with every intent of getting on this chick’s good side.

“Hello Dean-o, perhaps you’ll be devastated to know that I wasn’t looking at your table because of you.” She takes a sip of whatever poison she’s drinking because clearly, she doesn’t have a good side.

“Quite frankly, I’m the best looking guy in that table.” Dean tries to keep it cool even though he’s already hating this bitch’s guts.

“And quite frankly, you’re not the smartest and you’re wrong. Because that man next to you before-” Pointing her chin at Cas. “-is better looking in my opinion...” Well that takes lesbian out of the question. Her eyes remain fixated on Cas and it makes Dean’s skin burn. Something inside him is screaming to gank this bitch but he still needs someone to help him out with his plan. Regardless of her attitude, Dean’s almost half-way there.

“Well he just happens to be a very good friend of mine and maybe, I don’t I want to introduce you anymore.” Dean bites back and turns around to Sam’s direction. His baby brother is throwing him a bitch face, probably from waiting.

“Hold on.” She says and Dean smiles for only a moment before turning back and giving her a serious expression.

“I might’ve misjudged your pretty boy looks and bow-legs.” She clicks her mouth while her arms lean against the counter. “Let’s say we start over and you introduce me to mister handsome over there.” Dean hates this chick so much but he knows she’s taken the bait and he’s so close to putting everything into place for his plan.

“Let’s start with a name.” it’s not a question,

“Meg. Meg Masters.”

***

 

This is a bad idea, Dean knows it’s a bad idea and Sam hasn’t stopped glaring at Dean since he left him at the other side of the counter to talk to Meg. Meg Masters. God, there’s just something about the chick that makes Dean want to smash and break something…or someone. Now that it’s clear she’s interested in Cas, he’s not too sure whether to go through the plan or not. The idea is to know if Cas is interested in chicks as indirect as possible, without Dean actually asking him.

The reason why Dean just doesn’t ask his best friend that kind of question is because Dean’s too chicken shit to get rejected. He’s too scared to hear Cas reject the whole male gender because that would mean he’s rejecting Dean and Dean can’t have that. So now they’re walking right up to their table, with drinks in hand and Meg Masters eyeing Cas like he’s a piece of meat. Someone who looks like her plays the part of a predator well however Cas is no piece of meat. Cas is precious, smart and perfect and Dean swears to god if this plan blows on his face and Cas and Meg hook up tonight, he’ll drink till he’s vomiting.

“Dean- what are you doing?” Sam hisses and Dean looks over his shoulder.

“Relax Sammy, be cool.” Dean reassures his brother who doesn’t look at all convinced.

Once they reach the table, Cas and Charlie are looking at them.

“About time you come back, the beer’s probably warm by now.” Charlie says and snatches the glass from Dean’s hand. Sam follows behind Dean and the overgrown bitch is just death staring him. So what if Dean’s meddling in his best friend’s life?

Dean’s just looking out for Cas the same way he used to look out for Sam. Being meddlesome and underhanded is part of the equation.

“You getting lucky tonight Dean?” Charlie asks and Meg steps forward before Dean can answer.

“Actually the name’s Meg and no I’m not one of Dean-o’s conquests.” Meg smiles then moves her eyes over to Cas who hasn’t even looked at her since Dean and Sam returned to the table. “But I wouldn’t mind being yours.” Meg leans forward, clearly trying to show the twins to Cas but Dean’s best friend wouldn’t even look at her general direction.

_Fucking bitch hasn’t even been a minute and she’s already let the guns out._

Dean thinks as he curls his fists on his sides. Charlie looks mortified than confused and looks over to Dean and Sam.

“Guys what’s going on?” Charlie asks and Dean interjects before he bursts out from the burning jealousy inside.

“Meg here is apparently interested in Cas so I told her that I’d give an introduction.” Apparently she wants more. Dean doesn’t add and Meg straightens her back.

“Cas. Is that your name sweetheart?” she asks and Cas nods.

“It’s short for Castiel.” He replies.

“Well I knew there was something divine about you Clarence. Mind if I borrow you for a moment?” She asks then sinks into Dean’s spot to press her body up on Cas’ arm. Dean can hear his blood boil.

“Dean?” is the first thing that comes out of Cas’ mouth and Dean nods.

“Hey Cas don’t knock it til you try it.” Dean winks and god it was close to a twitch.

“C’mon Clarence, lemme get you a drink.” Meg says and pulls Cas out of their booth then toward the bar counter. Dean can see the terrified look in Cas’ eyes, it’s the same expression when Dean brought his best friend to a strip club. Even then, Dean had the same feeling of breaking something.

“Dean what was that?” Charlie asks and Sam sinks back into his spot next to Charlie while Dean sits on the empty booth where Cas used to be. He doesn’t even feel like sitting here anymore.

“Just trying to help him out Charlie.” Dean clutches on his glass with a little too much grip.

Sam just glares at him, Dean guesses the resting bitch face is good enough and he has a feeling that he’s about to get a lecture. It doesn’t really matter because he’s watching Cas and Meg from the corner of his eye. That’s an even more painful picture.

***

 

Aside from the awkward tension in the air, Dean’s chest and lungs feel like they’re on fire. Right inside his view point, he can see Cas and Meg sitting in front of each other, leaning by the bar counter, drinking beer and…flirting? From what Dean can gather, Meg finds whatever it is that Cas is saying hilarious because she just won’t stop smiling and giggling and touching his arm or shoulder whenever possible. _God, Dean wants to chop her arm off!_ But he needs to be cool, this is all part of the plan and maybe he’s picked a very eager participant to help him out.

Right after approaching Meg at the counter, Dean asks her to help him out by seeing if Cas is interested in chicks. Although the idea that Cas might be into dudes, should’ve unmotivated Meg, it only made her want to join in on the plan. Perhaps too much. Guess now, Dean knows why she wanted to participate. Look at her!

With that wavy hair and leather jacket, she thinks she’s badass and charming enough to ensnare Cas. Dean would rather feed himself to hellhounds than to let that happen. Then again, this bitch looks too diabolical, she probably owns a pack of hell hounds.

“Dean thinks that it’d be a great idea for Cas to extend his reach within the bar scene.” Sam says out loud and that captures Dean’s attention. Charlie and Sam have been discussing what just happened over the past few minutes while Dean has been burning up in his seat, watching Cas and Meg.

“Dean what the hell is wrong with you?” Charlie asks and slaps Dean’s arm.

“What? I’m just trying to help the guy out!” Dean defends himself and the sight of Meg leaning closer and whispering something to Cas’ ear makes Dean almost jump out of his seat, and claw her eyes out.

“Maybe he doesn’t need help Dean!” Sam’s voice is a little too loud but enough to snap Dean back into their booth.

“What’s wrong with a little spontaneity? Seriously, you guys need to relax, if Cas is not interested then he’ll come back to our booth and if he is…” ‘ _Then I’ll just drown in whiskey._ ’ -is what he wants to add.

“…then good for him.” Dean comments.

_‘Stupid Winchester.’_

Sam sighs and gives his resting bitch face to Dean while Charlie rolls her eyes.

“Dean you can’t just run other people’s lives for them. You gotta let Cas handle his own personal issues, he’s not your property.” Charlie replies and that catches Dean and Sam’s attention.

“This is exactly what I was talking about to Cas before, when you guys were taking too long at the bar. My old boss, Dick Roman. He was such a control freak when it came to his relationships. Not one partner lasted for a year because he was always breathing down their neck, treating them like trophies instead of people. Even this guy, Crowley, who was a complete devil, couldn’t even stand being with Dick. He left Dick for another guy because Crowley didn’t like being treated like a toy. Whenever Dick gets confronted with a problem, he guilt-trips his partners into apologizing to him even though he was the one in the wrong. Plus, he manipulates everyone around him so he is never at fault. Especially when he wants something, that’s when the strings start to pull.” Charlie finishes and takes a large gulp of beer.

Dean is speechless. He honestly has nothing else to add to what Charlie said because somehow, at the back of his head, he knows this Dick guy doesn’t sound too different to what he’s doing. Cas is innocent, he doesn’t know much about stuff that Dean’s good at like hustling and talking to people but he’s got a big heart. In contrast, Dean knows he’s manipulating Cas into giving him what he wants. To know whether Cas can be attracted to anyone. To Dean.

Maybe one day Cas will realize that Dean’s been treating him like a toy. One day Cas might just leave his life and it’s not because Dean has feelings for him. It’s because he’s been treating him like this.

Dean Winchester should’ve known better.

“I don’t know what to say…” Sam says and Charlie looks confused. That’s exactly what Dean was thinking about and now Cas is walking back to their booth with an annoyed look on his face.

Cas is looking at Dean with complete irritation, one that Dean did not intend to get.

“How’d it go?” Charlie asks and Cas doesn’t sit next to Dean. He doesn’t go back to his seat, he just stands there glaring at Dean then straightening his back to answer Charlie.

“Meg was…nice. She was forward with her intentions.” Cas replies then shoots another glare at Dean. Everything inside Dean is shattering, not literally, but he can hear glass shattering into millions of pieces. Falling onto the floor like his plan. A complete fuck up.

“What happened? Are you going home with her?” Charlie asks and Sam just sits next to her quietly while Cas looks around Dean and Sam on the booth.

“I- I am not going home with anyone tonight. I don’t feel very well so I will leave. It was nice spending time with you Charlie.” Then shoots one more look at Dean then Sam before marching off. Meg’s not at the counter anymore and Dean has been frozen in his seat. Cas glare was enough to petrify his inside as if he’s turned into stone.

“Great job Dean, you’ve pissed Cas off again.” Charlie says and Dean jumps up and runs out of the booth. He ignores the look on Sam and Charlie’s faces.

***

Outside the bar, the air is cool however it is nothing compared to the chilling fear inside Dean’s system. Wondering if his best friend will ever forgive him for what he did.

Even in the dark, he can see his best friend’s back as it walks away. Cas’ place isn’t walking distance and knowing his best friend, he plans on walking the whole way.

“Cas!” Dean shouts and his best friend doesn’t stop. God, this is fucking messed up. Dean you’ve messed up.

“Cas wait! Hold on!” He runs up, feeling the collar of his flannel flutter against the wind. With one quick movement, he grabs Cas’ shoulder. Turning him around and Dean notices the specks of light on his eyelids.

“What do you want Dean?” Cas angrily asks and Dean almost feels like crying by the fact that he knows all of this is his fault.

That he made Cas look so hurt.

“Cas, look I’m sorry for what I did back there.” Dean apologizes while keeping his hand clasped on Cas’ shoulder.

“Do you even know what you did?” Cas says and flicks Dean’s hand away. There’s no way Dean can wriggle his way out of this one. As much as he hates talking about feelings and all that crap, this is something he needs to face. “I know it’s been in your intentions to find someone for me or help me experience your life style however I don’t need you to perch on my shoulder.”

“Cas I was just trying to help.” Dean tries to defend himself at least.

“I do not wish for you to feel obligated and help me with social interactions. My people skills may be rusty but I am old enough to know when to ask for your help. Did you even consider if I needed your help? If I wanted to talk to Meg?” Cas asks and looks really hurt. This is all Dean’s fault.

“No I didn’t.” Dean surrenders.

“I am tired of you treating me like I can’t handle things on my own. I’m tired of you treating me like a burden because I know I am. I always ask for your help and I feel ashamed for not being able to stand on my own two feet. So I apologize for making you feel like you need to help or make it up to me Dean. I don’t deserve your help…I’m-,” Cas stammers. “I wish to be treated as an equal, not as your problem.”

Dean must’ve missed a step. Or two. Or hundreds because he did not expect that from Cas.

“Forget I said anything. I will go.” Cas turns around and Dean pulls him back and wraps his arms around Cas.

“Cas, buddy, stop okay. I just need you to stop right there because I don’t ever wanna hear you talk bad about yourself.” Dean’s arms wrap tighter. “I don’t think you’re a problem Cas. I have never thought about you as a burden or a drag or anything like that. You’re awesome, amazing and perfect. Just as you are. I don’t expect you to change or improve yourself because you’re too good for me. Not the other way around. You’re probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me and it should be who’s asking why you put up with my shit. So please don’t ever berate yourself because it’s wrong. It’s all wrong.” Dean wants to cry and as chick flick as that sounds, nobody in the dark car park can see them, nor does he give a shit about their opinion.

“Dean…thank you.” Cas mutters and digs into Dean’s neck a little more.

“Now, you listen to me. If I cross the line, you just go right ahead and tell me. I don’t wanna make you feel like crap or mess up your life even more.” Dean points his index finger to Cas’ face.

“But Dean you haven’t messed up my life. Quite the opposite actually. You’ve only made it better.” Cas replies and Dean pauses into a moment where his chest feels amazing he sinks into his feelings toward Cas even more.

“Well I dunno what I’m doing because I’m just an asshole.” Dean scratches the back of his head.

“More like an ass-butt.” Cas smirks and Dean rolls his eyes.

“You really need to work on your insults.” Dean adds and Cas nudges closer to his personal space. It doesn’t even bother Dean anymore, in fact the closer the better. But that’s only for Dean to know and nobody to find out.

They both agree to go back to the bar and Charlie and Sam gets the picture that he and Cas are fine again. Sam doesn’t seem too happy about it and Dean doesn’t exactly know why. Before he can ask about it, Sam calls it a night and goes home. Dean goes after him, just as he did to Cas before, and asks what’s wrong. Sam shrugs it off and says that he doesn’t feel so good. As much as Dean want to annoy the hell out of his brother to make him confess, he has a feeling that Sam’s in no joking mood. Sam hasn’t been in a laughing mood in a while.

Lately, it’s been up and down and it’s probably that time of the month for Samantha. Tomorrow, Dean will find a way to talk to Sam about it. One way or another. Tonight, he doesn’t push it because everything might be sweet with Cas, however there is no guarantee it’ll be the same with Sam.

Charlie even asks if Dean knows what’s bothering Sam after he left. Dean’s reply is ‘I dunno.’ And makes a joke about that time of the month, earning him a slap on the forehead from Charlie. Then he applies the same joke to Charlie, earning him another slap. Cas doesn’t seem too happy as well, even though they were fine just a few minutes ago and now Cas doesn’t look too good. It’s been a weird night, maybe tomorrow can be better.

***

All throughout next week, Dean’s life has gotten back on track. No more being a douche bag to Cas and he sees his friends as often as possible. Garth even asked Dean to dog-sit while he helps Ah deliver some music records to another state, because Garth owes Ash a favor. Dean brings Cas with him as safeguard from the hateful dog, which Dean has a feeling came from the depths of hell. Charlie left the state for a job interview.

Sam hasn’t been around a lot and Dean is really starting to think that Sam might have a problem with him. Apparently, everyone else has seen Sam over the past few days except for Dean. Even Cas hasn’t seen him which is weird because those two used to be pretty tight when Dean and Cas were fighting. Now, he’s sitting in his apartment while Cas watches a movie with him. Dean’s thoughts are far away, he doesn’t even know what to do with Sam. Cas hasn’t even noticed anything as far as Dean’s concerned. Except, his best friend has been spending more and more time with him than ever before.

When Friday night arrives again, Dean invites Jo, Cas and Sam out to Benny’s bar. Luckily for Dean, Sam decided to show up and is looking better. He’s not all mopey like he was since the last time Dean saw him. No matter how great Dean’s life is turning out to be, he still misses his baby brother. Especially since Sam might go back to Chicago before Christmas. All Dean wants for Christmas is to spend it with the rest of his family. The whole collection, including Sam. It’s been years since they spent the holiday together and who knows when the next time will be.

Benny’s bar is crowded as expected on a Friday night and Dean’s glad to see Sam cheerful. His baby brother is interacting with everyone more and actually laughing at some of Dean’s jokes for once. Dean almost feels weird that Sam’s laughing. Sam- number one on the list of people who doesn’t find Dean’s jokes funny, granted Sam’s bitch face game only gets stronger as the jokes get worse.

At least he can pay attention to Cas more, who just fits perfectly in his friend circle. There’s just something about his angel that makes everything feel better, no matter how shitty Dean feels from the rest of the week.

Perhaps everything will be fine from now on.

Of course Dean always makes an ass out of himself when he assumes things.

“Dean!” Lisa. Lisa Braeden is what makes Dean want to hit himself for counting chickens before they hatch.

“Heya Lisa.” Dean has no choice but to stand up and be polite, after all, mom has told him to be nice to people who are nice to him. Of course she gives him a hug in front of everyone, and by everyone, it includes Cas. His best friend looks like someone pulled a gun out and shot innocent puppies in front of him.

“How have you been? It’s been so long since I saw you.” Lisa says and Dean should think it’s weird that she’s being too friendly. After all, last time they saw each other she just up and left his life without another word.

“Yeah it’s been a long time. Everyone, this is Lisa, you all remember her.” Dean doesn’t think introductions are necessary but he needs to keep the formalities.

Jo, Sam and Cas all say hi and Dean doesn’t like the look on Cas’ face. He’s pale and won’t even look at Dean in the eye. Which is stupid because they were good just a minute ago.

“So Dean, can I talk to you for a minute? I was on my way to bar to get a drink. Wanna join me?” Dean should say no. He really shouldn’t leave his friends for his ex-girlfriend who he hasn’t seen for years. Especially not when Cas looks like he’s about to cry. That shouldn’t mean anything, should it? There’s no logical reason why Cas has that face. Besides, Dean’s just being friendly, there’s nothing more to it than that.

So why does he get the feeling he’s in the wrong and the screaming guilt inside, just won’t shut up?

***

**-Sam-**

It may not be the best tactic Sam has pulled but over the past few weeks, he’s been hating his life eve more. Even though Dean almost screwed everything up with Cas last week, Sam can’t underestimate his brother’s fortitude.

After what appeared to be a failed set-up on Dean’s half, Cas excused himself from embarrassment and Dean just had to go and save the day. Sam was left in the booth with Charlie and she asked him questions regarding Dean and Cas’ relationship. Apparently she’s been wondering when the two of them will get together and it made Sam’s skin crawl. Cas was his, he asked Cas to be his first and it’s so unfair that Cas won’t stop looking at Dean like he rode the chariot to raise the Sun every morning.

Sam’s been so patient with Cas. So patient, they should give him a medal for being this patient. Since Sam couldn’t take Charlie’s support for his brother and his secret boyfriend, Sam runs outside to follow Cas. Only he arrived too late as he could see Cas and Dean in each other’s arms. He went back and apologized to Charlie for the sudden outburst, told her he just needed some air because he felt bad about what Dean did to Cas. He even assured her that they’ll be fine, as much as it annoyed him.

To his dismay, they were fine.

A few days after that, Sam has been more distant with Dean and sulked around Cas. It’s just so unfair that Dean gets the one thing that Sam asks for in his life. Some escape from the endless love tragedy. Making his family and friends proud of his achievements is just not enough anymore and Sam doesn’t even know whether he’s doing this because he loves Cas or because he wants to win.

Charlie’s speech about her old boss made Sam think about it for a few days. He didn’t even want to see Cas because deep-down, Sam knows he’s treating Cas more as a property than a person. In the middle of the week, he was ready to break-up with Cas to release him from Sam’s clutches; when a miracle happened.

Sam stumbled upon Lisa Braeden in the grocery store and they had a small chat, exchanged numbers and promised to catch up with Dean when the opportunity arises. Sam gleefully checked his phone and saw Dean invite him to go out on Friday which he immediately agreed to go to. Then he just so happened to have Lisa’s number and sent her a message to come to Benny’s bar if she wanted to catch up.

Now, Sam witnesses his brother, ensnared by Lisa while he gets Cas all to himself. As much as it pains for Sam to see his boyfriend in such misery, this is his chance to rekindle Cas’ old jealousy toward Lisa. It’s a no brainer that Cas has a problem with anyone who has been in a relationship with Dean. Especially, one as long term as Lisa. Even Sam remembers Dean’s time with Lisa and he mainly remembers Dean talking about Cas a lot. Even though his brother was supposedly in a relationship with Lisa. That’s probably why it failed and at the time, it’s not in Sam’s place to tell Dean the reason. He was a good younger brother. He didn’t want to point out Dean’s mistakes especially when broken-hearted. 

This is Sam’s chance to let Dean and Lisa rekindle whatever’s left in their old relationship.

“What is she doing here?” Jo asks and she doesn’t even know all of this is happening around her.

Sam shrugs it off and watches as Cas’ eyes remain plastered at Dean and Lisa who are too close in their personal spaces. Yes. This is it. This is Sam’s chance to become Cas’ hero, swoop in while Dean’s busy with Lisa.

Jo goes and takes this round of drinks while Sam’s eyes feast on his handiwork. Cas hasn’t stopped looking at Dean’s direction and even Dean has started to look back to their booth. Sam just snorts and takes a sip of from his bottle. This is just a reminder of who Dean truly is and that in itself, should be enough for Sam to take Castiel back into his arms. It’s callous and underhanded but Sam’s not about to give up the fight.

***

After Jo returns with their drinks, Dean and Lisa move to a different location, Dean probably suggested it because his brother has guilt written all over him and Sam just watches it unravel right in front of him. Even Jo has noticed Cas’ hurt look and when she asks about it, he just shakes it off and glances over to Sam’s direction. For only a moment.

Sam knows that is guilt in Cas’ eyes, he knows about Cas’ feelings and as much as it hurt knowing his boyfriend likes someone else, Sam can be patient. He’s not about to let go of this relationship just yet.

Jo tells them that a guy has been looking at her next to the bar counter and she’s planning to pounce. Cas and Sam don’t mind and they sit next to each other in silence.

“Hey Cas, wanna get out of here?” Sam asks, hoping Cas would say yes.

Cas slowly turns his gaze upon Sam and looks right over to Dean and Lisa’s direction. Perhaps this is really affecting Cas more than Sam thought.

“Yes. Let’s go…” Cas replies and Sam follows him from behind. Hoping that Lisa distracts Dean long enough for them to leave.

Tonight, he plans on making Cas his.

***

Upon arriving to Sam’s apartment, Cas asks for alcohol. Apparently, Cas wants more than a midnight cap as he downs a few glasses of scotch, within a few minutes. Eventually, from the bottle. When Sam tries to tell him to slow down, Cas only drinks more. They haven’t even taken their coats off, not to mention change into more comfortable clothes like they usually do.

“Cas I think you’ve had enough.” Sam carefully tries to take the bottle away from Cas, only for it to be waved further from his reach.

“You’re right Sam, I’ve had enough.” Cas snickers and Sam slumps his arms to his side to listen.

“I should’ve known I was never good enough. I was never good enough for him.” Cas mumbles and Sam can’t possibly believe Cas got drunk in such a short span of time.

“Good enough for who?” Sam asks, unsure whether he likes where this is going.

“For your brother Sam. Did I forget to mention that I have feelings for him?” Cas blurts out and even though Sam has been aware from the start, it still hurts to hear out loud. He nods along because clearly Cas doesn’t look like he wants to be crossed right now.

“Well there you go. Now you know I have feelings for your brother and you should leave me. I don’t deserve someone like you Sam. I’m a horrible person. I’ve been using you all this time as a substitute for Dean.” Cas looks at him then takes another gulp at the scotch.

“I had a feeling you did.” Sam says and he knows he’s no different. Using people has been his strategy from the start.

“Then why didn’t you say something sooner? I’ve been deliberately hurting your feelings and you let yourself hurt?” Cas asks, eyes slightly drooping.

“Because I can see myself in you. You of all people know the feeling of wanting something that you can never have.” Sam says with a drop at the end of his tone. He knows it’s half a lie. Cas and Dean have mutual feelings for each other, unlike him. He’s the third wheel. The final dot to align the love triangle.

“But Sam, you’re such a wonderful person. You deserve so much more. Not like me. No, I deserve nobody. I deserve to be alone.” Cas admits and something inside Sam snaps.

“Don’t say things like that Cas. You’re wonderful and perfect, you deserve to be with somebody.” Sam reasons and Cas hushes him.

“Dean also said the same thing although I feel like melting whenever he says it. When you say it, it’s not the same. No, it’s different. I don’t feel like melting at all. I feel nothing.” Cas frowns and shrugs as if what he said was nothing. It hurts more that Sam can hear these things come out of Cas’ mouth.

“You’re saying those things because you wish to hurt me...” Sam tries to pretend he’s still using reverse psychology to get Cas’ good side however he can’t help but feel hurt.

“You’re right. Sam. I don’t know why you’re still here. Why I’m still here…I don’t deserve you Sam and I definitely don’t deserve Dean. I’m distasteful. I’m wicked. I use people and I hurt them.” Cas is crying now and clearly Sam’s not going to be lucky tonight. In fact, it’s the complete opposite. This is probably the start of their falling out.

“Cas- don’t beat yourself up over this. You’re not a terrible person, I’m the bad one. I’ve been trying my hardest to have you all to myself even though I know you have feelings for Dean.” Sam leaves out the part where he schemes and especially the fact that Dean has feelings toward Cas.

“Why do you want me Sam? I don’t- I don’t deserve someone like you. Someone who is so loving. I don’t have a heart. I think it’s broken.” Cas weeps and clutches his shirt where his heart lies.

“No, don’t say that. You deserve to be loved Cas. Your heart is not broken. Because if it was- then I wouldn’t feel like I have a chance with you. All I ask is for you to give yourself a chance. A chance to let someone love you.” Sam whispers while cradling Cas in his arms. God, Cas is very much like his brother. They both have a complex on hating oneself.

“I don’t understand Sam, why did I fall for someone who will never look at me the way I look at them?” Cas sobs on Sam’s shirt.

“Because Dean is-,” this is his last chance to turn back and make up for everything he has done wrong. For all the scheming, for all the lying, everything. This is his chance to rekindle hope in Cas’ heart because Sam knows, deep down, Dean truly loves Castiel.

“Dean is not the man for you. Perhaps, this is a chance for you to be with someone else. Me perhaps.” Sam continues and Cas looks at him straight in the eye.

“I might never fall in love with you Sam.” Cas admits and there’s a pregnant pause in the air. A heavy ache spreads from his chest and it courses through his system. It’s Sam’s deepest fear but he’s known about it from the start. From the moment he found out about Cas and Dean’s mutual feelings, he knew there’s little to no chance of winning. Therefore, he only has one final thing to say.

“I can live with that.” Sam leans forward and kisses Cas’ mouth. Unlike their kisses before, Sam adds more force and rigor. To his surprise Cas reciprocates and pushes their mouths together for heavier and wetter kisses. With Sam’s brute force, he rips Cas’ clothes off and throws them aside.

All this, happens while Cas clings onto Sam with his legs and Sam carries him to the bedroom.

Cas unbuckles Sam’s belt while Sam takes his shirt off. The buttons on both of their shirts drop on the floor like their dignity. As they shed their clothes, Sam knows they’re doing this for their own selfish reasons. For every touch and kiss, Sam knows that Castiel only wants to numb the pain inside his chest. On the other hand, Sam needs to put a claim on Castiel. Having someone all to himself for the first time in so long is what he needs and also Cas’ heated gasps and moans. His mouth swallows as much of Cas’ groans and licks his skin.

All of his actions are purely animalistic as Cas unravels himself for Sam. His taut skin and ripped muscles taste and feel good and their warm cocks rub on each other. Pushing out as much pre-come as possible.

Sam really doesn’t care how they end up tonight, nor does he care what position. This is Castiel’s effect on him, Sam forgets about planning and mapping out his life for a brief moment of time. Sam escapes into an uncharted realms where there’s only him and Cas in it. Writhing and agonizing within each other’s arms as within Othello’s quotation: ‘the beast with two backs’.

Sam bites Cas’ neck like a wolf claiming dominance over his mate and Castiel gasps louder. Their cocks slid between their stomachs, the squelching sound of precome fill the air. Not to mention its scent. Oh how the smell is thick and heavy.

Regretfully, they climax almost too soon, pools of white liquid fill Cas’ stomach and it’s a sight to behold. Sam wishes for this night to never end as Castiel collapses underneath him and he to Castiel’s side. With come drying and guilt fill the air, Sam tries to close his eyes. He doesn’t physically contact Cas in his sleep as he knows Cas is dreaming about somewhere far away from here. Far from Sam’s treachery and Sam hopes he stays there and enjoys for now.

For tomorrow, Sam doesn’t plan on tormenting Cas with his affections anymore. He’ll book the first flight to Chicago after saying a proper good-bye to his family, friends and to Dean. Who he has wronged for far too long.

Guess the Winchesters will miss him for Christmas again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the end of the angst >:)
> 
> Do you think I can't make it worse?  
> You'll just have to wait and see.
> 
> Oh and I've taken some of your suggestions and thank you for the ideas on how the story will turn.  
> I am truly grateful.
> 
> Now, the next chapter is on it's way and what do you think's gonna happen???  
> What will happen to Dean? Cas? Sam? Destiel? Sastiel? ughhhhhhhhh


	7. Chapter 7- Mother and Father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean spends a morning talking about feelings with mom.  
> Sam has a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To those who love reading about Dean's self-loathing- Here it is!
> 
> I tried to establish the main aspects of Dean's inferiority complex.  
> \- Self Loathes when it comes to relationships, future, career etc.  
> \- Self-appointed responsible for Sammy to an unhealthy extent  
> \- Overly blames himself on everything wrong with the people he cares for, especially Sammy and Cas, Guilt complex
> 
> Dean beats Hamlet in self-loathing  
> Decided to slip Mary's POV in this chapter because of reasons. It'll make sense once you read it.

**-Dean-**

Meeting Lisa was a huge mistake. Dean was stupid enough to walk with her to the bar counter, order some drinks and listen to her talk about her life story, which he never even asked for. Now Cas hasn’t stopped staring at him and Lisa’s really getting on his nerves because she won’t stop leaning into his personal space. Seriously, the only person Dean allows to invade his personal space nowadays is Cas and Cas alone. Lisa didn’t even think for a second to return any of Dean’s calls right after they broke up. She didn’t even give him a chance to ask for a second chance!

Only one person was there to help Dean go through his break-up and that was Cas. Cas was the one who looked after him, fed him and made sure Dean got enough rest. There were nights when Cas just stayed over at Dean’s apartment (even though he’s always welcome to spend the night) and watched over Dean until he falls asleep. Mom used to say that angels were always watching over Dean and she was right. Dean didn’t believe in angels until he could physically see and touch one. Cas was and IS his angel no matter how much shit life puts him through.

Dean’s been trying to find a way to get the hell away from Lisa but he knows Lisa’s thirst for attention knows no bounds. She’s been talking about her kid named ‘Ben’ or something like that and Dean couldn’t really care less. The look in Cas’ eyes is down-right devastating and Dean can’t have that.

“Hey Lis, I really should get back to my booth.” Dean interrupts whatever Lisa was talking about half-way.

“Dean I know you have every right to hate me from what happened between us.” _‘Damn right you should’_ is what Dean wants to comment but doesn’t. She pauses then looks around. Dean checks his booth and sees Jo, Cas and Sam talking. Cas is still frowning.

“I need to talk to you about something. Mind if we talk about it over there.” Lisa grabs his arm then pulls him away. Dean could barely catch a glimpse of his booth before he gets swallowed away by the crowd.

“Lisa look, I don’t really have time-,” Dean tries to wriggle away when Lisa leans forward and puts their lips together. Dean pulls away and wipes his mouth with his sleeve.

“What the hell was that Lisa?” he barks out, not caring what everyone around him thinks.

“I heard you weren’t seeing anyone, so I thought we could un-pause what we had.” Lisa steps closer to his space and Dean steps away.

“You can’t just un-pause what we had Lisa. We broke up. We’ve been over for years!” Dean says and somehow that doesn’t register in Lisa’s head because she just moves in closer.

“Dean why are you being difficult? Was I wrong? Are you seeing anybody?” Lisa puts her hand on his chest and Dean flicks it off. After everything Dean’s been through, he’s not about to give himself up to someone like Lisa. She’s trouble and he knows she is.

“No I’m not seeing anyone Lisa and no, we are not getting back together. You were the one who left me.” Dean glares at her and she doesn’t seem to appreciate that look.

“Actually, I may be the one who walked away but you were the one who left the relationship before the break-up.” Lisa points a finger at him and Dean doesn’t understand what the hell she is going on about. “Don’t look at me like that Dean. You know what I’m talking about! We were fine and going strong but ever since you became friends with Cas. All I hear from you was _‘Cas this or Cas that, Cas Cas Cas Cas!’_ I grew sick of it! So don’t think I was the only one at fault because you pushed me away.” Lisa’s volume is loud enough to grab everyone’s attention.

“He’s just a friend Lisa. You were over possessive and over reacting!.” Dean regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth.

“Oh really? Did you know I thought you were cheating on me with Cas? A man? You were always with him! Even on our dates you’d bring him along like some pet. But you know what? He didn’t seem to care because he always had those goo-goo eyes on you.” Lisa scoffs and Dean’s blood boils from hearing her call Cas a ‘pet.’

“It was so weird Dean! You wouldn’t listen to me at the time because he was your new friend. So I tried to talk to Cas about giving us space but he didn’t even understand a single word I said. He was so DENSE! I don’t understand what you saw in that FREAK!” Lisa points to the direction of Dean’s booth and Dean is about to explode. Nobody calls Cas a freak. Dean’ fists curl into a ball, when some guy taps Dean on the shoulder.

“Hey asshole!” Dean falls to the ground from some random guy punching him in the face. The stinging pain deafens the noises and voices around him. His vision blurs as the faces of the people around him become unrecognizable. Then there’s just black.

***

When Dean wakes up, the sound of the ambulance sirens rattle his brain. Knocked out by some random guy…Dean’s getting rusty.

Beside him, he sees Jo and Benny talking to the police and paramedics. Everything hurts from his neck and up. From what he can gather, he’s no longer on the floor. At least that’s a start. When he looks around Jo notices him and she gets everyone out of the way.

“Dean are you alright?” Jo asks and Dean nods, shaking his head to make sense of everything.

“Yeah I’m alright, if you call feeling like your tongue lodged at the back of your head alright.” Dean replies and Benny arrives to his side.

“Couldn’t do a brawl in any other bar but mine brother.” Benny snickers and Dean is given an ice pack for the bruise.

“What the hell happened?” he asks and Benny snickers even more.

“Brother, you wouldn’t believe it actually maybe you would…tell him Jo.” Benny smirks and Jo sighs.

“I was flirting with some random guy when he left me and walked toward you and Lisa, then gave you a knuckle sandwich.” Jo says and Dean’s even more confused than before.

“Why the hell would he do that?” Dean presses the ice pack a little too hard then feels a stinging pain.

“Turns out the guy was Lisa’s boyfriend and they got into a fight so she went up to you to make her boyfriend jealous. He tried doing the same thing with me but then got fed up so he took his jealousy out on you.” Jo replies and Dean is hating his life right now. He knew Lisa was trouble to begin with, he didn’t know to this extent.

“Thanks for saving my ass Benny.” Dean says and hands him the ice pack.

“It wasn’t me who saved your butt Dean. All I did was call the police and ambulance.” Benny snickers again and looks at Jo.

“Wait what?”

“Jo was the one who pulled the guy away and ripped him to shreds. Oh, you should’ve seen the look on his face. She was about to kill him. Then again, there’s not much left to see on that guy’s face.” Benny laughs from his belly and Jo purses her lips.

“Nobody and I mean nobody, uses me to get back on their crazy girlfriend.” Jo flips her hair and Dean chuckles, he’s got good friends.

“Glad to know you’d risk your life to save me, Joanna Beth.” Dean nudges Jo’s shoulder and she smiles. “Anyway, where’s Cas? Sam? Surely they would help stop you from killing the guy.” Dean asks Jo and she shakes her head.

“I think they left, Cas didn’t seem to look too good so Sam took him home.” Jo replies and Dean feels even more like shit. If any of the words Lisa said to him ring truth, is that Cas has always been attached to him from the start. Even before Cas knew about personal space and social etiquette, he and Dean have always been together.

After a few seconds of thinking about Lisa’s words, a realization hit Dean like a yellow bus.

_I thought you were cheating on me with Cas._

_He always had those goo-goo eyes on you._

_You were always with him!_

Cas still does all those things, only now, he knows what personal space means.

“Let’s get out of here while Benny distracts the police. Dean I’ll drive you home.” Jo says and Dean nods right along. He follows her to Ellen’s truck while keeping Lisa’s words suspended in his mind.

On the drive home, Jo talks about how the guy fell apart after knocking Dean out. Dean doesn’t really listen, he just smiles and nods half-heartedly so Jo doesn’t suspect anything. He wouldn’t want Jo to notice the chaos running through his head right now.

After Jo drops him off in front of his apartment, he stands frozen on the side walk. It occurs to him that Benny and Lisa’s arguments align. As much as he wants to deny it, their words trickle down to one single point.

Cas has feelings for him.

It’s not even a possibility anymore because if personal boundaries and the staring was the problem then why hasn’t Cas stopped. It’s been years since Dean explained why it’s wrong to do those things to another person. After all this time, Cas has improved. He’s changed. He’s no longer prodding into other people’s personal space or look at them inappropriately. Cas HAS improved his social skills, then why hasn’t it changed for Dean. Sure Cas was distant around the time when they were in a disagreement but that was different. Cas went back to being himself. His old self since the day Dean met him.

Then an even bigger truth smacks Dean’s ever loving soul.

Cas has had feelings for him from the start.

By putting that variable in the equation, it ties all the loose ends. Cas doesn’t invade other people’s personal space and stare at them until it’s uncomfortable because they’re not Dean. Cas hasn’t even tried to change how he acts around Dean because right from the start…

_Holy shit._

How could Dean have missed it?

_No, this can’t be right._

Dean marches up to his apartment and locks the door behind him. He sinks to the floor while his back is pressed up against the door. He didn’t even bother turning the lights on because right now he’s not in the mood to do anything but sink into despair.

He’s such an idiot. All this time, the scheming, the lying, they were all for nothing. The truth was right in front of him the whole time. Dean doesn’t need to know who Cas prefers in a relationship because it’s nobody else but Dean.

His hands are shaking and his legs can barely stand up. The sinking feeling in his chest lingers and the guilt is worse. If Cas has had feelings for him this whole time, how could he just stand by and watch Dean throw himself to any willing company. All those times when Cas helped him get a girl- Dean should’ve known why Cas was always so silent or indifferent about it.

This is his fault, he should’ve known…he should’ve-

There’s no way he can show his face to Cas after this. Especially tonight after Cas saw Dean with Lisa.

Dean’s such a fucking idiot. Of course Cas didn’t wanna stay and watch in the sidelines.

Now Dean can explain the guilt in his chest and unfortunately, he doesn’t like the answer.

Cas deserves better than this. He deserves someone better than Dean because Dean’s just a piece of shit that puts his best friend through hell.

Tonight, he deserves to sleep alone. His phone is off and hopefully everyone in the world can get the message that he doesn’t want to see anyone, any time soon. If it’s possible, then never.

Without bothering to get changed, he collapses on his bed and mutters the universal language of screwing up.

“Fuck.”

***

**-Mary Winchester-**

If there’s one thing Mary wants nothing more in her life, is that her children grow up to be wonderful and kind people.

Ever since she was young, her family, the Campbells, expected nothing more than her obedience and cooperation to uphold the family legacy and values. These conservative values have done nothing but teach Mary how to look down on people and weed out the weak. There was very little compassion and kindness in her life as her father expected her to marry into a rich benefactor and help the family name prosper.

That was what she expected her life to become. A puppet of her family’s expectations.

Until she met John.

Through John, she experienced freedom, happiness and most importantly love. Therefore, she rebelled and moved away from her family to be with one man.

For John.

Her husband couldn’t believe Mary agreed to run away with him at the time. He didn’t know whether he should be shocked or flattered by the fact that Mary chose him over her wretched family. The Campbells never liked John, hated him even, apparently he wasn’t worthy of carrying their precious bloodline. John didn’t come from any prestigious family and he earns just enough to support him and Mary. However, Mary fell in love with the fool.

John was a romantic, a softy at times and he loved Mary from the bottom of his heart.

Mary had to put him through hell before she decided he was worth her time. Growing up with the Campbells has taught her to be cold hearted. Unfortunately, her heart melted when John loved her, regardless what everyone else thought.

Love was the only thing that mattered to John and that’s why Mary chose him.

Eventually, her love spread to her two sons, Dean and Sam. They mean the world to her. Luckily, they grew up just fine. Dean and Sam lived their lives where they can stand on their own two feet and Mary could not be prouder. Regardless of Sam’s achievements, as John loves to boast about, she knows Dean is successful in his own way. Her two sons love each and support each other no matter what life throws at them. Even if they live far away, her sons still care about each other and that’s the reason why Mary can wake up every day, with a smile on her face.

No matter if the Campbells disapprove of John, Mary cannot be happier with how her family turned out. She can sleep soundly at night, knowing her sons are safe and nearby.

At 6 am in the morning, Mary gets a phone call.

“Hello, Winchester residence.” Mary answers while waiting for water to boil on the stove.

“Mary this is Ellen, I apologize for calling this early in the morning.”

“Not a problem Ellen, just boiling myself some water for a fresh cup of coffee. How have you been?” She laughs but Ellen doesn’t sound amused.

“Well just pissed off actually, I was told by the police that Joanna Beth here got herself into a scuffle last night.” Mary has seen Jo grow up with Sam and Dean. She’s not entirely surprised because they practically see her as their baby sister. Baby brother at times.

“Is she alright?” Mary asks with concern in her tone.

“Well she won’t be after I’m through with her. Apparently she told me that some jackass knocked your son Dean to next week.” Ellen replies and Mary straightens her back.

“Dean? He got into a fight?” Mary’s heartbeat escalates and her eyes turn to the window, watching the dawn.

“I don’t think he caused it Mary and Jo assures me that he’s fine.” Mary can practically imagine Ellen glaring at her daughter at the other line. “Although I think you should go check up on him. I can’t trust my daughter to take care of herself let alone other people. (Mom I told you he’s fine!) DON’T TALK BACK TO ME YOUNG LADY! YOU’RE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE AS IT IS! (You always treat me like a little kid!) THAT’S ‘CAUSE YOU ACT LIKE ONE!” Mary winces and moves the phone a few inches away from her ear. “I apologize for that Mary, I gotta go and deal with my overgrown child. (You’re such a bitch!) I’VE JUST HAD IT WITH YOU JOANNA BETH!” Mary winces and the line goes dead.

Ellen Harvelle is a vicious woman and she is one of Mary’s oldest and closest friends. They practically raised their children together, so it’s not a surprise that Jo is just as hot-headed as her son Dean. Ellen may sound tough but she’s just worried and loves her daughter very much.

It’s the same with Mary. As mothers, no matter how old their children grow, they’ll never stop worrying about their wellbeing.

The water in the pot boils and she turns the stove off. She pours some hot water in her readymade cup and calmly stirs it with a teaspoon. Adding milk to her coffee is perfect to reduce the temperature and it tastes just right.

Mary Winchester may be a mother but she is also a vicious woman like Ellen. Soon after she drinks her coffee, she’ll make her way to Dean’s house to check up on her own oversized child. The fact that ambulances haven’t knocked on her door is a sign her son is fine however she won’t forgive her son for not telling her he got hurt.

Her children mean the world to Mary however they can be quite a handful sometimes.

Regardless, she’s never been happier.

***

 

**-Dean-**

To say this morning is one of the worst mornings in Dean’s life is an understatement. Yeah, yeah, he’s said it before. It’s the same song but different story. Different in that he’s not hungover. Although everything still hurts, especially his face right after taking a swing from Lisa’s crazy jealous boyfriend. Some people these days need to grow up and put a lid on their feelings because punching random guys in bars is not healthy. That just means you have anger management issues. However, if Lisa’s really dating that guy then he has worse issues to worry about.

Not to mention last night was the night he has finally come into a realization that Cas has feelings for him.

_Cas likes him._

The thought still makes his body and head ache, like someone’s cutting him open with a knife. Not that he has any experience on such a situation however, that’s what he imagines it could feel like.

His bedroom clock says it’s around 6.30 AM and it’s the worst time to be awake on a Saturday morning. Then again, he didn’t get a proper sleep last night considering his neck is quite stiff and there are marks on his skin from the bed sheets.

In the kitchen, there’s no coffee or sugar because he forgot to buy them earlier in the week.

Fuck this.

Honestly, this morning couldn’t get any worse.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Dean?”

That sounds like mom and Dean’s not ready to face her with a giant bruise on his stupid face. He doesn’t have make up to cover it up and knowing her, she’ll go overboard with his condition.

“Hey mom.” Dean opens the door and the smell of egg and bacon wafts in the air.

“Good morning honey, I brought you some breakfast and coffee.” If there is one person Dean can count on for miracles, it would be his mom.

“Have I ever told you that you’re the best mom in the world and I love you?” Dean leans forward and plants a kiss on his mom’s cheek before welcoming her into his apartment.

“I’m flattered sweetie.” Mom sits on the couch while Dean feasts on the much needed grease. “By the way what happened to your face dear?” Mom asks and Dean stops chomping on the bacon half way.

“Uh- well this?” Dean looks around, trying to find an excuse.

“Mhmm.” Mom nods and leans on her hand.

“It’s just a bruise from the garage.” Dean swallows what he was chewing and tries not to look at mom in the eye. There’s a weird feeling in his gut and he’s not sure how to deal with it just yet.

“Oh- how’d you manage that?” Mom asks and plays with Dean’s take-away cup of coffee.

“Well you know…tool box, shelves…” _Or an ex-girlfriend’s psychopathic boyfriend sucker punching you_. Mom sighs and stretches her arms over her knees.

“Are you sure it’s not from someone’s fist?” Mom gives a faint smile which Dean knows far too well. It’s the same smile that she makes whenever Dean makes Sammy cry after a prank when they were little kids. No matter how hard Dean tries to cover his tracks, mom always finds out and gives the same faint smile.

“Why would someone from the garage throw a fist on my face?” Dean lies through his teeth and tries to laugh it off, even though he knows it’s a losing battle.

“I know it was from a bar fight last night Dean.” Mom leans back on the couch, her arms are crossed and her eyes squint. This is usually the part where Dean gets his ear bitten off by a serious lecture.

Dean slumps on his seat and puts the bacon down. “Guess Jo fessed up.” It’s not like Jo to open her mouth.

“The police called actually.” Mom corrects him. _‘Ah. Poor Joanna Beth.’_

“Ellen’s probably real pissed at her.” Dean tries to laugh it off again and Mom slowly shakes her head.

“Well I can understand why. Dean what have I taught you?” Mom’s eyes dig into Dean’s conscience.

“Don’t get into unnecessary fights.” Dean nods along like he’s five and Mary’s lecturing him about bullying other kids and telling them that only he’s allowed to pick on Sam because he’s Sam’s older brother.

“No. Don’t ever keep these sort of things from me. I know you’re your own man but I can’t help but feel worried Dean. I’m your mother and I would never let anyone hurt you. But if I can’t be there to take care of you, at least let me know that you’re hurt even if I have to answer the phone or the door in the middle of the night.” Mom looks hurt and Dean never ever wants to see that look on her face. Out of everyone in Dean’s life, there are only a few people who believe in him. Mom is one of them and she never neglected Dean attention even though Sammy was the star of the family. She always forgave him whenever he made Sammy cry.

On the occasions when dad told Dean to suck it up because he expected Dean to be the responsible one out him and Sammy, Mom was always a shoulder for Dean to lean on.

She was and IS, always there for Dean to lean on.

“I’m sorry mom…I should’ve told you sooner.” it hurts Dean to apologize, not because it humiliates him, because he hates disappointing mom more than anyone. Probably even more than dad.

“I hope you don’t do it again.” Mom warns and Dean nods along. She stands up to give Dean a hug. Her hugs are one of the warmest he’s ever had.

“I won’t. I’ll let you know straight away, you can even hitch a ride in the ambulance with me.” Dean chuckles and mom shoots him a glare.

“We should go to the hospital.” She sits back and taps her finger on Dean’s bruise. It doesn’t hurt so much anymore although, she presses too hard for a moment, earning a hiss from Dean.

“I’ll be fine mom. I’ll just put some ice on it and it’ll go away.” Dean waves her hand away.

“I hope you’re not saying that because your dad says the same thing.” Her eyes squint and Dean knows it’s true. He’s learned how to suck it up thanks to his dad. Growing up, being the responsible one between him and Sammy means being strong. No matter the injury, nothing like the old fashion ice pack, bandage and liquor (when he was old enough to get some) can’t fix.

“I’m sure it’s alright mom.” He says but as expected, mom doesn’t look convinced. There’s only one person, other than mom who can see through Dean’s bullshit. That person left too early last night and had a really hurt look on his face. The one expression he never wants to see on anyone’s face.

Over the years, Cas has told Dean to cut the crap that dad has ingrained into Dean’s head. Whenever Dean got hurt, physically or emotionally, mom wasn’t the only person he could turn to. Cas was always there to listen to him, help him go through his problems and understand. Especially understand that sometimes, Cas doesn’t understand what Dean is going through. When Dean said Cas is too good for him, he really means it. He can confidently say that he’s got the best mom in the world and he’s proud to be Mary’s son however with Cas…it’s different. He knows Cas can do so much better. Cas doesn’t have to put up with his shit, regardless of how long him and Dean have been friends.

Come to think of it, after last night, he’s really fucked up things with Cas. And to top it off, he doesn’t like the reason behind his mess. He’ll deny that one reason because Cas can’t possibly have feelings for someone like Dean.

Even if Cas did have feelings for Dean, Dean’s doesn’t deserve it. Dean is trash, a setback and the one wrong involvement in Cas’ life.

All this self-loathing is making it harder for Dean to chew and swallow his breakfast. Perhaps coffee can help because mom has been studying his actions since the apology. So far, he’s told her about what Dean was doing before the incident. He adds the fact that Lisa tried using him to make her current boyfriend jealous, who was in fact, doing the same thing using Jo. He enthusiastically explains Jo’s ferocity against Lisa’s jealous boyfriend. Mom’s not entirely proud with how the situation turned out however relieved that nobody got severely hurt. Probably except for Cas and Dean’s conscience but Dean doesn’t mention it.

“So you said Cas and Sam were with you last night. How come they weren’t there during the incident?” Mom asks and Dean gulps at the thought.

He has a hunch as to why Cas left the bar. It’s a sickening thought because it leans toward an unbearable truth that Dean’s not ready to face. In his head he denies Cas’ jealousy as the reason for Cas and Sam’s disappearance. And Jo said Sam left with Cas.

“I dunno…” Dean shrugs, hoping mom doesn’t press the issue any further.

“Dean, is there something going on between you and Cas?” She asks and Dean ignores the chill in his bones.

“Everything’s fine mom. Really. We’re good.” Dean and Cas did visit mom just a few days ago and they were fine. Everything’s fine. Yeah, he keeps telling himself the same lie over and over.

“Dean, I don’t mean in it in that sense.” Mom is using her commanding voice again and Dean can feel himself cowering to a corner.

“What else is there to say? Cas and I are fine. We’re good. Just buddies as always.” Dean grins and again, he’s lying through his teeth and knows mom can see through it.

“Are you sure that’s what’s going on?” mom asks and there’s less subtlety in her voice. She’s definitely trying to hint something and Dean will continue to ignore it. This conversation is going to be trouble and he doesn’t want to face that trouble.

“Yeah mom. That’s what’s going on. Nothing more.” Dean doesn’t look at mom and he’s stopped eating. Who is he kidding? Mom’s staring him down and there’s no way he can bury the conversation. His breathe hitches and everything feels tight around his chest. The bruise doesn’t even hurt as much as what he feels in his chest right now and it’s unfair how mom can just easily find the cracks in Dean’s armor.

“Dean, look at me.” Mom tells him and she’s leaning forward, within eye level now. Dean doesn’t sway, he just sits frozen on the spot, trying to fix the chaos in his head.

“Dean?” mom tries again and Dean turns to her this time. His lips tremble and eyes start to water. This is pathetic. Dean shouldn’t feel like a five year old who’s about to cry into his mother’s arms after getting dropped off in kindergarten for the first time.

The tears are justified by the son’s realization that it’s the first time he is spending a day without his mother and will be put into the care of strangers. So when Dean was five years old, he clung onto mom’s leg and cried and cried. He kept crying even though mom explained that he’ll be safe and okay. The moment the tears stopped is when she explained to Dean that she needed to take care of Sammy, and that Dean’s in the right age for kindergarten.

Right at that moment, Dean understood the meaning of taking care of Sammy and putting his younger brother’s needs first.

Even at such a young age, Dean knew there were sacrifices needed to be made for the sake of his baby brother. In the absence of his mother’s touch, Dean had to learn how to think about others, about his mom’s wellbeing by nodding to go to kindergarten because he knew, then and there, mom needed some help taking care of her children. Of Sammy. If Dean remained at home, mom would’ve had to take care of him too on top of taking care of Sammy. And Dean wouldn’t want to deprive Sammy of the extensive care his mom gave him before Sam was born.

It was time for Dean to be an older brother.

Thus Dean had to learn how to get along with other people. In a sense, it was his opportunity to get used to the bigger world. A world beyond mom, dad and the recent addition to the family, Sammy.

Regardless of the sacrifice, he cannot be happier of how things turned out for Sam. His baby brother had more than enough love and support from his family, especially Dean. That’s why he worked so hard to build a new world with other people, beyond the world of his family. A world where he can care about his friends, support them through thick and thin.

So why does he feel like crying at the thought of Cas’ expression from last night?

Mary stands up from her seat again and holds Dean in her arms. It’s so unfair, this is not what he wanted to happen. He didn’t want his mom to see him like this. It’s been decades since he ever needed his mom’s affection in such a matter. In the matter of having strong feelings toward someone and getting hurt in the process.

Dean bites his lip and he’s trying his hardest to hold the tears. Everything hurts and it’s not because of his giant bruise.

“Dean sweetie, I told you to always tell me whatever’s bothering you.” Mary coos him and Dean can barely remember the last time his mom did this to him. It was probably around the time when Sammy started to walk and talk.

“I’m fine mom. I’m fine.” It’s a lie of course but lying about what Dean truly feels is second nature to him. Can’t believe this morning became a heart to heart session with his mom.

“So are you finally gonna tell me what you’ve been feeling toward Cas or are we gonna continue to pretend that I don’t have eyes and ears?” Mary raises her eyebrow and Dean doesn’t know why he’s so embarrassed to look at his mom in the eye.

“Mom…Cas is…Cas…” Dean stammers while his head gets bombardment of screaming thoughts.

_‘I’ve had feelings for Cas.’_

_‘I hope Cas looks at me the way I look at him.’_

_‘Mom, I’m in love with Cas.’_

Dean can’t pick which one and his nails dig on his thighs. They anxiously wait for him to blurt out his deepest thoughts.

“Dean if you don’t want to say it out loud, it’s fine. I understand. You don’t need to force yourself.” Mom sighs and Dean straightens his back. “I just want you to know that you are my son and I love you, no matter who you choose to love. I only wish for you to be happy, nothing more. Besides Cas is already like a son to me. I could not think of a better person for you Dean.” Mom smiles and this shouldn’t be a smiling matter.

If Dean heard her correctly, she just said Cas’ name. Cas. Cas as the person more suitable to be with Dean. He’s gonna puke.

“Mom…”

“Don’t ‘mom’ me Dean. You two have known each other for years and in all that time, I’ve never seen you look at anyone the way you look at Cas. I can be a patient person my son however, there comes a time when we have to stop pretending to ourselves. If you don’t plan on making a move on Cas any time soon, at least we can lift this false façade. That’s all I ask from you Dean. I ask that you trust me, I’m your mother and I love you so please be more honest me.” Mom says with a straight face.

“I’m gonna need a minute to register all this.” Dean exhales out loud because he really needs it. All these years of worrying what others will think about his feelings toward his best friend, especially what the people he loves will think, Dean has been wasting his time. Mom doesn’t care. She doesn’t care if he’s in love with Cas and is actually more than happy for him to get together with his angel.

He’s probably gonna puke.

“Take as long as you want darling. I may seem old fashioned but I was never one for following conservative values, especially ones that discriminate upon others. I know you and Cas have feelings for each other, I just wish that you had said something sooner.” Mom purses her lips and Dean has to stop her right there.

“Wait mom, hold on did you say me and ‘Cas’ have feelings for each other?” Dean’s eyes go wide as if the thought of his best friend having feelings for him hasn’t been planted in his head before.

Mom chuckles before continuing. “Sweetie, you and Cas aren’t the most subtle when it comes to your feelings. Surely you’ve felt it from Cas before. I would rather you tell me that you deny the truth than only realizing it now.”

“Well Cas doesn’t see me like that…” _‘I don’t deserve him and Cas deserves better’_ is unspoken and remains as a broken record playing in his head. Dean rubs the back of his neck, at loss of what to say. Denial is the easiest thing he can do right now, it’s better than accepting his feelings. Even more, accepting that other people think Cas has feelings for him.

“Oh my son, it’s like I’m talking to a brick wall.” Mom waves her hands out and clasps her knees. “Dean, I’m sure Cas has had feelings for you in a very long time. Probably longer than you have and you’re too scared to admit it. Honestly, you take after you your father when it comes to this sort of thing. He too couldn’t believe that I chose him over my family back in the day. And now here we are, you’re doing the same thing that he did and denies anything good.”

Now Dean sinks in the couch to surrender.

“You have to give yourself more faith my son. You deserve to be loved. Just like your father and just like Cas. Cas deserves you as much as you deserve him. I’m sure he would want nothing more than to be in your arms.” Mom says and Dean needs a drink. The alcoholic type and he doesn’t care if it’s not even past noon.

“You’re just saying that…” Dean shuffles on the couch and wipes his face with his hands.

“I’m not lying Dean. I know he has very strong feelings for you. Loves you actually.” Mom says it so casually and Dean swears his heart skipped a beat.

“Mom please don’t say shit like that.” Mom reaches over and smacks him on the head.

“Language! And to help you get your head out of your ass!” Dean tries to shake off the pain from the hit.

“You swear just as much as I do.” Dean braces himself for another smack, just in case.

“Sometimes you remind me so much of your father, I just want to put some sense into you!” mom leans back on the couch.

“Yeah well that’s why Sammy’s the brains of the family. He understands these things more than I do.” It’s the truth. Sammy’s always the one who knows what to do in times like this. Dean’s a mess when it comes to emotions unlike his baby brother who always knows what to say. Sam didn’t become the brains of the family for nothing.

“Dean, you know it’s wrong to compare yourself to your brother.” Mom says in a low voice. She doesn’t look too good.

“Well it’s the truth mom, he’s always been better at thinking than I am and it’s alright. He helps me ‘pull my head out of my ass’ as you say.” Dean admits. “I’m not saying this to grab some sympathy, I’m just stating the truth. He’s just better at me on a lot of things and that includes thinking about feelings and talking about them.”

Mom shakes her head and doesn’t look convinced. “Dean you’re amazing in your own way. I don’t want you to compare yourself to your brother because your value is not weighed by how you keep up with Sam or anyone. You are your own man. You have qualities and traits that I’m sure no one else possess. You’re a loving son and your loyalty knows no bounds. As a mother, I cannot be prouder and I’m sure you are very important to a lot of people. So don’t talk yourself down. You are not your brother’s shadow. You’re a bright star in your own way.” Mom rubs his shoulder and Dean blushes. Hearing this from his mom is not only embarrassing but it also reminds him of how Cas talks about him. Cas hates it whenever he has a self-loathing monologue. Those are the times when Dean feels like falling in love over and over.

Dammit Cas.

“Can we drop this chick-flick moment?” Dean replies and mom looks disappointed. “Anyway, thank you…I love you mom.” That earns him a smile and mom gets up again to give him a hug.  Dean groans form embarrassment.

“Aw my baby boy.”

“Mom I’m not a baby anymore!”

“You’ll always be my baby.” She hugs Dean tighter and kisses his forehead. Although she’s right. Not the baby part, but the whole point about Dean having more faith on himself and appreciating himself more.

“Anyway, how is Sam going? I feel as if something is bothering him and he won’t say what it is.” Mom cleans Dean’s mess and he stops her because he can take care of the mess. She brought him breakfast and coffee, the least he could do is show that he can handle himself.

“I dunno mom, he’s been moody lately, and I think it’s because of work or the idea he’s leaving soon.” Dean admits and mom presses a good question. He doesn’t actually know what’s been bothering Sam and Dean should be the first person his baby brother turns to whenever he’s down.

“He was the one who helped me and Cas get back together. I think he’s pissed at me…” Dean’s tone drops a little at the end.

“Dean, I know that look.” Mom says and Dean looks up.

“What look?”

“That’s the same look you make whenever you blame yourself. Sam’s grown up now Dean, you can’t always take responsibility for his wellbeing. And that’s a big thing coming from me. I’m his and your mother.” Somehow, mom reads him like an open book.

“I’m not…” Dean stops as mom throws him ‘no nonsense’ look. “Okay fine, I dunno what’s bothering Sam and it’s getting to me. So I assume that it’s me. I’m just playing my part as his big brother, is that so bad?”

Mom sighs. “It’s not bad Dean, I’m happy that you care about your brother so much however you need to learn to stop taking responsibility for every little problem in Sam’s life. You need to remember that your dad and I are here for that reason. You can’t carry his world on your shoulders.”

Again, mom is on target while Dean screws everything up.

“Now don’t beat yourself up. Honestly Dean, you shouldn’t pressure yourself to be responsible all the time. You should think of yourself once in a while and let others worry about you. Do you understand?” mom asks and Dean nods, just as to everything he’s told this morning.

“Well I’ll be okay mom. I think I will be. Thank you, really, I know I don’t visit enough but I’m glad I can turn to you for stuff like this…” Dean admits and blushes.

“It’s my life’s job.” Mom comments then continues. “Now go get cleaned up. I’ll take care of this.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it mom. You’ve done so much already, I’ll have to get you the best birthday present because I have the best mom in the world.” Dean grins and gets up to dispose of the leftovers.

“You don’t have to sweetie, you and Sam are my life’s greatest gifts.” She flicks her hand to dissuade Dean.

“Nonsense!” Dean chuckles while washing his hands. “I’m a better gift than Sammy and you know it!”

“Very funny Dean.” Dean can practically imagine mom rolling her eyes from the back of his head.

“Maybe we can all go out to dinner tonight. You, me, dad and Sammy. Just the four of us. It’s been a while since we’ve gone out and Sammy’s birthday doesn’t count. A Winchester family get together.” Dean suggests and his mom brightens up. He loves it when his mom gets like that.

“Sure…of course! It’s been a while since we all had dinner together. I love it.” She smiles and this is why Dean knows he’s the best child.

“Cool, let me get changed and let’s go over to Sammy’s place and show my battle scar.”

“It’s just a bruise honey.”

“Well it looks badass on me!” he yells before closing the bedroom door behind him. Today’s already looking pretty awesome and he can’t think of anything that will mess it up.

He’s got the best mom in the world and deep down, he’s starting to believe in himself. Mom’s right, he doesn’t need to go through his problems alone. He’s got his family and friends to support him. Mom, Sam, dad, his friends and especially Cas. Whatever look Cas had on hiss face last night meant, he can deal with it, even more now that he has the courage to face his deepest fears.

Perhaps he’s ready to embrace the good things in life.

***

 

**-Sam-**

Everything is grey and Sam thinks it’s because he’s seen too many classic shows when he was younger. But that doesn’t mean the real world is actually gray. Suddenly Sam realizes he’s in a dream and it is weird when one is able to realize they’re in a dream. It’s not exactly something people usually say when they get into dream sequences. Usually everything feels too surreal or too vivid and only after waking up is when people realize they just had a dream.

Right now feels a little bit of both.

Wherever he is, it feels too real yet at the same time, surreal. The grayness makes it weird but the ground feels real and this place looks like his bedroom when he was a kid. Probably before he went to high school.

Someone opens the door and he turns around.

“Dean?” he says to his older brother who looks fourteen and wearing a shirt that’s too loose and jeans.

“Heya Sammy! What’re you doing?” Dean asks and before he can answer, there’s a voice talking for him. His arms and legs are moving on their own and suddenly he’s holding a book in front of him. It’s a book on angelic lore, the one Dean gave to him on his tenth birthday.

“I’m reading the book you gave me.” Sam answers even though he didn’t open his mouth or move his body.

Dean starts talking to him and he’s answering all of Dean’s questions. Come to think of it, this dream is not just a dream, it’s a memory. This happened on his tenth birthday.

“Hello Sam.” Sam jumps in his thought but the rest of his body is still doing what he has been doing since entering the dream. He’s still talking to Dean but in the corner off his eye, he notices Cas standing right next to him and fourteen year old Dean. Dean doesn’t seem to notice anyone but Sam’s tent year old self, which makes sense because this is a memory within a dream. Cas hasn’t even entered their lives at the time.

“Cas?”

“I am not Castiel, well at least not the one you know.” The not-Cas admits.

“I figured as much, this is a dream and you’re in my dream. Of course you wouldn’t be the Cas I know. Two people can’t share the same dream.” Sam scoffs and Cas doesn’t comment on it.

“This is your memory.” Cas says while Sam ignores whatever is going on in his memory-dream.

“Yeah, if I remember correctly, it’s my tenth birthday. Dean got me a book on angelic lore.” Sam gazes on his older brother who is sitting next to him and indulging into a conversation about angels. “Although I’m not sure why I’m dreaming about a memory or why you’re in it.” Sam looks over to not-Cas who looks expressionless.

 _“Listen.”_ Not-Cas orders him and Sam does.

“Hey Sammy why don’t you come downstairs, everyone wants to celebrate your birthday.” Dean asks and pats him on the shoulder.

“But I wanna read about angels Dean. They’re awesome and have wings!” ten year old Sam enthusiastically says.

“Yeah you’re right. That’s why I got it for you ‘cause you were asking mom about them.” Dean explains.

“That’s ‘cause mom used to say: they watch over you while you sleep.” Sam adds and flips the next page and sees cherubs.

“You know they don’t exist Sammy.” There’s seriousness in Dean’s tone.

Sam shrugs it off. Even though he knows it’s the truth he likes to believe there’s something out there watching over him.

“Doesn’t matter. They’re cool and they protect you no matter what. Especially the guardian angels.” Sam remembers why he said those things, Dean was in high school now and couldn’t watch over Sam as much as he used to. Nobody waits for him at the school gates anymore.

Even though ten year old Sam is fixated on the book, the real Sam notices the disappointed look on Dean’s eyes. Back then he ignored this look but right now, it makes much more sense.

“Don’t worry Sammy, you don’t need those guardian angels. I’ll watch over you.” Dean says with conviction and ten year old Sam just continues to look at the book.

“But Dean, Archangel Gabriel is more powerful!” Sam points at the picture on the book.

“That angel looks and dresses like a chick! He doesn’t look like he can protect you!” Dean crosses his arms, offended by kid Sam’s comparison.

Sam remembers that they spent the rest of the afternoon talking about angels until Mary goes up stairs and asks for them. The room dissolves into a sequence of memories, each moment envision Dean’s interactions with Sam. All of the events depict the moments when Dean protected Sam. Just like the moment when Sam was bullied in high school. Before his growth spurt, Dean would beat up all of Sam’s bullies. Sam complained that he could handle his problems however Dean never really listened. He continued to protect Sam regardless of Sam’s protests.

“Why are you showing me all this?” Sam asks not-Cas who has been watching his memories with him since the very start.

“Can’t you tell?” not-Cas asks.

“Yeah, these are all the times when Dean saved my ass, I get it but why are you showing it?” Sam asks while the dream sequence stops at a memory during Sam’s graduation. Dean was so happy that day, looked even happier than Sam.

“I’m not showing you any of this Sam. You should understand why you are remembering all these moments, all these instances in your life.” not-Cas states and Sam looks closely at his brother during the night of his graduation. Dean’s all smiles and hasn’t stopped bragging about Sam to everyone, even Benny, whom Sam didn’t like at the time. Benny looks like he’s had enough.

Probably did.

“Well if this is trying to make me feel guilty, then it’s working.” Sam admits as images become inaudible. The world around him is still gray, as if his memories were derived from an old classic movie.

“Why do you think that is?” not-Cas asks and Sam looks down on the floor.

“Well it’s because I’ve been lying, I’ve been lying to everybody.” Sam admits but not-Cas continues to look at him as if he’s expecting more explanation. After all, there is more to say. “Especially Dean. I’ve been lying to Dean, I’ve been scheming and secretly ruining his relationship with Cas.” The pang of truth hurts but it’s not like he didn’t know it from the start.

“Do you think he deserves it?” not-Cas asks and even though Sam’s getting irritated with his questions, his mouth doesn’t keep itself shut.

“No he doesn’t.” He solemnly admits but doesn’t stop from there. “But Dean gets along with everybody and he always meets new friends. He’s got a social life unlike me who can barely keep friends let alone a relationship.” not-Cas tilts his head, it’s very similar to the real Cas.

“Don’t look at me like that! I don’t have much other than achievements and a lot of money. Making my family proud is just not enough anymore! I feel so alone…” Sam slumps a little.

“Then why don’t you reach out? Tell them how you feel?”

“Because I don’t want to sound ungrateful! They’re happy that I’m successful and it’s all I need for them to feel.” It’s the same song playing in Sam’s head over and over.

“Don’t you think that’s a little selfish?” not-Cas dares to ask.

“How is that selfish? I’m trying to protect them from my problems!” Sam raises his voice a little.

“Well first of all, you haven’t even tried to reach out to your family and tell them how you feel, so how can you be so sure that you’ll sound ungrateful? You deprived them of the chance to help you with your problems and instead, lied to their faces. Even at the cost of your brother’s happiness. You’re not trying to protect them by living in pretense Sam. You live as a phony, as a trophy for your family instead of as Mary and John’s son. Instead of Dean’s brother. You don’t have enough faith in your own family to ask for help, and why is that?”

“I think you’re too proud to reach out to your own flesh and blood Sam. Your vanity has created a wedge between you and your family.”

“You’re too concerned about this perfect image you’ve built and forgot how to have faith in others Sam.”

“Your pride has become your darkness and it has taught you how to hurt others.”

“It has taught you to hurt Dean, your own brother, the one who would do anything to keep you safe and happy.”

“You’ve manipulated people around you to do your brother harm. In order to sate your hunger. To feel loved.”

“Perhaps you don’t deserve to be loved Sam Winchester. Perhaps you deserve to be alone.”

Everything around Sam turns black. No memory, not a dream to hide into, just everything…black.

Only not-Cas is standing right in front of him and no solid ground to drop his knees. He can still see his arms and legs but there’s no shadow, no gravity to stand on. There’s nothing to feel but emptiness.

There are tears streaming on his face and they don’t drop anywhere. As soon as they leave his chin, they disappear in the darkness for good.

He looks up to face not-Cas’ glare. The blue eyes prickle in his soul.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He chants in the emptiness and even though, not-Cas is standing in front of him, there is no expression on his face. Or at least, it looks like not-Cas doesn’t want to listen to his apologies.

“Apologizing to me won’t help your situation. You have been selfish and solely responsible for your actions.” not-Cas turns away and Sam reaches out and grabs the sleeve of the trench coat.

“Wait! Please don’t go! I need to know how to fix this! Please tell me how I can fix this!” Sam begs and the tears continue to disappear into the blackness.

Not-Cas looks at Sam’s fist, gripping the sleeve then to Sam’s face.

“The answer should be obvious Sam. Even though you have done many mistakes, you already know the answer to your problem.” not-Cas answers but Sam is still at loss of what the solution is. “Let me spell it out to you: set your pride aside and seek forgiveness.”

Suddenly, the darkness disappears and they land on Sam’s apartment bedroom. There is color in every detail of his memory and not a sight of gray. Sam is still clutching on not-Cas’ sleeve while he sits on the bed.

“That is all I need to do?” Sam asks, not entirely convinced of the answer.

Not-Cas smiles and gently moves Sam’s hand off his sleeve. “You might have to articulate a few apologies to your family and friends. Especially to Dean and Castiel. However, you are an intelligent man Sam. You’ll think of a few things.” Cas starts to walk away, toward the door.

“Wait!” Sam yells out before not-Cas leaves the room and stopping the other man on his tracks. “Why are you leaving if you’re a part of my dream?” Sam asks and not-Cas smiles again.

“I think you already know the answer to that question. Am I right, Sam?”

***

 

“Sam?” Sam wakes up slowly and hears a voice in the darkness. His body aches a little and he hasn’t even opened his eyes.

“Sam?” He rubs his eyes a little and hears the bedroom door open.

“Sam?” for the third time the voice says and Sam knows whose voice it is.

“Are you in here- WHAT THE HELL?” A loud yell sends Sam jumping from his daze. All of a sudden he remembers that Cas is sleeping next to him and they’re both naked.

“DAD?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not-Cas is hot because he's savage. 
> 
> Think things will get better?
> 
> I've drafted the plan for the next few chapters but what do you think's gonna happen?
> 
> Thank you for all your comments and support. I've taken some of your ideas on board and I can't wait to post the next following chapters.


	8. Chapter 8- Forgive and Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel are hurt.
> 
> Sam tries to fix everything.
> 
> John and Mary Winchester's marriage receive a tribulation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter is long and quite heavy unless it doesn't affect or trigger any of you. I write this to share my own experience of the homophobia matter.
> 
> WARNINGS:
> 
> John Winchester's A+ Parenting tag  
> Dark Dean Elements- One episode from Season 8 Dean, Mark of Cain Dean, Deanmon and End of Season 10 Dean  
> \- Self-Destruction  
> \- Minor Domestic Violence  
> \- HOMOPHOBIC LANGUAGE  
> \- Dean doesn't think he deserves to be happy (is a theme in itself)
> 
> If there are any missing warnings- let me know.  
> Also, Mary gets slightly aggressive here but I will tell you now, I don't see her as person who will submit to John. Fuck that shit on the passive wife, if she has her views and morals then she will share them to protect what is right, especially for her babies.
> 
> Another thing, it only gets worse from this chapter- thus I added 2 more chapters.

**-Castiel-**

To say this is one of the worst mornings in Castiel’s life is an understatement.

Although he’s not much of a drinker, he really let himself go last night. Someone should find the cure for hangovers because right now, Castiel feels sick and everything hurts. Especially when John walks in on him and Sam, in Sam’s bed with not an ounce of clothing on. Some of their ejaculate last night is drying on his skin.

As soon as John lays his eyes on them, Castiel saw fury ignite. John stormed out of Sam’s room while Sam shuffles to put some clothes on and throws Castiel some layers.

Castiel carefully picks some of his clothes up and tries to get changed while he hears Sam and John screaming in the living room. Being hungover makes everything sound worse and he can barely keep himself up. The buttons on his shirt are missing and he steps on one as he walks toward the door.

He has caused so much trouble.

“Is this what you’ve learned after coming home from the city? You’re screwing around with MEN?” John points at Castiel who stops halfway across the hall from the bedroom.

“Dad could you please CALM DOWN?” Sam asks and he gives Castiel a concerned look. Castiel wants to say something but he can’t, John won’t even look at him. To think Castiel and John were friends before would be difficult to tell, given how John is reacting right now. As if all those years mean nothing.

“I expected more from you Sam! You come back after all these years and bring your filth into our lives!”

“Why is this such a big deal dad? You’re acting like I just killed someone!”

“Don’t try and talk your way out of this Sam! You’ve put me to shame! You’ve put your entire family to shame! I didn’t raise you to become some fairy faggot going around fucking whatever Dick, Tom or John in town!” John barks at Sam and then he turns to Castiel. “And YOU! You enter our lives and I welcome you into my family. I trusted you! Then you encourage my son to commit your sick games!” Sam cuts John off by getting in between him and Castiel.

“Don’t blame this on Cas! He’s done nothing wrong!” Sam bites back and Castiel feels like he’s going to be sick.

“I knew letting you move into the city was a big mistake! All you city people are sick ad it has turned one of my sons sick! You disgusting piece of shit!” John continues to spit the words to Castiel’s face and Sam lunges forward, punching his father’s face.

It sends the older man to the floor.

“John!” Castiel calls out in reflex and attempts to help the man up.

“Don’t touch me you freak!” John back hands Castiel’s arms away. Sam pulls him away and comes in between Castiel and John again.

John gets up and points a finger at Castiel, his eyes burn with rage and the bruise on his cheek is starting to darken.

“You turn my son against me! Corrupt him with your filth! I don’t ever want you to set foot on my property ever again. You’re nothing to me!” John wipes the blood off his mouth.

“He didn’t corrupt me John! You’re the sick one! Get out of my apartment!” Sam takes a step forward and John takes a step back, closer to the door.

“You’re a disappointment! I can’t be in here!” As soon as John opens the door, Mary and Dean are standing right in front of Sam’s doorstep.

“John what is going on? What happened to your face?” Mary asks and John points a finger at Sam and Castiel’s direction.

“Your son has been screwing around with Castiel! Did you know about this?” John’s nose flares and Mary slowly shakes her in confusion, she turns to Cas and Sam’s direction and John storms out of the way before any other words are spoken.

“John wait!” Mary cries out and she turns back to Sam and Castiel. “Sam I need an explanation when I come back!” Mary runs after her husband and Dean is the only one left by the door.

The look of devastation masks his face and Castiel can’t rip his eyes away from Dean even if he tries.

“Dean…” comes out of his mouth and the older Winchester turns away, running to some place. Some place away from here, away from Castiel.

Castiel stands frozen on the spot. His head is still trying to register what has happened so far. Dean saw him. Dean was right in front of him. Looking at him.

Dean looked devastated.

The first thing Castiel does is run after Dean, chase the man of his dreams and ignore Sam’s call.

Once he reaches Dean’s apartment he can hear Dean’s furniture breaking. For every loud thud and smash, Cas flinches and stands frozen on the spot as before. Right outside of Dean’s apartment he cries silently, trying to let the guilt and the pain sink in. This is all his fault, he knows it is.

Because of his lies, he’s caused trouble for the Winchesters. The family who welcomed him when he had nobody.

Now he’s too afraid to face Dean and isn’t that a funny thought.

Castiel has been a coward for a while, he should be accustomed to it already. So he waits until the loud noises stop to open the door. Dean is in his kitchen and he snaps a look at Castiel.

“Dean.”

***

**-Dean-**

Dean runs away from Sam’s apartment. As far away as possible because his chest hurt, everything hurts. He can’t breathe and he has complete disregard to whatever’s happening around him. Right now, he’s walking in the middle of the road and he doesn’t care.

Anger and pain courses through his veins and he doesn’t know what to do. He walks back into his apartment and slams the door behind him before dropping onto the floor. Guess doing this last night wouldn’t be the last. Only this time, his lungs feel like he’s breathing glass and his nails dig into his hair.  He couldn’t believe what he just saw. Cas was practically pressed behind Sam, with their shriveled clothes and barely covering their bodies. It doesn’t take a genius to know what just happened or what happened last night after Cas left with Sam.

This is stupid.

Dean’s stupid.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!

He didn’t even know Sam liked guys! He didn’t even know that was a possibility. His brother has always been interested in chicks, he dated Sarah for year or something like that. There’s no way he could just flip a switch then get together with Cas. Cas. His freaking best friend who he thought had feelings for him. Benny, mom and even Lisa had a hunch that Cas liked him.

Cas liked him.

Clearly Dean’s been getting the wrong signals because Cas was with Sam last night, stayed over and had sex. Cas. Of all people Sam could get with…it had to be the one person Dean wants.

Dad said ‘has been screwing.’ That means they’ve been together before last night.

Before…

Dean gets up and rips the cushions off his couch throws them away.  He throws anything that he can find anywhere and he doesn’t care if they break or smash into a million pieces. It’d be great if they break because that’s what Dean wants to see right now. He wants something to break, something to hurt. 

He’d rather throw this tantrum than to dwell on the aching pain in his chest. He wants to be alone right now. Alone to take all this crap.

His dinner table is flipped upside down and the lamps and chairs are together on the floor. Broken shards of glass scatter all over the floor, including the books that he and Cas bought over the years. The old classic movies he used to watch with Sam when he was younger lie underneath the fallen books. Nothing in his apartment should be in order. Nothing.

Screw the cleaning and screw the mess.

Dean is such an idiot and a fucking loser.

He should’ve known Cas was too good for someone like Dean Winchester. It’s clear that if Cas should choose someone between him and Sam, Cas would pick Sam. Sam’s always been better at everything, he’s smarter, taller and better overall.

Nobody deserves a piece of shit like Dean. Dean has nothing to offer Cas. He’s worthless, useless and pitiful. The complete opposite to Sam. His baby brother always gets everything- everything Dean has ever hoped for in life.

Turns out Cas is one of those things.

Dean needs a drink. A really strong one, enough to destroy his liver on the spot. There’s a full bottle of scotch in the liquor cabinet, waiting to be emptied.

“Dean.”

From the corner of Dean’s eyes he can see someone. He snaps a look toward the front door and Cas is standing right there, his blue eyes are glassy and lips trembling.

Of all the years Dean has known Cas, there’s one thing he’s certain. He never ever wants Cas to cry. To make those blue eyes tear up. It was his self-appointed role, to become Cas’ protector. However now, Dean can’t be that person. He can’t be that person who can protect Cas because he knows deep-down, he’s too hurt.

Something primal surges from his core. He’s scared to know what this feeling  means. It’s as if a wounded animal will try bare its teeth and claws to frighten or hurt anyone close.

Cas should go. He needs to leave.

_Don’t come any closer._

***

 

**-Castiel-**

“Dean.” Castiel mutters because Dean’s apartment is a total mess.

Everything is broken or on the floor; one way or another. Even Dean’s precious movie collection that he watched with Castiel over the years. Regardless if Dean has seen all those movies, he re-watched them with Castiel because he was hell-bent on educating Castiel with pop culture references and the ‘best movies of all time’ as Dean pushed forward over and over. The books that Castiel used to read to him before he slept are on the floor on top of some the said movies.

On nights when Castiel went over and Dean made dinner for the two of them, Castiel would stay the night and read to Dean before he slept because there was nothing left to do. Castiel promised to never share that secret to anybody because it was a special time between him and Dean. Nobody else.

Other special moments Castiel shared with Dean in his apartment happened in the kitchen where Dean used to make him burgers while Castiel picked a movie for them to watch. Or the time when Castiel surprised Dean with pie after coming back from visiting Sam in Chicago. Mary helped him make the pie of course otherwise he would’ve burned the house down. She taught him in her home or in Dean’s kitchen because Dean said Castiel is allowed to go into his apartment while he’s away. After all, Castiel may not know how to cook but he knew how to clean and he surprised Dean with pie and cleaning Dean’s apartment when Dean got back.

It was one of those days when Dean smiled brighter.

Now Dean isn’t smiling. In fact he’s the complete opposite. Instead of being comfortable and warm in his own home, the little paradise he shares with Castiel over the years, he is red in anger and teary eyed. Castiel gaze upon Dean’s home in ruins and can’t help but feel responsible.

He’s responsible.

He knows he is.

The deceit and hiding has led to this and Castiel hates himself more than anyone and anything in the world right now.

“Dean…I’m…” Cas stammers and Dean chuckles.

“Buddy, you came in the wrong time.” Dean wipes his face, clearly trying to hide the wetness on his lashes.

“Dean…” Castiel tries again.

“Don’t mind me Cas, I’m just spring cleaning.” Dean says and kicks a stack of books out of the way to walk closer to Castiel. There’s a frightening feeling in his chest and Castiel doesn’t know what to do.

“Dean what you saw…” Castiel just needs to come out and say it. Admit the truth. That’s all he needs to do.

“Oh you and Sam? I saw it. Was clear as day, then again it just happened a few minutes ago.” Dean chuckles again. Castiel doesn’t wanna hear and see that laugh.

Dean turns away and walks to his liquor cabinet. Castiel emptied it a few years ago after Dean and Lisa broke up. Dean was in no state to be drinking more and even though his best friend told him to ‘fuck off’, Castiel stayed and fed Dean. He bought Dean’s food and utilities, even paid for the Impala’s gas when Dean couldn’t work for a week, and one of his job called and fired him. It only made Dean’s mood worse.

Castiel didn’t care that Dean swore at him and told him to go away. He ignored it and continued taking care of his best friend. His only real friend at the time before Dean introduced Castiel to his friends and family.

It would be nicer if Dean told him to fuck off right now or scream at him rather than watch him laugh at Castiel. Dean pulls a glass out from the cabinet and fills it up with scotch.

“Dean, you shouldn’t be drinking this early in the morning.” It’s like a reflex. Castiel is always ready to be caring for Dean regardless of the situation. Awkward or not.

“Ah! This? Its 5 pm somewhere, am I right Cas?” Usually Castiel would add a fact that it could be 5 pm somewhere in the middle of the ocean but he doesn’t. This is no time to be rusty in his people skills.

“You were the one who advised me not to drink alcohol this early in the morning…” which is true. Castiel has helped Dean survive countless amounts of hangovers before. Even at times when Dean would drink the morning after going out the night before. The worst was when Dean shared the news of Sam working for a very wealthy Wall Street client. All the Winchesters celebrated and Dean drank too much.

All those years ago, when Castiel pulled the bottle away, Dean cried and told Castiel that he was so proud of Sam and was disappointed in himself. He admitted to love the fact Sam was famous but he looked down on himself. He wished to be just as successful as Sam. So that Sam could look up to him and not the other way around. It wasn’t to feed his pride, in fact it was the complete opposite.

Then and there, Castiel knew Dean just wanted to take care of his brother. To be needed by Sam. To feel useful.

“Yeah you’re right. I did tell you that.” Dean admits and drinks more than half a glass of scotch in one gulp. The burn must be horrendous.

“Dean…” he cries out and Dean hushes him by pointing a finger while holding another half-filled glass of alcohol.

“Funny how you remembered to remind me of my own ‘advice.’” The bunny finger in the air is unnecessary on Dean’s behalf but Castiel can’t stop him. “But you forget to mention that you’ve been ‘screwing’ around with Sam?” Dean slams the glass down on the counter.

The slam makes him wince. Dean is angry because he didn’t say something sooner.

Is that all? Why does Castiel hope for another reason?

“I was going to say something sooner…” Castiel mutters and Dean gulps the whole glass down while he clumsily pours another one. The scotch spills all over the counter.

“So it’s true. You were screwing around with Sam before last night.” Dean points out and Castiel pauses, takes a deep breath and answers.

“Yes.”

There’s a long pause in the air.

Dean doesn’t move, he just stares at his apartment, or whatever’s left of it. Castiel doesn’t answer but waits. He waits for Dean to say something, anything. Just to hear how much Castiel has failed as a friend and a person who loves Dean. Maybe he doesn’t love Dean.

Maybe he’s just a horrible person. A corruption to the Winchesters as John said.

All throughout Castiel’s life, he just wants to belong somewhere. To settle into a home. Unfortunately, no matter where he goes, he always causes problems.

Perhaps he’s pestilence.

A freak.

No matter where he roams.

Always the problem. Never the solution.

“You make me sick…” Dean mutters and it is as if Castiel heard his whole world shatter into ruins.

“Dean, I’m sorry…” he pleads.

“GET OUT!”

Castiel jumps again and runs away without looking back. He runs out of Dean’s apartment, toward the neighborhood where Sam catches him in the middle of the road.

“Cas what happened? What did Dean say?” Sam grips his arms and Castiel tears himself away from Sam.

He doesn’t want anyone to touch him. He’s dirty.

He’s sickening.

“Sam. Please…I can’t…” Castiel pulls away and runs toward his house.

Right now he just wants to be alone. Alone in his house because he’s done enough.

Who was he kidding?

There’s no way Dean would forgive the likes of him. A liar. A freak.

Everything he touches gets hurt. They get ruined. John was right. He was right about everything. Castiel doesn’t deserve to be with anyone. Dean doesn’t deserve someone who lies and likes other men. He should’ve known Dean was straight and would never look at him the same way. Castiel brought this all to himself. He should’ve never involved himself with Sam and now he has caused enough damage.

Now it’s too late.

He lost a family and his home.

He lost Dean.

He sheds tears along the way.

***

 

 

**-Dean-**

Cas shouldn’t have come here. He really shouldn’t. Dean doesn’t trust himself around anything or anyone right now. But here he was, standing right in front of his best friend, no, more like the guy he’s been pining over for what feels like forever. Castiel.

The same guy who he just saw with Sam.

Someone who is too good for Dean.

“Dean…I’m…” Cas tries and Dean tries to rip his thoughts away from feeling hurt. It’s funny how he’s so scared of Cas finding out he’s hurt right now.

He laughs.

“Buddy, you came in the wrong time.” Fuck. Cas can see him in this state. Dean shouldn’t be crying right now but then again, he doesn’t know what to feel anymore. Should he be pissed? Sad?

“Dean…” Cas should stop saying his name. Usually, when Dean hears Cas say his name in that gravelly voice, he calms down. Right now, he doesn’t want to calm down. Well, maybe he just can’t.

“Don’t mind me Cas, I’m just spring cleaning.” Dean kicks some of his stuff out of the way. Who is he kidding? It doesn’t take a genius to know how pathetic he is. Well here it is. Cas gets the whole picture.

Dean Winchester’s apartment is an absolute mess, just like his life. Actually, he’s an even bigger mess than his apartment. He’s always been pitiful.

“Dean what you saw…” Dean has to stop Cas right there. It hurts too much. Just thinking about how Dean is a massive loser for missing his chance with his best friend.

“Oh you and Sam? I saw it. Was clear as day, then again it just happened a few minutes ago.” Dean tries to lighten his mood by laughing but he’s simply lying through his teeth. He knows there’s a bad ending to this talk.

That scotch in the cabinet could really use some emptying, so he takes it out and opens it right in front of Cas.

“Dean, you shouldn’t be drinking this early in the morning.” Cas is always looking out for Dean, that much is true. Apparently, that’s all there is to it. Nothing more.

Cas is too good for someone like Dean that he had to go choose Sam.

“Ah! This? Its 5 pm somewhere, am I right Cas?” Dean really is pathetic. He really is. Cas should really get out of here and leave him to drink his misery away.

“You were the one who advised me not to drink alcohol this early in the morning…” Oh.

That’s right, he has said that to Cas in the past.

“Yeah you’re right. I did tell you that.” Dean chugs another glass into his throat.

“Dean…” Cas is trying to stop him but Dean needs to remind Cas how pathetic he is. The self-destructive and pitiful Dean Winchester. Why does Cas even bother with him? Then again, Cas didn’t seem to bother telling him about getting together with Sam behind his back.

Maybe that’s just how pathetic Dean is to Cas and Sam. He’s a whole new low, to the point of not even deserving the truth.

“Funny how you remembered to remind me of my own ‘advice.’” The alcohol is affecting him a little and maybe being drunk can help him make sense of everything. Make sense of how fucked up his feelings are. “But you forget to mention that you’ve been ‘screwing’ around with Sam?” Yep. Dad did say Cas and Sam have apparently going at it for a while but Dean needs to know. Dean needs to hear it from Cas’ mouth.

He needs to know how much he doesn’t deserve Cas nor his love.

He wants to hear how sickening he is. The thought makes him drop the scotch a little too hard and Cas jumps. That’s right.

Cas should stay back, keep away from him. Dean is hideous.

Dean isn’t like a person carrying leprosy, he’s leprosy itself. A plague.

 “I was going to say something sooner…” Castiel mutters and Dean needs another drink.

Of course Cas was reluctant to say anything to Dean. Dean doesn’t deserve his best friend’s honesty, no, he’s just a burden. A setback. Something that stops Cas from being with others. From being with Sam in a proper relationship. Dean’s the problem.

“So it’s true. You were screwing around with Sam before last night.” Dean points at his best friend and he doesn’t know how much he can take. Everything is starting to feel dizzy. He regretted asking the question as soon as it left his mouth.

“Yes.” Cas answers with calmness.

There it is. _There it fucking is._

Dean has officially realized he’s not worth Cas’ time. Not worth of his own brother’s honesty. He’s not worth anything.

Why else would Cas not tell him sooner?

Dean would be lying to himself if he thought Cas ever had feelings for him. No, that’s completely out of the picture. But apparently, Dean doesn’t even deserve Cas’ time and energy. Cas who has been his best friend for years and the only other person who knows Dean inside and out has seen the light.

Life would clearly be better if Dean wasn’t in the picture.

Dean feels sick.

He’s the problem. The sickness.

 “You make me sick…” Dean says to himself out loud because it’s true. He’s poison to everyone around him.

“Dean, I’m sorry…” Cas takes a step closer but Dean can’t have that. He destroys everything he touches.

Cas shouldn’t be here.

“GET OUT!” Cas needs to go and he finally does.

Dean has had it with everything especially himself. Staggering, he reaches the bathroom and vomits in the toilet. He continues to vomit and it’s not only because of the alcohol. He needs to do something or anything, just to not feel this way.

Dean doesn’t deserve anybody.

Especially Cas.

It’s because he’s horrendous, he’s the worst. Nobody could love someone like him. He’s not worth anyone’s time and to think there’s a happy ending to his story is but an illusion.

He’d be fooling himself if he thought he had a chance.

***

**-Sam-**

Sam has been left with an impasse. Nothing seems to make sense right now and everything happened all at once.

This morning is not what he expected. It’s not what he had in mind at all.

The dream. Not-Cas.

He was supposed to make everything right. He was supposed to go and apologize and tell the truth. Perhaps now it’s too late and for the first time in Sam Winchester’s life, he is struck with an impossible ordeal, bigger than he can handle.

John Winchester, his own dad, was supposed to be proud of him. To stand by his side through thick and thin. Even though his dad has always there for him to get to where he is now, Sam can’t believe his father could be so close-minded about Sam’s preference.

Sure dad caught Sam in the worst possible moment however his dad had no right to point fingers and spout hateful words toward Cas. Cas, who has done nothing wrong but follow whatever Sam tells him to do. To call Cas filth or a freak is unforgivable.

All his life, Sam has worked toward getting achievements because they make his life mean something. They make his parents and Dean smile at him. That’s all he ever wanted. However that’s not enough.

Apparently all the things Sam has worked so hard for, his image, his achievements were all for nothing upon his father discovering something that shouldn’t even be frowned upon to begin with.

Not only that, Dean saw them. Dean saw him and Cas. Sam’s chance to make amends were pulled right under him and now he doesn’t have a clue on what to do.

After running into Cas in front of Dean’s apartment, Sam tries to console his boyfriend…well soon to be ex-boyfriend. However, he’s at a loss. Cas doesn’t want to be with anyone right now and he has a feeling it’s because of his brother. Sam should go up to his brother’s apartment and sort this out however he has a feeling somebody is gonna come out of this bloody if he doesn’t plan it out.

Of all the times Sam needs his planning skills, he can’t think of anything right now.

Perhaps the only thing he can do now is wait. That’s what he’s good for.

He’s good at pretending he can rationally handle things when in fact, he just dropped the biggest bombshell in everyone’s life.

Surrendering, he goes to his parent’s house.

After all, he owes mom an explanation.

***

 

**-Mary Winchester-**

This is not what Mary expected.

Today was not supposed to turn out like this. John was supposed to go visit Sam and tell him about Dean’s incident last night but not this. Her sons lying to each other and her husband spouting hate like a Neanderthal.

After a few minutes of her husband raving on about how Sam has been tainted by city-life and Castiel corrupted him, Mary stood up from her seat.

Walked right up to her husband who hasn’t stopped yelling as if Mary isn’t just a few inches away.

And she slaps him.

One hard slap across his left cheek using her right hand.

Yes, Mary hasn’t slapped her husband in a long time.

“What the hell was that for-,” Another slap to shut her husband up.

Mary has planted her left and her right hands on John’s cheeks hoping he gets the message.

“Sit down John and listen closely.” John looks hurt and he would not dare lay a finger on her, not because he follows the ‘don’t hit women’ code because he and her both know, Mary can take him down.

John carefully pulls a chair and sits on it while Mary takes one deep breath and squeezes her forehead with her index finger and thumb.

“Have you got your ears on?” Mary asks and John just nods.

Mary has done this to John many years ago. In fact, she did this several times. On many occasions, she did this to clear things with John.

“I want you to be completely honest with me.” Mary commands and she crouches to his eye level.

“Did you just hurt our son-,”

“Mary he hit me!” John stops when Mary points a finger to his face.

“Did you or did you not, just yell at our son because he is together with Castiel?” Mary looks at him steadily and John nods.

“Because it’s sick Mary!”

Mary slaps him again and continues to look at him in the eye. Burning rage courses through her veins and she’s ready to hit her husband again if it helps him think straight.

“John how could you say such a thing to your own son? To Castiel?” Mary asks, adding disappointment in her tone.

“It’s because he forgot how to respect his parents. His own father. He hit me!” John braces himself as Mary waves a hand up but she doesn’t hit her husband.

“I’m sure you were very rational when you discovered the truth.”

“It doesn’t matter Mary, I am his father!” Mary stands up. Instead of punching him, which she wanted to do, she looms over him. His figure shrinks a little into the seat.

“Now you listen to me John Winchester, don’t you dare use the father card on your grown son! He’s not under your wing anymore, he’s an adult. A full grown individual who can make decisions for himself and frankly, live however way he wants. He has done nothing but make this family proud and I will not have you berate your own son for not complying with your expectations!”

She leans forward, to her husband’s eye level and puts both her hands on his thighs.

“If he wishes to be with a man, with Castiel, then you let him because you have no right to talk John. I fell in love with a man who is kind and loving, someone who did not care about what my conservative family expected of me. You of all people should know how wrong it is to hate others for who they are not what they do. My father didn’t even want to try to get to know you John and I will not have you turn into him. If your son loves a man then let him otherwise we’re repeating the same mistakes in the past and I don’t want my children to remember you as a hateful person.” Mary doesn’t like crying but she can’t help feel hurt. It’s the truth.

She went to her father’s funeral and didn’t speak to anyone but her mother, Deanna.

She always hated her father.

Hated him for not trying to understand John.

“Sam might never come back.” It’s one of Mary’s deepest fears.

John’s expression softens and he leaves his seat to wrap his arms around Mary.

“I’m sorry Mary. I’m so sorry. You’re right. I was so focused on getting your father’s approval that I didn’t realize I was turning into him. I don’t want our sons to hate me Mary. I don’t want you to remember me as hateful. I love you and I’m sorry.” John consoles Mary and she looks up.

“You better apologize to your son John. All he wants to do is make us proud and if you don’t fix this, I’m afraid he’ll never show his face on our property and I’ll kick you out if that happens.” Mary glares at her husband who quickly nods and heads to the door.

When John opens it, he stops.

Mary wonders why that is.

“Dad?” it’s Sam and John looks at Mary before looking back to his son.

“Sam.” John lunges forward and wraps his arms around his son. Her son does the same and begins to cry in his father’s hold.

Right then and there, Mary knows, the road to recovery and forgiveness has started.

***

 

**-Sam-**

Apologies are in order

Sam knows this and he starts with his parents. He apologizes to dad for hitting him and the yelling. Dad apologizes too and it’s accepted with a hug. Also, he apologizes to mom for hiding his relationship.

Both of them forgive him.

Mom nudges dad to elaborate on his apology. Dad admits he was wrong and should not have said those words. He gives Sam approval for who he is, which he owed him from the very start. From now on, he wishes Sam to be more open to his family and trust them to accept him. They reassure Sam that they love him even beyond the success and the achievements.

John admits that they don’t matter if Sam doesn’t love his family. Sam agrees. His dad isn’t done with his apology and decides to head toward Cas’ home.

They all follow John while Sam gazes upon Dean’s apartment. Worry prickles his back as he wonders how Cas is doing and what did Dean do. Whatever Dean did, it’s definitely bad as the last time he saw Cas crying like that was last night. Maybe one of them confessed their feelings toward the other, perhaps Cas did and got rejected. It’s a possibility but Sam thinks they didn’t. Knowing Dean, he must’ve said something stupid and hurtful.

Anticipation is killing him with every step toward Cas’ home.

Mary watches from the back as John knocks on Cas’ door. No one answers, so John knocks again.

Sam’s getting worried. It’s not like Cas to not answer his door and he doesn’t have a car so he would have to walk very far to go anywhere.

Maybe he did.

After the second knock, Cas opens the door and John apologizes, right there and then on Cas’ doorstep. From the looks of it, Cas has been crying and there’s no doubt mom and dad probably think it’s because of what John said. Well Sam knows it’s not entirely about what dad said, but he doesn’t ruin the moment between dad and Cas.

When Cas accepts John’s apology and forgives him, Sam watches his old man lean forward and give Cas a hug. Cas returns the hug and looks at Sam and Mary with wet eyes.

Mom brightens up and Castiel invites them inside.

In Castiel’s living room, dad asks how he and Sam got together, the brief version that is.

It’s an awkward question considering Sam is planning on breaking up with Cas.

“Sam asked me out on a date and I said yes.” Cas flat out answers dad’s question and dad nods.

“Well Cas, I appreciate you forgiving me. It takes a lot of compassion and it’s clear you have plenty of it. I can’t think of a better man for my Sam.” Dad smiles and Sam just smiles along, awkwardly glancing at mom and Cas.

After a few minutes, John says he plans on learning about parenting a gay son. Apparently he saw some books about it in the library. He plans on reading it today and Sam exchanges a concerned look with Cas. Sam, mom and dad excuse themselves and dad thanks Cas for his kindness, one last time.

While walking back to their home, mom is quiet and dad says he’s off to the library. Sam hopes dad has a productive research and not be traumatized with whatever he stumbles upon. Once dad drives away, mom stops Sam before he heads back to his apartment.

“Sam care to explain why you were secretly dating Cas behind your brother’s back?” mom asks while she waves at dad’s car. Her eyes meet his and she’s using her commanding voice.

“I- uh…well…” Sam stammers to find an answer considering how he’s been scheming for months now.

“Did you know your brother has feelings for Cas?” Mom asks and she doesn’t look too happy.

There’s no easy way out of this so Sam sighs.

“Not at first. No, I didn’t know Dean had feelings for Cas.” Sam admits and mom continues to read his face.

“You better be telling me the truth Sam. I love you but it’s hard to trust you right now.” Mom admits and even though it hurts Sam, he knows he deserves it.

“I am. Really. At first I didn’t know and when I found out I was just so scared of losing that I decided to find a way to keep Cas all to myself.” Sam says in disappointment. “It took me this long to realize it was a losing battle.” He remembers not-Cas from last night. “I should’ve known Cas was meant for Dean, not me.”

Mom smacks him across the forehead and Sam jumps.

“That’s for lying to me and hurting your brother! Dammit Sam I raised you better than that!” mom scolds him and Sam’s right, all of this is his fault. He should’ve known better.

Then mom drags his head down to her shoulder and pulls him in for a hug.

“You may not say it sweetie but I can understand why you did it. You feel alone being all the way out in Chicago and you barely call home. I don’t hear much about your personal life and if you think you can cover it up by talking about work, then you’re wrong. I’m not like your father.  I can tell if my babies are upset. I wish you worked closer to home so you don’t have to be all by yourself.” She lets him go and Sam wants to cry, well tears are starting to well up but who cares? This is his mom and he misses her consoling hugs.

He hasn’t had them since he was a kid because he always had Dean to fall back to.

His caring and protective older brother.

Dean deserves the biggest apology out of everyone.

“Mom, listen, I gotta go say sorry to Dean. I have to fix this somehow.” Sam nods with determination and the voice of ‘not-Cas’ in his head.

“Go ahead sweetie. Just tell him the truth and I’m sure he will forgive you. Your brothers after all.” Mom waves at him and he smiles while walking up to Dean’s apartment. Since the Impala is still parked, this means Dean hasn’t driven anywhere.

The most difficult part of the day is up ahead and he needs to have courage to fix this.

Set his pride aside just like not-Cas said.

***

 

At the front of Dean’s doorstep, Sam takes a deep breath. He concentrates, mentally and emotionally preparing himself for whatever may come. He knocks on the door.

No one answers.

He knocks again and Dean opens the door. His older brother reeks of alcohol and is barely standing up.

“Oh it’s just you.” Dean’s eyes are red from crying obviously and his shirt is soaked in sweat.

“Dean, can we talk and what happened to your face?” Sam asks and Dean looks inside then back to Sam. Sam slowly nods, waiting for an answer.

“This? It’s from Lisa’s boyfriend from last night and make yourself at home.” Dean flings the door open and limps toward the couch…or what’s left of it.

The whole apartment is a mess. Wrecked even. And Lisa’s boyfriend? It’s even worse than Sam thought.

“Dean I need to make some things clear.” Sam looks at his brother then Dean throws himself up from the couch and rests his elbows on his knees, pretending to be attentive.

“What? You mean you and Cas? Yeah I get it. Cas told me all about your dirty little secret.” The bunny ears are unnecessary but Sam pays it no mind. He’s here to apologize and he knows Dean’s drunk so he’ll be even more passive aggressive as the minutes pass.

“Yeah Dean about that…there’s more to it-,”

“What else is there to say Sammy? I get it. You and Cas getting together. I totally get that. Cas is a nerd, you’re a nerd…it’s like a match made in heaven. The couple of the century…”

“Dean I know you have feelings for Cas.”

“Pfft! What the hell are you talking about Sam? Have you been drinking or something?”

“Dean I just wanna be honest with you…”

“Honest about what? You don’t need to force yourself to be honest with me Sammy since clearly it’s too much of an effort to tell your brother when you’re banging his best friend. I get it Sam. He’s for you, you’re together. End of story.”

“Dean would you just listen to me! I know I haven’t been telling the truth for a while but I’m trying to make up for it. I wanna be more honest with you since I know you’re mad. I get it. You’re trying to cover everything up with sarcasm or lashing out on everyone around you. I know Cas was here before and he was crying after he left. That’s one of the reasons why I didn’t tell you about me and Cas so at least hear me out!” Sam stomps his foot and he hasn’t done that in a very long time. Dean puts his hands up in surrender.

“Fine. Have it your way. Zip.” Dean pretends there’s an imaginary zipper for his mouth and closes it.

“I have had feelings toward Cas for a while now. Well I think it started when you introduced him to me. He just sounded so great and when I got to know him face to face, I understood why you always talked him up. He’s amazing…” Sam stops for a moment and Dean pretends he’s fascinated on how the scotch rolls in the glass.

“Then I realized you have feelings for him too. Perhaps before I ever did and I got jealous. I really wanted to have him to myself because you had years with him. You have everyone here in Kansas for company while I had nobody in Chicago. I never told you or mom and dad that I was miserable over there because you were always so proud of me. I didn’t want to sound ungrateful.” Sam sucks some air before continuing.

“So when I got closer to Cas I never wanted to look back. I wanted him in my life, only problem is…you also have feelings toward him. And he has feelings for you too.” There it is. The painful truth of Sam’s love life.

“Wait Cas has feelings for me?” Dean drops the glass on the carpet, staining it.

“Yeah Dean he does. He really does and I dunno if anyone has ever told you this but he’s got it bad. And it hurt knowing I was the third wheel in the relationship, of whatever you and Cas had. So I tried my hardest to get him all to myself. I planned and caused problems for the two of you.” It’s the truth and he’s finally letting it all out.

“The week when the two of you didn’t speak, I made it last that long, hoping Cas might fall in love with me. But…” Sam looks down to his feet, guilt bowing his head for him.

“It didn’t work. Cas was so head over heels for you that no matter what I do…” It hurts more to admit to his brother than to himself. The one person Cas loves.

“Even when I met Lisa in the grocery store and invited her to come to Benny’s bar. Although, I didn’t know she was gonna bring her boyfriend…Anyway, none of my plans worked…Cas was never gonna look at me the way he looked at you.” Those lingering stares that always bothered Sam should’ve been a sign but Sam didn’t listen to them.

“Then this morning dad discovered us and he had a homophobic outburst which he apologized for afterwards. We’re good now and dad also apologized to Cas but I know I had one more person to apologize to.” He swallows to keep himself from falling apart.

“I’m sorry Dean. For all I’ve done. For the plotting, scheming and all the stupid things I’ve done to you. You didn’t deserve it. You deserve to be with Cas, not me. I should have never put you through all that.” Sam has confessed everything and he set his pride aside, just as not-Cas told him in the dream.

There’s a pregnant pause in the air.

“I can’t be in here.” Dean gets up and walks past Sam, taking his jacket and keys.

“Dean!” Sam yells but his brother doesn’t turn around. He simply continues to walk through the neighborhood. Until he’s but the size of an ant and Sam remains standing outside Dean’s apartment.

“Dammit.”

***

 

In his apartment, Sam waits for Dean to reply to his messages and call him back. He’s been trying and trying, to no avail. Even mom is worried so she baked a pie, hoping it will make Dean feel better.

Sam knows to give Dean the space that he needs however, he can’t help but feel worried about him. Dean doesn’t usually cope well with drama and usually he has Cas for those moments.

Speaking of Cas, Sam went over to his home to ask if he knew where Dean was. Unfortunately Cas doesn’t know, however, he admits what Dean said to him before Sam ran into him on the street. Turns out Dean said he felt sick toward Cas and it doesn’t make a lick of sense considering Dean is in love with him.

Sure Cas lied to Dean but Sam was the one at fault. He was the mastermind behind it all so Cas doesn’t deserve what Dean said to him. Cas doesn’t deserve to be treated as such, if anyone does, it should be Sam. Now he’s really setting his pride aside and ready to face the consequences. Even though they were brothers, Sam betrayed Dean and made his life miserable. Sam knows he deserves worse but no one else does. Not Dean, not Cas, not anyone. Nobody deserves to be treated the way he treated Dean and everyone around him.

Perhaps Sam has caused irreparable damage.

“Sam you should have more faith in your brother. I’m sure he will return and he will forgive you. He loves you, even at the darkest moments. That’s just how your brother is. He will go out of his way to care for others, regardless if it costs him.” Mom says and she’s right. Dean is a great brother, friend and person.

Unlike Sam who lies and controls other people.

“Don’t beat yourself up, I’m sure he’ll bounce back.” Mom pats him on the shoulder then there’s a knock on the door.

Sam quickly jumps up to open it and to his luck, his older brother is on his doorstep.

“Dean!” Sam hugs his brother, Dean doesn’t stink of alcohol as much as before.

“Hey Sammy…” Dean says and returns the hug.

“I thought something happened to you…you had me worried. Why didn’t you answer your phone? You didn’t even reply to my messages.” Sam grips Dean’s arms and mom walks right behind him.

“I just thought it would be better to forgive you in person. Face to face. I didn’t wanna forgive you over the damn thing. I wouldn’t be able to give you a hug.” Dean smiles and relief spreads inside Sam’s chest.

“Dean are you sure you forgive me? Just like that? I know I messed up big time, don’t you want me to redeem myself or something?” Sam looks at his brother seriously. The whole universe knows he is the guilty one and his brother can’t just forgive him like that.

“Well Sam, if there’s one thing I learned from mom and dad, it’s to be compassionate and all that crap. Seriously, do I really need to have a big speech on forgiving you? Just buy me a drink tonight!” Dean looks at mom and adds. “I still owe you and dad dinner tonight mom, what do you say? We could really use a family dinner?” Dean smiles, waiting for a reply from Sam and mom.

“Of course sweetie. Are you sure you’re okay? You didn’t run into trouble today, did you?” Mom checks Dean’s bruise and the older brother waves her off.

“Seriously mom I’m fine. I just needed to clear my head and thank god it helped.” Dean turns to Sam and puts an arm over Sam’s shoulder. “There are angels out there who showed me the light Sam. They convinced me to forgive you.” Dean shakes Sam a little.

“Introduce me to them and I’ll give ‘em thanks and buy them a drink.”

Dean laughs and shakes his head.

“Nah, they went back to heaven. Speaking of angels, can we invite Cas to the dinner? I’m sure he’s sick of our faces but I just wanna make sure we’re all good. He’s my buddy after all.” Dean admits while Sam and mom share a look.

There’s the thought of Dean and Cas having feelings for each other floating in the air but neither Sam nor mom grabs it.

“Yeah Dean I’ll go invite him.” Sam agrees and mom tells Dean that there’s pie.

Just like that, Sam can see his brother smile again. To think all his trouble just went up in smoke. He really has the best brother. Sam should be more like Dean and not for any reason other than Dean being righteous.

***

 

Sam knows it’s gonna be tough convincing Cas to come to dinner tonight, especially since Cas is still hurt from what Dean said. Regardless, Sam summons the courage to knock on his boyfriends door…he doesn’t even know what they are right now. Even with the truth out there that Cas likes Dean and Dean likes Cas, there’s no clear indication that Sam is in a relationship or has broken up with anyone.

Cas welcomes him inside and Sam shares the news.

“I don’t wish to go Sam.” Cas flatly declines and Sam understands but he needs to insist.

“But Cas if you don’t, dad and Dean might think you’re still upset with them. You know how Dean overthinks things and I’m sure he got it from dad.” Sam explains, hoping Cas understands.

“It was Dean’s idea.” Sam adds.

“Perhaps you’re right. It would be rude to decline the offer, especially when it favors reconciliation.” Cas wonders and Sam nods along. Of course Cas is still a sucker for Dean. All Sam has to do is say Dean’s name and Cas always come running.

_Enough with the manipulation Sam Winchester!_

“Exactly. You know what, if you really don’t want to, don’t force yourself and neither would I. We’ll just-,”

“I would like to come.” Cas interrupts him and Sam shouldn’t really be surprised.

“Great then I guess I can pick you up at 6…” Sam finishes and heads toward the door.

“Sam.” Sam turns around for Cas’ call.

“I am not quite sure what our relationship status is. Considering everyone has found the truth…” Sam knows what Cas really wants to say is Dean but he doesn’t comment on it.

“We don’t have to be together if you don’t want to Cas…” That’s the most casual way Sam has ever broken up with anyone. Then again, he’s not exactly the most experienced in that department. His last break-up with Sarah was formal and expected by both parties.

“I don’t know…” Cas answers and Sam doesn’t know what to do either.

“Can you give me some time to think about it?” Cas asks as if their relationship is like a contract. Perhaps that’s what he and Sam shares. An agreement rather than a relationship.

“Look, Cas, a relationship is based on trust and need toward the other person. Clearly you and I haven’t been honest to each other, with my lying and your feelings toward Dean.” Sam hushes Cas before he can interrupt.

“And I know you have feelings for him, don’t deny it. However if you don’t trust and need me anymore- I will understand and we can drop this relationship so we can move on with our lives. I’m sure we need some time apart and all that stuff post-relationship entails but my point is- if you don’t want to be with me anymore then we will break-up.” Sam takes a deep breathe then exhales.

“Do you still have feelings for me Sam?” Cas asks with a straight face.

“I do. I think…” Sam doesn’t know what compelled him to say the last bit. But it’s out there nonetheless.

“I think I need some time to think about it.” Castiel says and Sam remembers what Cas said to him last night when he was drunk.

Cas might never fall in love with him and it’s true. Well maybe it is. There’s still this 0.01% chance Sam is hoping Cas develops feelings for him. Although it’s a slim chance, Sam will take it and he’s not clinging on to this idea because he’s proud. He’s just hopeful.

“Well I’ll pick you up at 6?” Sam brushes it off, clearly there are other things to think about. Not just his failing relationship or whatever’s left of it.

Cas nods and Sam lets himself get walked to the door, wave his good bye and prepare for the night. The sunset is approaching and tonight, he just wants to smooth things between his family and Cas.

He just wants things to go back to the way things are before all this drama started.

Maybe it’s not too much to ask.

***

 

As promised, Sam picks Cas up at six and they drive to the restaurant Dean hated and where Sam and Cas had their first date. The restaurant with the live entertainment.

Dean drove mom and dad there since there wouldn’t be enough space in the Impala and Sam meets them in the restaurant. Once they enter, the same manager and the butler are working tonight and they are excited to see Cas again, calling him ‘Mr. Novak’.

Sam doesn’t dwell on it as he enjoys the company of his family and Cas, who is sitting next to Dean’s side. Since there’s five of them tonight, they share a round table, closer to the piano and the manager doesn’t hesitate to serve them first especially Cas. The butler is as snobby as he was when Sam went in here with Dean before.

Dad picks up on it after they order their food. “Quite the stiff, don’t you think?” dad turns to mom who sips her champagne.

“Sweetie, that’s just how they are.  It’s their job.” Mom answers and dad rolls his eyes.

“I believe they are dressed as penguins.” Cas adds and everyone laughs.

“Exactly! You’re absolutely right! The manager walks like one too.” John imitates a penguin and they all laugh again. Mom slaps him on the arm then gives him a kiss.

“I said that before. You remembered.” Dean turns to Cas and the other man blushes. Dean smiles and takes a sip of beer.

Well at least things aren’t too awkward between the two of them anymore. It kind of is but in a good way. Sam can handle good awkward. That’s practically the base of Dean and Cas’ relationship. Relationship…yeah, Sam should let Cas go. It’s just not right anymore.

“Hey mom, did you know Cas plays the piano.” Dean points out and places a hand on Cas’ shoulder, making him yelp. Sam sniggers, it’s like these two are playing their oldest game. Flirt but that’s it. Seriously, even Sam is starting to root for these two regardless of that small hope in his chest.

“Dean…” Cas blushes and mom lightens up.

“Cas could you play me and John a song? Our wedding song!” Mom puts a hand on her mouth for a moment.

“I don’t think Cas can play classic rock on the piano Mary. Livin’ on a Prayer? I mean c’mon!” John sniggers and nods with Dean.

“That’s not the song John! It wasn’t even out when we got married!” Mary whines and John gulps his beer.

“I thought the reason we got married was because I got you knocked up with this kid!” John points at Dean and everyone laughs except Dean and mom.

“Hey!” Dean looks offended.

“I can’t believe you forgot our wedding song…” Mary looks disappointed but John raises her chin up.

_“You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss…”_ John starts singing _‘As Time Goes By’_ and Sam knows he loves that song because dad hums it whenever he’s happy. What he didn’t know, is that it’s his parents’ wedding song.

Mom melts on dad’s shoulder and plants a kiss on dad’s lips, earning a ‘eugh’ from Dean and Sam.

“I know that song.” Cas gets mom and dad’s attention. “I can play it for you if you want.”

Mom jumps up and pulls dad with her. His dad groans, probably in fear of losing his masculine exterior that he worked so hard to build in front of his children. But Sam and Dean knows, John loves Mary dearly and he’s nothing without her. Somehow, Sam feels quite envious of his parents. He wishes he can find someone who he can love just as much, perhaps more. With Cas, who is walking toward the piano, it’s not the same. He doesn’t feel as in love as his parents are.

It’s sad but it’s the truth and he’s been so honest today.

The manager gives Cas the thumbs up and he starts playing the piano.

The rhythm and tune of the song is just right and mom and dad start gliding on the dance floor like years or marriage aren’t behind them. Actually, it’s like they just got married and they’re playing this song in their wedding night. In the reception.

Sam can’t help but be entranced on how perfect those two are for each other and grateful that Cas is such an angel to their family.

Sam rips his eyes away and stares at his glass of beer. He hasn’t even touched it and the night isn’t getting any younger. Dean’s watching Cas with those eyes again, the look that he always has whenever he watches Cas from afar. It’s like falling in love over and over. As cheesy as that sounds, Sam is starting to see the whole picture. The part where his brother is so in love with Cas and he can’t believe he tried to ruin it.

“Hey Dean.” For a moment, he takes Dean’s attention. “I’m really grateful you forgive me for everything. Really means a lot.” Sam smiles and looks at his brother’s face.

Dean’s expression is extremely blank.

“Actually, no I don’t.”

Sam goes wide eyed.

“Wait what?” Dean leans forward, closer to Sam’s face.

“You know what I think? I think you’re a dumbass to think I’ve forgiven you.” Dean hisses and the hairs on Sam’s neck stand up.

“Surprised? Tricked you didn’t I? That’s what it feels like Sammy. That’s what it feels like being lied to.” Dean’s hand clenches on the glass of beer and it twitches.

“If you think for a second that you deserve to be forgiven then you’re an even bigger idiot than I thought. Well let me spell it out to you Sam. You don’t deserve my forgiveness nor my mercy.” Dean’s nose flare then he continues. “What you did to me is something I can never forgive, you wanna know why? Because all my life, I’ve tried so hard to be your big brother. Someone who looks after you, watches over you and protect you. To be the bigger person!”

Dean nearly slams the table with his hand. “All I wanted in return was your respect. Some freakin’ honesty but even that wasn’t enough. You couldn’t give a damn.”

“You even went out of your way to ruin my life, to ruin my friendship with Cas because you couldn’t tuck your dick in your pants! Well guess what Sam? I give up! I’m sick and tired of looking after you and being your older brother! Which frankly, has caused me nothing but shit.”

“Dean-,” Sam tries to interrupt.

“You shut your mouth when I’m talking to you Sam because you owe me and so much more.” Even dad cannot compare to Dean’s tone.

“Here is what’s gonna happen. I am no longer your brother, I don’t ever want to see or hear from you again except when it’s necessary. You will not call, you will not write, hell you will not come into my home ever again once you leave Kansas because from now on, I want nothing to do with you and I wish you go to hell like all the other traitors and two-faced scumbags I’ve met over the years.” Dean points at the table at the list.

“If you have any balls left you cowardly dick, you will not share this little exchange to anybody, not to mom, not to dad and especially not to Cas. Once you leave, I expect you to be out of my life while I rebuild whatever you messed up.” Dean digs his index finger on the table.

“Cas was mine first you bitch. Lay a finger on him and I will rain down hell on your miserable life.” Dean glances to where mom and dad was dancing and the piano.

“Now everyone’s walking back and everything I said so far comes into effect the moment they sit down.” Dean shuffles back to his side of the booth to let Cas sit.

Everyone shuffles back into their seats. “I haven’t danced like that in decades!” mom laughs and dad pulls her into his arms.

“Feels like yesterday when we danced in our wedding. You still have the moves.” Mom melts again and plants another kiss on dad’s mouth.

“You both danced marvelously, John and Mary.” Cas adds and mom and dad smile at him.

“You were great out there Cas!” Dean throws an arm around Cas and pulls him closer.

“Ain’t that right Sammy?” Dean looks at Sam with dark eyes.

“Yeah…you were…” Sam answers and his whole body stiffens. Their food arrives and Sam doesn’t touch it for a while.

This catches mom’s attention and she asks him what’s wrong, Dean gives him a look and he immediately grabs a knife and fork. He replies nothing and starts eating while Dean grabs everyone’s attention and begins talking about Cas’ performance.

With all his might, Sam keeps a false delighted expression throughout the rest of the night. At least he can fall back to his pretending skills that started all this.

***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I portrayed Sam in a positive light here because even after the manipulation and the scheming, he did try to stop.  
> Anyway, the shit just hit the roof so what do you think will happen next?
> 
> I thought Dark Dean was pretty sexy, being all evil and what not.  
> What are your thoughts on the characters?  
> Upcoming smut?  
> Especially now that Dean has turned the tables around?
> 
> I added more chapters because things just got worse in my head and I plan on ruining Dean, Sam and Cas a little bit more.  
> If you have any suggestions on what will happen, comment away- deeply appreciate it. From the bottom of Dean's, black smoke infested heart.


	9. Chapter 9- Angels and Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean turns the tables around.
> 
> Sam takes the road to redemption and Castiel doesn't have a clue on what is going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay my loyal readers,
> 
> My second semester has started and my responsibilities are piling up.  
> I'll try to post a chapter once every week until the ending. Perhaps two? but i don't want to make any promises. 
> 
> However I am building the events of the next chapter and I hop you like this one.  
> I added two canon characters that I think have strong influence in Dean's life. 
> 
> Enjoy,  
> penultimateaxis R.H.I.

**-Dean-**

While dad drags mom out of the restaurant with Cas’ help, Dean follows from behind and smiles at the sight of his own mom drunk.

“You’re a few decades too old to be drinking like that Mary.” John makes sure Mary keeps her hands to herself and not flailing around.

“Nonsense! You don’t look a day beyond thirty.” Cas helps them out.

Mom laughs and Dean hasn’t heard his mom drunk or laugh like that in a very long time. Usually dad’s the one who has a little too much and mom has to make sure he doesn’t drown in his own vomit.

“Dean.” It’s Sam and he’s been trudging behind them since leaving the restaurant.

“I told you not to talk to me.” Den bites back smiling. He doesn’t want Cas or his parents to notice a thing.

“Could we talk about this? I thought you said you forgive me. Why would you lie in front of everyone? Even mom.” Dean rolls his eyes and starts walking when Sam pulls him back. “Especially Cas.” Sam insists and Dean grips his baby brother’s shoulder, applying a bit of pressure.

“Now Sam, what part of me lying do you not understand?” Dean looks toward Cas and his parents, checking to see if they’ve noticed him and Sam gone. “Listen to me and listen well because I’m getting real sick and tired of repeating myself. I said those things to everyone because I don’t want to give them anymore drama, which frankly, you started. Don’t think we’re just gonna be fine right after all the shit you did. You’re not gonna get out of this scot-free.” Dean turns to the other’s direction.

“So let me make this clear: you’re dead to me and you definitely will be if you don’t stay out of my way, alright? Good Sammy, I hope you let that thought marinade in that brilliant head of yours. It shouldn’t be too hard since you’re pretty good at manipulating everyone around you.” Dean lets go of Sam’s shoulder and hopes the douchebag gets the message.

He starts catching up with Cas, mom and dad so they don’t look too inconspicuous. Dean has made his resolve and he’s sticking with it. Today has been hell, that’s an understatement, but Dean’s sick and tired of caving in and wallowing in his own misery. Nothing can ever be accomplished by that.

He’s sick and tired of being a fucking loser.

There were people who he trusted and betrayed him. At least there are people out there who still believes in him. Believes that he can turn the tables around, for once in his life.

***

 

Earlier today, after Sam enters Dean’s wrecked apartment, apologizes and reveals the truth about everything Dean leaves with aching pain in his chest.

Dean tries to recall the times when he thought his baby brother, whom he loves and cares about, betrayed him. Dean marches out of his apartment knowing it’s around half to an hour walk to get to anywhere, but Dean doesn’t care. He wants to walk and nothing anyone can say or do will change his mind.

All this time, he trusted Sam, trusted him with the deepest secret in his life. Apparently it’s no secret to others but that’s not the point. Dean believed Sam had his back no matter what. Even though they spent years apart, even though Dean has been feeling shit for not being there for his baby brother like he used to, he always believed that they loved and cared about each other.

At least, that’s what he thought.

Again, Dean is stupid.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!

There’s just some sick bastard out there, playing tricks on his life, pulling strings around him, so that he suffers.

Dean is tired.

Not just figuratively but seriously tired. He’s almost run out of breath and it’s not because he’s out of shape. Well maybe it is, if his diet indicates anything. The houses of his neighborhood is behind him and now he’s just walking on the side of the road. Walking aimlessly to god knows where. It’s because of all the shit he’s had to put up with today is what makes him tired.

There’s just no rest, no place to crash.

Usually he has Cas for that. However, there’s no way he can show his face to the guy he’s been secretly pining.

Upon arriving on a diverging road, Dean stops to take a breath. A long black car stops right next to him. The passenger seat window lowers and a bearded man with a sharp grin scans his panting figure.

“What brings you to the crossroads squirrel?” the stranger’s eyes continue to scan him up and down.

“Last time I checked, it’s a free country.” Dean huffs a little, breathing the dry afternoon air.

“Terms and conditions apply. I just saw you walking and thought maybe you needed a ride.” The stranger grins and it sends shivers on Dean’s back. “C’mon. There’s nothing else out here for you.”

Dean glares at him then adds. “My momma told me not to talk to strangers.”

“Then you can call me Crowley, your name isn’t squirrel by any chance?” Crowley raises his eyebrow.

“The name’s Dean.” It brings another creepy grin from Crowley.

“Well now, Dean. I’m headed to town for a drink. Care to join me?” Crowley asks and Dean doesn’t know what compelled him to nod and enter the car. The guy could be a psychopath and will probably cut his kidneys out and sell them on the black market. Nonetheless, Crowley’s driver listens to Crowley’s orders and Dean sees the town in just a few minutes.

At least Crowley hasn’t made a move to cutting him open however, the other man’s suspicious vibe and mischievous eyes might suggest that Dean thought too soon.

***

After entering an empty restaurant in the shady part of town, Crowley shuffles into a booth while Dean sits on the other side. Dean orders a burger and some beer from the waiter and Crowley promises to pay for everything, adding more suspicion to his character.

Though Dean didn’t wanna share it, he tells the reason why he was walking in the middle of nowhere before Crowley met him. The bearded man, attentively gazes upon him and something inside Dean sis screaming to escape. Especially when he has a feeling Crowley’s not really listening to what he’s saying.

“So let me get this straight. Your brother went behind your back, lied and betrayed you, just so he can get this Cas?” Crowley listened after all but to what extent?

“Castiel. Only I get to call him that.” Dean corrects him because it’s true. No matter how hurt he feels, only a few people can call Cas ‘Cas’.

“Well darling, sounds to me your brother is quite the devil. Quite a smart fella for trying to take your angel away from you.” Crowley grins, he seems to like grinning. Then again, Dean knows it’s what people do when they flirt. They pretend to be good listeners when actually, they just wanna get into your pants. It’s the oldest trick in the game and Dean’s used it more than he can count.

“Yep.” He dishearteningly replies.

“The fact that you’re here means that you’re a lost soul. A lamb without his shepherd. Dear oh Dean…Someone should help you find the way. Someone to give you the tender, loving care that you deserve.” As expected, Crowley leans forward and takes ahold of Dean’s hand.

“Whoa there buddy! I’m not the kind of guy!” Dean pulls his hand away, earning a blank expression from Crowley.

“Leave him alone Fergus…” A tall figure, with long grayish curly hair walks toward their booth.

“Bollocks.” Crowley goes wide eyed, not making an effort to turn around and with every step the tall figure takes, Crowley’s body stiffens.

The tall man looms over Crowley, darkening the sitting man with a shadow. “Picking up strays instead of waiting for me and then asking them to bed. I’m offended for the lack of invitation.”

“Cain, I wasn’t!” Crowley blurts out and Cain places a hand on his shoulder while the other hand points to his nose, shushing the terrified man.

“Hush now Fergus, I’ll deal with you later.” Then Cain turns to Dean.

“Pray what is your name?” His blue eyes pierce into Dean’s soul like a knife jabbing into a victim’s body, again and again and again.

“Dean.”  Dean answers with every ounce of his confidence.

“Now Dean, give me a damn good reason why I shouldn’t kill you for seducing what’s mine?” Cain smiles and it’s not because Dean’s hilarious. Well he could really use his humor right now, otherwise Dean might just end up in a body bag.

***

 

After a few minutes of explaining. Cain decides to join Crowley and Dean in the booth. Not that any of them could really stop Cain. Especially when Cain looks like he knows how to kill people and keeping his hands clean of any trace. Dean shares his story just as he did to Crowley, speaking of which, Crowley has not said a word since Cain arrived.

It seems like Crowley is not as high and mighty as he was earlier. And neither is Dean. The explanation may have been brief and concise but it brings an enlightened nod from Cain.

“My my, Dean. It seems you have quite a predicament. Fergus-,” Cain turns to his silent partner. “-what advice can you share with precious Dean here, other than throwing your body at him?” Cain asks and Crowley could barely weave his voice into words.

“Bah! No matter! Don’t oblige yourself.” Cain waves his left hand, silencing Crowley and the shorter man frowns in disappointment.

“Dean, if you have any sense of dignity then you know what you need to do.” Cain clasps his hands together and leans forward, piercing Dean with those eyes again.

“Waste away with booze and women?” Dean scoffs but he has a feeling that’s what he intends to do later.

“No. Your brother, who you’ve loved and trusted, betrays you shouldn’t be let off without consequences. I had a brother betray me once. He never betrayed me ever again. Well he never could because I cut off all ties with him, I never looked back.” Cain shares then leans back on the booth.

“I don’t think I can ever do that to Sam.” Dean shakes his head slowly.

“And why is that?” Cain asks and raising a brow.

“Because all my life, I’ve taught myself that his needs are more important than mine so I can’t. I can’t just turn away from that. I just- I can’t…” It’s the ancient truth in Dean Winchester’s life.

“Fine. Have it your way. Go and waste yourself away with profanity and indignity. Completely let it slide because at the end of the day, your brother will always be better than you. He will always get what he wants and you will always bend over to that idea stuck in your head about _responsibility_. You can never harm your brother even though he didn’t hesitate turning you against the one you love. He didn’t hold back when he took advantage of you at your weakest state, use your ghosts against you and even worse, snatching your beloved, right under your nose. I thought you had it in you Dean but it seems that you are still weak. Still clinging on to dead hope. Such a pity…such a disappointment. Now I must go, I do not have time for the likes you. Come along now Fergus.” Cain leaves his seat and orders Crowley like a dog.

“Sure, dear.” The shorter man obeys.

“Wait.” Dean stops the two men from taking another step.

“I’m not…I’m not weak…” He whispers. “I’m not a disappointment.” Dean painfully cries out. “I don’t want to feel like a failure anymore.” At last he says.

“Fergus, is he taking back what he said?” Cain asks in disbelief.

“I believe so Cain my love. I think Dean’s got some fight in him.” Crowley answers with a devilish grin.

“I’m right here you know…” Dean rolls his eyes and the two men turn around, walking back to the booth.

“Maybe we’ve got a little time, don’t you think?” Cain asks his partner who nods along.

“Well we’re here for an art exhibition. It’s open for a month.” Crowley looks up to think.

Dean slumps on his seat, feeling defeated by the two. “I guess we can get acquainted, Dean.” Cain smiles as Crowley did.

“Fine.” He half-heartedly replies.

Their conversation revolves around Cain explaining his previous experience with Dean. Apparently, long ago, Cain used to be in a relationship with a woman named Collette until his younger brother Abel, created lies to make Collette believe that Cain cheated on her. Collette committed suicide and in distress, Cain desperately clung onto a woman named Abby, who he eventually learnt was the woman Collette thought Cain was having an affair with. Abel wove these lies of course.

Despite all this, Cain forgave Abel because Cain only had his brother and Abby. Eventually, Cain discovered Abby was having an affair with Abel, destroying Cain forever. Cain cut all ties with those two. Apparently, the couple, Abel and Abby died in an accident shortly after but Cain is not very clear with the details.

Neither Dean nor Crowley ask and Cain begins with his advice with telling Dean to reconcile with his brother, as much as he does not want to. Even though he hesitates, Dean nods along and Cain continues to list the things Dean needs to do.

***

 

Dean gets a ride back to his neighborhood to set his plan in motion. Cain advises him to keep in touch, they do so by exchanging numbers but not with Crowley since Cain is strongly against it. Dean thanks them and he goes to see Sam first, to his surprise mom is also in Sam’s apartment.

Even after a few hours of not seeing his brother, Dean still feels hurt, the pain of the betrayal. However, he listens to Cain’s advice.

_‘The element of surprise is the most important part of revenge, however, since you are dealing with someone as cunning as your brother, you will have to utilize the power of blackmail.’_

Which Dean uses on Sam, he makes his brother believe that all is forgiven. At the start at least.

Dean invites Sam and mom for dinner tonight and as much as he hates the fact that Sam is going over to Cas’ place to invite him, Dean needs to keep faking it for now.

As soon as he finishes eating a slice of pie that mom made, Sam returns from Cas’ place and Dean clenches his teeth a little to see his brother cheerful. Just the thought of Sam talking to Cas, after all this, makes his blood boil but he maintains his façade. He tells mom to get ready, causing Sam to do the same. Dean leaves the apartment with a grin on his face and observes the neighborhood.

He marches toward Cas’ place to put the second part of his plan in motion.

Cain’s voice echo in his thoughts:

_‘Lying to a person you dislike is easier than lying to someone you care about. You need to reclaim Castiel and leave no room for anyone else.’_

Under the setting sun, Dean walks toward Cas’ home. His silent apartment reminds him of the ruins but he will deal with it later. Right now, he intends to do what Cain says. An afternoon breeze sweeps through Cas’ yard and Dean breaths it in.

He knocks on the door and his blue eyed crush opens the door. “Dean?”

“Heya Cas. Can I come in?” with a smile, Dean shoves his hands in his pockets.

“Of course.” Cas nods and lets him inside. Usually Dean doesn’t need an invitation however, with the way things have turned out this morning, it’s necessary to exercise caution.

“Dean-,” “Cas-,” They both say the other person’s name at the same time. Cas tightly shuts his mouth, giving Dean the floor.

“Anyway, I’m sorry for what I said earlier today. I shouldn’t have said you make me sick. I was in a really bad state and plus…” Dean pauses to think of what else to say. “I was shocked.” There’s lingering silence.

“It wasn’t meant to be about you. It was actually about me. I just thought- I thought our friendship didn’t matter because you couldn’t even tell me that you wanted to date Sam.” Cas almost interrupts him but Dean continues.

“I actually said those things out loud- toward me, that _I’m_ sickening…not you. I’ve got nothing against you being with Sam, I just hoped you said something sooner…” Which was the truth, if the status of his furniture imply anything.

“Dean, you shouldn’t be the one apologizing. I should be the one apologizing for lying to you and hiding things behind your back. Please don’t think of yourself in such a way. Our friendship is very important to me. It’s one of the things that matter most in my life. You are…” Cas looks at him with a concerned expression. Lips slightly parted as he pauses for a moment before continuing. “You are very important to me…as a friend…”

Though it hurts a little, Dean nods along. But he ignores this because Dean is more overwhelmed with the truth.

Benny, mom and Sam have told him Cas has feelings for him and he’s been carrying the thought around like a shadow.

Right before him, he sees and hears the truth. Cas **_does_** have feelings for him and with that in mind, the second part of his plan unfolds.

Dean leans forward, cancelling the space between them, including the rules of personal space which he desperately established, and gives Cas a hug. A long and tight hug. “I really appreciate it buddy. You have no idea how much this means to me.”

Having Cas this close to him feels right. “Dean…” Cas mutters on his neck.

“Look man, from here on end, let’s be more honest to each other. Tell each other how we feel?” Dean avoids chick flick moments like a plague but lately with Cas, it’s something that has to be done.

“Yes, Dean…” He and Cas break the hug but they’re still standing in their personal space. Dean’s eyes do not leave Cas’ plush lips while the other man struggle to get words out. “Dean I-,”

This right here, it feels right.

“I was going to go to Sam’s apartment and tell him I cannot make it to dinner tonight.”

Something inside Dean sounds like shattering. Within a pause, he feels his blood boil from hearing his brother’s name form Cas’ mouth. Regardless, he remembers his plan.

“Aw why not?” Dean asks with a pretentious frown.

“Dean, I may have reconciled with you and your family however, I feel like it’s too soon to be having dinner with your family, considering how much has happened today.” Cas slumps a little but Dean can’t have that.

“Nonsense! You’re just as important to this family as Sam, Jo and everyone else! C’mon, it’ll be fun, think of it as officially setting our differences aside.” Dean grips Cas’ shoulder, making sure he doesn’t put too much force.

“I don’t know Dean…” Cas is not looking at him anymore. Now that Dean feels and knows that Cas likes him, he can’t get enough of staring.

“Also, it’s always fun when you’re there. I always like it when you’re around you know…” Dean starts rubbing Cas’ biceps and slowly dissolving the space between them even more until the other man is looking at him again.

“Dean…” Cas says his name and his mouth remains parted. Dean likes it when Cas says his name in any situation.

“So what do you say Cas?” Dean is about an inch away from touching Cas’ lips with his. Cas’ eyelids are dropping and Dean is probably doing the same. He can feel Cas’ breath puffing on his face.

“I-Yes I shall come…” Cas jumps and pulls away, red quickly spreading across the other man’s neck and face. Dean devilishly grins. He likes the look of Cas shying away from him.

“Great! I’ll pick you up around 6?” Dean should really stop grinning because he’s making everything too obvious. Cas barely looks at him and Dean feels powerful. He feels in control of the situation and it’s the best feeling he’s had since the day started.

“About that…” Cas croaks out and Dean’s still thinking of an imaginary victory dance on his head.

“Sam’s picking me up instead…unless you want to, I can just-,”

_‘Dammit Sam.’_

 “No it’s fine Cas. I’ll just drive mom and dad. Those guys need to have some fun tonight and I don’t mind being the designated driver.” Dean gathers his wits and straightens his back. He cannot let Cas know Sam is affecting him at all.

“Okay…” Cas’ eyebrows furrow which means he doesn’t look too sure.

“So I’ll see you soon?” Dean invades his personal space again, capturing the other man’s attention.

“Yes.” Cas yelps out as Dean flashes him the Winchester’s signature smile and then winks.

That earns Dean a heavy blush from Cas.

“Perfect, I can’t wait.” Dean walks away, leaving Cas in a daze.

And that is what happened for the rest of Saturday until mom, dad, Dean, Sam and Cas all went to dinner in the restaurant which Dean hates. Although being in that place did help Dean find some time alone with Sam and tell him what he truly feels. Luckily for him, Sam didn’t say anything to Cas or mom and dad. It is just as Dean expected and they all return to their homes.

However, Dean and Sam are the only ones who know that the battle lines have been drawn.  At dawn, Dean will move forward with his plans.

A small part of him feels guilty for going ahead with it but it’s nothing compared to the hurt, jealousy and anger that burns inside him.

Cas is an angel and he has more than enough love to share with everyone. Dean plans to take it all for himself.

***

Even when his conscience is trying its hardest to crawl out of the depths of Dean’s mind, Dean manages to drop them back into the abyss. There’s no way he’s going to back out now that Sam knows he plans on getting even, however that doesn’t mean he systematically tries to avoid his baby brother by ignoring his calls or leaving his home early this morning to fetch Cas for some shopping. It’s not that Dean is really trying to excommunicate Sam immediately, his home just happens to need some replacements after ravaging it.

Now Dean is shopping with Cas on a pleasant Sunday morning. Pleasant, not because the weather is sunny, or Dean managed to get every green light to town, or his mood’s better than yesterday. It’s because of Cas.

This morning, Dean knocked on his best friend’s door while well aware that Sam is going for his early jog. When Cas opened the door, Dean’s eyes did not hesitate to feast on Cas’ half-naked form. The dark haired man was barely awake and only had boxers on. Perhaps Cas couldn’t be bothered changing last night.

Dean has seen his best friend bare-chested before but right now, it’s mouthwatering. Every outline of Cas’ toned muscles will be forever burned in his memory. Not to mention saved for his wank bank.

Other than imagining how his best friend would look like naked and pliant on Dean’s bed, they have a great time shopping. Dean doesn’t really like shopping however when he’s with Cas, it’s always fun.

Whenever Cas quizzically looks at an item, he never hesitates to ask Dean what it’s for. Cas takes in whatever Dean says like a sponge and it makes Dean feel good about himself. Proud even. Looking at his best friend furrow his eyebrows or when Dean catches him glance toward him, just makes everything feel better.

“Hey Cas, thanks for grocery shopping with me. I know I had to get a lot, especially after what I did to my place yesterday. I know you’ve seen me at my worst but I think I went to a whole new low back there.” Dean admits as they arrive to the check-out with an employee who barely smiles at the two of them. The kid simply works mechanically.

“Don’t say that Dean. You’re still a remarkable person, kind and hard-working. Loyal to your family and friends.” Cas grips his shoulder again and the staring begins.

“You really know how to say all the right things, Cas.” Dean replies and they both share a blush.

“I would do anything to help you, Dean…” The staring lingers again but Dean breaks it as his overgrown brother cut through the crowd infested aisles.

“Hey Sammy what brings you here!” Dean fakes a wide smile but he keeps his eyes pierced toward Sam.

Sam nods and replies. “Oh just passing through, hey Cas!”

“Hello Sam.” Dean’s angel replies then there’s an awkward cloud in the air.

“That’ll be $666.69” The surly cashier boy says.

Dean checks his pockets then exchanges a look with Cas and the cashier boy. “Oh crap, I forgot my wallet.”

“I can pay for it.” Cas takes his wallet out but Dean furiously shakes his head. “Nah, I can’t do that to you Cas.” Then Dean takes his keys out. “I think I left it in baby’s glove compartment. Mind if you go get it for me?”

“Of course.” Cas nods and the cashier boy rolls his eyes which Dean ignores.

“Thought I told you to stay away from me.” He glares at Sam while they both watch Cas leave the store.

“Dean, I can’t just accept that.” Sam turns to him and looks at him straight in the eye.

“And why the hell not?” Dean continues to glare.

“Because it’s insane!” Sam flicks his hands to his sides.

“You know what’s insane? Insane is when you spend the rest of your life putting someone else’s need before yours then getting stabbed in the back. That’s insane!” Dean hisses and points his finger on Sam’s chest.

Sam sighs and sincerely apologizes. “Dean I’m sorry.”

“That’s not gonna cut it. Besides I can’t tell whether it’s real or not.” It’s a half truth. Even if Sam does genuinely apologize to him, Dean won’t accept it. Not just yet.

“I mean it Dean.” Sam insists.

“Oh do you now? Well I suggest you take your apology and shove it up your lying ass because I don’t need it! Like I said before, you’re not gonna get out of this scot free.” Dean rips his eyes away from him because he’s had enough. He hasn’t even seen Sam provide some proof of redemption. What makes him think he deserves forgiveness that easily?

Dean clicks his tongue then gazes upon the groceries.

“You really wanna make it up to me?” He raises an eyebrow, the customers around them blur in the background as Sam nods slowly.

Dean grins and points at the groceries and the cashier. “You can start with the small stuff.”

“Wait are you serious?” Sam’s face wrinkles and processing moose bitch face number one of the day. Dean’s smile widens and he pats the shopping trolley with his right hand.

“Baby steps Sammy.” He replies and without another word Sam takes his wallet out, handing his credit card to the ingrate employee. Dean holds a steady stare at the taller man, enjoying the taste of victory.

As soon as the transaction is approved, Cas returns with a disappointed frown.

“Dean I couldn’t find your wallet in the Impala…wait, how did you pay for these?” Cas exchanges a look between Sam and Dean.

“Oh I found it! It was in my other pocket, the one I never use!” Dean pulls his wallet out from the same pocket he usually carries it in while leaving Sam a smile. “Thanks for the help Cas.”

“Don’t mention it…” Cas nods and hands baby’s keys back. Dean glances at Sam and the younger Winchester looks shorter than usual. Not a trace of smile on his moose face.

“Anyway Cas wanna go grab some lunch? I’m starving!” Dean dissolves the tension in the air with the best way he knows how.

Cas nods and clears his throat. “Certainly, would you like to come Sam?”

Sam’s eyes grow wide and he looks at Dean carefully before replying. “No…thank you, uhhh I’ve got some work to do today…”

Cas looks disappointed and Dean wants to interject. “Can it wait?”

“No…it’s actually uhhh a business call with uh my boss.” Sam half-heartedly smiles, nods and takes his phone out. Cas replies. “I see…”

“Well we better get going. I’ll see you later Sammy.” Dean throws an arm around Cas while he pushes the trolley with the other.

“Yeah…see ya.” Sam nods but he doesn’t smile at Dean or Cas.

Dean pushes the trolley toward the Impala while Cas follows from behind. “Is there something wrong with Sam?” Cas asks and Dean doesn’t look at him as he opens baby’s hood to put the groceries away.

“Hm? What makes you say that?” Dean keeps his eyes on the groceries and ignores Cas’ staring.

“He seemed kind of upset…” Cas starts helping him.

Dean shrugs. “Mm. I’ve no idea, he was fine just a minute ago.”

“Okay.” Cas drops it but doesn’t sound too convinced.

“Anyway, after I clean the apartment, wanna come over and watch a movie?” Dean smiles hoping that it can help erase the thought of Sam.

Cas smiles back and replies. “I would love to.”

“Sweet.” Dean winks at him and they go inside the Impala. Both of them are thinking about Sam but Dean’s not doing it for the right reasons.

***

**-Sam-**

When the doorbell of his apartment rang, Sam jumps up from the couch to answer it. Yesterday and today has been the worst days so far and with Dean hating his guts, he doesn’t know who else to turn to.

“Hello Sam.” It’s Cas who visits him. Out of all the people Dean told him not to contact, Cas’ is the one who had to come for him. Sam doesn’t like where this is going.

“Hey Cas.” He replies nonetheless since Cas doesn’t know anything of what Dean said last night. But Sam has to be careful on what he says especially since Dean just made him pay for all the things Dean bought today. Money’s not really an issue for Sam but it’s the fact that his own brother pretty much guilt trip him into buying all those things.

Cas sits on his couch while he trails from behind. “I just came here to ask how you were…you didn’t seem too well earlier today. I hope it’s not because of what I said yesterday…about what I feel about you.”

Sam’s eyes go wide, the thought about their relationship hasn’t even crossed his mind since yesterday afternoon. Not with Dean as his number one priority at the moment. “I’m fine. Seriously, don’t worry about me.”

Cas shakes his head. “I can’t do that.” He leans forward, clasping his hand on Sam’s giant hand. “I can’t just stop worrying about you Sam, even if I’m not sure about my feelings toward you, I can never stop worrying about your wellbeing. I know I have said it before but you are still my friend. I can never stop caring.” Sam nods then gently slides his hand away.

“Thanks Cas. I really appreciate it.” Sam replies with a smile to reassure Cas and the shorter man seems convinced.

After another reassurance, Sam excuses himself, telling Cas that he has work to do. Cas nods along and leaves the apartment.

Right there and then, as the afternoon sun blazes in the sky, Sam knows.

He is well and truly fucked.

 

***

 

**-Dean-**

It’s been ages since Dean last made dinner for him and Cas. With all the drama that has happened over the past few weeks, he can finally return to how things were. To how he and Cas were before Sam ruined everything. Tonight they’re watching a movie, hanging out, having dinner, the usual stuff they do as friends.

Well not entirely just as friends because Dean knows Cas has feelings for him, or at least ahs some sort of attraction. On the other hand, Dean also has some infatuation toward the other man.

Maybe not exactly.

Something inside Dean wants to rip the other man’s clothes off whenever he’s close. And every time they touch, he feels like burning up and it’s a feeling he just can’t get enough of. He’s even cleaned the apartment just for the occasion and used all the shopping items to replace and repair some of the damages. Whatever he couldn’t fix today can be fixed later. Right now, he just wants to spend the night with one of the only people that matter to him.

*Ring*

Speaking of which, hopefully it’s Cas who’s at the door.

“Hello Dean.” Like clockwork, Cas is almost always never late whenever Dean invites him over. Dean takes his apron off and welcomes his guest inside.

“Hey Cas, I just finished making dinner. Cheeseburger, fries and some milkshake for dessert. How does that sound?” Dean throws his apron to the kitchen counter while he gazes upon Cas in all his magnificence. He’s wearing a white buttoned up shirt and black slacks to fit the occasion rather than wearing his trench coat get up. Although Dean doesn’t really mind what Cas wears. He always looks good no matter what he’s got on.

“It sounds delicious.” Cas smiles and takes a seat.

Dean sits opposite to Cas. “Let’s dig in.” This is what Dean’s been missing the past few weeks. All this comfort usually happens when Cas is around. It’s not that he can’t be comfortable with anyone else however whenever he’s with Cas, he’s not afraid to be just himself. Yeah, just as he is. It’s probably why his best friend knows him too well. Cas might’ve accidentally or coincidentally caught Dean’s personality when his barriers are down. Well, maybe really down because Dean forgets common manners and etiquette in front of Cas. Unlike him, Cas is well-mannered and has a good ‘temperament’ as Cas would word it.

“So what’d you do after lunch? Watch the bees?” Dean takes a massive bite from his burger while Cas plays with his fries.

“Actually I went to visit Sam.” Cas replies and Dean instantly chokes on his meal. Some of his burger sputters all over the table, as Cas pats his back while he punch his chest. He didn’t die at least. Dean was not ready to hear that.

 “What was that?” He hisses and Cas hands him a glass of water which he drinks with vigor.

Cas frowns before answering. “I went to visit Sam. I was wondering if something was bothering him.”

“Oh? What did he say?” Panic starts to build in Dean’s system. There’s no way the little snitch told on Dean.

“He said…he said he was fine.” Cas frowns and stares at the plate. There’s something hanging in the air and Dean doesn’t know what to make of it. It’s a sickening feeling in his gut and Cas isn’t helping with that vacant expression on his face. As if Cas is actually telling the truth.

Apparently whatever Cas does with Sam in his own time is none of Dean’s business.

Well it is and that’s what sucks because Dean has made it clear to Sam that Cas was his and should back off. Clearly Sam didn’t get the message. Clearly Dean’s still not seeing the whole picture.

The picture that Cas is a lying just like his fucking brother and leaving things out.

They were probably doing something more than talking. Cas was probably fucking him. Sam probably couldn’t get his hands off Cas…

The glass on his hand feels like breaking within his grip.

“Dean, are you okay?” Cas asks but Dean is trying his damnest to dampen his anger.

“I’m fine.” He replies praying that Cas will drop the subject immediately or else.

Cas tilts his head and tries to lean closer to him. “You don’t look fine.” Bad move.

“I SAID I’M FINE!” Dean barks out and Cas jumps. The cutlery clutters, inviting fierce tension in the room.

“You’re mad.” Cas mutters under his breathe and Dean clenches and unclenches his fists. “I should go.” Before Cas can make it to the door, Dean jumps from his seat and grabs the other man’s forearm.

“Wait Cas, listen, don’t take this the wrong way. I’m not mad at you.” He says all at once and Cas’ expression looks hurt. Real hurt. _Dammit Dean_. “It’s just that-,”

If Dean says what he really feels, there would be a list:

_‘I hate it when you go see Sam.’_

_“It makes me sick when I think about you in the arms of another guy.’_

_‘Don’t leave me.’_

If he says all those things, then surely Cas will get pissed at him and there’ll be irreparable damage. “I’m just disappointed in myself.” That’s it.

_Blame nobody but yourself._

“After everything that’s happened. Even after I made peace with everything…I’m just disappointed that I didn’t notice something was bothering Sam.” _If there is one thing Dean has learned about Sam’s lying._

“It was always my priority to take care of my baby brother and the fact you noticed something was wrong before I did just made me feel like crap y’know?”

_And Cas._

“I should be the one looking after him. I just feel like a massive failure.”

_It’s easy to appeal to their better nature._

“Dean…” it worked. Cas is staring at him with concerned eyes rather than hurt. Rather than Dean sounding like a complete asshole, he’s hooked him in. The dark haired man reaches out to grip Dean’s left shoulder.

“Dean listen to me, you’re not a failure. Please don’t say that. Don’t ever think of yourself as a disappointment.” “You are one of the compassionate and kindest person I have ever met and I will not allow you to say those things to yourself.” Cas is dead serious and this isn’t the first time Dean’s heard this speech before. He’s heard it countless times and it’s the reason why Cas is an angel. He’s always so caring and kind.

“You’re just saying that…” Dean blushes, half-genuine and half part of the act.

“I’m telling the truth.” Cas reassures him with a smile.

“Thanks Cas I really appreciate it.” Dean smiles and pulls his best friend in for a hug. They remain in each other’s arms for a long while. Their food’s probably getting cold but Dean’s not really hungry anymore. He’d rather have Cas like this than burgers or pie. Well Cas and pie would be great but this will do for now.

Eventually, they break the hold and stare into each other’s eyes instead. “You’re welcome. Now finish your meal and let me wash the dishes.” His best friend offers.

“Cas you don’t-,” Dean protests but Cas interrupts. “I’m not really hungry anymore, I’ll do it.” Dean makes a whining sound.

“Dean, consider it as my thanks for the dinner and the invitation. Now not another word. Just sit on the couch and watch something. I will join you shortly.” Cas smiles and takes the dishes to the sink and throws the leftovers away. Once Cas has decided on doing something, Dean doesn’t really have much power to stop him.

It can be a good thing or a bad thing but right now, Dean doesn’t mind sitting on the couch pretending to watch TV when in fact, he’s staring at Cas’ ass while the other man is washing the dishes. Dean might’ve drooled a little bit but he wipes it off before Cas finishes.

***

 

Dean’s never seen the show before but a show called Sherlock’s on tonight and somehow, it captured both his and Cas’ attention. The first episode is around an hour and a half long yet Dean can’t seem to peel his eyes away from the screen. Sure he knew Cas’ is next to him and tonight was supposed to be about getting closer to Cas.

At the end of the episode, they have a thorough discussion on who they favor more, Sherlock or John. Cas seems to favor John because he is a war torn hero. Dean finds Sherlock humorous and they end it there before they get into an unnecessary argument about the show. They usually do stuff like this and it pleases Dean that some things never change.

It’s good to know that there is something he can count on in his relationship with Cas.

“So Cas have you got any plans tomorrow morning?” Dean is flicking through the channels to find something good to watch.

Cas turns to him, back resting on the couch. “No I do not, why?”

“If you don’t, then you won’t mind sleeping here tonight? It’s getting cold outside and I don’t want you to go home so late.” Dean casually says without looking at Cas.

“Dean, I live next door. You can practically see my bedroom from here.” _And it’s a good view indeed_ , Dean thinks to himself.

“But you always stay over!” Dean puts the remote down and the channel lands on an advertisement.

“And I am always grateful for your kindness however your couch is not very kind to my back.” Cas frowns a little.

“I didn’t mean you sleep on the couch.” Dean knows sleeping on the couch is hell on anybody. The amount of times he accidentally slept on it instead of the bedroom, after a night of heavy drinking, has taught him as much.

“How is your floor any better?” Cas raises an eyebrow and Dean rolls his eyes.

“I was talking about my bed Cas.”

There’s a pause.

“W-Wait...what?”

“You used to read me to sleep so there shouldn’t be any difference.” Dean replies and it’s the truth. Cas used to read him to sleep on nights when they had nothing to do.

“Yes but I always sleep on the couch afterwards.” Cas is missing the point and Dean scratches the back of his head.

“But there’s plenty of space on my bed, you know that!” Dean points his thumb to the bedroom.

“Dean…” Cas looks concerned so Dean snaps his eyes back to the television.

“Okay if you don’t want to, it’s fine. I was just wondering is all. We can just watch something and you can go home.” Dean doesn’t say sulk at the end. No he doesn’t. He’s a full grown man, too old to be pouting to get what he wants.

Cas looks at the couch for a moment then back to Dean. “Are you sure about this Dean?”

“I don’t see why not.” Dean shrugs and pretends he’s paying attention to the television by flicking through more channels.

“Very well. I will stay the night.” Cas nods and Dean quickly forms a smile on his face.

“Awesome!”

They end up watching a short episode of some cooking show that Dean barely paid attention to. From the looks of Cas’ face, he’s unsettled. He’s been shuffling on the couch trying to get comfortable and Dean has a feeling why he’s doing it. Cas’ is probably thinking about the gravity of their situation and the fact that Dean has never invited him to sleep over on his bed before.

It’s a whole new stage in their friendship and Dean understands why it’s something worth thinking about. Nonetheless, the show ends and they both retreat to Dean’s bedroom.

When it’s time for bed. Cas got changed into Dean’s clothes, Dean guilt tripped the guy into wearing his clothes and as expected, Cas looks hot. To Dean’s surprise, Cas set the boundaries on the bed. Dean was definitely about to say the same thing. Yeah, definitely. Dean’s definitely thinking about all sorts of ways to cross the boundaries with Cas.

Imagining his best friend in all sorts of positions. How he would feel under Dean. Dean calms his erection because Cas might be a light sleeper and recognize Dean’s quickening heart rate. Or the tenting sheets. The only way to ease his mind of all the things he wants to do to Cas is to remember Cain’s words:

_‘Don’t think of it as payback Dean. Think of it as…justice. Yes. Don’t get mad, you get even. It’s just another way to establish boundaries between you and your brother. Reminding him of where he stands in your life, now that he has betrayed your trust.’_

Dean shuffles and tries to find a comfortable position to sleep in. It’s not easy, especially since for the rest of Dean’s life, he always sleeps alone.

_‘And don’t forget the most important part. You need to reassert what belongs to you and what is rightfully yours. After Sam took away what is most dear to you. You need to reclaim it, Dean. Because no one else will do it for you. Nobody.’_

Watching Cas sleep is definitely a new thing. Usually, it’s Cas who watches him and they always have an uncomfortable conversation about personal boundaries and how creepy it is to watch someone sleep.

_‘And if it means getting others hurt in the way, then that’s fine. It’s better to be in control than to let others push you around. To be left out. To be hurt.’_

His angel sleeps peacefully, even in the dark, he looks heavenly. As if the weight in Dean’s chest is slowly drifting away.

_‘Don’t let yourself be hurt anymore. Keep your eyes on what you want and everything else is collateral. I’m sure, you will get Castiel and all your problems will go away.’_

Dean almost slides the back of his fingers on Cas’ cheek. He pulls back, relaxing his whole body from the last thought and lets himself immerse into deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean is starting to lurk in the dark side, which is fine. It's totally natural. Nothing bad will happen...I'm sure of it...maybe.  
> Abby is Abaddon and I didn't tag Collette's death because she's a side story.  
> Cain and Abel parallel is not a coincidence.  
> And Cain is the guy Crowley left Dick Roman for in Charlie's story. 
> 
> I might introduce another canon character in the next chapter for plot purposes.
> 
> Anyway, what do you think is going to happen next? How far will Dean go in his quest for payback? Who is gonna get hurt? 
> 
> I look forward to writing the next chapter for y'all!


	10. Chapter 10- Pride and Lust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The love triangle just got even more complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised more dark-Dean moments so here it is.  
> I deeply apologize for the long wait. And I've just started to love my conversations with readers.  
> Nonetheless, I hope you all have fun reading this chapter.  
> The next one is on it's way although it should've been attached to this chapter but I believe I've written too much and decided to leave it at a cliffhanger.
> 
> This chapter is very lengthy and to think I was gonna add more.  
> In addition, I quickly edited it so there will be some mistakes. I will have a look at them in due time.
> 
> I cannot promise this will be the end of the dark Dean moments.  
> In fact, I will try and post the next chapter ASAP.  
> I can't sleep, I can't think and I can't focus on my uni work until I finished this chapter. 
> 
> I added more tags.

**-Dean-**

Something warm and cozy is pressed up against Dean. Usually mornings meant waking up alone in a cold damp room that smelt like months’ old laundry, actually it smells exactly like that considering there is months’ old laundry lying around the room. However right now, it doesn’t just smell like his body odor alone. Something smells different and the source is coming from right in front of him.

Wrapped around his arms, a sleeping Castiel shuffles slightly. They’ve never shared the bed like this before. There was only one instance when Dean fell asleep on Castiel’s lap after reading him a book in a warm summer afternoon. Afterwards, Cas had a sore back and Dean apologized. His best friend forgave him and they never spoke about it ever since. Although Dean must admit, it was one of the most relaxing afternoons he’s had in a very long time.  Not since before his break-up with Lisa.

In fact, that was probably when their friendship started to develop.

Well as far as Dean can remember.

Cas nuzzles further into Dean’s chest and it doesn’t help abate Dean’s confined erection. Apparently Dean’s not the only one with a raging hard on. Cas’ boxers are dark even in the dimness of the room. From the window, the narrow streaks of light illuminate enough of his best friend’s features. Cas’ dark hair is all over the place, like as if he just had sex and his arms are tightly wrapped around Dean’s middle, clinging for his dear life.

Dean should really wake him up before things get out of hand. Before Dean loses control and do something he and Cas might regret later.

It’s not entirely Cas’ fault because Dean should know better.

However Cas just feels so good pressed up next to him. Their bodies feel like they were made for each other. Cas is just the perfect stature- like two jigsaw puzzles completing a picture.

Cas’ shuffling intensifies. His warm body presses itself on Dean’s and Dean has to bite his lip to stop a moan from escaping his mouth. Dean should really pull away because he doesn’t think he’s gonna last very long. It’s been a while since he’s had sex with anybody because Cas has been running through his head like a broken record. No matter what Dean does, everything around him just reminds him of Cas. A love-sickness of some sort with no cure, no matter how many times he jacks off or ignore his thoughts. He always ends up thinking about Cas one way or another.

Now that Cas is this close to him, he doesn’t want to let go. Every fiber of his being wants to claim Cas and let the entire world know that he belongs to Dean and Dean alone.

Cas’ small whimpers and hitched puffs of breath are enough to make Dean’s eyes roll to the back of his head.

The wet patch between them darkens as Cas’ groans his release.

“Dean…” Cas mutters and Dean did not imagine it. His best friend was hard for Dean.

Cas was thinking about Dean while he was asleep.

With one more thrust, Dean also comes in his boxers. He buries his face onto Cas’ hair and breaths in his angel’s scent.

He lays next to Cas, panting and sweating. The sticky mess between them is uncomfortable and Dean notices blue eyes fixated on his face.

“D-Dean!” Cas pulls himself from Dean’s hold and somehow, his dick juts out of his pants. Droplets of come land on Dean’s arm. “I’m sorry!” Cas runs out of the room and slams the door behind him before Dean can even say a word.

Dean smirks to himself and swallows. The pearly white droplets glisten even in the dimly lit room. He can’t help but smudge it with his finger and lick it off. Smiling the entire time.

***

 

Of course Dean has to face Cas sooner or later. But after waiting for Cas to come out of the bathroom, Dean drags himself to the kitchen to make a fresh cup of coffee. He knows Cas needs one as well, black with one sugar like the usual. Although he has a feeling Cas might need more than just a cup of coffee after what happened.

A few more minutes of gazing at the neighborhood, wearing only a bathrobe that Cas bought for him a few Christmas holidays ago, Cas opens the bathroom door and walks shamefully to the bedroom, unaware that Dean’s been watching him from the kitchen. Dean should play it cool, he doesn’t need to make Cas any more uncomfortable than he already is. But there’s a small part of him that wants to make Cas remember what they just did. Hoping they may do it again soon. Maybe right after this coffee would be great.

Cas emerges from the hallway with his clothes on from last night before borrowing Dean’s. Dean’s clothes are probably in the laundry basket in the bathroom and Dean makes a note to go and do his chores. That’s something to worry about later because right now, Cas won’t even look at him in the eye.

“Dean, I-I just apologize…” Cas blushes and Dean’s heart melts a little.

“Cas you don’t have to apologize about anything.” Dean reassures Cas but the other man shakes his head.

“As a matter of fact- I do. I do have to apologize for my behavior. I- I didn’t know what went over me, I was asleep. I was-,” Cas stammers and Dean enters a train of thought in his head.

_‘Thinking of me in your sleep.’_

_‘Thinking of me **sexually** in your sleep.’_

_‘You weren’t the only one...’_ Dean thinks but he doesn’t say to Cas because there’s already too much tension in the air. And Dean is more worried about his best-friend’s state of mind than his libido.

“Cas, listen to me. You don’t have to feel bad about anything. Seriously, I’m not mad or anything like that. I was just surprised is all.” Lies. Well not all of it but Dean knows Cas has feelings for him, and of course they cross over the lines of sexual attraction.

“We’re both guys and you do what you gotta do.” Dean is grinning because he pretends to overlook the slight detail where Cas was thinking about him in his sleep.

“I can assure you, it will never happen again.” There’s a small drop at the end of Cas’ tone however Dean sees the seriousness in Cas’ eyes as soon as they meet his. It shouldn’t make him feel disappointed that Cas cares about their friendship more than what they want. Well in Dean’s case: need.

Dean chuckles and pats Cas’ shoulder with tightened eyes. His best friend is doing that head tilt thing again. Cas is too oblivious sometimes.

“Look Cas, don’t let what happened bother you. You’re still welcome to sleep on my bed. Seriously, I don’t mind.” Dean lets it slip and he can’t take it back now. Especially when Cas is staring at him with a wide eyed expression.

Then they both blush.

“You really don’t?” Cas asks shyly and Dean chuckles again. They may be two grown men but somehow they both make each other blush red.

Dean nods and pulls his best friend in a hug. It takes a few minutes before Cas’ shoulders relax and his fingers slide across Dean’s bathrobe, wrapping his arms around Dean. Dean can only smile and savor the moment as he squeezes a little tighter, not caring about how long they’ve been standing, and holding each other.

When they let go and Dean makes breakfast, Cas doesn’t comment on it. Instead, they talk about the show ‘Sherlock’ and have another discussion about Sherlock’s attachment toward John.  Even though the morning started out weirdly intense, Dean can’t help but feel comfortable again. It’s as if he’s back into this perfect picture with Cas and not want it any other way.

***

 

Of course, not everything is gonna go the way Dean wants. After spending the morning with Cas, Dean’s best friend has to go home and get changed with the promise of seeing Dean later during the day. At the exact moment that Dean steps outside of his apartment after cleaning it out, he catches Cas talking with Sam on the walkway right outside of his parents’ house.

Burning rage stricken his nerves as his eyes remain plastered on the irritating sight.

Cas, his Cas is standing far too close to Sam for normal people talk, and Dean doesn’t know whether to walk right up there and interrupt or stay right outside his apartment like a crazy stalker.

Surely Sam knows what Dean meant by staying away from him, the deal involves Cas. So why can’t Sam get the message? Unless he plans on using Cas to get to Dean’s better side, which is ridiculous because Sam should know, it won’t work. Or maybe Sam has dropped trying to make it up to Dean and intends to take Cas all to himself. Well whatever the outcome, Dean doesn’t plan on backing down.

Suddenly, under the burning sun and this wonderful day, Cas leans forward and wraps his arms around Sam. Dean immediately throws his back to the front door. He doesn’t know whether to feel shock or anger at what is happening. There’s just no way that Cas still has feelings for Sam. Dean knows Cas likes him if this morning was any indication. Cas is attracted to Dean and not Sam but why does Dean’s lungs feel like they’ve been splintered by broken twigs?

He lunges himself back into his apartment and slams the door behind him. Without the curtains up, only a few rays of sunlight can enter his room and Dean is at his limit. He wants to ruin his apartment again but he knows it will only mess up his image, or whatever pretense he’s trying to display. Maybe he’s just over-reacting about this whole thing and Cas doesn’t really have feelings toward Sam.

But maybe Cas does and everything that has happened within 24 hours was a lie. Maybe Cas never really have feelings for Dean and just pitied him the whole time. He wants to scream but at the same time he just doesn’t wanna feel anything right now. The last time he felt like this, he was walking in the middle of nowhere, searching for answers. Maybe that’s what he needs right now.

Yeah, answers would be great.

He opens his phone and sends a message to Cain, asking to meet up. Within a few seconds, the other man replies and gives Dean an address.

Perhaps spending time with Cas today will have to wait.

Right now, he needs some good advice.

***

After a long drive, Dean gets some time to think about everything.

While gripping the steering wheel and parking, his phone rings. It’s Cas’ reply to his message. Dean tells his best friend that something came up and he can’t hang out today but the truth is, Dean doesn’t trust himself to be around Cas or anyone right now. Not until he can get his head wrapped around the feelings inside of him. Although he sounds like something out of a chick-flick, talking about it to his family and friends will only make it worse. At least with Cain, it’s a whole different thing. It’s because he doesn’t really know the guy, especially Crowley, however Dean can somehow relate to Cain about his situation.

During the drive, something at the back of his head is telling him that collaborating with these guys is a bad idea, but for the most part, he doesn’t know what else to do. Cain offered assistance with no exchange, and somehow, Dean twisted it as a random act of kindness. Hopefully he won’t regret it.

Whatever it is that dragged Cain and Crowley to some high roller’s art exhibition, Dean doesn’t know.

What he does know, is that there’s a freakin’ valet demanding his keys and the security guards are looking at him like as if he’s stumbled into holy ground, and he’s some sort of pest.

Judging from what everyone is wearing inside, he thinks maybe he’s underdressed for the occasion.

He gives Cain a call before stepping foot into the property and he gives the security guards a nervous grin. If he even tries to walk inside, there’s a chance that he might get kicked out.

After a few minutes, Cain walks outside, wearing a fancy suit just like all the other people inside, and gives Dean a warm hug. The long-haired man escorts him inside while he gives a spiteful look at the security guards.

Once inside, Dean feels like the black sheep of the herd.

Everyone is dressed too formal for a sunny Sunday afternoon and who knew there was a mansion somewhere else in Lawrence. Turns out Cas isn’t the only one loaded in this side of the country. While walking, Cain asks him to start talking about what happened and how things are going with Dean’s plans. Dean outlines the main points while trying to ignore the condescending stares from the people around them. Rich snobs.

While trying to dodge the crowd, Cain has his hand on Dean’s lower back. The other man snatches a drink from the butler and drags Dean to the main exhibition. There are a few who are actually observing the artwork, while the majority chatter in the background.

You’d think the people here would be more interested in the artwork, but turns out, they’re just here to keep up appearances.

“Ah Dean, here we are. This is what I wanted to show you.” Cain points his drink at the massive painting, which is larger than all the other ones next to it.

The painting is of an angel with bright golden wings but a large shadow is cast right behind it. It’s almost too obvious to miss.

“Okay?” Dean raises an eyebrow and turns to Cain’s fascinated expression.

“So I see that you are having doubts about yourself and your plan?” Cain snatches his eyes away from the painting to face Dean.

“Yeah, well I don’t really know what the hell I’m going to do next. I’m still pissed at Sam for what he did and at the same time, Cas is sending me mixed signals. As soon as I start to think Cas has feelings for me, I see him with Sam and all of a sudden, I just wanna break something or someone. Trying to get Sam out of the picture is impossible since he’s also Cas’ best friend and they’re still dating!” Dean sighs and Cain raises an eyebrow.

“You wish to quit?” Cain tries to make eye contact but Dean just doesn’t think he can keep a straight face.

“I dunno. I just don’t think I’m cut out for this whole payback thing. Sometimes when I remember how much Sam pissed me off, I start to force myself to be pissed even though something inside my head is demanding to forgive him. I just…I dunno anymore.” Dean confesses and takes a step away from Cain. From Dean’s peripherals, he sees Crowley appear next to Cain and the two men whisper to each other.

“Dean?” A woman’s voice cuts through the crowd.

A beautiful, dark-brown haired woman walks right toward Dean and wraps her arms around him.

“Sarah?” Dean manages to get out. Sarah Blake. Sam’s ex-girlfriend before coming back to Lawrence.

“I’m so glad that I ran into you here. I haven’t seen you in a very long time!” Sarah smiles and Dean tries to ignore the smirks on Cain and Crowley’s faces.

“Yeah it’s been forever. How have you been?” Dean asks because it’s only right to give formalities with anyone he knows from the past. Even if that person is Sam’s ex-girlfriend.

“Dean! I didn’t know you were in correspondence with the illustrious Sarah Blake. My dear, it’s been such a long time.” Cain kisses her hand and smiles.

“Mr. Knight and Mr. Crowley, I didn’t know you were familiar with Dean? “Sarah blushes and places her hands on her lap. She’s always been too refined for Sammy- Sam. Dean doesn’t call Sam ‘Sammy’ anymore. Not for now at least.

“Well Dean has sparked our interest.” Cain grins and exchanges a look with Crowley then back to Dean and Sarah. “How do you two know each other?” Cain tilts his head up in curiosity.

“Well Dean’s younger brother Sam was my boyfriend back in Chicago.” Sarah blushes again and at least this saves Dean from filling in the details.

“Ah, such a small world, is it not Fergus?” Cain turns to the shorter man without leaving his eyes from Dean, then eventually Sarah. “Sarah, I believe you have a passion for fine arts. Are you here for business or pleasure?” Cain asks and Sarah smiles brightly.

“I’m glad you remember Mr. Knight, I am here for both. I will be staying until the end of the exhibition. The artist is actually the owner of this fine estate. I intend to meet him and give him praise for such fine artworks.” Sarah’s eyes scan the artworks from one end to the other. Dean remembers Sam mentioning Sarah’s line of work. It’s how they actually met, in some fancy art gallery party with Sam’s new boss Luke.

“Ah, the seven deadly sins and the demons that correspond with them. Apparently, the artist- what’s his name Fergus?” Cain leans toward Crowley.

“Balthazar something-,” Fergus replies and Cain nods.

“Balthazar, has a knack for biblical subjects. Did you like any in particular?” Cain smiles at them both while Dean nods along, not really comprehending what the hell they’re going on about.

Sarah blinks for a few seconds, even Dean can tell she’s confused whether Cain was asking about the sins or the artworks. “I was just looking at Asmodeus a few moments ago, but I think nothing can compare to Lucifer’s portrait.” Her gaze flickers up and down on the colossal painting.

“Yes, Balthazar harbors a great deal of pride in his work and personality. Speaking of which, how is your father? Is he in good health?” Cain catches Dean and Sarah’s attention. Dean doesn’t really know the relation between the painting and Sarah’s father but he remains silent. He’s still slightly shaken up by Sarah’s sudden appearance that he forgets why he’s here to start with.

Sarah nods then adds. “He’s been meaning to get in touch with Mr. Milton but to no avail.” She sighs but a smile remains on her face.

“It’s been a while since I saw Luke, however Fergus here can help you get in contact with him. Fergus-,” Cain finally faces his partner who has been staring at Dean for quite some time now. “Do make yourself acquainted with Sarah…” Cain joins Sarah and Crowley together while he stands next to Dean, waiting for the other two to disperse into the crowd.

Cain looks at Dean with an expectant grin. Sometimes Dean thinks Cain talks in riddles, which only makes him feel more dangerous than he already thinks.

“Well, isn’t that interesting, Sarah was your brother’s ex-girlfriend. I know her father from a while back. A very conservative and proud man he was.” Cain returns his eyes to Dean and gives another devilish smile. “This exhibition doesn’t end in another fortnight and I believe Sarah plans on staying until then.” Cain returns to looking at Sarah and Crowley.

“Tell me, Dean. Do you know what I think or should I spell it out for you?” Cain raises an eyebrow and for once, Dean understands the riddle.

***

 

 

**-Sam-**

Sam has tried his best to stay away from Dean as much as possible. Since his older brother won’t accept his apology, he thinks Dean just needs time and space. Deep down, he really wants Dean to forgive him however, after what he did, he wouldn’t be surprised if Dean doesn’t. It wouldn’t be so hard if for the whole- not being able to tell anyone about his problem. It’ll only cause more drama than necessary, Dean might just get pissed off even more than he is now and worse of all- who would believe him?

He’s lied to every single one of them and even though they forgave him, he knows it’s hard to rebuild their trust.

So Sam tries to rebuild whatever it is he ruined while keeping a safe distance from Dean and Dean’s apartment. He only visits his parents when it’s safe and he meets all of his friends when Dean’s not around. It’s not that hard to avoid Dean when he knows where his older brother will be.

If Dean’s not in the garage, he’s with Cas and the Impala isn’t exactly very difficult to spot in town.

But avoiding Dean is not the hard part. Cas seems to be able to find him wherever he goes

Sam has even tried changing his jogging route so that Cas doesn’t find him but to no avail.

His boyfriend/not boyfriend can always find him. Which is bad because Dean has told Sam to stay away from Cas since he’s aware of his brothers affections. Cas also has feelings for Dean but those two haven’t confessed yet. It’s one of the gut wrenching reasons why Sam needs to get the hell away from those two. It’s bad enough that he knows he’s the third wheel, he doesn’t want to live through it on a daily basis. Plus, if Dean catches him with Cas who knows what Dean’s got in store for Sam.

Sure Sam has had his fair share of lying and manipulation however he still prays to whoever’s out there, watching him (if there’s any), to save his sorry ass.

He knows he deserves whatever’s coming for him, it’s only worse by the fact that Dean’s out to get him.

***

 

Over the past few days, the neighborhood has been too quiet.

There hasn’t been a sign of Dean in a while and somehow, it fills Sam with discontent. At least he hasn’t seen Cas in a while, although he was quite upset a few days ago. Apparently Dean cancelled their plans to hang out and Sam knew it was the cause of Cas’ sour mood. It’s funny how Sam didn’t notice it sooner, that Cas is this heavily attached to Dean. Sam should’ve known better than to get in the picture.

There he goes again, he’s making himself feel guilty over everything.

Even his mom told him to stop putting so much pressure on himself. A few days back, when Dean and Cas were out of the neighborhood, Sam went to visit his mom, to ease the pain of having Dean mad at him. Even though he didn’t mention the truth about Dean’s secret squabble, she still baked him cookies and they had a chat. Of course she asked about his situation with Cas and Sam answered truthfully that he doesn’t know where it’s headed. She just nodded and sipped her tea.

That was the end of the conversation on Cas for now. However Sam has a feeling there might be an impending conversation on the subject in the future.

On a lazy Friday afternoon, he sits in his apartment. Slightly bored with nothing but the company of his emails and some porn to kill time. Since he has a feeling that his relationship with Cas is a sinking ship, he might as well jump in head first.

To his surprise, a message rings on his phone.

It’s from Dean.

**Dean: Hey Sammy, I know we’ve been on a rough patch and I said some things that were quite unforgivable. I was hoping we could set it aside and make up for it by having dinner, and drinks tonight. What do you say?**

Sam is taken aback and slumps on the couch. It’s hard to believe Dean intends to forgive him, let alone have dinner and drinks. A huge part of him wants to speculate and give Dean the third degree however it must’ve taken a lot of compassion for Dean to forgive him like that. Sam doesn’t want to add insult to injury, the injury he caused Dean.

Sam replies with an apology and agreeing to go out tonight.

A huge part of him is screaming to back out and try find out Dean’s agenda however Dean hasn’t called him Sammy in a while.

Even though Sam hates the nickname, he sure misses it.

Maybe he just misses his brother and all his doubts can shut up for one second.

***

 

It’s an interesting choice, but Dean says to meet up at the same restaurant where Cas plays the piano. Sam thought Dean hated the restaurant and would only come here if he brings the family or forced by Cas. Speaking of which, Cas was also invited and already seated in a booth in front of Dean, before Sam arrived.

“Hello Sam.” Cas and Dean greet him with smiles and somehow, Sam feels more uplifted than ever before. Sam takes his seat, right next to Cas as it’s the closest one to him and perhaps Dean doesn’t have a problem with him being next to Cas anymore.

Everything’s looking probably up from here on out.

“It’s nice that we can all spend time together again. It has been a while.” Cas states and Dean grins while Sam does the same.

“May I take your order?” The rude waiter arrives like clockwork and Dean interrupts them.

“Uh-Can you give us a minute, we’re waiting for one more person.” Sam frowns and looks at his older brother. _Who else are they waiting for?_

The waiter abruptly nods and walks away, all the while Sam is scanning his brother’s expression. Turns out Cas is doing the same.

“Dean, who else is coming?” Cas asks and Dean smiles before replying.

“She’s here.”

Right from the back of Sam’s head, he can feel eyes on him.

“Hello Sam.” That voice, he hasn’t heard it in a while. Sam gets up and sees his ex-girlfriend Sarah standing right in front of him. Right in front of him and Cas.

_Dammit Dean._

***

When the waiter finishes taking their orders, Sam doesn’t leave his eyes on Dean. His death stare that is. Dean introduces Sarah to Cas and luckily, doesn’t mention the additional fact that Sam and Cas are in a sort of relationship. Whatever you may call it.

But Sam doesn’t care about that right now.

Right now, he’s furious even though he has no right to be pissed off at Dean. Since he was the one who thrusted Lisa up to Dean, causing what probably is, Dean’s worst night ever.

However, he can’t believe Dean would sink this low to get back at him. Well sink to his level. To think Dean’s above payback was a huge mistake.

“So how have you been Sam?” Sarah asks.

_A huge mistake._

“I’ve been well- erhm…” Sam clears his throat and looks around to meet Cas’ concerned eyes and most importantly, Dean’s devilish grin. “Yourself?”

Sarah smiles and rubs her right arm with her left hand. “Same old same old. I’m still chasing after artworks from all around the country.” As soon as she gazes upon her wine glass, Sam snaps another glare at Dean, who looks so smug and is definitely enjoying this. “Are you still working for Luke Milton?”

Sam nods and doesn’t add anything else since his eyes are still glaring at Dean. When he turns to his side, Cas is sitting quietly, with his hands on his lap.

“I guess some things haven’t changed. I’m still running off to exhibits while you’re still a workaholic, well at least- visiting your family here is a break from all that. Isn’t that right Dean?” she turns to Dean and there’s still a smug look on his face. Sam clenches his fists a little, turns out Dean isn’t above talking about Sam’s life to Sarah.

“Yeah, you’re quite right Sarah. Although you might be surprised to know that there are plenty of other things different about Sam. Isn’t that right Sammy?” Dean grins and Sam officially hates that nickname even more than before.

Sarah looks confused. “I don’t understand.” She says slowly.

Sam sighs and gives one more death stare at Dean before facing Sarah with a nervous smile.

He should’ve known Dean wasn’t gonna forgive him so easily. Although the majority of his conscience thinks it’s unfair, a small part of it thinks that he deserves this. And that is the worst part of all.

 

 

**-Dean-**

Dean would be lying if he says that he doesn’t enjoy seeing Sam crumble right before his eyes at the hands of Sarah. The moment Cain suggested the idea, Dean knew there was no turning back in his path to destroying his baby brother.

Again, Dean is right about Sam being a sucker for good things and to his baby brother’s mistake, he believed what Dean said about setting things aside. There’s no way Dean can forgive Sam for what he did, well not until he can see Sam take his own medicine.

This was the exact method, Sam used to get Cas all to himself the night before Dean found out about their huge secret. Now its Dean’s turn to unravel Sam’s secret for everyone to hear. Watch Sam get humiliated in front of his ex-girlfriend who was raised in a conservative and prestigious family background.

It’s not that dating Cas is shameful, it’s the fact that Sam has built this image of perfection to everyone around him. Even to Dean, before his baby brother betrayed him. Now Dean wants to see that pride crumble into a million pieces. Just so he can exact the revenge Cain beckoned from him.

“I don’t understand…” Sarah says slowly as she turns to Dean then back to Sam.

There’s no use in hiding it now. Sam has no choice but to reveal his relationship to Sarah and receive the condescension, Dean predicted.

“Sam and I are in relationship.” Cas speaks up and there’s a pregnant pause for a few moments.

“I beg your pardon?” Sarah asks and Cas exchanges a look with Sam before continuing.

“Sam and I are dating, at least, that’s a simpler way of putting it.” Cas bows his head but not in shame. He looks almost confused while Dean dig his fists on his lap.

“You are dating Sam.” It’s not a question but Sam and Cas nod at Sarah’s statement. “And you are dating Castiel?” now that is a question which Sam and Cas nod in response.

Sarah looks away for a second while Sam and Cas looks like they want to say something but they can’t. Well at least, that’s what Dean thinks in the middle of feeling like shit.

He didn’t realize Cas was gonna be the one who’ll answer Sarah’s question. Does that mean Cas is not afraid to admit he has feelings for Sam. Does that mean Cas just pities Dean and doesn’t really have feelings for him?

Dean digs his fingers into his thighs.

“Well, that’s great! I’m glad you found someone Sam…” Sarah drops her tone a little at the end.

“Sarah…” Sam leans forward and Sarah shakes her head.

“I apologize for the lack of enthusiasm, I was just shocked. Really. I didn’t know you were into men, Sam.” Sarah doesn’t look or sound angry. Not like what Dean expected.

“Well I didn’t either. Not till I met Cas that I was open to liking guys.” Sam blushes but he doesn’t look embarrassed, ridiculed or humiliated. Again, not like what Dean expected.

“I guess it’s not really the gender that matters, it’s the person who you fall in love with is what does.” Sarah smiles brightly and Sam and Cas go beet red. Seriously, you’d think they were teenagers or something and it doesn’t make Dean’s anger disappear.

“I-I think love is too strong of a word.” Sam comments and Sarah laughs.

“Are you serious Sam? You and Cas look so cute together! I should’ve seen it before. Don’t you agree Dean?” She nudges Dean’s elbow and Dean can only give his fakest smile. Even faking it doesn’t help his mood. Neither Cas nor Sam extrapolate on what Sarah just said. As soon as their food arrives, Dean doesn’t hesitate stabbing his steak to release some of his anger.

Sarah starts interrogating Sam and Cas with questions on how they met and what they’ve been doing as a couple. She even shares a few stories on the time when she and Sam went on dates. Giving Cas some pointers on how to manage Sam in public and whatever romantic bullshit thing couples do. Seriously, Dean doesn’t know whether he feels sick, pissed off or hurt.

Maybe all of the above because he was such a fucking idiot for bring Sarah along. For thinking that he can get back at Sam this way and not watch his brother share blushes with Cas. Cas of all people.

Soon after their meal finish, they a talk a bit more. Dean doesn’t share much and he fakes his smiles and words for the rest of the night. Not even faking it can help with what he’s feeling right now. Nor can the pretentious laughs to Sarah’s jokes about Sam. He just wants to take Cas away from Sam. As far away as possible but he knows he can’t.

He knows this is his fault. He has to stick around and suffer through it.

Clearly whatever happened between him and Cas a few days ago doesn’t matter. Apparently Dean really has been reading the wrong signals and Cas doesn’t really have feelings for him.

Cas was just using him that morning when their bodies were rocking together. He was probably dreaming about Sam the whole time and just happens to say Dean’s name in the process. It was probably nothing and Dean’s kidding himself if he thinks that Cas can ever actually have feelings for him.

If trying to win Cas back is a dead end well Dean’s not about to roll over and play dead for Cas and Sam. He’s gonna take what’s rightfully his and there’s nothing, an apology or begging can do to stop him.

Dean’s no fucking loser.

He’ll never yield.

***

 

**-Sam-**

From bad to worse, is how dinner with Dean, Cas and Sarah turned out.

Not only has Sarah said everything to embarrass Sam in front of Cas, Dean hasn’t stopped snapping him death stares since Sarah started pairing him up with Cas. Of course only Sam knows how Dean feels right now but he can’t do anything to stop it. Sarah was his girlfriend for around a year and even though they didn’t spend as much time together as he wanted, she still knows enough to make table talk. Right now, Sam doesn’t want table talk because the subject revolves around him and Sarah won’t stop making romantic comments about him and Cas.

At the end of the night, Dean ends up offering Sarah a ride back to her apartment while Sam drives Cas home. Although it doesn’t make Sam feel any better. For all he knows, Dean could be on his way, plotting another ploy to ruin him.

On the drive back home, Sam keeps to himself. It’s bad enough that he fears for his life, he doesn’t wanna make it worse by saying something he might regret to Cas. Cas hasn’t done anything wrong in all this yet at the same time, his boyfriend/not –boyfriend hasn’t stopped looking at Sam with concerned eyes.

“Sam…we need to talk.” Cas says as soon as Sam parks in front of Cas’ home. The Impala is nowhere to be seen, yet Sam doesn’t want to take a chance of Dean catching him and Cas alone for any longer than they already have.

“What’s up?” Sam checks the neighborhood to see if there are any oncoming vehicles, preferably the Impala.

“Regarding what Sarah said. About us.” Cas almost whispers as if he’s trying to keep something to himself.

“Do we really look like we’re in love?” Cas asks and Sam forgets about surveying the neighborhood or for the Impala. He looks at his dashboard and sighs.

“I dunno Cas. What do you think?” Sam fearfully asks.

“I don’t think we do.” Cas replies and Sam nods. He doesn’t know what compelled him to nod but he has a feeling the answer is right in front of him.

There’s a long pause in the car and Sam knows he and Cas are both in deep thought. It’s been a while since they’ve worked on their relationship, or whatever this thing they have. It doesn’t really make sense but at the same time, Sam thinks it’s there. Well he likes to think there was something there, perhaps he’s been lying to himself the whole time.

“It’s been a while since I asked you this but, do you have feelings for me Cas?” Sam asks and their eyes lock.

“I do but I don’t think in a romantic sense. I care about you Sam but at the same time, I cannot force myself to feel any different other than as friends.” Cas confesses and it should hurt Sam as much as it should but it doesn’t. Not really. It’s not even a surprise anymore.

It’s also probably because he feels the same.

“Yeah, Cas I get that.” Sam nods and his eyes leave Cas’. There’s another long pause in the car and somehow, Sam thinks he got his point across without actually saying it. He has a feeling that Cas knows he also doesn’t feel the same.

“For what it’s worth…” Cas adds and Sam turns to him. “I am very grateful to have been in your arms, regardless of the brevity.” Sam smiles to that.

Instead of feeling like crap after hearing this from Cas, he doesn’t. He feels rather relieved by the whole thing.

“Yeah, I feel the same.” Sam smiles again and that earns a smile from Cas.

“This is the part where I go and we don’t see each other for a while?” Cas questions with a worried expression.

“Don’t get me wrong but we’re still friends Cas. We might just need some time apart. At least a healthy amount of it.” Sam replies and Cas smiles again.

“Oh I see.” Cas gets up and opens the door of the passenger seat. “I appreciate you teaching me Sam. I really do.”

Sam chuckles and shakes his head a little. “You were a good student Cas.”

Smiles are on their faces again.

“One more thing.” Sam adds before Cas shuts the door.

“Promise me that you’ll put the skills I taught you to good use.” Sam raises an eyebrow and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what he meant by those words.

“I will. Sam. Thank you.” Cas smiles again and it’s bright even in the dark.

“Good night Cas.”

“Good night, Sam.” Cas shuts the door and walks to his home. Sam drives toward his apartment and shuts the door behind him. With a deep sigh, he drags himself to his room and face plants on his pillow. Regardless of his relief, he can’t help but feel upset after breaking up with Cas. It’s only natural even though there wasn’t much left to reminisce.

At least it’s one step closer to getting out of Dean’s way. After all, Cas was never his from the start and it took him this long to realize. Fortunately the reality caught up with him and he prays that Cas and Dean can realize it sooner than later.

Perhaps those two can finally get together and it might help Dean forgive Sam. The incident with Sarah is something Sam can let go. At least he discovered where he stands around Cas instead of a purgatory.

Forgiveness doesn’t really matter to Sam as long as he can see Dean happy again.

He knows his older brother deserves it more than anyone.

If only those two can see a reality that’s been long overdue.

***

 

 

**-Dean-**

Soon after dropping Sarah back to her apartment, Dean raced the Impala back to his neighborhood. Baby’s speed could’ve killed someone but Dean was in no mood to drive slowly, especially not after Sam and Cas drove home together. It still makes his knuckles go white on the steering wheel and after driving on the back roads, he finally reaches their street in one piece.

In the darkness of the night, Dean drives baby right around the corner of his street, near Sam’s apartment. To his dismay, Sam’s car is still not there. He drives a little further up to see Sam’s car right in front of Cas’ driveway. The engine is off and even in the shadows, Dean can tell there are two people in the car.

“Son of a bitch!” he hisses, his fist punches baby’s steering wheel.

Cas and Sam have been in Sam’s car for a while now and almost every fiber in Dean’s being wants to march up there and knock Sam’s teeth out. It’s bad enough that his night went to hell, now those two are probably doing something in Sam’s car.

They definitely are and Dean’s been so stupid to think that Cas doesn’t have feelings for Sam. Cas didn’t even deny that he doesn’t like Sam to Sarah and Dean tried his best not to get up and stomp out of the restaurant.

He thought Sarah was gonna humiliate Sam tonight, not the other way around. She wasn’t supposed to praise their fucking relationship and most of all, Cas didn’t have go beet red every damn time. Cas shouldn’t be blushing about his relationship with Sam. That look is meant to be reserved for Dean and Dean alone.

Jealousy is coursing through his veins like a flood from a broken dam.

To think he’s just second choice to Cas, makes him sick. Even Sarah’s embarrassing stories about Sam made Cas smile. It made Cas freakin’ smile!

After a few agonizing minutes of watching Sam’s car, Cas gets out and shuts the passenger door. Sam drives back to his apartment and quickly runs inside. Dean shakes his head in fury and drives toward his apartment. He doesn’t know whether to feel relieved that Sam didn’t follow Cas, or incredibly pissed.

Maybe he’ll stick to being pissed and down a few cans of beer from the shopping that Sam paid for a week ago.

The moment Dean shuts his apartment door behind him, he does just that.

***

 

 

Going to garage the next day doesn’t help Dean’s mood. He snaps at everything and everyone around him, to the point of Bobby asking him ‘what the hell is going on idjit?’ Dean tells him its nothing but he knows they’re wondering about it and he knows they know that he doesn’t want to talk about it.

So they tread lightly around him even though nobody is at fault but himself. Bobby and Garth shouldn’t have to deal with his shit and his shitty mood and his shitty life. Dean’s better off staying at home and out of their sight.

At least by lunch time, Garth cheered Dean up by pulling out Mr. Fizzles. Even though Dean admits he hates the thing, he knows it adds to Garth’s charm.

He sends Cain a message about what happened and receives a reply shortly after. Cain says to keep his cool and expect the possibility that things can go wrong but never to leave his eyes on the goal. He sighs deeply and Bobby tells him to go home and sort his shit out.

Clearly the older man is looking out for him again and Dean feels bad for getting others involved with his mood. He takes the early pass, avoiding any further questions from Bobby because he doesn’t want the subject of Cas to come up. The moment Sam and Cas’ relationship got out, all of Dean’s family and friends find out and they’re very supportive about it.

Some of them were very surprised but they eventually got used to it. Much to Dean’s dismay.

Turns out Cas and Sam getting together is like a match made in heaven and it makes Dean feel even more sick.

Once he parks baby outside of his apartment and locking the door, Cas pops out of nowhere.

“Jesus Christ Cas. You should wear a goddamn bell!” Dean huffs from the fright. Of all the people Dean doesn’t want to see today, it’s Cas. He doesn’t trust himself enough to be cautious around his angel.

“Hello Dean.” Again Cas’ gravelly voice doesn’t help. They’re staring into each other’s eyes again until Dean snaps out of it and clears his throat.

“Why aren’t you with Sam right now?” Dean regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth. He shouldn’t sound so obvious by letting his jealousy talk for him.

“Sam’s busy and…I…” Dean tries not to look relieved at hearing Sam preoccupied with something else other than Cas.

But the last time Dean thought he had a chance with Cas, he was gravely disappointed.

“I was wondering if you would you like to spend some time together.” Cas says and Dean should decline for the sake of his sanity and whatever it is he has with Cas.

“I dunno Cas, I don’t want to get in the way of your busy schedule.” Dean doesn’t even make sense and he sounds petty. How the hell is Cas still friends with him?

“I can assure you, I have a free schedule today and in the next few days. I believe you wanted to educate me on a story about a hobbit travelling with a ring?” Cas asks and Dean raises an eyebrow.

“Dude you can call it the Lord of the Rings and I still can’t believe you haven’t seen it!” Dean shakes his head and laughs. Right now, it feels like the old times. The times before everything got complicated.

“I also have a home-baked pie in the oven. Well it’s cooked, I’m just heating it up.” Cas admits with a blush.

“Dude you don’t bake!” Dean is trying to put a lid on how happy he is.

“You are right. I cannot bake. Your mother gave it to me and I thought of sharing it with you straight away.” Cas is bushing again and Dean shouldn’t feel this awesome about realizing that his best friend thinking about him when he’s not around.

“Well you got me after pie. You may enter my humble abode.” Dean tilts his head to his apartment and Cas smiles before following him up he stairs.

Maybe Dean has a chance to snatch Cas away from Sam after all.

***

 

Over the past few days, Dean has been hanging out with Cas a lot more. In fact, as soon as the sun rises, Cas is either at the foot of Dean’s doorstep or right next to Dean on his bed.

Dean doesn’t know why his luck is starting to turn around but he doesn’t care enough to find out. All he needs is Cas right next to him, talking and most of the time touching him. To think Cas is supposed to be dating Sam, it’s such a shame that Dean is taking most of the angel’s time.

Seriously, Dean hasn’t seen Sam in a while and he could barely keep a look out since Cas is always with him. Dean might have gotten a glimpse of Sam during one morning but that was the same morning when Cas came over to share breakfast with him.

It’s almost as if he and Cas are living in some sort of domestic bliss. Dean feels as though he is well kept. Either he or Cas pays for food and whatever they plan on doing during the day. Dean sometimes goes shopping with Cas for house utilities, just as they did when they first met many years ago.

The way Cas has been smiling with Dean is almost enough to make Dean fall in love with the guy over and over again.

It’s just so right yet at the same time, Dean knows it’s wrong because Cas and Sam are dating. And no matter how much he’s enjoying and loving every moment with Cas, he feels like shit afterwards because he knows he can never be Cas’. Not while Sam is here. Not while he knows Cas prefers Sam over him.

Cas shouldn’t even be giving him those looks like as if he’s the only thing that matters and Dean can never do wrong.

Dean’s far from it. He doesn’t deserve the tender looks in Cas’ eyes, not when he knows Cas belongs to someone else.

To cope with this gut-wrenching feeling, he’s been going out of his way to make Sam’s life a living hell.

Ever since the day after the incident with Sarah, Dean has unleashed pranks on Sam.

One night, Cas stayed over for a Lord of the Rings marathon. While Cas watches, Dean orders a subscription of porn magazines using Sam’s credit card details. They are to be delivered to Sam’s doorstep in five business days.

A day after, Dean and Cas takes a casual stroll on the park and it makes Dean feel all flustered. Especially when Cas walks too close in his personal space. What they’re doing could almost be mistaken for a date, if it weren’t for the fact that Cas is already taken. Dean winces a little at the thought and remembers to scrape Sam’s toothbrush in places, his baby brother wouldn’t want. And Dean sends a photo of it at night, when Dean knows Sam’s nightly routine.

On a Thursday night, Dean and Cas watch the ‘Bee’ Movie in the local theatre. Whether it was by accident or not, Dean wrapped his arm around Cas’ shoulder and the other man sighs and leans his head on Dean’s chest. Friends can do that to each other, right? Well he and Cas aren’t just friends. They’re best friends so that’s a bigger reason to do it.

They don’t talk about it after movie ends, instead, Dean rearranges Sam’s kitchen so that salt and sugar are the other way around. And mayonnaise shouldn’t taste like paste used for art.

Even after Sam installed new locks and security systems in his apartment, Dean still manages to slip past them. No matter how many times Sam creates a new credit card or cancel some of his orders, Dean always finds new ways to prank Sam.

In a fortnight, Dean has unleashed more pranks on Sam than he’s ever done in their childhood.

Dean is grinning to himself, satisfied by how much he has accomplished in such a short span of time. Cas is leaning on his chest while they watch a re-run of Judge Judy. Personal boundaries don’t matter anymore. Now Cas just enters Dean’s space like as if they’re going out or something. Dean knows it’s wrong yet at the same time it fulfills two things that he wants.

He wants to get back at Sam for everything and at the same time win Cas in his arms.

Whatever Dean and Cas have been doing the past few weeks are crossing the lines of their friendship and Cas’ loyalty. Dean doesn’t think Cas would be the type to cheat on anyone. Sure he kept some things from Dean before but Dean’s no different. At the moment. Dean knows he’s worse in the scale of lying and cheating but he can’t help but wonder if he has enough guts to go even further. To actually hurt himself in ways he shouldn’t.

This familiarity with Cas. This lack of personal boundaries is giving Dean the wrong ideas. Ideas in which can compromise their friendship. More than it already is.

“Well I guess it’s time for bed now.” Dean rips his back off the couch and Cas groans in frustration. It makes Dean smile to know Cas can make that expression sometimes. As if Cas only reveals parts of his true self, underneath all those layers of refinement and sophistication.

“I don’t wanna.” Cas nuzzles into his chest even further and Dean can’t believe his best friend sounded like a kid just now.

“C’mon Cas. I’m not sleeping on this couch, you know how uncomfortable it is.” Dean chuckles and Cas doesn’t seem convinced. The dark-haired man digs his forehead further into Dean’s chest.

“But I’m comfortable.” Cas breathes out in relaxation and Dean rolls his eyes then sighs.

“I think the bed is more comfortable Cas.” Dean pats his best friend’s shoulder.

“No, the bed is cold.” Cas pulls his knees to his chest.

“I can put the heater on if you want.”

Cas shakes his head. “No. it feels different. Very different. This feels better.” If Dean heard that right, Cas just said he likes being pressed up against Dean. Even though Cas has been coming over and staying the night, practically almost every day during the past two weeks, Dean always respects the boundary between them until they fall asleep. It’s only in the mornings when Dean wakes up to a rutting Cas.

It’s happened a few times already that it should be wrong.

Dean shouldn’t encourage Cas to behave like that, being aware of Cas’ relationship with Sam. Yet at the same time, he can’t keep his hands off of Cas. Not when he’s so close and so…eager.

Dean might regret it later.

“If you want, we can continue being like this in the bedroom.” Dean offers and swallows. His eyes meet bright blue eyes and a dazzling smile.

“If- If that’s okay with you.” Cas answers and Dean doesn’t chuckle. He doesn’t laugh and pretend it’s a joke like he usually would. Instead, he carefully gets up and nods. Cas follows from behind him and they slide under Dean’s blanket.

Dean lies down first then Cas rests his head on his chest. The room is dark.

They lie still for a few minutes.

“Dean?” Cas whispers on his chest.

“Yeah Cas.” Dean answers, assuring his best friend that he’s awake.

“I like this.” Cas comments and Dean tries not to overthink it means something else.

“Yeah…me too.” Dean confesses and he relaxes. He can also feel Cas relaxing as they both eventually slumber in the dark.

The room is warmer without the heater.

***

 

If you ask Dean to stop what he’s doing and leave the room so Cas can rut alone a few weeks ago, Dean would’ve left without being told twice. Now, Dean remains pressed up against his best friend’s body. Both of their cocks are rubbing on each other and small moans escape their throats.

Cas is awake through all of this because he and Dean no longer talk about what they do in the bedroom. They don’t even finish separately anymore. Dean would rub his member on Cas’ crotch while Cas does the same. Their eyes would meet and when it happens, there’s no going back.

Either one of them climaxes first or both of them at the same. They’d lie there in post orgasm bliss and clean up.

For now, something’s different. Cas is more eager with his thrusts and Dean can’t help but give in. Their faces are about an inch away from each other and Dean tries to pretend that what they’re doing right now is just something guys do. An experiment of some sort because it’s better than to think Cas is actually doing this because he wants Dean. For a few short minutes, Dean wants to pretend Cas is not attached to anyone else but Dean.

Dean would rather be a dirty little secret than expect Cas to see him the way Dean sees Cas.

All this thinking is giving him a headache and it’s not helping with his performance.

With a few more grinding of the hips, and puffs of their breath, Cas leans forward to press their lips together.

“Cas!” Dean jumps up and pulls away from him. It must look really bad for Dean to pull away from Cas. Sex is never complicated for Dean. It’s always a primal need to be in contact with another person. Nothing more than that. And kissing is part of it.

Why does kissing Cas make Dean jump out like that?

“Dean…” Cas pushes himself upon with one elbow on the bed while the other arm rests on his toned body.

“I-I know we don’t talk about this but I think now’s the perfect time to do it.” Dean doesn’t know whether he’s agitated by the fact that Cas kissed him and he wants it or the idea that doing this is all wrong and he should stop Cas from ruining himself. Not because Dean cares about how Sam will be once his baby brother finds out that Dean touched what’s his, but Dean doesn’t want Cas to do anything he might regret later.

“Dean, I understand.” Cas says lowly and pulls the blanket up to cover his body. “I don’t know what went through my head. I didn’t ask if you wanted this. I should go.”

“Cas hold on! Listen to me. We can’t just keep running off into the sunset whenever something like this happens. We gotta learn how to talk to each about these things.” Dean grips Cas’ arm tightly then slowly loosens it to a brush.

“I see. From your reaction of the kiss, I might’ve crossed some lines in our friendship and we should stop.” Cas looks hurt and Dean has to say something to make that’s stop.

“Cas it’s not like that.” Dean doesn’t really wanna mention the fact that Cas is going out with his brother right now. That’ll only ruin his mood more than it already is. “Well I know we’ve been doing stuff that’s not exactly friendship material…” Cas tilts his head and Dean deeply exhales.

“What I’m trying to say is…” A train of thought rushes in Dean’s mind.

_I want this very much._

_Friends can screw around without telling anyone._

_I don’t care if I’m your dirty little secret from Sam. I just want you._

“I don’t want you to do anything that you might regret later.” Dean confesses and even though it’s farfetched from what he was thinking, he manages to stay out of the subject of Cas’ relationship with Sam.

Cas looks confused for a second and Dean is looking at him with an expectant look. Dean just wants a reaction, something or anything. Just so he doesn’t feel like a complete idiot.

“Will you regret it if we do this?” Cas asks and Dean is taken aback by the question.

“What? God no, Cas I wouldn’t- I won’t regret a damn thing!” Dean defends himself and Cas gives a smirk.

“Then I won’t either.” Cas leans forward and presses their lips together again.

Their kisses go from gentle presses to hungry groans. Cas manages to stay on top of Dean while their mouths are busy.

It takes Dean a moment to realize that this is their first kiss and he can’t believe it feels so good. Too good. In fact he doesn’t feel like as if Cas is doing this to cheat on Sam or anything like that. Cas eyes are on him the whole time. They don’t leave Dean’s and they squint a little at the entry of Cas’ tongue in Dean’s mouth.

For just a few minutes, Dean can let go of all his fears and insecurities and just surrender to Cas’ body and lips. With a slip of a condom, Cas rides Dean.

Their hands and lips reach out to grab or kiss each other’s bodies without a hint of tenderness. Dean is surprised by Cas’ enthusiasm, for a guy who remained a prude for a very long time, he sure knows how to make the right noises in the bed room.

And during the whole time, Dean can forget the fact that Cas must’ve done this with Sam before. No matter, Dean can pretend that he’s the one who popped Cas’ cherry. For just a few brief moments, he can pretend that he’s the only person who Cas sees this way.

He must admit, he came too soon than he normally would with anyone. But that’s because Cas is not just anyone. Cas is a sex god who knows how to ride Dean to completion and have him gasping Cas at the end of his lips. A second after Dean finishes, Cas comes all over Dean’s stomach. His hands reach to cup Dean’s lips and let Dean swallow his moan which sounds just like Dean’s name.

They lay next to each other for a bit. Dean ties the condom and throws it aside while Cas slides next to him. Their bodies fit perfectly next to each other and it almost makes Dean cry on how much he missed his chance to make things right.

He missed his chance to make an honest guy out of Cas and he can’t think of anyone to blame but himself.

***

Instead of feeling guilty, Dean goes to Sam’s place to make the younger Winchester’s life even more of a living hell.

Well it’s the hell that Dean thinks Sam deserves.

In a space of a few days, he’s turned Sam’s apartment upside down. Dean even slashed Sam’s tires the morning after Dean and Cas had amazing sex. There’s just something about the whole cheating on Sam that gets Cas’ gears going because even Dean had trouble keeping up and Dean Winchester never has a problem when it comes to that department. Certainly not in a department where Cas is still quite inexperienced.

It seems that Sam doesn’t know how to give it to the guy and that’s probably why Cas is so eager to get with Dean. If that’s the case, Dean doesn’t ask because he doesn’t wanna hear the truth.

It’s bad enough that he knows he’s a substitute, he doesn’t want to be praised about it even more.

As soon as he gets home after fine tuning Sam’s kitchen sink, Dean gets a call from his baby brother.

**Sam: Dammit Dean! When will you stop bothering me?**

Dean chuckles and replies: “It’s just desserts Sammy. I hope you like your new sink.”

**Sam: Wait, what do you- Oh god no!**

Dean hears a loud rush and splash of water then a large smash.

**Sam: Jesus Christ Dean! You’ve messed up my sink!**

Dean laughs again.

“Should wash your dishes in the bathroom next time.”

Sam doesn’t answer immediately and Dean hears some shuffling at the other end of the line.

**Sam: Dean, I’m begging you. I haven’t approached you or Cas since the Sarah thing. And I understand why you did it. But you should know that I don’t have any intentions of getting in your way.**

Dean checks his finger nails to see any traces of oil from the garage. “Well I can’t say I’ll stay out of yours given that you didn’t hesitate going behind my back and using Lisa against me.”

Sam sighs before continuing. **I’ve tried to apologize! I’ve tried to make amends! You’re the one who’s too stubborn to let it go!**

Dean scoffs at the thought. “Oh really? Well you can’t even begin to know what it’s like feeling sorry. I missed an opportunity with Cas and it’s all your fault Sam! So don’t pretend you’re like some saint who waltz back into our lives and think everyone’s just gonna worship the ground you walk on!”

**Sam: I’m not trying to sound righteous here Dean! I’m telling you to stop! I’ve ended things with Cas and I haven’t made contact with him since!**

“Yeah right. Like I can believe you after all the lying.” Dean clenches his jaw and fist.

**Sam: I’m telling the truth Dean! Whatever it is that’s getting in the way between you and Cas is not my fault anymore! Maybe if you just grow a pair and tell him how you really feel then you’ll know, you’ve still got a chance!**

Dean stops for a moment. His nose flares from what Sam said and right now, he has a massive urge to throw his phone away but he doesn’t. He knows he needs to hold onto it.

**Sam: Dean…I-I’m sorry…**

“Nah, sorry’s not gonna cut it Sam.” Dean whispers to the device.

**Sam: Dean…**

“I’ll make you regret those words Sam.” And Dean ends the call. He ignores the next twenty or something calls that Sam makes as Dean sits in the dark to think.

Sam’s just lying. He can’t seriously break-up with Cas because Dean knows Cas doesn’t see him that way. Dean knows he’s just a poor substitute for Cas to use.

To use as he deems fit.

Dean knows he’s just some toy for the two of them to play with in their web of lies. But Dean doesn’t believe or trust them anymore. And Dean will show Sam how much it hurts being lied to.

**-Sam-**

There’s no way to be certain when Dean will stop.

Telling anyone about his misfortune won’t help him because he fears that it’ll just make things worse. How can anyone think wrong of Dean? If there’s one thing Sam knows for certain about his family, is that Dean has always been there for them and there’s no way Sam can contest what they think about Dean over his problems.

And Cas is definitely a no go.

Even after getting the full brunt of Dean’s torment, Sam makes sure nobody notices his plight, especially Cas.

Knowing Cas, he’ll try and ask Sam to open up to him and that’s not what he wants right now. Not when Dean is in the middle of making his life a living hell.

The pranks have been getting worse and Sam can’t think of anything else that can go wrong. He no longer feels safe around his apartment as Dean can somehow get through his locks and alarms. Speaking of alarms, Sam has been woken up in the middle of the night by his alarms or woken up too late.

His kitchen is but a waste because everything’s been moved to places where they shouldn’t be. When he discovered the jar of mayonnaise no longer contained mayonnaise, he almost snaps. When he tried to call someone to leave his apartment, he notices the names of his phone contacts changed to weird words, and his ring tone is of a woman moaning from a sex tape.

He doesn’t even know who’s been calling him or if they’re someone from the craigslist ad that Dean posted a while back.

Dean advertised Sam’s photo and phone number for free blowjobs which Sam instantly took down.

Sitting down doesn’t help as his back hurts from falling over after one of his chairs had its screws taken out and he found them under his pillow as they dig on his head while he sleeps. Not to mention the toothbrush incident- while he was brushing his teeth, he received a message from Dean of a picture of places where the toothbrush has been.

He vomited immediately.

On his doorstep, he finds packages paid by his credit card account. They are stacks of porn magazines and some are deliveries of processed meat products which Sam absolutely hates.

Sam doesn’t even want to leave his house anymore because he knows Dean will come in during his morning jogs or visits to the library.

He doesn’t even sleep in his bedroom anymore, just in case Dean left something in there to torment Sam. Like itching powder or super glued his sheets together.

Dean’s done that before.

While sitting on his couch, he notices something irritating under the cushion. When he pulls it out, it’s a rubber dildo with a note on it saying: ‘You’re perfect for each other since you’re both dicks.’

Sam throws it away with all the other mags and stuff Dean bought with his money.

Sighing deeply, Sam retreats back into the confines of his bedroom, using his laptop and praying to god Dean hasn’t messed it up. Probably used it to get into some porn and a computer virus.

To Sam’s surprise, there’s nothing wrong with his laptop. All of his files remain intact and not a single thing has been configured.

He decides to go through his emails, expecting to get some work done and getting a new credit card while he’s at it.

There are a couple of emails from Luke and Jess. At least he can distract himself from Dean’s mess.

**From: Luke Milton; (l.morningstar@email.com)**

**To: Sam Winchester; (sw_lawboy@email.com)**

**RE Subject: Check this out**

**Dear Sam,**

**I was surprised when I received a link that you shared from a very raunchy website. I didn’t know you were interested in men. I thought you had your eyes set on your assistant, Jessica. Not that it bothers me. I can assure you that this will not affect our working relations, although I wouldn’t mind mixing some business with pleasure.**

**Do get back to me on that and I can guarantee, you will not regret it.**

**Kisses,**

**Luke Milton**

 

Sam’s jaw almost drops to the floor as he opens his sent email to Luke. It’s a video from a gay porn website, featuring ‘office men doing the best they can’.

A groan of frustration escapes Sam’s throat as he covers his face with his hands.

He notices there’s another email sent around the same time. It was sent to Jess.

Oh god no.

**From: Sam Winchester; (sw_lawboy@email.com)**

**To: Jessica Moore; (jess_is _on_fire@email.com)**

**Subject: Miss you**

**Dear Jess,**

**I know it’s out of the blue but I need to be honest with you. I am deeply and madly in love with you. I’ve been meaning to ask you out for some time now and it took me this long to realize it. Being away has made me think about how much you really mean to me and I hope you realize that once I get back, I intend to sweep you off your feet.**

**Love,**

**Sam Winchester**

Sam’s heart skips a beat and panic swells in his chest. He instantly opens a reply from Jess’ email.

**From: Jessica Moore; (jess_is_on_fire@email.com)**

**To: Sam Winchester; (sw_lawboy@email.com)**

**RE Subject: Miss you**

**Dear Sam,**

**I’ve been trying to get in contact with you as soon as I read your email. I didn’t know you felt that way about me and I wasn’t sure at first because it’s all too sudden and I know you tend to keep your personal and professional life separated. I may have not been subtle about my feelings but I always assumed it was unrequited.**

**Receiving the email from you gave me hope at the same time it brought me doubt. Especially since you would not answer your phone. I was afraid it was written out of context, perhaps a mistake on your behalf.**

**I fear that my feelings may have been subject to your flights of fancy. The thought rather makes much sense, considering how you have never looked at me twice. At least not in such a way.**

**I will accept your silence on the matter as both cowardly and shameful. I do not wish to be humiliated even more.**

**This email will be my resignation and I do not wish to accept a two weeks’ notice. I would much rather be fired.**

**I wish it did not have to end like this.**

**Take care,**

**Jessica Moore**

Dammit! Sam immediately searches for Jess contact number through his phone which is no use because Dean changed it all. Luckily for Sam, he can still access Jess’ file and he immediately gives her a call.

Sam can’t let this happen.

***

 

**-Dean-**

It was underhanded but Dean had to do what he had to do.

Sending those emails to Sam’s boss and Jess is probably the tip of the scale however he doesn’t care. Right about now, Sam must’ve seen them and Dean is just finishing up at the garage. It’s been a quiet day so there’s not much to do. The whole time, Dean can’t stop thinking about Cas.

He knows these little victories over Sam doesn’t change the fact that Cas is using him. Or the fact that he feels empty even though he and Cas couldn’t get their hands off each other. Dean and Cas has been having sex since the day they started doing it. He must say, they make him feel fantastic while they’re doing it then like shit as soon as they part. It’s because Dean knows he’s just nothing compared to what Sam and Cas have.

Regardless of the sex, Dean can never be truly happy knowing that he’s just some guy Cas sleeps with. Although Dean knows how to hide his pain well. He knows it’ll only complicate things if Cas finds out how he truly feels and he’s not about to let that happen just yet.

He has a feeling that there’s no going back once Cas finds out the truth.

Dean will enjoy everything that he has before that happens.

On his way home, he sneaks into Sam’s apartment to see if he can find more things to mess with. To his surprise, Cas is in Sam’s apartment.

Dean doesn’t let his anger get the better of him. He knows he’s jealous but he needs to keep calm and find out what the hell is going on.

“Hey Cas!” Dean marches right into Sam’s apartment.

“Hello Dean.” Cas almost stands up but Dean jumps onto the couch right next to him.

“What’re you doing here?” Cas should be asking him that question, not the other way around.

“I am here to pay Sam a visit. I have not seen him in a while and I have a feeling something ails him.” Cas replies and Dean nods along.

“Where is he right now?” Dean asks and it feels like twenty questions but he can’t stop.

“He was here just a few minutes ago but he seemed very distraught and had to make a phone call. Although, I do not understand why he would need the car to do so.” Cas answers and Dean checks outside. Sam’s car is still not in sight.

“Well why don’t we both wait for him? Talk to him when he gets back.” Dean shuts the door slowly and looks over to Cas.

“That would be great, I think he needs us right now.” Cas says and Dean nods along.

“I think you’re right. Why don’t we make ourselves comfortable until he gets back?” he adds while slowly walking toward Cas.

“Perhaps you’re right.” Cas tilts his head and Dean devilishly grins.

His poor angel doesn’t know what Dean truly meant by the term ‘comfortable’.

***

 

It started out as small touches then a few nips on Cas’ neck. Next thing Dean knows, he’s on Sam’s bed thrusting in and out of Cas’ ass while the other man underneath him moans his name.

They barely even had time to take their clothes off but Dean doesn’t care. There’s just something about Cas that he can’t seem to get enough of.

He leans forward and reaches around to stroke Cas into completion before following him soon after. Luckily for Dean, he knows where Sam stashes his condoms and lube. Not that his baby brother has used it in a while if the dust all around it indicates anything.

It’s probably why Cas has turned to Dean for some action. Cas has probably been left unsatisfied by Sam’s skills so he goes to the next best Winchester for the job.

In the post-orgasm high, Dean hears the front door open. Cas shuffles quickly from the panic but it’s too late. Sam’s already opening the door to his bedroom while Dean lays on the bed, half-naked just like Cas.

There is immense wrath on Sam’s face and somehow, Dean has a feeling that his fun has drawn to a close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it may be tough to read about Dean and Cas in such a twisted way, I don't even think their relationship is healthy but that's the truth in SOME relationships. There are times when people are like Dean- massive inferiority complex to the point of accepting themselves as a side person rather than strive for an honest relationship. 
> 
> I hope I haven't lost any of my readers just yet. 
> 
> I can assure you, there's light at the end of the tunnel (not in the death kind of way)
> 
> I would like to hear what you all think about the story so far, the characters and concept :)


	11. Chapter 11- Guilt and Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nobody can handle the truth. Especially Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is drawing to a close but not until I have some fun ruining Sam, Dean and Cas' lives even more than they already are.
> 
> I apologize for anyone hurt by the dialogue in this chapter. I assure you it is nothing toward anybody but the specified character.
> 
> I can't believe I finished 2 chapters in two days- compromising my uni work in the process. I think I write more when I have pending responsibilities. 
> 
> *WARNING: GRAPHIC VIOLENCE*  
> Some of our pretty character's faces will be dented.  
> I did promise more Deanmon and Dark Dean moments.  
> Slut-shaming  
> Self-Hatred, Denial and Hurt like you won't even believe.
> 
> Here's a short one for you. but I guess 5000 words is short compared to how much I usually write.

**-Dean-**

It’s not that Dean planned for it to happen but somehow, he feels weirdly satisfied by the fact that Sam caught him and Cas having sex in Sam’s bedroom. Sometimes Dean doesn’t even need to try and still achieved something out of it.

Cas slowly buttons his shirt and pants back on while Dean and Sam exchange challenging looks. Dean knows that Sam’s pissed, probably even more now that he’s tainted Sam’s room. Amidst the burning rage in Sam’s eyes, Dean doesn’t let his gaze falter. He knows there is something primal about the way Dean asserted his dominance on Sam’s property.

It’s a feeling he doesn’t really have a clue where it’ll take him.

“Sam…” Cas is the first to end the silence hanging in the air. But it doesn’t dissolve the heavy tension between all three of them. “We must apologize for this intrusion. We shouldn’t have-,”

Sam takes a deep breath and shuts his eyes. Dean reshuffles on the bed, covering his sensitive areas.

“Cas, could you excuse Dean and myself for just a moment?” Sam doesn’t look too patient right now and Dean doesn’t know whether he should shield Cas from what appears to be a disaster waiting to happen.

“I-I…” Cas stammers then gives Dean a look before returning his gaze to Sam.

“It’s alright Cas, Sammy and I just need to have a chat. Why don’t you go home for now and I’ll come over to your place later.” Dean smirks and leans into Cas’ personal space. Cas blushes and it’s heavy in embarrassment.

“If that’s alright with you?” Cas asks Dean and Dean nods in response. He really needs to get Cas out of here right now just in case he witnesses something bad.

Well bad is an understatement.

Cas nods and takes walks right pass Sam, whispering an apology before shutting the front door behind him. Dean pulls the condom out and throws it somewhere in the bedroom.

Sam doesn’t give Dean a second to say anything else.

“What the hell is the matter with you Dean?” Sam shouts and slams his hand on the bedroom door, causing it to slam against the wall.

“We’re both adults Sam, there are some things that we gotta do and clearly Cas wasn’t getting it from you so he came to me instead.” Dean smirks as he slides his pants up. Sam marches forward and grabs Dean’s shirt with one hand and pulls him, face to face.

“I don’t have time for your bullshit Dean! You know what I mean!” Sam snarls and Dean scowls. He pushes Sam’s hands away from him, almost ripping his shirt in the process.

“Why don’t we take this to the living room? The room still smells like my manly musk unless you don’t have a problem with that?” Dean chuckles and Sam rolls his eyes and stomps to the living room.

Dean follows his younger brother while he fixes his clothes back on.

Sam is shaking his head slowly, pulling his typical bitch face and eyes squinting with fury.

“You know what I think? I thought there was a limit to how much you could sink so low Dean. I get that you’re pissed but that’s no way to use other people- GOOD people for your sick mind games!” Sam waves his left hand to the door, indicating outside. Dean just scoffs but Sam doesn’t let him interrupt.

“Shut up! You think this is funny?” Dean doesn’t answer Sam’s question and around two seconds pass before Sam continues.

“I had to call Jess, whose number I had to find because you messed up my phone. I had to apologize and tell her about everything that’s going on here.” Sam’s arms are flailing to the side and his bitch face is stronger than ever.

Dean scoffs and paces around Sam’s coffee table. “Well I guess I’m not the only who’s getting other people involved with our personal issues.”

Sam furiously shakes his head. “What the hell Dean? Could you stop twisting my words for just a second and realize what you just did?”

The pacing stops.

“I had to say sorry to Jess who happens to actually have feelings for me and was really hurt when you sent her that email. She thought I was making fun of her Dean! She thought that I couldn’t possibly see her that way and that I took advantage of her feelings. She nearly quit because of you!” Sam stomps his foot on the carpet and his nose is flaring.

Dean quirks a smile. “As if you’re above taking advantage of other people’s feelings Sam. You’re just pissed because other people are starting to see you for who you truly are!”

“What has that got to do with anything?” Sam’s bitch face combined with his head shaking.

“It’s got to do with everything Sam! Because of you, I missed out on my chance to be with Cas. You’re mad because you finally realized how it hurts when people closest to you, lie to you and ruin your relationships with other people.” Dean accusatorily points at his baby brother.

“I can’t believe you still blame me for your problems with Cas!” Sam digs his fingers to his annoyingly long hair.

“Why shouldn’t I? It’s your fault that I don’t have Cas anymore. It’s your fault that I’m just some guy he sleeps with because you can’t give it to him good.” Dean’s pointing continues. “I bet that’s the real reason why you’re blowing this out of proportion. You just can’t handle the fact that I’m sleeping with Cas and he wants my dick more than yours!”

“Oh my god! Are you listening to yourself?” Sam scoffs then smiles but clearly not in a good way. “Dean. The reason why Cas is sleeping with you because he’s not with me anymore! You’re so deep in denial to admit that Cas might actually have feelings for you.”

“Shut the fuck up Sam you don’t know anything about Cas!” Dean steps forward. There’s only a meter between him and Sam. Almost as if Dean can grab Sam’s shirt like his brother did to him earlier.

“Oh yeah well I know enough that he doesn’t deserve someone like you Dean! You’re sick and twisted! You don’t even care about what happens to other people just so you can get your petty revenge!” Sam barks out and Dean throws a punch.

The overgrown man falls to the ground with a large thud.

“Don’t you fucking dare judge me Sam! You have no fucking right!” Dean points his left index finger at Sam while his right hand remains tightly clenched.

 Sam wipes the blood off his mouth and tries to get up. “No I don’t but I’m gonna do it anyway for your own good!”

Another punch.

“Shut up!” Dean barks out and Sam falls to his knees.

“I won’t!” The bloody Winchester snaps his neck back and Dean pulls his fist to prepare for another punch.

He stands there for a few seconds, glaring at Sam who has his forearms covering his face.

Though boiling rage is coursing through Dean’s system, he takes a step back. His fist slowly unclenches and it shakes. The shaking doesn’t stop even after he’s puts it away.

Sam coughs out blood and the carpet immediately gets stained. He tries to get up from his knees while Dean just heaves a few meters away. Guilt crawls through Dean’s spine and no matter how hard he ignores it, the stinging pain of his fist actively reminds him.

“Cas and I are no longer together. If you had listened to me from the start, you would’ve been with him and be happy.” There are tears on Sam’s eyes as he coughs another round of blood.

Dean doesn’t look at him in the eyes. “I don’t even care about your forgiveness anymore Dean. I just want you to be happy. I know I’ve messed up real bad but I’m trying to make it up to you.” Sam continues and suddenly, Dean’s chest hurts. His breathing gets ragged and the hairs at the back of his neck are standing up.

“You’re my brother and for once, I want to be able to give back to you. To give back for a lifetime of you supporting and being there for me.” Sam is actually sobbing now. Tears mix with blood on his cheek. Dean still doesn’t look at him in the eye.

“Yeah well I told you before…I’m no longer your brother...” The tone drops at the end of what Dean says. He tries to remain strong but every fiber of his being is screaming out in pain. In agony.

“Dean. You’ll always be my brother. The one who selflessly cares about his family and friends. That’s who you are Dean. Not this.” Sam points at the ground as he continues to cry.

Dean just shakes his head. He can’t face Sam right now. Not like this.

“Dean!” Sam cries out.

“Please…take care of Cas. Don’t hurt him he’s done nothing wrong!” Sam pleas but it’s not enough to make Dean stop closing the door behind him. And walking as far away from his baby brother as possible.

They live separately for that reason.

 

***

**-Sam-**

 

Sam grabs some ice from his freezer and gives Cas a text message to see if he knows where Dean is or if he’s alright. His face still hurt but he doesn’t really care about that right now. He’s more concerned about Cas and Dean’s wellbeing. Something inside him is saying that Cas can be caught up in all of this and Sam doesn’t want to put him through that.

After receiving a reply, Sam winces at the pain of the ice pack. Luckily Dean is not with Cas yet at the same time he’s not sure if Dean should be alone right now.

The fact that Dean thinks he and Cas are still going out is bad news.

There’s a sickening feeling in his chest and he doesn’t know how to get rid of it. Then suddenly his door opens and Cas walks right in without his invitation.

As expected, Cas almost has a panic attack after seeing what Dean did to Sam’s face. Sam tries to calm Cas down because seriously, it’s not that bad. “Cas it’s nothing, seriously, I’m fine.”

Cas gives him that look that means he’s not thoroughly convinced. “Why did he do this Sam?”

“Dean’s just-,” Sam stammers and tries to think of what to say through all the pain. “Dean’s just not in the right head space right now. It’ll be fine.” Cas immediately jumps up and heads toward the door.

“Cas wait! Don’t go to Dean just yet.” Sam stops him just in time for another jolt of pain stricken his face. He winces and Cas returns to the seat next to Sam.

“Sam, I need to get to the bottom of this. I’ve had my speculations for some time now, I had a feeling you and Dean weren’t in good terms.” There is strong determination in Cas’ blue eyes and Sam knows, trying to stop Cas is a losing cause.

“How long have you known?” Sam asks and Cas sighs.

“Since we met Sarah in the restaurant. I thought, I thought breaking up with you and being with Dean can fix everything.” Cas looks at Sam’s door, obviously he’s thinking about Dean.

“Cas, it’s not that easy. This thing between me and Dean, I don’t think it’s gonna blow over for a while.” Probably never Sam thinks. That doesn’t seem to faze Cas as the blue eyed man starts marching to the door.

“Cas I told you not to go to Dean right now!” Sam yells out and Cas stops halfway out the door.

“Sam, if there is something bothering Dean, I need to know.” That’s the problem, Cas is just like Dean so much that he doesn’t know how dangerous being self-less can be. But Sam knows that when it comes to Dean, nothing can change Cas mind.

“Nothing that I say is gonna dissuade you…” Sam admits to himself for Cas to hear.

Cas looks sympathetically at Sam. “I’m afraid that is the truth, Sam.”

“Cas-,” Sam stops Cas again. “Be careful.” Sam pleas.

“I will Sam. I love Dean and I think it’ll be enough.” Then Cas is out of the door.

“That’s what I was afraid you were gonna say…” Sam mutters to himself in his empty apartment with nothing but the silence to sing his worries.

 

**-Dean-**

Again, Dean terrorizes his own apartment. Throwing lamps and books off the shelves. The couch cushions are somewhere and he’s pretty sure he drank three cans of beer in record time. Now he’s moved on to a bottle.

There’s also AC/DC Highway to Hell playing in maximum volume. As soon as the people downstairs knock on his floor, he just starts singing to it out loud.

He’s not even drinking his beer properly. Some of it has spilled all over his shirt and pants. It looks like he’s pissed himself. Whatever.

He’s in his apartment and he can do whatever he pleases and destroy whatever he wants.

It’s only after Cas is standing right in front of his radio and turning it off that he realizes, distracting himself from thinking is not gonna work.

What he did to Sam and what Sam said are still ringing in his memories and he’s not drunk enough to forget them. He’s not drunk at all, he’s just feeling something. Something sickening at the sight of Cas’ worried blue-eyes.

They’ve been looking at him for a few seconds now but he doesn’t want to meet them with his. He just knows Cas is staring at him because he just does and Dean’s used to it. There’s a built in sixth sense where Dean knows Cas is looking at him.

He’s afraid now’s not the time for Cas to be looking at him.

“Dean…” Cas says and Dean laughs to himself. Ah the irony.

“Cas I’m a little busy right now.” Dean is trying his best to keep it all together because Cas shouldn’t be in here right now. Not when Dean’s like this. Not when he doesn’t trust himself around anyone or anything right now.

“I can tell from the state of your apartment that you need to do some cleaning.” Cas states and Dean scoffs before throwing his now empty bottle of beer to the sink. “And not make it worse.” Cas adds and the last few clatters of shattered glass rattle the room.

“Ha thanks, captain obvious!” Dean drags himself to the fridge and pulls another bottle of beer. He trudges to the couch while Cas remains standing there, watching him.

“Dean, if there’s something bothering you, you know I’m here for you. I saw what you did to Sam’s face-,” Cas’ face furrows and Dean rolls his eyes.

“Please. Don’t waste your time with me. Go back to Sam and take care of him. I’m sure he needs your help rearranging his face. Don’t let me get in the way.” Dean opens the bottle and starts guzzling it. Some droplets leak all over his shirt. It’s disgusting. It’s fine though. It’s only appropriate.

“That’s not true.” Cas slowly shakes his head and Dean finally makes eye contact with the other man.

Dean’s eyes squint as he takes another gulp. “Cas, I’m not the one who looks like a raccoon.”

“There are plenty of other ways to know when a person is in pain.” Cas continues staring at him again and Dean ignores him. Dean rips himself off the couch and starts pacing around the room.

Cas calls out. “Dean…”

The pacing continues. “Dean could you please just listen-,” Cas continues.

“I don’t understand why you’re still here Cas? Can’t you see I don’t want you in here or did you just suddenly get demoted from captain obvious to lieutenant annoying?” Dean interrupts and spreads his arms out.

Castiel scowls and adds. “You were the one who said we should talk about things that trouble us, instead of ‘running to the sunset’.”

“Yeah well we’re not in the middle of having sex right now Cas, or did you forget what we were doing when I said that?” Dean gives a wide smirk and still insinuating Cas.

Cas blushes a little but he shouldn’t. This is no time for something like that. “I remember it very well. It was our first kiss.”

Guilt spreads in Dean’s core. Cas should not have said that. Nothing good came out of that kiss. It was just a reminder that Dean’s just a dirty little secret.

“Yeah well that doesn’t mean anything Cas. Nothing does.” Dean can’t tell between what he’s thinking about and what he’s saying. This is not the right time for Cas to be here. Nothing good will come out of this conversation.

“What does that supposed to mean?” Cas looks- Cas looks hurt and Dammit Dean. He knows he’s slipping but he can’t bring himself to stop.

“I don’t wanna repeat myself.”

_Please don’t do this Cas._

_You shouldn’t be here._

_Just go now._

“Dean I know you’re upset but could you please take this seriously?” Cas is dissolving the distance between them and it’s a horrible idea. To Dean’s eyes, Cas is fragile right now. Even more than his sanity. “Take me seriously…” Cas adds and Dean snaps.

Right after hearing everything Sam said about Dean, he can’t find it in himself to pull back. Something primal is trying to claw out of him again and he knows someone’s bound to get hurt. He only wishes that it didn’t have to be Cas.

“I said everything about us don’t mean anything.”

There’s a pregnant pause in the air and Cas’ expression goes from bad to worse. He looks so hurt ad Dean doesn’t how much more damage can he cause.

“Why would you say that?” Cas breath hitches at the end.

Dean tries pacing and looking away. Anything. Just so he doesn’t have to look at Cas. But the other man is expecting an answer and Dean snaps his back to Cas. “Because it’s the truth! Oh c’mon Cas don’t tell me you’ve dropped ranks pretty quickly straight from captain obvious to private clueless.”

“I don’t understand your reference.”

_There he goes._

“Well let me spell it out for you!” Dean throws the glass bottle away, ignoring the smash. “Everything, from the moment you and I started screwing around behind Sam’s back meant nothing. I know I’m just someone you’re using to satisfy what Sam can’t or won’t fulfil since he’s pretty shit at doing it.” Well it’s the god forbidden truth that’s been running in his head like a broken record. For every moment he and Cas had sex, he felt like crap as soon as the fun and games are over. As soon as he realizes that he’ll always be a substitute, Dean knows he’s been hurting himself.

“Are you saying…?” Cas asks.

“I’m saying you’re just using me to cheat on Sam. Is that so hard? I thought you were the smart one out of the two of us!” out of all the people in the world, Cas is the last person who deserves Dean’s passive aggression. Dean’s really sunk this low.

“I can’t believe you would say that.” Cas is tearing up and Dean can’t deal with this right now. He doesn’t even have the emotional capacity to deal with his feelings let alone another person’s. Cas should’ve left when he could. Dean never asked him to come in here and stick his nose into other people’s business.

Now Dean just knows, he’s in the wrong.

“Well one of us has to state the facts since apparently I’m too deep in ‘denial’ as your boyfriend said.” Dean feels like he’s just babbling nonsense now. But he can’t help but realize that Sam is right. That maybe he’s pent up so much anger to see clearly. To see that he’s already hurting himself and everyone around him.

Especially Cas.

“What the hell are you crying for?” Dean condescendingly shakes his head. Cas shouldn’t be crying because he’s a dick.

“Dean…you’re…you’re an asshole!” Well that’s new. Cas usually says ‘assbutt’.

“You finally got your insults right.” Dean chuckles and wipes his mouth off sweat, beer and spit.

Cas steps forward, closer into Dean’s personal space. To think Dean and Cas has come so far when it comes to personal space. The only time they should encroach into each other’s side is when they’re happy. Not like this. “Shut up Dean! This isn’t funny. Do you think this is some joke to you? All this time…All this time you thought I was still going out with Sam and cheating on him with you?”

Dean keeps his lips sealed but his eyes stare in cold indifference.

“I can’t believe you think so little of me. To think that I would actually do that to Sam or to anyone!” Cas cries out and something inside Dean snaps.

“It’s the truth! How can you blame me to think like that? You didn’t seem to have a problem flaunting your relationship to Sarah and clearly the whole world thinks the two of you are made for each other. You’re just pissed off that I know your relationship isn’t so pristine. You’re just pissed that the truth was sent out there, that you were unhappy with Sam so you come to me and have an affair.” Dean grins sarcastically.

Like hell Cas has the right to think of so high and mighty about himself.

“You’re here because you feel judged. This perfect image that you made got dirtied by someone like me. Some insignificant toy for you and Sam to play with. But you’re no different Cas, you’re just a liar, a cheat and a fucking slut!”

The words echo from his mouth and into the still and silent room. The four walls definitely bounced it to Cas’ ears as there is nothing left but the sound of the other man’s hitched breaths stop.

Even Dean’s heart skips a beat.

Castiel throws a fist to his face and Dean feels the carpet burn the right side of his face while the other sting in pain.

Castiel takes a few steps away; the hand that he used to punch Dean is shaking tremendously. Dean slides his knees forward to help himself up.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about Dean. I am not lying or toying with you. Sam and I were through the night after meeting Sarah. I went to see you the morning after. I wanted to start a relationship with you because I’ve had feelings for you for quite some time now.” Cas’ eyes burn in rage.

Dean slowly gets up and registers every word that comes out of Cas’ mouth.

“I was so confused because I didn’t know that you would see me in such a way. So when Sam arrived in the picture, I latched on because he reminded me so much of you.” Dean can’t do anything but listen. He can’t even try to interrupt Cas because he knows he fucked up.

Sam has been telling him the truth the whole time and it actually doesn’t come as a shock.

It feels more like an expectation for him.

“It hurt me, every time you slept with some random person and it made me think that I’ll never get a chance in relationships.”

Out of the two of them, he knows who has been wrong the entire time.

“Sam and I did have a relationship but it mainly taught me the formalities on how to be in one. It took me a while to realize, I’ve been in relationship with someone for a very long time.”

It took him this long but Dean is finally starting to see the truth. The light that has been flashing right before his eyes the whole time.

“I’ve been in a relationship with you Dean and neither you nor I knew about it.”

But Dean has been enshrouded by his own darkness. A darkness that he put around himself because deep down, he believes in only one thing.

“As soon as I realized this, I broke up with Sam and had a long thought about how to make you notice me. I didn’t have to do much. All I had to do was be myself and continue on what we’ve been doing for years.”

Dean strongly believes that he doesn’t deserve to be **_happy_**.

“The sex started when I became comfortable about what I want and who I need. And it’s you. It’s always been you but I’ve been so blind, so stupid, so caught up with being physically intimate that I forgot-,”

Sometimes it’s easier to believe in lies than to believe in others. Because Dean has convinced himself that no one else can ever make him happy. Not even himself.

He forgot how to **_trust._**

“Believe me when I say that Sam and I are no longer together. I forgot to tell you that I love you and I am hurt. I feel like everything hurts because I’ve given you the impression that I could never have feelings for you and that I would be so shallow, as to use you for an affair.”

He forgot how to **_love._**

Now Cas is crying in front of him and he’s standing straight while looking at his feet. He’s trying not to cry.

“If you have anything to say, anything at all, I want you to tell me now. Otherwise, I will definitely run off to the sunset.”

Of all people Dean should’ve listened to.

He should’ve listened to Cas and Sam.

They were the ones who loved him when he couldn’t love himself- but now…

“I’m very sorry Dean.”

Dean doesn’t deserve their love anymore.

“Good-bye.”

Cas shuts the door behind him and Dean sinks into the darkness of his apartment.

Silence is nowhere to be found in the ruins around him. The sound of muffled tears chase the it away as Dean hugs his legs, while he rocks himself back and forth crying.

He’s never felt more alone than ever.

***

**-Sam-**

Sam doesn’t trust Cas and Dean to handle their lives so he waits right next to the Impala outside of Dean’s apartment. There was some shouting earlier but it has stopped. That’s when worry started to shiver on Sam’s back.

He knows the worst always happens when it gets quiet.

After a few excruciating minutes, someone opens Dean’s front door and it’s Cas who is crying down the stairs. Sam immediately runs up to the other man to check if he’s hurt- aside from emotionally that is.

“Cas what happened?” Sam pulls Cas’ arm and Cas rips himself off.

“Please Sam, I need to be alone right now.” Cas quickly runs crying to his home and Sam is left standing next to baby.

“Dammit!”

***

 

There’s no easy way out of it but things have gotten out of hand and Sam can’t handle it all on his own. After having a long think about it in his apartment, he decides to pay his parents a visit and explain everything.

With Dean driving off to god knows where and Cas locked in his home, Sam doesn’t have the ability to handle both of them anymore.

He enters his parents’ home to find John sleeping on the lazy couch while the television is on.

“Dad! I need to talk to you! Where’s mom?” Sam wakes his father up with a jolt and the older man wipes his eyes before noticing his son’s new bruise.

“Sam what happened to your face?” John asks and Sam takes a step back.

“I’ll explain everything but first I need you and mom to be here.” Then footsteps descend from the stairs and his mom walks with a confused expression.

“Hello sweetie…what on earth happened?” she and John exchange the same look. “Where’s Dean?”

Sam swallows and then sighs.

“That’s what I need your help for.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so Cliffhanger on the third and second last chapters because I'm an evil sonofabitch. (if you read that in Dean's voice then kudos!)
> 
> So far, lots of things have happened in Castiel, Dean and Sam's love triangle. How do you think this is gonna end?
> 
> remember, I placed more than one popular ship in this fic. I've already drafted the epilogue, Part 2 and so on and so forth. 
> 
> How did this chapter make you feel?  
> What do you expect?
> 
> Have I ruined Sam, Dean and Cas beyond recognition? *Laughs in Alastair*


	12. Chapter 12- Kneeling and Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam makes a decision that will ultimately change Dean and Castiel's lives.
> 
> Someone makes a last minute appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER
> 
> Well okay it's the finale but there's more to come!!!
> 
> I can't believe I finished writing this beast of a chapter but it was worth it. I laughed and I cried writing this chapter. i hope you all enjoy it.
> 
> Hopefully I wrapped everything up, if there are any errors or loop holes, let me know.
> 
> Will be posting the next chapter soon!

**-Castiel-**

Deep within Sam’s room, Castiel sits on the same bed which he and Dean had sex on from almost a week ago. His legs are under the covers while he rests his hands on his lap.

A small golden ring rolls around his fingers. He stares at it, picturing it resized and wrapped around a thick finger from a big hand. Some of the hand’s fingernails are dirtied by oil regardless of how many times it’s been washed. He imagines the hand clasping with his own while he stares at the golden ring, resting on his left hand. If he leans close enough, he can imagine the smell of handwashing soap mixed with the smell of oil. Castiel loves it.

There is only one person who smells just like that and the picture is too clear in Castiel’s mind.

_Dean Winchester._

If only his siblings can see him now. They will not believe that their quiet little brother has somehow made himself a home. They will not believe that Castiel managed to spread his wings and fly as far as he can. All on his own.

Well not all on his own.

For just a short moment of time, Castiel was alone. But not until Dean and the rest of the Winchesters entered his life.

With the ring on his hand, the dreams of him staying now seems so far, far away.

It’s not that he wanted to.  But Castiel has made up his mind to leave Lawrence and move to Chicago with Sam.

Too much has happened in such a short span of time. Well Castiel thinks it’s a short span of time when in fact, it’s been almost over six months since Sam returned to Lawrence.

Now Sam’s also moving back to Chicago and all of their friends and family were devastated as soon as Sam announced his untimely return.

Well it’s not untimely since it occurred just soon after the incident with Dean.

The fight between the two brothers came as a surprise to everyone. It’s hard to believe that Sam and Dean can ever hurt each other and leave marks on their faces. To those who have seen Dean, they can tell someone planted one on him but only Sam and Castiel know who gave it to him.

Sam took the blame for it even though Castiel didn’t want him to. When he asked why Sam lied to everyone about it, Sam said that he doesn’t want anyone to think badly of him. Especially not since Castiel is also leaving.

When Castiel announced his decision to leave with Sam, many were in shock. Jo, Garth, Benny and Ash started an uproar, trying to convince Castiel not to go. But to no avail.

Bobby, Charlie and Dean’s parents were silent but Castiel can tell from their faces, they were keeping their devastation to themselves.

They didn’t expect Castiel to leave let alone go with Sam. When Mary asked if Castiel and Sam were together, Sam answered for Castiel and admitted that Castiel will be living with Sam in Chicago for a while. Nothing more than that.

Mary didn’t seem too enthusiastic about it, in fact she didn’t press on the matter. John apologized for Dean’s behavior even though the older man probably didn’t know what his son did.

Castiel just kept to himself and Sam did all the talking for him.

Seems as though Sam said enough to convince the rest of the family that Castiel is leaving in his own terms and not because of Dean.

Speaking of Dean, Castiel hasn’t heard from him.

He hasn’t heard or seen Dean since leaving his apartment. Apparently, Dean got very drunk in Benny’s bar and Benny had to take Dean to Charlie’s apartment since Benny’s flat was too small to accommodate more than one person. Also because Charlie and Jo helped Benny drag him out of the bar.

They claim that Dean is very upset and would not talk to any of them, much to their worry. Castiel tries not to think about Dean as much as he can because everything still hurt. All the things Dean said to him still hurt and he can barely breathe whenever he remembers.

Castiel won’t even touch his phone to give Dean a call.

No matter how much he is hurting, he doesn’t give in to the temptation because he knows it’ll only hurt him if he checks it.

Besides he’s made it clear that he’ll leave Dean alone right after he left the apartment.

He doesn’t eat, he barely gets any sleep and whenever Sam tries to take care of him, he only feels like crying because he knows he’s a burden. He knows he’s a liability and he hates himself for it. Out of all the people out there, he should be the responsible one. He should know better than to be babied at his age.

If his siblings could see him now, they’d probably give him a lecture for being so careless. He hasn’t even spoken to any of them in a very long time, except Gabriel and Anna. He still sends them letters or emails from time to time.

Just recently, he sent Gabriel an email regarding his decision to move back to Chicago since its closer to one of their family estates. Owned by Castiel’s older brother Lucifer. As much as it pains him, he ends up giving Gabriel the full reason why he has chosen to move. Besides his older brother will stop at nothing to know why Castiel is leaving.

The older Novak knows Castiel doesn’t like moving around. Castiel likes to stay in one place.

A reason why he stayed in Lawrence for so long is because he made a family here. Even though he has no blood relative in the area, Castiel has formed bonds which he thought would last him till the end of his days. But all that has changed since the reason why he has to leave outweigh the reason why he stayed.

Castiel cannot bear to live with Dean hating him. Of Dean calling him a liar, a cheater and a slut. Those were the exact words that shredded and continues to shred Castiel’s heart.

He knows why Dean said all those things but Sam tells Castiel not to give him excuses.

“Cas there’s no excuse for what Dean said to you. I don’t think he just said all those things to hurt you back there. I really think he’s believed in all his lies to the point of being unable to distinguish what’s real and what’s not.” Sam said while he packs Castiel’s clothes into a suitcase. He didn’t even have the energy to do it for himself and it only adds to his self-loathing.

Castiel slumps a little from the top end of the bed and asks Sam.

“Do you think he ever cared about me?”

There’s a heavy pause in the air and Castiel doesn’t even look at Sam once. After a few minutes of thinking about it, Sam finishes packing and puts the suit case down still not answering Castiel’s question.

Right there and then Castiel knew, it’s something neither he nor Sam wants to answer.

***

 

Packing their luggage took a very long time since Castiel had to sign some papers on moving his property out of his home. Some of the furniture will stay but he plans on keeping some of his valuables. Of the stuff that he has gathered in Kansas over the years. He plans on having the place rented.

All the while, his things will be kept in a storage unit or some will be brought to Chicago. Sam organized everything for Castiel and all he had to do is choose which needs to be locked away or taken to Chicago.

After all that organizing, he realizes that a majority of his things will remain in Lawrence because they remind him so much of his home. Most of these memories are of Dean.

He cries the second the truck drives off to lock his belongings away. Sam wraps an arm around Castiel and allows him to cry as long as he can.

He doesn’t really want to move but he has no choice or rather, it’s the only choice he’ll most benefit from. He can’t stand being so close to Dean yet at the same time, be the reason why Dean is miserable. He just can’t handle it.

So on the day of Castiel and Sam’s departure, Castiel didn’t even want to wake up in the morning. He would’ve rather miss the flight and get another one than get up and leave the one place he calls home.

Maybe he’ll never find another home.

Perhaps this is the last pace where Castiel can truly say, he is happy.

There’s no such place that can compare. Not if Chicago can somehow have Dean and the Winchesters living there.

He hasn’t even seen Dean in almost a week.

Not much has been said about Dean other than word of mouth from Mary and John. They’ve been visiting him in Charlie’s place since he refused to return to the neighborhood.

In some sick and twisted way, Castiel thinks Dean feels sick being around him.

With that thought in mind, he drank so much alcohol last night, he thought he drank an entire liquor store.

His hand starts shaking and drops the cup of tea Sam made for him to channel his hangover.

“Cas?” Sam instantly appears in the bedroom.

Castiel can’t breathe properly and his whole body shivers from the cold.

“I can’t Sam…I can’t do this…” Cas continues to shiver and sob. His tears roll down to his cheeks and he can taste the saltiness. No matter how hard he tries to stop them, the tears continue.

“Cas listen to me…look at me…” Sam clasps his shoulders and stares directly at his eyes. “You’re gonna go through this. You’re gonna…You’re gonna be fine.”

Sam is trying so hard to convince him but to no avail. Castiel continues to shiver and weep. So Sam pulls him in for a hug. It’s not the same as Dean holding him but Castiel has a feeling that he’ll never feel Dean hold him ever again.

“I’m dirty Sam.” Castiel cries harder. “I’m disgusting and stupid.”

“Please Cas. Don’t say that. Don’t think like that.” Sam starts rocking him back and forth.

“It’s true. I’m just sick. I make others sick. Even Dean can’t stand me.” Castiel continues to cry and Sam just rubs his back and tightens the hug.

“It’s not true Cas. It’s not- you’re a good person Cas. Don’t say those things.” Sam whispers but Castiel doesn’t feel thoroughly convinced.

Even though they still have a few hours before the flight, Castiel doesn’t want to move. He doesn’t want to think about it nor does he want to leave. Most importantly, he doesn’t want to feel.

He doesn’t want to feel like the whole world is falling apart. His whole world that is. Instead of looking forward to a fresh start, he can’t bring himself to believe that anything good will ever come his way.

Not even Sam’s kindness can convince him that he has a chance.

What if he just fell in love with Sam?

Perhaps moving with Sam to Chicago wouldn’t be so bad. He wouldn’t have to complicate everything and he can live happily ever after.

It’s just too bad he fell in love with the wrong Winchester.

In the soon to be empty room, Castiel weeps in Sam’s arms. He contemplates whether his time here in Lawrence was but a waste.

That his first chance to love is but his last.

 

***

 

Mary and John volunteer to drive Sam and Castiel to the airport. It feels like yesterday when Castiel moved into the neighborhood, and just moments ago that he’s standing right in front of his property, pretending to ignore the hushed whispers of the residents around him or the eyes that prey on him with judgement.

Now his old home, a place where he made plenty of memories with the people he cares about, is standing silently behind the well-kept bushes where the bees usually visit.

Long before he moved to Lawrence, he always loved bees. He knows they are vital for the environment and he loves what they symbolize.

They will work their lives to death for the sake of many. Especially the bumble bee.

A bumble bee will work till the day they die. All for the sake of the hive. Especially, for the queen that lives in it.

There was once a time when he thought he can live like a bumble bee.

Working and working for the sake of a place he calls home.

Now he feels as if he never belonged to a home. Not when he can’t be there for his queen.

For that one special person who he would give the world to.

“Cas?” Sam interrupts his train of thought. The younger Winchester has packed everything on John’s car. Mary is standing next to her husband and talking. Her blonde hair can’t hide the sadness in her face.

Castiel tries to ignore it as he doesn’t plan on letting Dean’s parents see him cry.

“Are you okay?” Sam asks and isn’t that an interesting thought.

“I am fine.” Castiel replies but the younger Winchester doesn’t look convinced.

The cold fall breeze does not help the ache in his chest but at the sun is out. It’s surprisingly warm considering how cold and damp it was the past couple of days. Maybe his mood doesn’t help.

“Ready to go?” Sam asks and wraps an arm around Castiel.

With a nod, Castiel follows the taller man to the vehicle and he says a silent good-bye to his old home.

It’s just standing there, giving him a silent treatment to hopefully convince him to come back inside.

***

 

 

**-Dean-**

It hasn’t been the best couple of days for Dean but that’s alright, he’s starting to get used to it.

A few moments after Cas left his apartment, he cried himself silly until something inside him snapped and rushed his baby to Benny’s bar until he was drinking like a fish. Dean can’t believe he survived that night. He was hell-bent on getting his stomach pumped from alcohol poisoning, but it seems like Benny’s been watching him, he even called Charlie and Joanna Beth to drag his sorry ass out of the bar.

While they worked hand in hand to keep him still, Dean screamed and shouted at them to leave him alone. All the while, Benny ignored the judging looks around them while Charlie drove them to her place and Joanna Beth holding up a bag for Dean to vomit in.

He’s a mess, he knows he is and there’s nothing he can do to make it better.

Dean doesn’t want to show his face to Cas or Sam after the incident and it seems like neither did they.

The next day, mom and dad didn’t hesitate to wake him up during his hangover sleep and give him a lecture about what he did. Usually mom was more caring about Dean’s wellbeing but it was dad who had to hold her back from smacking him across the face because of his smart-ass comments.

It’s not that he hated his parents, he just wanted someone or anyone to put him in his place. To hurt him and remind him of how much of an asshole he is.

To remind him over and over and over again…

Instead, mom calmed down after a few minutes and cried while holding Dean. She cried because she feels like a failure for not being able to be there for her sons.

Dean told her it wasn’t her fault and dad too tried comforting him.

Dad admitted that he finally realized what compelled Dean to do what he did and form the sounds of it, Sam explained most of it to his parents.

Sam even had the decency to withhold some of the shit Dean has done over the past few weeks, much to Dean’s parents’ shock.

Turns out they didn’t know Dean could be capable of doing something so horrible to Sam and Dean almost cried in surrender on how much of a failure he felt.

Instead of receiving more lecture and scolding, they apologized to Dean for not being able to help him out.

Again, Dean told them that it’s none of their fault. It’s nobody’s fault but his.

He was the one who said and did all those things to Sam.

He was the one who messed everything up with Cas.           

With more apologies and a lot more crying, his parents decided to give Dean the space he needs, promising another visit in the day after. As promised, they do visit.

Either mom or dad or both of them, visits Dean over the course of a week.

Dean refuses to return to his apartment in fear of seeing Cas and Sam. Charlie understands and she says she likes the company. Apparently, it’s been a while since she lived anyone or shared a meal with anybody.

But Dean knows Charlie is just trying her best to cheer him up.

***

 

In just a few days after the incident, Dean hears the news.

Sam is moving back to Chicago and has said good-bye to everyone they know, including Benny and Charlie.

Except for Dean.

It shouldn’t hurt so much if it wasn’t for the fact that Dean knows that Sam is taking Cas with him.

Mom said that Cas has packed up all his things and had some of them stored somewhere.

As soon as Dean hears this, he locks himself in Charlie’s spare bedroom but he doesn’t cry.

He doesn’t cry at all because he no longer has the capacity to tear up. He’s in so much pain that he doesn’t know if he can move, think or feel anything else. He can hear mom, dad and Charlie talking from the living room but he chooses to muffle their sounds with some humming.

He’s humming his mom’s lullaby. Coincidentally, Cas knows the song and he used to hum it when he comes over to Dean’s apartment. Dean misses those times and now they just feel like a distant memory. Something far away from his reach and it makes his heart wrench knowing he can never have those moments again.

That Cas won’t hum for him anymore and make everything feel better.

The silence screams and there’s a small chance that they’ll come into his room and he prays they don’t, yet at the same time, a little company might help. Or not.

Who knows?

Everything he touches, he hurts.

Everything he cares about eventually leaves him and it’s nobody’s fault but his.

He was the one who wanted to hurt Sam. It was his lies that caused all this because again, he believes that happiness is beyond him. It’s not for someone like Dean Winchester.

Now he’s destroyed everything around him, maybe that’s the case.

Maybe Dean’s just not cut out for anything good.

Staring into nothing while lying on the bed, Dean tries to focus on his breathing. It’s something to distract him from the growing ache that seems to be getting worse and worse by the minute.

Unsurprisingly, mom walks into the room and tries to talk to him but Dean doesn’t say much or rather, he can’t. She says she’s sorry and pleads for Dean to say sorry to Cas and Sam. Instead, Dean turns the other way. Facing the other side of the bed and the wall, away from his mother’s miserable face.

She leaves him a kiss on his head and exits the room. Dean pretends to be asleep and tries not to hear the sounds of her cries and John gently comforting her from the other side of the door.

Well that went well.

***

 

Over the next few days, Dean either drinks himself to puking point or moping in the bedroom and channeling a hangover. Charlie has almost given up if it weren’t for Jo and Benny making rounds to take care of him.

Apparently Cas and Sam are flying on Thursday, which is the day after tomorrow. Dean doesn’t hesitate to down a whole bottle of Whiskey as soon as he realizes it. Benny has to wrestle the bottle out of his hands as Dean starts to caress and call it ‘Cas’.

Cas has pretty much taken over his thoughts and his dreams.

When Charlie tries to console him since Benny has had enough, Dean spits out curses and wraps his arms around a blue pillow. He then starts calling it Cas.

Charlie sighs and leaves him be. There are muffled whispers in the kitchen but Dean pretends not to listen. All he needs is this pillow in his arms and imagining that it’s Cas.

“It’s gonna be okay Cas.” Dean whispers to the pillow. The alcohol in his system is making him see Castiel, especially since the pillow has the same shade of blue as Castiel’s eyes.

“I won’t let them take you away.” Dean nuzzles into the pillow but it doesn’t smell like Cas. It just smells like whiskey and his body odor.

Shadows emerge from the hallway’s yellow light. Before him, Joanna Beth stands with her arms crossed and Charlie follows from behind, also with her arms crossed.

“Dean we need to talk.” Jo harshly says and she sounds a little bit like her mother Ellen. Both mother and daughter are a force to be reckoned with.

Dean shuffles a little more on his bed and tightens his hold on the blue pillow soaked in his sweat. “I don’t wanna talk. I just wanna be alone with Cas.”

Charlie and Jo share a look. It is look as if Dean’s lost his mind and he probably did. He doesn’t care about what they say. All he cares about is Cas regardless if Cas is actually here or not. “Dean that’s not Cas. It’s just a pillow!”

Something inside Dean boils.

"Shut the fuck up and get out!” Dean shouldn’t barked orders at them. Especially since this is Charlie’s room and he’s inside her property. Jo usually doesn’t take his shit anyway. What he said earns him a scowl from Charlie and a death stare from Jo.

Charlie leans forward while placing her hands on her knees so she can crouch. “Dean I’m letting you stay here out of the goodness of my heart so don’t test me.”

Jo taps her shoulder and walks forward.

“Otherwise I’ll manhandle you out of Charlie’s property and take you to my mom’s place.” Jo threatens and he knows she’s doing this because Dean has an inherent fear for the woman. The amount of times Ellen disciplined him and Sam when they were younger was much more than his mom ever did. Ellen simply took some responsibility to show Dean, Sam and Jo what’s right.

Mom never had a problem with Ellen yelling at them, in fact, mom sometimes had to hold the other woman back from disciplining her own daughter. Since then, Dean never questioned Ellen’s virtue. He just knew she cared about Dean and Sam like they were her own and he always felt grateful for the effort.

It’s one of the few reasons why Dean doesn’t wanna go anywhere besides Charlie’s apartment.

Here, he can escape into his own private little world just as he used to do whenever he LARPed. Regardless of the lack of costume and props, Dean can envision a little fantasy world in his head where he and Cas live together. A world far away from the messed up one he made.

Not where two of his good friends are looking at him with pitiful eyes and quivering mouths. It’s been a while since he’s shared a smile with them.  “Dean we just wanna talk to you.” Charlie says.

“Look we know you did some horrible things and we kind of get why you did it. But you gotta get your shit together.” Jo comments and she looks at Charlie with a desperate look. They’ve said these things over and over, almost as if a broken record is being passed along between all of Dean’s friends.

Charlie nods from the look Jo gave her and focuses her attention on Dean. “Cas and Sam are leaving and you’ve been sitting around here, killing yourself.”

That’s new. Well it’s not really new news but it’s the first time any of Dean’s friends gave him a reality picture on what’s going to happen. Instead of encouraging him to fix himself.

“Dean you still have a chance to fix this. You can go say sorry and I’m sure they’ll forgive you. We all know you’re sorry. Sam and Cas know you’re sorry but it’s not the same as me saying it. You gotta face them.” Charlie tries to get into his eye level but Dean won’t look at her. He’s not gonna look at her with such sad sad eyes because he knows, he might not be able to hold the tears back.

Jo finally runs out of patience because she gets in front of Charlie to meet Dean’s eyes. “Dean look at me.” Dean pretends he’s not looking at her, as if he’s not in his body right now and he’s staring at them from afar. From the corner of the room maybe. Just so he can pretend like he’s not actually facing them. “We’re telling you this because we know you don’t think you deserve to be forgiven.”

Jo continues even though Dean knows it’s a lost cause. “We’re asking you to try because we’re doing the same thing. We’re trying so hard to help you but in the end, we can’t do anything unless you decide to go face Cas and Sam.” She almost looks like she’s about to cry but Dean just doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t want to say anything that will extend this conversation because he can’t handle it. He can’t handle trying to fix things up because he doesn’t trust himself anymore.

Dean doesn’t think there’s any hope of making this all right again.

“I’m tired. I’m gonna go to sleep.” Dean rolls to the other side of the bed and faces the wall and ignoring the disappointed sighs from the two girls. He knows they have defeated expressions on their faces, even though he can’t see them.

All he can hear are the sound of footsteps leaving the room and the door creaking open. It slightly closes before Charlie’s voice cuts the silence.

“Dean…we’re sorry. We truly are.” And it finally shuts.

Dean doesn’t need to see the looks on their faces and nor does he need a mirror to see his own defeated eyes. Disappointed and teary is what they all look like under one roof.

***

 

Throughout Wednesday, Dean decides not to drink.

Charlie doesn’t think it’s any better since Dean has not just stopped drinking; he’s denied eating, getting out of the room or doing anything at all. He just curls into a ball while tightly wrapping his arms around the blue pillow. The red haired girls doesn’t say much other than offer food which he doesn’t touch as its smell wafts around the room.

By midday, Charlie has thrown his breakfast away and offered him lunch. She shares a smile every now and then while Dean can hear her speaking to someone over the phone from outside the door.

He’s run out of tears to shed or maybe he needs to rehydrate. After several more hours of solitude and watching the wall, Dean gets up and realizes he’s tired of being hungry. He gets up and drags his limp body to the floor to pick up the cold sandwich that’s been sitting there quietly.

The dark blue curtains remain from a few days back. Dean wanted to remain in the dark, literally and figuratively, he’s just dramatic that way.

It’s probably one of the reasons why he doesn’t deserve Cas. In their friendship, he always caused problems no matter how great or small. Cas is one of the few things in his life that’s good and keeps him sane. Thinking about it makes his chest ache more than it already does.

By the time Charlie enters his room, he’s back on the bed curled into a ball. She just gathers his leftovers and proceed to the kitchen where Dean can hear the sound of the kitchen sink. All the while his tears start again.

Small sobs fill the room and Dean wonders: _How can he be so blind and selfish?_

Cas is not the only who doesn’t deserve him.

He’s nothing but a pile of problems to anyone.

Typical Dean Winchester.

 

***

 

A great surge of panic wakes Dean from his sleep. Since he’s been so tired and exhausted, he forgot that today’s the day when Cas and Sam leave Lawrence.

Dean doesn’t know how to react at first but go into a state of shock.

The room remains quiet but the sound of him rocking back and fort with Charlie’s blue pillow constricted by his arms.

He doesn’t even know what time Cas and Sam are leaving. Perhaps they’ve already left since the clock says its past midday and Dean is too late.

It’s too late to change anything now.

It’s too late to clean up the mess he made,

Now it’s too late.

Voices start to emanate from Charlie’s living room then stomping footsteps march up to Dean’s bedroom to reveal a pissed off Bobby, and Charlie emerging from behind.

“Boy what the hell are you still doing in here?” The older man asks and Dean sighs deeply before giving a response.

“I’m trying to sleep here.” It’s all that Dean can say while he clings onto the blue pillow more.

“Don’t you know what’s happening today?” Bobby asks and his eyes squint and mouth slightly parted, baring his teeth.

“Just leave me alone.” Dean muffles into the pillow and pretends this is all a bad dream. Perhaps he can think about his happy place and stay there for a while. Just until the nightmare passes.

Which he has a feeling might never pass.

“Leave you alone? Boy, everyone around you has had enough of leavin’ you alone! Don’t you think we’ve given you enough space? Can’t you tell we’ve been waiting for you to go and fix yourself up?” Bobby takes a step closer, Dean doesn’t want to meet his eyes. Instead, he stares at the older man’s worn out shoes and jeans. It’s the typical ensemble Bobby usually wears.

“I didn’t ask you to wait! I didn’t ask any of you to take care of me! Why can’t you get that through your head?” Dean sets the blue pillow aside and snarls at Bobby and Charlie.

“Now you listen-,” Bobby tries to add before Dean interrupts him by getting up.

“No!” Dean says.

The thing inside Dean has been burning for a while, it was more of a spark a few days ago. To think his rage would’ve quit after Cas put some sense into him. Turns out there’s more where it came from.

Dean plants his feet on the ground while Charlie takes a step back. Bobby doesn’t move. He continues to stand where he is and keep up a glare.

“I’m sick and tired of everybody trying to help me out whenever I mess up, I’m tired of everyone giving it their when all I do is fuck up over and over again. I know I’m a piece of shit. I know I’m ungrateful!”

He takes breathes before continuing.

“I know I’ve done nothing but ruin people’s lives and hurt others. And I’m sick and tired of people feeling sorry for me instead of being pissed off. I deserve more people to be pissed off at me. Not CARE about me! I don’t DESERVE it! I know I don’t!”

Dean doesn’t know when it started.

“So please just let me screw myself up without anyone helping me. All of you deserve so much more than deal with a mess like me.”

Dean doesn’t know when the tears started to drop.

“I don’t wanna believe that I deserve it.”

After a few seconds, Dean realizes that his fists are grappling Bobby’s flannel. The older man is looking at him with a pained expression and gently soothes Dean’s hands.

Bobby pulls him up and wraps his arms around Dean. Charlie is teary eyed sniffles fill the air.

“We know you ain’t perfect boy. But you’re a good-person and we all know it. We all love you Dean, we want you to know that.” Bobby breaks the hug to look at Dean in the eye.

“I don’t have a son to call my own, but if I did, I want him to be just like you. And it’s because, through all the shit you’ve done, at least know you went wrong. More than that, you still care about others even though you believe that you don’t.” Bobby sniffles a little then breathes out.

“I need you to start believing that you can do what’s right again Dean. We know you can because you’re good at heart. We not only see it in you but to everyone around you. You’ve been nothing but good and loyal to us so this time we wanna give something back to you Dean. We want to give back as proof that you deserve it.” Bobby smiles now and Dean doesn’t feel the ache in his chest as much anymore.

“So don’t force yourself to hate or to think of yourself in any less because it’s not just a good look on you Dean, it just- it just doesn’t seem right.” Charlie nods after that and also comes in to give Dean a hug.

“I love you Dean.” Charlie says and Dean replies.

“I know.” He doesn’t know why he said it but it sure makes Charlie laugh.

Within another few seconds, Bobby looks at his watch.

“Now we can save the kumbaya for later.” Bobby tells Charlie then he turns to Dean.

“If you wanna stop Sam from taking Cas with him to Chicago then you better hurry.” Bobby points to the front door and panic paints both his and Charlie’s faces. Amidst the moment of Dean’s pain wearing off, a new feeling arrives and it makes his blood pump fast.

He almost forgot about today but who can blame him? He’s exhausted but not exhausted enough because if there’s one more thing that Dean needs to do and it’s to make it right for the two people who deserves it the most.

Yet something inside him is keeping his legs from moving.

“They didn’t fly yet?” Dean asks and Bobby shakes his head.

“No. But they will be if we don’t get ourselves to the airport.” Bobby pulls something out his pocket and its baby’s keys.

“You got the Impala?” Charlie asks and Dean snatches it off Bobby.

“Well you gotta get there somehow and _fast_.” Bobby marches to the door while Dean and Charlie trail from behind.

Dean looks at his keys momentarily. Something deep in his gut, a voice is telling him that he shouldn’t do this. It’s because he wonders what gives him the right to get in the way of Cas and Sam leaving. So what if he can forgive himself, that doesn’t mean they would.

No one in their sane mind would forgive Dean like that, not in the very last minute.

“Dean what’s wrong?” Charlie asks and Dean shakes his head. “I can’t do this.”

Bobby rolls his eyes and shakes Dean’s shoulders. “Why the hell not?” the older man’s voice is harsh.

“It’s ‘cause there’s no way Sam’s gonna forgive me just by saying sorry out of the blue. I mean who does that?” Dean asks and the other two sighs at him.

Charlie places a hand on his shoulder. “Dean I love you but you’re such an idiot sometimes. This is exactly why you need to go and apologize to them, face to face otherwise you’ll spend not only the next few months tearing yourself apart, but probably for the rest of your life.”

“Yeah but me and Cas.”

Bobby steps forward. “You and Cas what? Boy I better not hear no nonsense from you after I puked my guts out just a minute ago.” Charlie and Bobby exchanges a look.

“Even if I think I deserve forgiveness, what happens if we don’t…if we don’t work out?” Dean looks at the two of them with genuine concern. He knows he’s scared. He is scared but it only makes sense since he wouldn’t have gotten up from the bed if Bobby didn’t show up.

“Son, I haven’t seen anyone bend over backwards to make you happy more than Castiel. Even your mom thinks Castiel is doing a better job at loving you than she is. I know you’ve been blind this whole time but if there’s anyone who can convince Cas to stay, we all think it’s you son. ‘Cause we sure couldn’t do it no matter how hard we tried.” Bobby insists and Dean looks at his feet. His legs are shaking a little and he must admit, he’s never been more scared about anything. Not even the times when he thought there was nothing going for him after Sam left for college.

Or the times when he put Sam’s needs before him and though it wasn’t enough.

Even after Sam moving permanently to Chicago, Dean was not as scared as he is now.

It’s because Cas has been everything good for him and Dean can’t believe someone like Cas actually have feelings for him. The fact that Bobby thinks only Dean can persuade Cas to say must mean something. If not, it should mean everything to Dean.

It would mean that Cas really loves him.

“Cas has feelings for me?” Dean reluctantly asks and Bobby and Charlie loudly groans and in frustration.

“Dean Winchester you are the densest person I’ve ever met!” Charlie barks at him and Dean winces.

“But- so is Cas and I guess that’s why you’re both perfect for each other.” Charlie sighs and Dean’s face form a smile. Having people think that he’s perfect for Cas is still all too new for him. Only a few people has openly admitted to knowing Dean’s feelings for Cas. But it’s completely different when they say Cas has feelings for him too.

Not Benny, nor mom, nor Sam, convinced him. Not even Cas.

Not even after Cas told him he loves Dean, right before their fight ended.

Cas has loved him this whole time and Dean has been crushing himself with doubt and denial because how could Cas love him, knowing what he’s done?

Again, it’s too good to be true.

“So everybody thinks I like Cas?” Dean questions but he doesn’t know whether he’ll like the answer.

“WE KNOW!” Charlie and Bobby shouts in unison.

“And we know he’s got it bad for you too!” Bobby snarls.

“He did say it…but I don’t think he does anymore. Not after what I did to him.”

With that, Dean groans in defeat. He really is the world’s biggest idiot.

“Well I think we better get going before Cas actually leaves for good and we never see him again.” Bobby suggests and Charlie drags Dean out of her apartment while Bobby follows  from behind.

“Hey Bobby.” Dean pauses for a moment even though adrenaline is pumping through his veins.

“Yeah?” the older man asks.

“Thanks and uh, you’re awesome!” Dean says and Bobby rolls his eyes.

“Get your ass in there ya idjit!”

With Charlie at the back, Dean presses he pedal so hard, his passengers nearly get a heart attack.

***

 

Dean quickly drives back to his apartment because Charlie suggested that if he missed Sam and Cas’ flight to Chicago, he should go after them straight away. Which means, he needs his passport or some proof of identification.

It probably sounds stupid but Charlie thinks that getting the next plane to Chicago is better than later. She even said that she’ll pay for the whole trip. As ridiculous as that sounds, Dean just agrees with her and he makes no stop overs along the way. He doesn’t even plan on getting changed because he really needs to go after Cas and Sam immediately.

As soon as he parks baby in front of his apartment, he immediately runs to his room to get his passport and necessities. When he checks his bedroom it’s not there. When he goes to the living room, it’s not there either. Someone’s been in here before because the whole place is sparkling. Not a piece of glass is to be seen especially after last week. Mom probably cleaned the place and got in using the spare key.  

In the dark bedroom he chooses to look in the closet. Mom probably moved his stuff there.

To his surprise, his closet is empty.

His clothes are missing and a yellow piece of note is on the ground.

**_‘Dean,_ **

**_I plan on making Cas happy. I hope you understand._ **

**_Sam.’_ **

“Son of a bitch!” Dean shouts and he runs out of the apartment to see Charlie and Bobby with expectant looks.

“What’s wrong?” Charlie asks and Dean hands her Sam’s note.

“Sam took my things.” Dean cues them to get into the Impala.

“I don’t understand, why would he do that?” Charlie asks and Bobby snatches the note from her.

“That idjit hasn’t learned a thing!” Bobby scrunches the note and Dean just reverses quickly and drives out of the neighborhood as fast as he can. He knows the fastest way to the airport and he needs to take it right now.

Dean’s not about to let Sam make an honest man out of Cas.

***

 

**-Castiel-**

The drive to the airport is quiet and uneventful. Castiel doesn’t think it’s because there’s tension between Sam and his parents, but rather, _he_ has tension with them.

After all, he was the one who decided to move out of their lives and no matter how much Mary begged Castiel to stay or how many times John tried to convince him otherwise, Castiel’s decision did not change.

However, as Castiel’s adoptive parents, John and Mary is adamant to taking him and Sam to the airport. Apparently it’s their way of being stubborn and they wish to say good-bye in the very last minute rather than before.

Castiel smiles at the thought of Mary and John feeling too attached to him. It’s the same fondness they used to apply to Dean whenever the older Winchester visited Sam in Chicago. John and Mary always drove Dean to the airport and Castiel would be sitting at the back seat with Dean while they talk about Sam and how awesome he is.

Castiel never thought, that in a few years, he would be sitting next to Sam to the airport instead of Dean. And not expect Dean to come back after a week or two, bearing more news on how Sam is going.

Back then, Castiel would always smile to Dean because he was always interested in what the Winchester said, but now he think those memories are too far away.

Just like his home next to Dean’s apartment, and next to John and Mary’s. And practically everyone he knows and loves.

The moment John’s truck parks in the airport carpark, Castiel feels sick. He can’t believe he’s already homesick and he hasn’t even board the plane yet let alone reach Chicago.

John and Sam unload their suitcases while Mary tries smile at Castiel. She knows he’s not feeling very well but she still tries to cheer him up like she would usually do to her sons.

Castiel should really stop thinking about Dean at a time like this. 

He pulls his black suitcase while Sam has his dark brown which he brought with him, upon arriving to Kansas a while ago.

It’s still hard to believe that so much time has passed yet it feels like an ephemeral breeze. He can’t touch it but he can still feel every flicker of memory in his chest.

John goes with Sam to check their flights while Castiel sits next to Mary on one of the row of seats.

“We will really miss you Cas. I hope you know that.” Mary turns to him with teary eyes. She leans on Castiel’s shoulder as she starts weeping while Castiel wraps his arms around her.

“I’m sorry Mary. I truly am.” Castiel whispers to her ear and he wonders, this is probably the reason why there’s been tension in the air.

He doesn’t want to leave yet at the same time, he needs to.

“You don’t have to be sorry if you don’t leave.” Mary implores but Castiel cannot find it in himself to agree.

“I have to leave Mary. It’s for the best.” Castiel’s tone drops at the end.

“If that is what you really think. I really thought you and Dean were going to hit it off. I was already expecting a wedding in the near future.” Mary places a hand on Castiel’s.

The soft tender touch of a mother is still very unfamiliar to Castiel but over the years, Mary has taught him to embrace it. There are many things that Castiel received from the Winchesters, being in a loving family is probably the most important one.

“I’m afraid we are both mistaken in that regard.” Castiel cannot remove the frown on his face even if he wanted to. Mary doesn’t say anything else, instead she looks over the crowd to find Sam and John returning with some beverages.

John hands one to Mary she jumps from her seat and the couple walks toward the glass window, overlooking plane-filled runway. Sam sits next to Castiel with his hands on his lap. The air around them is urging Castiel to speak with Sam but nothing comes out of his mouth. Not a single word even though deep down, his chest is screaming to stop this.

Instead of focusing on the silence, Castiel takes the golden ring out and starts looking playing with it. He lets it roll around his fingers as it glistens on his eyes. With a sudden jolt, he drops it and Sam gets on his knees to pick it up. He hands it to Castiel with an expectant look in his eyes.

“Cas…” Sam says and Castiel moves his attention to the younger Winchester’s face.

“Do you think we’re doing the right thing?” Sam painfully asks and Castiel’s breathing stops. He takes a few seconds to register what the other man said. Amidst the silence, Sam doesn’t leave his eyes on Castiel. Those brown eyes ignore the bustling crowd around them or the announcements swimming in the air.

“Sam…” Castiel responds in defeat and Sam knows what he means by it.

“Seriously Cas, I’m asking you if you think leaving everyone, mom, dad, Jo, Charlie, Benny, Garth, Ash and Bobby is the right thing to do?” Sam asks again but Castiel doesn’t feel like arguing with him right now.

“You know it’s quite too late to change my mind.” Castiel tries the passive approach instead. Hopefully this will stop Sam from taking anything further.

 “No it’s not.” Sam shakes his head. “It’s never too late.” The younger Winchester places a hand on Castiel’s shoulder while ignoring the sound of another plane announcement. “You can still stop this. You can still stay and be with everyone that you love and care about.”

The name of ‘Dean’ was left in Sam’s lips but Castiel can read it even though it wasn’t said.

“Sam you know I cannot do that.” Castiel drops his head and stairs at his black suitcase.

“Why not?” If Dean was here, he’d say Sam is expressing his ‘bitch face’.

“Because too many things have happened over the past few months and I think leaving will alleviate the problems I’ve inflicted.” Castiel swallows at the end while he ignores his fists digging on his lap.

“You mean running away?” Sam asks and Castiel couldn’t agree more. There’s a pause between them before Castiel answers. “It’s…it’s relative to that….”

“Is it relative to Dean?” Sam raises an eyebrow and for over a week, Sam has tried to avoid talking about Dean yet now he’s bringing him up. Sam shouldn’t be bringing Dean up because Castiel can only remember the last thing the mentioned person said.

Castiel begs with his eyes. “Sam...”

“No, don’t **_‘Sam’_** me Cas, you know what I’m talking about.” Sam rubs his forehead. “You’re leaving Lawrence not because you are the problem…you’re leaving because you don’t want to **face** the problem.”

Castiel digs his fists harder on his lap. “Can’t you see that I am the problem Sam! It’s not that I know I’m the problem, it’s that I am! So please just let me do this Sam. Please let me try and fix this.”

Sam snaps back. “I’m not convinced.” Then he interrupts Castiel from continuing. “I don’t believe in the bullshit you’re spouting. I know you love Dean, Cas. I think you believe that it’ll never work out with him but the truth is, you haven’t even given it a chance. You haven’t even given yourself a chance to be happy.”

Castiel’s nose flares and he no longer cares if the people around him are listening. “I’ve tried it Sam and it didn’t work. I should’ve known from the start that it would never work!!”

Sam scoffs. “Oh please, you’ve only acted upon your feelings toward Dean just recently. And I don’t think you’ve made it clear enough! You know how dense Dean can be when it comes to feelings. He’s hopeless when it comes to these sort of things but nonetheless, there’s still some time for you to fix it.”

And that is it. Castiel can no longer hold his tongue. “No Sam, could you please stop pushing me toward your brother when we both know it’ll never happen. This is why I’m leaving Sam. I’m leaving so that I can give myself a new chance. So that I can give _you_ a chance…”

This is the part where Castiel is supposed to stop and take everything back.

“I will try…I might learn to love you someday Sam…”

With that, Sam doesn’t say anything and neither does Castiel. Sam’s phone rings and it interrupts the tension in the air. The younger Winchester pulls his phone out of his pocket and he gives Castiel one last look of disappointment before walking away.

Castiel is left to contemplate on what he just said to Sam. He doesn’t know what compelled him to say those things or why he would consider giving himself being in another relationship with Sam. It’s almost laughable because their relationship mainly consisted of Dean and that’s why it inevitably failed. The look that Sam gave Cas was well-deserved. After all the times Sam tried to make it right so that Castiel can have a chance with Dean, this is how Castiel repaid him.

Castiel feels ungrateful but that’s the truth. He’s been putting up walls around the subject of Dean because he knows it hurts, he knows it always means trouble. That’s why he’s been trying so hard to fix this. To fix the problems he’s caused others.

What makes him happy is out of the question. He knows he was lying when he said that he wanted to give himself a chance. Sam knew it, he knew it and h9if he were to repeat it to anyone who is aware of what happened over the space of six months, will know that he’s lying. The truth is obvious, Castiel cannot be happy. It’s just not in the cards for him.

Maybe once upon a time he thought he could be but that’s all just a dream.

Those times when he thought Dean actually had feelings for him was but a lie.

Right now, sitting by himself with their baggage, this is what best describes Castiel’s relationship with Dean.

***

 

**-Dean-**

Dean tires to concentrate on his driving and his driving alone. He does ask Bobby and Charlie when the flight is and Charlie’s been trying to call Sam. Alas, Sam doesn’t answer any of her calls so instead, Charlie calls mom. Dean’s parents were the ones who drove Cas and Sam to the airport and Dean is hoping that he’s not too late.

Whatever god there is out there, he prays to them that Cas and Sam haven’t left the ground.

Charlie gets in contact with mom and she hands the phone to Bobby.  As much as Dean wants to hear what they’re talking about, he knows he needs to keep his attention on the road. Being the driver, it’s up to him to get all of them to the airport in one piece. Well maybe an ambulance may be faster but he’s not about to do something as crazy as crash baby.

It’s not worth it. Or maybe…

“The plane to Chicago will start boardin’ in ten minutes.” Bobby says and Dean pushes the gas so hard, he thought he was gonna make a hole on baby’s floor.

In around five minutes, Dean reaches the airport and he hands baby to Bobby and runs inside.

“Go get him ya idjit!” Bobby’s voice cuts through the car park while Dean dodges people around him, trying to get through as quickly as possible. Everyone and everything almost seems like a blur.

Charlie told him to run to ‘Gate 13’ as soon as he passes security.

To his dismay, he gets randomly selected for a pat down. After a few minutes wasted to prove he’s not dangerous, Dean runs straight to the gate to find the flight for Chicago has already left.

He approaches the glass window to look at the plane getting ready for takeoff. There’s no other way for Dean to get in that flight. His knees almost give out and he digs his fingers into his hair. He begs the flight attendants to stop the plane but they tell him to calm down otherwise they’ll have to call security.

Well he doesn’t give a shit about what they say now because he’s too late.

Cas and Sam have already left.

Not even Charlie’s plan B can fix this. Dean has never felt more of a failure. All that running and all that hope to see Cas one more time and say sorry just flew off the airport’s runway.

As he crouches to contemplate his agony. Someone appears behind him with two suitcases, one black and one dark brown.

Two blue eyes that match the man’s tie and he’s wearing an old tanned trench coat. The man has messy bed hair and almost a week’s worth of stubble. One could mistake him for being homeless, then again…

Maybe he is.

“Dean...” Cas mutters and Dean doesn’t hesitate to lean forward and wrap his arms around the man. The shorter man returns the hug and buries his face on Dean’s shoulder.

It’s real. It feels real.

Cas is still here. Cas hasn’t left Dean.

“Cas…I thought…I thought you already left!” Dean’s eyes are teary but he doesn’t care. He knows Cas won’t make anything of it and he’s just so happy that Cas is actually still here.

Cas looks confused at first then focuses his eyes on Dean.

“I thought so too however they wouldn’t let me in the plane without my boarding pass and Sam won’t answer his phone.” Cas replies and Dean smiles in relief.

“I’m glad that you didn’t otherwise I wouldn’t be able to say…” Cas’ phone starts to ring and dammit! Dean thinks. Of all the times he gets interrupted, it’s when he needs to apologize to Cas.

“It’s Sam.” Cas looks at Dean with concern. Dean just wipes his mouth while tapping his foot in anticipation. Cas takes it as a ‘yes’ and answers his phone.

Of course Sam just has to get in the way.

“Hello Sam, where are you?” Cas says in frustration and Dean also feels like screaming at his baby brother for hiding his stuff and trying to get in the way of Dean’s apology.

Cas looks pissed and he’s asking where Sam is. Dean also looks around but he can’t find his brother anywhere.

“Yes, I understand…” Cas takes his phone away from his ear and looks at Dean with confusion. “Sam wishes to speak to both of us. I’m putting the phone on speaker.”

Dean’s eyes shoot wide open and Cas presses a button so that Dean can hear his baby brother’s voice.

 

***

 

**-Sam-**

By now, Sam expects Dean to find Castiel in front of Gate 13 just as he planned. Just a few minutes ago, he saw his brother run into the airport while he stayed outside waitiing.

Sam smirks to himself as he reads a pamphlet about Miami Beach.

When the gate to the plane closes, Sam ignores Castiel’s calls. He knew Cas was gonna call him around the time the gates opened. Poor guy doesn’t know what Sam has in store for him. When the calls stop, Sam can only guess that Dean and Cas have met since he hasn’t seen his brother or Cas come out of the gates.

He puts the pamphlet away and presses the screen on ‘Castiel Novak’.

The phone rings for a second and Castiel answers.

**Castiel: Hello Sam, where are you?**

Sam smiles then adds, “Heya Cas, I’m guessing you’re with Dean?”

**Castiel: Yes I am, where are you?**

Sam taps his shoe on the ground and clears his throat. “I need to speak to you and Dean at the same time, could you put the phone on speaker?”

**Castiel: Yes, I understand…**

There’s a pause while Sam hears mumbling. The crowd around him thins out and taxis are lined up on the right, waiting for passengers.

**Castiel: Sam you’re on speaker-**

**Dean: What the hell Sam? What is going on and where’d you put all my stuff?**

Sam pulls his ear away from the phone as his brother screams through it. “Dean…”

His brother continues to spout hate.

“Dean would you stop for a second? I’m trying to explain everything!”

There is silence on the other line.

Sam sighs and looks at the clock. “I need the two of you to listen carefully.”

**Dean: I’m not promising anything!**

**Castiel: Dean!** Sam is picturing Cas’ giving Dean a squinty eyed glare.

**Dean: Alright! Alright!**

There is still silence in the other line and Sam takes it as a sign to go on.

“Inside the dark brown suitcase are most of your clothes Dean. They’re packed and ready.”

**Dean: What the hell! Why the fuck-**

Sam puts the phone away from his ear again until Dean stops yelling and Castiel interrupts.

**Castiel: Sam what is the meaning of this? Why are Dean’s clothes in your suitcase? Why are you not here?**

Sam groans in frustration. “Could you two please listen to me? If you don’t stop, I might just go and leave the two of you to sort everything out for yourself.”

There is obedient silence at the other end of the line and Sam finds the courage to continue once more.

“Now listen, in the suitcase is Dean’s stuff and you’ll find Dean’s passport and his wallet. In Cas’ trench coat pockets, I slipped the boarding passes for a plane to Miami. Your gate is ‘Gate 14’ which is right next to where I presume you are both standing right now. Your plane starts boarding in less than a few minutes so I’ll have to make this quick.”

Sam breathes in then out before going on.

“For the past week or so, I’ve been wanting to get the two of you to sort your problems out but neither one of you would budge. I’ve asked everybody to help me and I mean everybody. Neither I nor any of them could get your heads out of your asses and apologize to each other, well mainly you, Dean. We’ve been trying to convince you to go confront Cas about your feelings and the same goes for you Cas, I’ve been trying my damnest to convince you not to leave but you wouldn’t listen.”

“So I decided that if there’s anyone more qualified to make Dean stop blaming himself and Cas from running away, is to force the two of you to face each other.”

“Dean…taking your things and leaving that note, they were all just a ploy to convince you to go after Cas, and I wish…I wish it didn’t have to come to this.” Sam pauses for a moment as he can imagine Cas giving Dean a confused look. Deep-down, Sam knows what he’s doing is underhanded yet at the same time, he doesn’t feel guilt over trying to make everything right.  Well at least _trying_ to make everything right.

While keeping the phone to his ear, Sam hails a taxi and leaves the airport. As cowardly as it is, Sam can’t think of any other way to prove to Dean that he doesn’t wish to be in the picture. It took him this long to realize that he’s been fighting the wrong battle. At least, fighting for the wrong reasons.

Sam should’ve used his talents to make everything right and not make anything worse.

Suffering defeat after defeat at the hands of his brother’s pranks and Castiel’s affections, Sam can finally feel a glimpse of victory through all his efforts. He must say, this is far more satisfying than any court case he’s ever tried to win.

He already feels like a winner.

***

 

- **Dean** -

 

Dean can’t say for certain of what he feels right now. There’s a mix of irritation and relief at the fact that Sam went out of his way to do this. To actually clean up this mess. Well clean up the mess that he caused. However Dean’s not gonna think like that. He’s not gonna take all the blame for himself because it got him nowhere if the past week indicates anything.

Some people around him are looking at them. Luggage and carry-ons in all different shapes and sizes scatter across the room but he can’t help but sink his attention to the device on Cas’ hand.

Dean is still trying to comprehend everything that just happened and more importantly, he can’t believe he let his baby brother trick him again. The note that he found in his room and his clothes in Sam’s suitcase, they were all set up so that Dean can go somewhere with Cas. But he can’t just accept it.

Or maybe he’s still having a hard time believing that any of this actually happening…

“Sam, what the hell is the matter with you? You come back home, we screw each other’s lives and you go ahead and do this? What the fuck? Who does that?” Dean yells at the phone and it catches a few other people’s attention.

**Sam: Dean…**

“No! Don’t ‘Dean’ me you little bitch! I was the one who screwed up! Not you. I can’t have you blaming yourself for this when we both know for a fact that I did something much worse than you ever did. I’m not about to accept that all this is gonna be water under the bridge!

**Sam: Dean…**

“I’m your older brother, I should be the one apologizing for all the shit I did!

**Sam: DEAN!**

Sam’s scream from the other line sends a jolt to Dean’s chest. He’s not about to cry in public because his baby brother’s looking out for him. He’s not about to do that right in front of Cas, who’s looking at him with concerned eyes.

**Sam: I know I haven’t been the best brother and even after everything, I still think that I owe you my entire life because it’s true. Dean, you would bend over backwards just to protect me even at times when you’re the biggest asshole in the world. Even after you said I’m not your brother, I could hardly believe it. In fact I still don’t. I know you still cared about me.**

Dean sucks in a breath and Cas leans into his space, voluntarily giving him support. Regardless of everything, and no matter how many times Dean repeats himself, Cas is always looking out for him.

**Sam: But you’re not gonna get out of this without some effort on your behalf.**

That gets Dean’s attention and Cas listens closely, their arms are pressed up next to each other. Their fingers, slightly entwining.

**Sam: If you really want me to fully forgive you, then you’re gonna do what’s right.**

Dean creases his brow. After everything he’s done to Sam, he doesn’t think he can get anything right for his baby brother. Not like he used to, that is.

**Sam: You’re gonna do what’s right with the person standing next to you.**

“Sam wait!” Dean says and the line goes dead.

***

 

 

The line goes dead and Dean stares at the phone with unblinking eyes. Cas is looking at him with confusion and they stand next to each other. Through the crowd, Dean can see his parents, Bobby ad Charlie approaching fast. They’re all looking at them with worry.

“Dean! Thank goodness you made it here on time!” mom runs up to give him a hug.

“Mom…” Dean mutters on his mother’s golden hair.

“Now, don’t you ever! Put yourself down like that anymore! You need to know that you deserve to be happy and you are still capable in doing what’s right.” Mom squeezes her palms on Dean’s cheeks.

“Yeah, you’re right mom.” Dean nods and he exchanges a look with Bobby, Charlie and dad before looking over his shoulder and meeting Cas’ blue eyes.

Ignoring the crowd around them, Dean steps closer to his best friend’s space. Castiel’s eyes don’t waver as if they’re digging into the deepest corners of Dean’s soul. After years of walking around his feelings, years of denying himself the one person who could make him the happiest man alive, Dean finally faces Castiel with sheer determination to win the other man’s heart.

He’s not doing his for some sort of sick twisted game, nor a revenge devise. Dean Winchester will finally accept the fact that he’s madly in love with the man standing right in front of him.

“Cas…I um, what I was trying to say…” Dean knows what to say but he doesn’t know how to say it. “What I was trying to say was…” his hands are shaking and his knees feel like they’re about to give out in front of Cas. In front of everyone he loves. Dean’s about to cave in and Cas’ expression goes blank. The other man’s chapped lips slightly part as he takes a few steps into Dean’s space and places their lips together. Out of all the times Dean kissed Cas, this one doesn’t feel the same. All those other kisses were filled with lust, passion and anger but this one doesn’t have any of those feelings in it.

This kiss…this kiss is different.

Dean doesn’t really know what to make of it. He’s supposed to say ‘I’m sorry’ and get on his knees to beg for forgiveness. But all he can think of is how this kiss is making his feet float and his insides flutter. He can feel Cas’ breathing. He also breathes in the other man’s scent and it’s just as he remembers it.

Not even the space of a week can get rid of Dean’s memory. Everything about Cas is just as he remembers it and something more. Something he didn’t think he can find in himself to identify. Not until the kiss.

Their lips part and Cas is looking at him with longing eyelids. Dean wants to kiss him again but he knows there’s something he needs to say. “What was it you were going to say?” Castiel asks and his mouth form a smile.

“I can’t remember…you stole the words right off me.” Dean replies and Cas pulls him in for another kiss.

It’s as wonderful as the first.

“Does that help you remember?” Cas asks and Dean nods with a smile.

“I remember now…” Dean pauses and looks away for a second. “I’m sorry…I was supposed to say I’m sorry.” Dean apologizes and a frown forms on Cas’ face.

“I know it kinda spoils the moment but I still gotta say it. I gotta say these things Cas because after all this time, I learned that walking around things doesn’t help.” Dean bites his lip and shakes his head in disbelief.

“No it doesn’t.” Cas agrees but Dean thinks the message applies to him more. His angel doesn’t look too happy anymore but Dean catches his attention with his eyes.

“That’s why I gotta apologize first so that I can say, I love you.” There it is. Dean finally said it back and Castiel’s eyes shoot wide open.

“What did you say?”  Cas asks and Dean chuckles.

“How the hell did you miss that? I’m not gonna repeat myself!” Dean tries to look and pull away from Cas but the other man holds him tighter and tries to get his attention with blue eyes.

“Dean please…” Cas continues to catch his eyes but Dean just can’t help but blush. His parents, Charlie and Bobby are looking at him expectantly.

“I said I love you alright!” Dean says again, red continues to spread on his face and his ears.

“Say it again.” Cas orders and Dean blushes.

“I love you!” Dean says a little bit louder.

“Louder.” Cas growls.

“I LOVE YOU CAS!” and with that, Cas pushes their lips together in a longer and more breath-taking kiss. Cas can barely keep his hands off Dean and although he may not see them, Dean can hear his parents, Charlie and Bobby cheering for him.

After Cas breaks the kiss he says to Dean’s face. “I love you too.”

As much as Dean wants to celebrate, dad interrupts them and says their flights about to go. They almost forget about it and Dean protests because he doesn’t want to leave. Bobby says that he needs some time off and not worry about the garage. Charlie hugs him and Cas good-bye and that they’ll be looking forward to seeing them soon.

Mom and dad bid them farewell as Cas drags him to the gate with their boarding passes. Apparently the trip is a treat from everyone. They want Dean and Cas to spend some time together, perhaps work on their relationship or whatever it is that’s going on between them.

As much as Dean hates flying and not knowing what’s gonna happen next, he can’t help but feel happy. A different sort of happy.  One that he requires having Cas by his side, holding his hand and just being able to love the guy.

He’ll thank Sam and everyone around him when he gets back.

Most importantly, he thanks himself for believing that he can have this. That he can have Cas and hope for the best.

It’s something he hopes for over and over again.

 

***

 

- **Sam** -

When Sam ends the call, his taxi reaches the restaurant where Cas and his family spent dinner together. He turns his phone off because he has a feeling that everyone will be looking for him. Leaving the airport wasn’t initially part of the plan but it’s something he decided to do for himself in order to get some time alone.

Since it’s only the afternoon, the restaurant is quiet and the bar’s thee only place that’s open since they don’t serve food until later. That’s fine though, he can indulge in some alcohol to celebrate a job well done.

Operation: get Dean and Cas together was a success and he couldn’t be prouder of himself. But somehow, he doesn’t feel satisfied. Victorious yes, but something’s missing. Sam usually feels some sort of satisfaction whenever his plans become successful. After all, he is a man who likes to see the road ahead of him rather than act on impulse.

Well that was before he met Cas. Now he can’t help but feel more sentimental. Especially in moments like this when he knows Cas and Dean are hopefully gonna progress in terms of their relationship. Perhaps, the sinking feeling in his chest is due to the lack of his own romantic life.

Perhaps no matter how chaotic Dean and Cas’ relationship may be, Sam envies them. Even after months of hardship and heartache, Sam doesn’t feel content about how things ended for him.

Somehow, he longs for chaos to come back. Have his own story instead of a drab life as a lawyer with a megalomaniac boss who hits on him. Sam is not really looking forward to returning to Chicago. Not after what happened with Luke and Jess. At least Jess was considerate with him. Luke on the other hand…

Sam doesn’t want to think about it.

He can probably give Jess a chance when he returns but somehow, he doesn’t think he’ll be able to replace Cas in his head any time soon. Well this is probably what it feels like to be dumped.

More like the feeling of giving your brother your ex-boyfriend and sitting next to a bar drinking whiskey.

At least Sam can say that he’ll never forget this trip back home.

With that thought, he drinks the glass of whiskey until there’s only ice cubes left, clanking as he places it on the counter. He rests on his elbows and slumps a little while the bartender returns to give him another one.

Some noises breach the quiet confines of the establishment and Sam tries not to dwell on it until the bartender prods their ear piece and nodding along to something. Sam starts sipping his whiskey wondering if Dean’s humming Metallica on the plane next to Cas. The passengers in first class are up for a treat.

“Excuse me sir.” The bartender catches his attention.

“Are you by any chance called Mr. Winchester?” he asks and Sam nods.

“Yeah…why do you ask?” Sam asks and the bartender checks his ear piece and a mild voice squeaks through.

“There’s a Mr. Novak looking for you.” The bartender replies and Sam straightens his back. _Isn’t Cas on the plane with Dean? Why the hell didn’t he take the flight?_

Sam pulls his phone out from his pocket to turn it back on. He must’ve missed something. Probably a call from someone because Cas probably didn’t take the flight. _What if his plan didn’t work? What if Cas didn’t forgive Dean and Dean didn’t confess his feelings?_

At the brink of panic, someone behind Sam clears their throat.

He straightens his back and turns around, expecting Cas. But instead, a short dark brown haired man with long wavy hair, almost the same length as Sam’s is standing right before the younger Winchester.

“Are you the Winchester fella who I’ve been hearing about?” the shorter man asks and Sam doesn’t know whether to leave or remain in his seat.

“Uh…yeah?” Sam reluctantly replies with a question and the shorter man’s nose starts to flare.

“Havin’ trouble there buddy? El problemo to comprehendo?” The short stranger snarls.

“Look I dunno who you are nor how you heard about me-,” Sam gets up from his seat to hopefully give the guy a message.

“Don’t think I can’t take you down moose! I may be small but I can still tear you apart!” The shorter guy starts to roll his fists in the air and Sam thinks to himself, _‘what the hell?’_ Sam finds it rather adorable than a threat. Considering this guy doesn’t care about Sam’s size is probably a good or bad thing.

“I don’t really know what your problem with me is.” Sam waves the bartender away, letting him know that everything is under control. Or maybe not.

“As if you don’t know! You’re the Winchester who’s been screwin’ with my Cassie’s innocent heart and I’m here to deliver some retribution!” The shorter man continues to roll his fists in the air and Sam raises an eyebrow. _Did he just hear that right?_

“Did you say ‘Cassie’? I don’t know of anyone who’s called Cassie nor have I been playing anyone’s _‘innocent heart.’_ ” Well that’s not entirely true. Sam did manipulate Cas but this guy couldn’t possibly be talking about Cas.

“Don’t play dumb with me Sasquatch! I can tell that you’re the Winchester that Castiel has been talking about-,”

“Wait, you know Cas? As in Castiel?”

“So you do know him! You even gave him a nickname and my baby brother would never allow you to call him that unless you’re the guy he’s been head over heels with for years!” The shorter man points at Sam accusingly.

“Wait did you just say brother? What the-,” Confusion stirs within Sam. “Look I don’t know who you are or what’s going on but I can assure you, I met Cas over six months ago and I don’t think I’m the guy he’s been talking about-,” Sam stops there and almost feels like laughing at how he has to explain Cas’ love life to this guy.

“Oh really? Why should I believe you? Last time Cassie was seen around here was in this restaurant with a Dean Winchester! A guy who’s over six foot with a pretty face that was apparently, in Cassie’s words, ‘carved by angels’.” The shorter man points his finger at Sam’s face and Sam doesn’t know whether to be flattered for being mistaken by having a pretty face or laugh at what Cas has been saying about Dean’s face to other people.

He chooses the latter.

“Why the hell are you laughing?” the smaller man raises an eyebrow and Sam composes himself.

“You got it all wrong. The guy who Cas has been pining over is my older brother, who’s about a few inches shorter, bow-legged and spiky haired. I’m his younger brother, my name’s Sam. Sam Winchester.” Sam holds out a hand and the shorter man doesn’t look thoroughly convinced.

He raises an eyebrow and gives Sam a glare.

“Cassie recently told me that he was in a complicated relationship with the Winchester brothers. He said that Sam was gonna take him to Chicago. Is that right?” the shorter man asks and Sam nods.

“Well I admit the past few months have been pretty crazy but I can assure you that Cas is well and truly happy with my brother right now.” Sam smiles at the thought of Cas and Dean finally getting the romantic getaway that they deserve.

“Hell to the NO!” Sam’s train of thought gets interrupted as the shorter man furiously shakes his head. “Like hell is Cassie getting anywhere near you or your brother! My poor baby brother’s been crushing over some moron for years when all of a sudden, I receive an email stating that he’s gonna leave to move in with you in friggin’ Chicago!” Sam wants to interrupt but the shorter man doesn’t let him by pointing a finger at his mouth to shut him up.

“You Winchesters have done nothing but cause heartache to my precious brother and it’s time for me to set things right and get Cassie away from both of you as soon as possible!” the shorter man actually twirls and starts stomping his feet to the exit.

“Hold on a sec! You’re not just gonna go and ruin everything I worked for!” Sam pulls the shorter man by the shoulder when all of a sudden, his lips are on the floor.

“I told you I can take you down Samsquatch!” the smaller man says. Right at that moment, Sam has never seen anyone display more ferocity and power than the guy grappling his arm.

“Who are you?” Sam asks under his breath.

“Gabriel. Gabriel Novak. You’d do well to remember that.” Gabriel replies and lets go of Sam’s arm.

Amidst the pain, Sam gets up and calls Gabriel.

“Wait you gotta know something…” Sam runs toward Gabriel and his heart is pumping. His hands and knees are shaking for a whole different reason instead of the pain.

“Cas and Dean won’t be in town for a while.” Sam says and Gabriel raises an eyebrow.

“And why the hell is that?” Gabriel asks and a smile quickly grows on Sam’s face.

“Let’s just say, they’re on a romantic getaway.” Sam’s smile grows wider as he fixes his shirt.

“Like I’d believe that.” Gabriel scoffs and Sam smiles mischievously.

“Well you can try going to Cas’ house but you’ll find nothing there.” That gets Gabriel’s attention and he turns around to meet Sam’s gaze. “I’m not lying to you, Cas and Dean actually just left.”

“To where?” Gabriel crosses his arms and Sam can’t help but chuckle at how adorable the guy looks when he does that.

“I’d rather not say, you did just throw me to the floor.”

“I don’t mind doing it again if it means getting information out of you.” Gabriel threatens but the smile on Sam’s face simply gets bigger.

“How about a drink?” Sam asks and points at the bar. Gabriel keeps his eyebrow raised until he tilts his head and makes an ‘aaahhhh’ sound.

“You really are a manipulative jerk as Cassie said.” Gabriel glares at him and Sam should be hurt by the fact that Cas has told Gabriel about what he did. However, all Sam can think of are some of the ways he can piss Gabriel off.

“For your information, Dean’s the jerk and I’m not trying to manipulate you. I just wanna get to know you better.” Sam smiles because he knows he’s already pissing Gabriel off.

“That’s what a manipulator would say.” Gabriel walks toward him while keeping his arms crossed. Gabriel knocks him with his shoulder. Sam smiles again and follows the shorter man to the bar.

Sam can’t help but find Gabriel more and more interesting by the minute. The last time he felt like this was over six months ago when he met Castiel.

And what an experience that was.

Perhaps he won’t mind staying a little longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I love Gabriel!
> 
> What does everyone think of the finale? Satisfied?  
> Pissed off? Disappointed?
> 
> Shocked?
> 
> I've built the foundations to the epilogue *cough wedding*
> 
> More characters will arrive in the scene and hopefully you will be able to read your favorites.
> 
> It is an honor writing to you all <3  
> -penultimateaxis


	13. Chapter 13- Proposals and Invitations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Gabriel happen. 
> 
> Dean and Cas return from their trip with a few surprises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the very late update. The story is close to an end however there are still a few surprises in store.
> 
> I hope you all like this chapter. 
> 
> Sabriel then Destiel.

**-Sam-**

For a moment there, Sam thinks all his problems can be washed away like writing on beach sand next to the water. He’s become well-acquainted with Gabriel, actually more than ‘well-acquainted’ since the older Novak agreed to meet Sam again. The only way the shorter man could ever meet up with him again, was if he kept Castiel and Dean’s location as a bargaining chip.

Gabriel was furious but reluctantly agreed. Also, if only Sam is paying.

The second time they meet, it’s in the same restaurant from when they first met. This time, live music is playing, a butler serving them and Sam trying hard not to stare at Gabriel too much. The shorter man makes the rude waiter disappear with a snarky comment which triggers a snicker at the back of Sam’s throat. He uses the menu to hide his wide smirk.

Gabriel instantly squints his eyes and puts the menu down.

“What’s so funny Samsquatch?” Gabriel’s finger is tapping on the menu and demanding answers.

“Nothing. I was just…” Sam replies and wonders for a moment as the chandelier above them brightens their booth just well enough to illuminate an angel right in front of him. “It’s nothing.” Sam shakes his head and blushes. He tries to hide it by looking over the menu and hoping Gabriel can stop staring at him. Now he knows what it’s like to be in the receiving end.

Gabriel raises an eyebrow and holds the menu up. “You’re such a dork.” Perhaps Sam is wrong. He’s not in front of an angel. The person sitting in front of him deserves more than praise-

The white buttoned up shirt with matching black pants and shoes entail only one thing. Gabriel tried to look good tonight, much to Sam’s appreciation. And that mischievous smile on Gabriel’s face, reaching both ends of his ears is somewhat divine.

Again he’s staring too much.

“So are you gonna tell me where my brother is or are you gonna demand for a higher ransom?” Gabriel gives him a dark look which shouldn’t make Sam feel like his insides are going soft and fluttery.

“I think Cas is not in any sort of hostage situation. If he were then Dean would deal with it like the world is about to end.” Sam snickers and it doesn’t seem to impress Gabriel.

“Mind telling me why we’re doing this? I made my intentions clear about taking my brother away. Clearly he’s been through a lot considering you and your brother couldn’t help but keep your dicks in your pants.” Gabriel’s nose flares and somehow, a thought strikes Sam’s head.

“I told you he’s fine with my brother.” Sam doesn’t have a doubt that Dean and Cas are having the best time in Miami. Especially after receiving a text message from Dean and an email from Cas saying their thanks.

Gabriel scoffs. “Somehow I doubt that.” Then rips his eyes off Sam’s to look at the menu some more.

“Why is it so hard for you to believe that Cas is in good hands?” Sam asks and a little afraid to know the answer.

“Well you can’t blame me. Cassie was very assertive about leaving this place then all of a sudden he’s with your brother? Who the hell do you think you are? I tried to look for your angle but I just don’t get you.” Gabriel shuts the menu and places it down with a loud thud.

The spark of thought in Sam’s head is right.

“You don’t know where you stand around me.” It’s not a question but somehow a new wave of tension sweeps between the two of them. Gabriel looks stunned for a moment before fury traces his eyes.

“This is a mistake. A complete waste of time.” The older Novak tries to get up and Sam responds quickly by reaching over and grabbing his left arm.

“Wait! You think I have feelings for Castiel?” Sam asks although he already knows the answer.

“You don’t know anything about me Sam.” Gabriel snarls and flicks Sam’s hand away.

“Oh my god! You do think I have feelings for Cas!” Sam face palms himself to the realization. “I don’t- I did have feelings for Cas but not anymore.” _How could Sam have feelings for Cas after meeting Gabriel?_

“As if I’d believe you!” there’s a lot of bitterness in Gabriel’s tone but Sam won’t stop till he clears things up.

“You gotta believe me. Cas and Dean are together right now!” Sam bites back.

“Well you think you know all the answers! I’m not gonna sit here and be made fun of.” Gabriel gets back up and tries to leave before Sam stops him for the second time.

The older Novak glares at Sam harder.

“Wait could you just stop jumping to conclusions for a second and sit down!” Sam doesn’t really want his back slamming on the floor again but if it means getting Gabriel to stay, then maybe it’ll be worth a few broken bones.

“Don’t presume you know anything about me you dick!” Gabriel clenches his jaw and Sam holds his hands up to surrender.

“You’re right. You’re right. I don’t. But what I know so far is that you don’t take shit from anyone. You don’t like people assuming they know anything about you and I get that. I really do. It makes you sound predictable when you’re not.” Sam blurts out and Gabriel’s expression remains dark.

“In fact, you’re so much more than what meets the eye.” Sam blushes and he should really stop talking right about now. “You may be loud, abrupt and say whatever that pops in your head but you’re actually really smart. Perhaps smarter than I think.”

Gabriel’s expression twitches then softens.

“You’d rather cut the bullshit and know where you stand around people because that leaves no room for nonsense and that’s totally fine. You really care about Cas and I think that’s really awesome.” Sam suddenly remembers all those times when Dean looked out for him, courtesy of ‘Not-Cas’ from a while back.

“I think you’re really awesome.”

Sam rubs the back of his neck in embarrassment. This is what Dean would call a ‘chick-flick’ moment and it’s amusing how much influence Dean has on Sam.

“I hate cocky guys like you.” Gabriel says but Sam can’t find any malice in his tone. “I’m gonna order the most expensive meal and you’re leaving this restaurant broke.” Gabriel sits back down and so does Sam.

Sam doesn’t let his mind dwell on the heavy red blush on Gabriel’s face as the older Novak flips through the menu and pretending Sam doesn’t notice anything. Yet after their fight, the room seems brighter and Sam smiles wider at watching Gabriel scornfully order his expensive meal. With a sip of wine, Sam has a feeling that everything’s finally looking up.

Throughout the night, Sam gets to know Gabriel more than the first time. Turns out, the older Novak has a weakness for sweets and Gabriel demolishes plate after plate of desserts. Instead of worrying about how much sugar Gabriel is taking, Sam doesn’t care. He just sits and watch as Gabriel order one dessert after another.

To Sam’s benefit, desserts make Gabriel happy and talkative. Well more talkative in terms of what he does for a living, interests and what annoys him. Just the way Gabriel speaks whatever comes up in his head makes Sam want to listen more. Perhaps it’s the way Gabriel’s mouth quivers into an obnoxious smile or the gentle smirks here and there.

All this staring is making Sam feel good in all the right places and he doesn’t hear Gabriel ask about Castiel’s whereabouts for the rest of the night.

***

 

The next time Sam sees Gabriel, they take a stroll in the park. Somehow, Sam doesn’t remember the bright blue sky that day. Instead, he recalls the warm smile on Gabriel’s face as Sam pulls the giant red lollipop from the shorter man’s mouth, and waves it high up in the sky.

He gets a punch in the stomach before surrendering. Gabriel happily licks the lollipop and tries not to stare at Sam’s eyes for too long.

The red on the lollipop is pink compared to their faces.

***

 

When Gabriel sees Sam again, it’s in Sam’s apartment because Gabriel suggested to bake a cake from their last date. The cake takes longer to prepare because a flour war started from Sam ‘accidentally’ flicking some flour on Gabriel’s nose.

Nevertheless the cake eventually starts baking but the kiss on Sam’s lips is sweeter than the cake batter.

***

 

Sam sees Gabriel a few more times after that. For instance, he sees Gabriel on his bed, sleeping soundly and drooling on his bicep. Their clothes are all over the room, he can see his pants lying on the corner next to what appears to be what’s left of Gabriel’s shirt. Sam feels crusty, smelly and just right.

With Gabriel in his arms, Sam has never felt more comfortable in forever. What he has going on with Gabriel is just perfect and proof of it is loving the sound of a sleeping Archangel in his bedroom and not wanting to hear it from anyone else.

***

When Sam finally introduces Gabriel to his parents is during lunch on a Tuesday. The shorter man is a nervous wreck and Sam kisses him on the cheek telling him everything will be alright.

Gabriel glares then shouts at him for not helping him pick a better shirt. Sam replies, “You look good without a shirt on.” The older Novak slaps him across the face instead of returning Sam’s kissy face.

The comfort of the local diner does nothing to calm Gabriel’s nerves and Sam thinks it’s adorable. He’s not worried about anything because he has a feeling Gabriel will impress his parents just fine.

As his parents enter the diner, dad is holding mom’s hand and they scan the room to look for Sam. Sam waves at them, earning a bright smile on his mom’s face. Gabriel sits up straight and instantly becomes petrified. The shorter man doesn’t even look around to watch Sam’s parents walk toward them and Sam sniggers at how cute it is.

By the time mom and dad reach their table, Sam gets up and gives them both a hug before introducing Gabriel. Gabriel breaks his petrified stance and mom wraps her arms around him instantly approving. Dad on the other hand, gives Gabriel a glare before holding a hand out for formalities.

The lunch goes well if it not for the fact that Gabriel and dad got along like oil and water on a frying pan. If both Sam and mom have to tell their men to stop fighting one more time, there’ll be hell to pay. It’s because Dad has trouble opening up to new people and Gabriel hating dad’s obnoxiousness. At least they stop as soon as the food arrives.

Though there’s tension in the table, Sam knows both dad and Gabriel are just being over-protective. Even mom can see it. She gives Sam her blessing while dad and Gabriel fight to pay the bill. The fighting started again because of dad’s condescending comment on Gabriel’s sweet tooth. Mom tells them both to stop because she’s had enough and invites Gabriel to come over for some home baked pie. Gabriel immediately agrees and gives mom a hug and dad a firm handshake.

The fact they all made it out of lunch in one piece should be a good sign.

Nevertheless, Sam can’t wait to find out what happens next.

***

 

After two months of dating Gabriel, Sam can honestly say he’s happy. More than happy, in fact he finally remembers to tell Gabriel where Cas and Dean are staying, although it shouldn’t matter so much since they’re both coming back within a week. During another movie session at Sam’s apartment and Gabriel snuggly tucked under his arm, he finally gets the nerve to confess where Cas and Dean are. He doesn’t get to start before Gabriel interrupts him.

“So what are we?” Gabriel asks with a nervous tone.

Sam pauses for a second to let the question register in his head. _What kind of question is that?_

“What do you mean?” Sam snaps out of his trance and let the sounds from the television muffle in his ears.

“I mean…” Gabriel clears his throat and fidgets on Sam’s side. “Is this just a casual thing? Where do you see yourself in a few months? A few years? I mean you gotta tell me if this is just rebound to forget about my brother because I don’t think I can handle it if it is just a rebound…” Gabriel starts to shake and Sam immediately shuffles on the couch to face the shorter man’s teary face.

“Wait wait hold on! Why are you crying?” Sam asks and Gabriel sniffles louder.

“Because I’m just a rebound. Because I don’t think you really like me the way I like you and because…I really like you Sam and I’m scared that all this has been one-sided.” Gabriel’s voice hitches a little and Sam pulls him in for a hug.

_What the hell’s been going through Gabe’s head?_

“Gabe you dumbass! What the hell-,” Sam composes himself before continuing. “I told you months ago to stop jumping into conclusions! You’re worse than-,” Sam gathers his thoughts quickly and realizes.

Dean and Gabriel are very much alike.

“WORSE THAN WHAT?” Gabriel cries out and continues to sob while rubbing his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater.

“Nothing…nobody. Come here.” And Sam pulls Gabriel in for another hug. Sam continues to console and pat Gabriel on the back.

“Of course I’m dating you. Can’t believe you’d think otherwise.” Sam whispers on Gabriel’s ear while trying to hide the massive smirk on his face. Calming breathes come out of Gabriel and the shorter man continues to nuzzle into Sam’s chest.

“Can you blame me? You used to date Castiel and I’m nothing compared to my baby bro!” Gabriel pouts and Sam laughs out loud.

“Don’t say that. I like you.” Sam kisses Gabriel’s temple. “I like you a lot.” He kisses Gabriel’s cheek. “I like you very much.” Then Sam plants another one on Gabe’s lips. They continue kissing until the tears on Gabriel’s eyes stop.

The shorter man blushes as their lips part.

“I like you a hell of a lot too!”

Sam gets into a fit of laughter before squeezing Gabriel tightly in his arms and wondering how he got so lucky.

***

 

Cas and Dean’s plane lands on a Tuesday and Sam, Gabriel, mom and dad goes to pick them up from the airport. Though it took a while, Gabriel and dad are finally on civil terms. Mom still snaps at dad for his behavior from time to time. So does Sam to Gabriel but his dad and boyfriend managed to behave around each other. Mom loved and loves Gabriel from the very start and has already started meddling into the shorter man’s life, just as she did to Cas.

While waiting in the crowd and watching the arrivals, mom nudges Sam’s elbow.

“I’m really happy for you and Gabriel, Sam. You know that I want nothing more than for you and your brother to be happy.” Mom wraps her arms around Sam’s left arm.

“Yeah, I’m really happy with Gabe.” Sam smiles but he stares into nothing. Contemplating on how much has happened during the year.

“You know that I’m also very proud of you. For doing so much for your brother.” Mom says and Sam chuckles to himself.

“Well I just hope everything went well for those two idiots. I swear after everything, if anything goes wrong…” Sam admits and mom laughs.

“The fact that they’re coming home together should be a good sign. I mean your bother and Cas were in constant contact with us until just around a week ago. I haven’t heard from them since.” Mom too admits and Sam can see the worry in her eyes. She never stops worrying about him and Dean, no matter how old and stable they get.

“I think they’ll be fine.” Sam reassures mom and looks over to see Gabriel and dad actually talking for once- without looking like they wanna rip each other’s throats out. The last time Gabe and dad were in the same room, they had a shouting match because Sam and mom accidentally slipped by mentioning the whole ‘coming out’ charade with Cas a few months ago.

Gabe screamed at dad for what he said to Sam and dad bit back, defending that he was worried about Sam. At least they stopped when Sam and mom yelled at the two of them and they apologized. Gabe thoroughly apologized to Sam at night. And Sam shouldn’t be thinking about those things right now since Dean and Cas are walking towards them with suit cases.

Gabe doesn’t wait and runs up to Cas and gives the shocked younger Novak a hug. The Winchesters didn’t tell Cas and Dean that Gabe was in town and it was Gabe’s idea. Gabe wanted to surprise his baby brother and give him a lecture just as he’s doing right now.

“You run off with this moron even after all the shit he’s put you through!” Gabe is yelling and catching the attention of everyone around them. Dean yells ‘Hey!’ before interjecting.

“Cas who the hell is this guy and why is he yelling at you?” Dean asks and Gabe interrupts before Cas can answer.

“I am Castiel’s older brother- Gabriel. Because of what you put my brother through I should have you killed over a hundred times and in so many different ways!” Gabe snarls and Sam quickly steps in before Dean and his boyfriend start throwing punches.

“Dean! Cas! It’s great to finally have you back!” Sam interjects and Dean punches him in the arm. “What the hell?” Sam pulls himself away.

“Don’t _‘what the hell’_ me Samantha! That’s for the airport thing two months ago!” Dean yells out and Gabriel steps in, sets Sam aside and punches Dean on the stomach. Dean clutches his stomach while Cas holds him up.

“Don’t lay a finger on my boyfriend!” Gabriel’s nose start to flare and Cas tilts his head in confusion.

“BOYFRIEND?” Dean and Cas say in unison. “

“Sam WHAT THE HELL? You’re dating short stack?” Dean leans over Gabriel’s shoulder and Sam ignores him to hold Gabriel back from throwing Dean to the floor.

Dean glares and clenches his fists but Cas drops their luggage and holds the older Winchester back.

“Who are you calling short stack! You’re shorter than your baby brother!” Gabriel barks out and struggles within Sam’s arms.

“Gabriel stop!” Sam yells but his words fall on deaf ears.

“Who do you think you are for dating Sam? Let go of me Cas! I’m gonna-,” Dean and Gabriel’s legs kick each other at the same time.

“No Dean! You have to stop!” Cas interrupts Dean and eyes around them start to worry Sam.

“EVERYBODY STOP!” mom’s commanding voice penetrates everyone’s ears in the airport. The airport security stop on their tracks and Dean, Cas, Gabe and Sam’s eyes shoot wide open.

“This is not the time and place to be arguing and I expected more from all of you!” she points her finger at all four of them while dad just stands next to security, grinning in embarrassment.

“But mom he-,” Dean protests and mom shoots Dean a glare.

“Don’t ‘but’ me mister! There’s a fresh apple pie baking at home and so help me god you might never get a slice!” The sound that escapes Dean is something between an internal scream and squeal.

“Now bring all your things to the car and not another word unless you want to find a way back home by yourselves!” Mom raises an eyebrow expecting a response.

All of them respond.

“Yes mom.” Dean and Sam say.

“Yes Mary.” Gabriel and Castiel say.

The older woman smiles smugly and turns to the airport security. “Good, now apologize to the officers.” Mom commands and they all do. Everyone tags along in silence. Cas walks next to Dean while Sam walks next to Gabe. Gabe and Dean shoot glares at each other while Sam and Cas exchange awkward smiles.

As soon as they reach the parking lot, all hell breaks loose.

Mom lectures all of them for their behavior and commands them to reconcile before driving home. Gabriel and Dean bitterly apologize to one another while Sam and Cas share a welcome home hug. Luckily for them, it’s enough for mom and Dean takes the Impala while dad drives his truck.

Gabe doesn’t say much on the way back other than apologize for his behavior. The same goes for Sam and mom forgives them and asks to be civil for Dean and Cas’ welcome home party.

While Gabriel pouts, Sam checks his phone to see a few text messages from Cas. Apparently Dean is not mad at Sam, just upset that he didn’t say anything sooner. Cas too shares his disappointment in the matter but is happy for the two of them.

Sam chuckles and Gabe asks what happened. Sam kisses his boyfriend and tells him everything is alright. That’s all the reassurance Gabriel needs as Sam replies to Cas. He says thanks and wonders how everything turned out to be so perfect after all.

***

 

On Dean and Cas’ welcome home party, Dean announces his engagement to Cas. The whole room erupts into cheer and clamor. Cas shows his ring to everyone while Dean tries to hide the one Cas gave him. It’s the same gold ring Cas held in the airport before they left to Miami.

They’ve set the date on June next year so they have plenty of time to plan. Mom cries in happiness and dad pats Dean on the shoulder, reminding him of how proud he is. Sam smiles at the scene and lets the crowd swallow the happy couple before looking for his boyfriend. Turns out Gabe has been standing outside the front door and gazing at the neighborhood.

“Gabe.” Sam says and wraps his giant arms around the shorter man. “Something wrong?” he plants a kiss on the shorter man’s temple then tightens the hug.

“Cassie gave his ring to your brother.” Gabe despondently says and Sam sighs.

“He’s not that bad you know...he might be rough around the edges but I know he loves Cas very much. Probably more than I think.” Sam wonders for a second and recalls all the things that happened over the past few months.

“It’s not…well not entirely…I don’t know what to say anymore.” Gabriel bows his head and Sam tries to meet their eyes.

“Gabe, listen to me. You know you can tell me anything.” Sam tilts Gabriel’s head up with his finger, his eyes meeting glassy dark brown circles that dig into his soul.

“I know…I just- I’m really happy for Castiel but feel guilty for not being there for him. Even though we get a chance to talk from time to time, I never really got the chance to see how he started to look at your brother the way he’s looking at him now.” Then Gabriel turns back to the crowd inside. They just popped a bottle of champagne and cheer loudly. Sam is pretty sure the whole neighborhood heard.

Sam looks at Gabriel with sympathy.

“I never really got a chance to watch him grow up.” Gabriel admits and Sam’s arms instantly wrap the shorter man. Every fiber in Sam’s being wants to keep his angel happy and this is the only thing he knows for now.

It took Sam a while to realize it but Gabriel sounds exactly like someone he knows and loves very much. Gabriel is just like Dean in regards to over-protecting their loved ones. Especially their younger brothers. It’s one of Dean’s best qualities and Sam feels lucky to land a guy like Gabe.

Setting everything aside, Sam only wants someone who is in love with him.

Holy shit.

Is he in love with Gabriel?

“Let’s go back inside. I don’t wanna be anti-social to your family and I can torture your brother more.” Gabriel jokes but Sam lets the other man drag his body inside. Gabriel’s hand clasps tightly to his and for a moment, Sam doesn’t notice anything that’s going on around him except for the one person within his reach.

With Gabriel’s back turned towards him, Sam’s heart beats rapidly. His ears turn red and hear the loud thumping fill his senses.

Mom’s trying to tell him something but Sam can barely pay attention to her as he looks at Gabe talking to Cas and pissing Dean off. Sam nods along to what mom is saying because right there and then he knows-

He’s fallen in love.

***

The first few days since Dean and Cas came back, they’ve been living in domestic bliss. They both live in Cas’ place after Dean sold his apartment. Sam visits them as often as he can while making sure that he spends more time with Gabriel. It surprises him on how much Dean and Cas’ relationship improved over a short period of time. Apparently while they were in Miami, they attended a couple’s counselling session with Dr. Pamela Barnes. She was very hands on with her approach but it did the job.

The tow idiots can barely keep their hands off each other and Sam doesn’t know who is more grossed out by it, Gabriel or him.

Dean and Gabriel are still at each other’s throats. Dean snarls at everything Gabriel says while Gabriel speaks to Dean with callous vengeance over what happened to Castiel. Cas lectures his older brother about his behavior in the kitchen while they wash the dishes. Sam scolds Dean and tells him to be nicer, only to accidentally blurt out that he loves Gabriel.

“Sammy! I love you but this insanity has to stop. There’s no way you can love that guy, you’ve only just met him!” Dean pleads with his eyes and Sam cues his bitch face number 35.

“I’ve known him for months and we’re practically living together. Dean why are you so against me being with Gabriel? He’s a great guy once you give him a chance.” Sam bites back, pointing his thumb to Castiel’s kitchen.

“Pfft. I highly doubt it.” Dean pouts and leans back to his chair. Sam shakes his head and sighs.

“I thought the two of you would get along more. Even dad has started to like Gabriel and the two of them initially wanted to tear each other apart.” Sam flicks his gaze to the kitchen. “He’s more like you than you think.”

Dean’s eyes try not to meet his when an idea clicks into Sam’s mind like a blessing in disguise.

“Dean, is the reason why you hate Gabe is because he reminds you of yourself?” Sam heavily adds a serious tone to his voice and Dean pouts harder but the expression on his face is defeated.

Sam raises both his eyebrows and add. “You do! You’re pissed off at him because you’re self-loathing! Dean I thought you were over that!” Dean wrinkles his brow.

“I am! Dammit Sam I am!” Lies.

“Don’t lie to me Dean. I know what you’re thinking. You don’t like Gabriel because you’re scared he might do something to hurt me and it’s freaking you out.” Sam didn’t really want to remind them both of what happened months ago. The silent tension between them is thick and suffocating. One that makes Sam’s skin crawl and his hand clutch onto his knees with fervor.

“I’m sorry about that.” Sam mutters and Dean shakes his head.

“Nah, don’t be Sam. Water under the bridge.” Dean stares into blank space while Sam tries to think of a way to fix this.

“I just-,” Dean interrupts his train of panic and Sam opens his ears.

“I just don’t want to see you getting hurt Sammy. It’s my job to make sure that you’re alright. And I’m never gonna stop caring for you as long as I live.” Dean admits and it brings a smile on Sam’s face. This is the Dean he knows and cares about.

“I know Dean. Believe me, I know. But you gotta believe that Gabriel will make me happy.” Sam says and Dean raises an eyebrow.

“What makes you so sure?” Dean asks and Sam almost laughs at the question.

“I have faith in him. Just as you have faith in Cas.” The smile on Sam’s face is wide and Dean sighs in defeat. His older brother doesn’t look as cynical as before and the tension between them flew right out of the window.

“Fine. I’ll try to be nice. Won’t promise anything.” Dean blushes and moves his gaze to his fiancé and Gabriel who are slowly walking toward them and talking about something.

“Thank you Dean.” Sam smiles again and Dean rolls his eyes.

“If he hurts you, I’ll put a bullet between his eyes.” Dean quickly says as he calls Cas ‘baby’ and pulls his fiancé in for a kiss. Sam stares at Gabriel who is looking at him with a quizzical expression.

“What are you thinking about now Samsquatch? Think Cas is a better cook than I?” Gabriel’s eyes squint a little and Sam finally knows where Cas got that expression from. He laughs and gives his beloved a peck on the cheek.

“Nothing Gabe. It’s nothing.” Sam replies to hopefully encourage his boyfriend to drop the subject.

“I knew it. You still like him! I can’t take this!” Gabe cries out and bursts outside.

Dean and Cas stare at him with questioning looks. _Doesn’t Gabriel know that Dean does all the cooking around here?_

 Sam sighs and gives them a faint smile.

“Jeez, someone needs to relax.” Dean chuckles which earns him a glare from Cas and Sam.

“Shut up Dean.” Cas bites out before Sam is running after his boyfriend who has the same amount of romantic sensitivity as Dean.

 

***

 

**-Dean-**

When the wedding invitations are sent out either through mail or email, Dean may or may not have had a heart attack. All this preparation and planning for his wedding is totally freaking him out. Everything from picking the reception and how the ceremony will pan out has gradually turned him into a nervous mess. Jo had to punch some sense into him after seeing her with all the other girls, trying on their gowns. It was the first time Dean saw Jo and Charlie in a dress yet at the same time, it reminded him of whose wedding their attending.

After another look at their silky attires, Dean left the room. Cas ran after to help him through his panic attack.

When Gabriel picked their wedding cake, Dean shoved a whole piece of a sample into his mouth. Until he was choking and Cas slapped his back to spurt pieces of cake everywhere.

Benny recommended a wine tasting day. Dean agreed and drank a little too much. The alcohol helped drown the worry bubbling like champagne. He passed out and woke up with a massive hangover next to a sleeping Cas. He made breakfast and coffee as apology.

He doesn’t always have panic attacks. During Dean and Cas’ visit to Bobby’s garage, the older man showed them the plans to turn baby into a honeymoon car. Baby is the perfect car to use and Dean agrees to the blueprints with guarantee that Bobby won’t douche her up. He trusts Bobby, just as he trusts Cas smiling next to him and wrapping an arm around his waist. It’s the one occasion where he doesn’t feel like jumping out of the window and screaming to the hills.  

There really shouldn’t be any reason for Dean to be freaking out. He’s marrying Cas.

Cas. His Cas.

If Dean goes back in time just a couple of months ago and tells his past self that he’s marrying the man of his dreams, past him would probably shoot him between the eyes. Back then, he was harassing Sam and lying to himself by thinking that Cas is just using him for sex. The sting of guilt and regret still lingers in his tongue however, he’s learned to move past it and accept himself for who he truly is., He’s just a guy who’s in love with an angel.

His angel Cas.

Over the past two months in Miami, spending time with Cas has really helped him become more open about feelings. Feelings which he bottled up inside over the years, perhaps decades. Attending Dr. Pamela Barnes’ couple’s therapy taught him as much. She helped Dean channel his emotions properly and share his thoughts with Cas. He was reluctant to do it at first and they had a hard time prodding through what goes through his mind. However Cas had the patience of a saint. Cas put up with him at his worst and go through the road to recovery.

Dean learned to accept that he deserves good things. Good people.

He accepts that he deserves Cas.

So on the last week of their stay, after their last session with Dr. Barnes, Dean dropped on his knee and proposed to Cas. He opened a small little velvet box with a silver ring sitting in the middle. Facing what appears to be Cas’ most shocked expression.

Cas instantly said yes and pulled Dean up for a kiss. Dean pushed the ring in Cas’ finger and stared at the sapphire blue stripe at the center of the silver band.

Dean thought he was the happiest man alive and they spent the night in ecstasy until they couldn’t keep their eyes open anymore.

The next day, Cas planned a trip for the two of them around the beach. Dean was surprised because he thought they were just gonna spend the last few days relaxing. They spent the rest of the day going through different types of dates Cas planned earlier. They went to a greenhouse exhibition to see different types of flowers and watch it amongst butterflies and bees.

Right before they left, Cas got a flower for Dean and tied on it, was a gold ring. Cas got on his knees and proposed, admitted that Dean was a step ahead of him. Dean never likes crying in front of anyone let alone a public space. But he did.

He cried and said yes. Cas got back up and tried to calm Dean down, hushed his tears until they sealed the deal with a kiss.

Dean couldn’t think of a better proposal and felt bad that his was nothing in comparison Cas’.

In between the kisses, Cas whispered, “This is no competition Dean. I equally love our proposals because they are two halves of a whole.” Then the blue eyed man kissed Dean on the lips. Dean wiped the tears out of his eyes and shook his head.

“I don’t want to give half of my life to you Cas. I wanna give all of it.”

With that, Cas froze on the spot as if suddenly realizing what Dean just said meant. They kissed again and stood in a moment of bliss. And gazed at their rings.

After leaving the greenhouse, they spent the rest of the day going through Cas’ plans. They visited a famous local pastry shop and Dean had one of the best pies he’s ever had. Probably second to mom’s. At night, Cas took him to a really fancy and expensive restaurant. It’s just like the one in Lawrence only more expensive and the staff was douchier. Once they got back to their penthouse suite, Dean couldn’t keep his hands off Cas and they had sex on the couch, then Dean carried Cas to the bedroom. They made love and Dean never thought he would ever use those words.

So there shouldn’t be any reason for Dean’s panic attacks. He should be glad that he’s spending the rest of his life with the only person he fell in love with. His past relationships are nothing in comparison to Cas. Cas- who is awesome, wonderful, dorky, weird and angelic in every way possible. Dean doesn’t want anyone else and that’s probably why he’s freaking out.

At least he’s back home and Sam is around to lecture him about the nuisances of having panic attacks. Sam reminds him to consider Cas’ feelings because even though Cas may not show it, he’s probably freaking out just as much as Dean. When Dean whines for probably the millionth time today, Sam leaves to find Gabriel.

Dean can’t believe Sam’s actually dating Cas’ older brother. What’s worse, is that Sam’s right about Dean worrying too much. Dean just doesn’t want Sam to be hurt because Gabe reminds Dean so much of himself, it’s not funny. The shorter guy knows how to push everyone’s buttons and has the same obnoxious and level of douchery (much to Dean’s dismay). Gabriel also flirts with anything that moves but he always apologizes to Sam. Most importantly, Gabe and Sam share heart eyes to each other which makes Dean want to puke because he’s seen it somewhere before. He sees it every day and he can’t believe it took him forever to realize what they mean.

He shares those looks with one other person.

“Dean.” Cas snatches his attention from staring into empty space.

“Could you please get the door? I’m on the phone with Gabriel.” Cas asks while holding the phone to his chest. Dean pouts and pulls his fiancé in for a kiss.

“Tell him to call you back, I want kisses.” Dean pleads with his eyes but Cas shakes his shoulder to protest. When Dean doesn’t stop begging, a growl escapes Cas’ throat.

“Dean I have no time for this right now. Please get the door.” Cas rolls his eyes and rips himself away from Dean’s arms. All this wedding planning is putting a dent on spending some quality time with Cas. Everything around him is focusing on it too much and he misses the feeling of Cas pressed up next to him. Call Dean clingy but he’s no longer used to being away from Cas longer than working in the garage. Even then Cas visits him and Dean insists on touching his boyfriend with dirty hands.

They’ve only had sex with Dean coming home straight from the garage one time and perhaps they should do it again.

The doorbell rings again.

Sam probably forgot his keys or something and just can’t wait to be with Gabriel.

“I’m coming you bitch!” Dean growls and takes one last look at Cas pacing in the kitchen before opening the door. Expecting to see his tall, long-haired and bitch faced younger brother.

Instead he sees a dirty blonde haired man with an expensive looking suit. Taller than Dean by around an inch, dark blue eyes underneath glasses and a serious expression.

“Are you Dean Winchester?” the stranger asks and Dean straightens his back.

“Depends who’s asking.” Dean replies with a slight aggression to his tone. Who could blame him? The guy is giving Dean bad vibes and it gets worse as the stranger invites himself inside to look around.

“Hey who the hell do you think you are?” Dean quickly turns to glare at the douche bag.

The silent man doesn’t answer him and continues to scan the place.

“Michael?” Cas appears from the kitchen with the phone halfway between his ear and shoulder.

“Hello Castiel.” Michael replies.

“Wait, you know this guy?” Dean asks Cas and Michael interrupts before the other man can respond.

“I am Castiel’s older brother.” Dean’s eyebrows go up in realization.

It’s those damn wedding invitations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More problems might come up before Dean and Cas' big day. Not to mention- some of your favorite characters might make an appearance.
> 
> What do you guys think?  
> Again, apologies for the wait. <3


	14. Chapter 14- Endings and Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean just can't wait to introduce Cas to the rest of the world as his one and only.
> 
> For the rest of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Ending.
> 
> Thank you all so much! You've all been so patient and so kind to read this lengthy story.  
> I hope you all enjoyed it. I know I did. 
> 
> I was gonna complicate the story a bit more but I decided to leave it as it is.

**-Sam-**

Ever since Dean and Cas got back, Sam has learned to love Gabriel even more. Despite everything, Sam eventually rebuilds his relationship with Cas and Dean. It is as if all the strife and hostility over the past few months didn’t matter. The only things that do matter are his family, friends and Gabriel.

Yeah. Being with Gabriel is definitely up there with family and friends. It’s the main reason why there’s an extra jump to his step as he heads to the pastry shop where Gabriel is sampling more desserts for the reception, because Dean can’t make up his damn mind. Then again, Dean’s been a nervous wreck over the past few weeks and it’s really starting to get on Sam’s nerves.

He understands why Dean’s freaking out however his brother has to get it through his head that it’s sending Cas the wrong messages. Sam has noticed his best friend’s shift in expression whenever Dean walks out of the room or enter a quiet state of self-torture. His brother can be such a dick at times but at least Sam knows for sure that Dean is in love with Cas.

So in love.

In fact, he’s a bit jealous on how much those two love each other. Not even the sweetness in Gabriel’s candies can compare. He stops just before he enters the pastry shop to gaze upon his boyfriend talking on the phone and taking all the samples from the counter. He smiles to himself, a warm euphoria spreads from his chest to all parts of his body. Looking at his lover helps him forget the cold winter breeze. Or the reason why he was jealous of Dean and Cas’ relationship. He really shouldn’t be jealous because Sam is sure that he has a chance at romance. The chance is standing inside the shop, warmer than any pastry sitting inside those glass cases.

Just as he is about to enter, a voice calls for his name.

“Hello Sam.” To his left, he sees someone he hasn’t seen in almost a year. For how can he forget? His own boss of all people is standing a few meters away with a devilish smirk on his face and an expression of calculative smugness. Spiky dirty blonde hair point to the sky and piercing blue eyes that stare into his soul. Ready to devour him.

Just as he remembers it.

“Luke?” Chills crawl up and down from spine, as if frozen fingers are tracing his back.

“Long time no see Samuel. I haven’t heard from you in a while.” Luke smiles and Sam admits that there is something about his boss that has always made him uncomfortable.

“What brings you here in Lawrence? I haven’t heard anything from Jess since her last email, which was a few days ago.” There is something unfamiliar with Luke’s presence here in Lawrence. Sam is not one to cower before his own boss. Especially since they’ve known each other for years however, the piercing stare in Luke’s eyes is sending a bad omen.

“Ah yes. I know you haven’t heard anything because I wanted to surprise you when I arrive.” Luke’s smile widens with confidence. “But there are other reasons why I’m here…”

Before Sam can ask, a bell rings and the door opens to reveal Sam’s heart-warming boyfriend.

“Samsquatch! I knew I saw you-,” Gabriel stops mid-sentence to gaze upon Sam’s boss. The grin on Luke’s face grows wider and more devilish while Gabriel’s expression gradually transforms into shock.

“Hello Gabriel.” Luke responds and Sam’s eyebrows raise up to question the situation.

“Wait, you know each other?” Gabriel and Luke ignores him for a moment to focus on each other’s faces. Gabriel’s face turns into fury while Luke’s smile does not abate.

“More than you know, Samuel.” Luke finally replies to Sam with a quick smirk and Gabriel’s nose flare. Sam remains frozen on the spot as if gravity intensified.

“You haven’t told him Gabby?” Luke asks and somehow, Sam doesn’t like it when Luke calls Gabriel that name.

“He’s my brother. Sam. My older brother.” Gabriel says in despondence. Sam’s eyebrows raise higher and his feet stumbles back a bit. His boss and boyfriend are brothers. And Gabriel is Castiel’s older brother. Then that means…

“Guess it’s time for a little family reunion. Don’t you think?” Luke asks and Sam doesn’t know whether it’s directed toward him or Gabriel.

Perhaps both.

***

**-Dean-**

It may be hard to believe but Cas is actually bending over backwards to make his older brother, whom Dean has never heard about, very comfortable. Sure Dean’s always known Cas is secretive about his family and life before moving into Kansas but maybe, Cas was being discreet for a good reason. Michael has been nothing but a douche as soon as he stepped into their home. His and Cas’ home.

“Michael I am surprised to see you here. The wedding is not in another six months.” Cas sits next to Dean and rests an hand on his thigh. Dean grips his fiancé’s hand tightly and narrowing his eyes on Michael.

“I know I am however as soon as I received the invitation, I had to see it for myself.” Michael admits and he fixes his spectacles as if the thought of Dean with Cas is but a fantasy.

“Well you better believe it. I’m marrying Cas and I can’t wait for him to make an honest man out of me.” Dean smugly grins and luckily Cas doesn’t get it because the smile on Cas’ face is genuine and pure.

Michael remains silent for a few seconds. Observing the way Dean holds Cas’ hand and their bodies in close proximity. A large cloud of tension builds up in the air, one that makes Dean uncomfortable and pissed off at the man in front of him. Michael is clearly judging him from top to bottom if those dark blue eyes indicate anything.

“Tell me, Castiel…” Michael shifts his eyes from Dean to Cas and Cas straightens his back before answering. “What compelled you to irrationally propose to such a-,”

Dean narrows his eyes harder and leans forward, expecting Michael to finish the question.

“…character?”

Dean throws his head back and rolls his eyes. “What the hell does that supposed to-,”

“I wasn’t the only one who proposed. Dean and I proposed to one another.” Cas replies and Dean can fill his fiancé grip his hand tight. Tighter than his own.

“I see.” Michael leans back on the couch and rests his fingers together, elbows to the sides.

“Listen here pal. I don’t care who you are but if you got a problem with me marrying Cas then I don’t want you sitting in here, in our home and judging us.”

“Dean please.” Cas pleas and Dean sits back down next to his fiancé. Cas’ thumb rubs his hand and it soothes his nerves. Michael’s expression hasn’t changed. In fact, he remains stoic and blank in expression. Dean has always been told that the calm quiet one are always the most dangerous.

“I’m not judging you both. I am only judging you. Clearly my reservations on your character is accurate. And I believe that you,” Michael turns to Cas. “Castiel, have made a very poor choice and I suggest you turn back now before this ends in divorce. I will be more than happy to find you a better suitor if you choose to re-establish our familial bonds.”

Michael gets cut short by Cas standing up and punching his older brother in the face. The older Novak’s spectacles fly to the corner of the living room. Michael gets himself up and fixes his jaw. The sleek dirty blonde hair is ruined but Michael doesn’t seem to care about that right now.

“Do not ever speak about Dean in such a way…you…you ASSBUTT!” Cas’ nose flare with vengeance. Dean almost lets out a snort as pride swells in his chest.

“I am marrying Dean with or without your approval. I don’t care about your opinion. I love Dean and you should show him some respect. Otherwise. LEAVE.” Cas finishes with a growl and Dean can’t be prouder. Cas only shows his badass nature in rare occasions. When he does, Dean can’t help but fall in love over and over again.

Michael combs his hair using his right hand then pats his suit while Cas laser stares him. He clears his throat and inhales deeply before narrowing his eyes at Dean and Cas. Dean takes a step closer so Cas knows he’s close. Even after taking a hit, Cas’ older brother doesn’t seem heavily affected.

“You have changed, Castiel.” Michael’s first words to break the silence. Dean slides a hand to catch Cas’ shaking one. This is one of those times when Dean needs to let Cas know that he’s there for him.

“I overlooked your change in character in our time apart.” Michael tilts his head just like how Cas. As much as Dean wants to deny it, the two of them are siblings. But it’s clear that Cas didn’t get the douchebag genes.

“You’re just out of touch.” Cas bites back and there’s something about Cas’ tone that reminds Dean of himself.

Michael pushes a finger to fix his spectacles one last time. “That I may be. However, do not presume that this will be the last you see of me. I will be, _‘in touch’_.” With that, he leaves and callously closes the door from behind.

Cas sighs in relief and sinks into Dean’s arms.

“Are you alright babe?” Dean tightly holds his man while inspecting the bruise forming on Cas’ knuckle.

“I don’t know what came over me. I have never laid a finger on Michael let alone talk back.” Cas shivers and Dean tries his best to comfort him by rubbing his side.

“You did great Cas. So baddass! You shouldn’t be scared of your douchebag brothers.” Dean starts planting kisses behind Cas ear and neck. His pants are tight from replaying the image of his fiancé punching mercilessly punching someone on the face. Dean should be comforting Cas however who says he can’t kill two birds with one stone.

“I haven’t seen or spoken to Michael in years. I didn’t know he would come to the wedding let alone care.” There’s sadness in Cas’ tone and Dean can’t have that. He’s gonna try to make Cas happy the best way he knows how. Writhing on the sofa with his name on Cas’ lips.

“I should go apologize.” Cas doesn’t seem to notice the amount of kisses Dean has planted all over his body.

“No don’t apologize Cas. You did nothing wrong.” Dean continues to plant kisses in between. “Your brother is an asshole. He should be the one apologizing.” Dean’s fingers caress Cas’ forearm and ever so gently slide on his fiancé’s thigh.

“Dean I know what you’re trying to do.” Cas blatantly points out.

“What do you think I’m trying to do?” Dean replies with a huge smirk on his lips. Dean knows that Cas is annoyed when he hears this tone. However Dean likes to push Cas’ buttons because he wants to see that cold calculating expression on Cas’ face. Narrow eyes and disapproving lips is when Dean knows; he’s gonna get manhandled.

Manhandled by an incredibly hot and bossy angel.

“I’m not in the mood Dean. I just met Michael. Aren’t you curious as to why he treated you that way?” _Way to ruin the mood Cas._

“I don’t care about _him_. He can think whatever he wants. All I know is that I’m marrying a guy who doesn’t take shit from anyone and is a major badass.” Dean snakes up to Cas’ ear and whispers the last sentence.

That’s when Cas hits his breaking point.

Dean gets pinned to the couch, his forearms gripped tight by what used to be slender gentle hands. Cas’ nose flares and his eyes stare directly to Dean’s. Whatever Dean awakened in his boyfriend has got him cornered like a deer to a pack of wolves.

“Whatever happened to your incessant panic attacks?” Cas coldly asks and by god it’s doing things to Dean’s libido.

“I think they went away. Right after I realized how lucky I am.” Dean pretends smiling to hide the fact that he’s feeling pretty vulnerable. Well really vulnerable. Cas’ lips gradually form a smile as to let Dean know-

He’s been caught.

“Well let’s see how far your ‘luck’ can take you.” Cas is devilishly smiling now. Dean can find a trace of his angel. The one who watches over him at night and gives him what he needs.

Cas presses their lips together and they kiss each other with abandon. There’s no gentleness in the way Cas rips and pulls his clothes off. Dean tries to unbutton Cas’ shirt, only to be told no by a slap on his hand. Cas’ hand pushes him so that his back rests on the couch. Ordering him to slowly touch himself.

Dean praises and worships Cas as the other man slowly takes his clothes off. Edging Dean closer to torture point.

By the time Cas takes his pants off, Dean can see Cas’ heavy dick. Angry red and pulsing. Cas lifts Dean’s hips up and buries his face to lap on Dean’s hole until it’s quivering.

Only then does Cas sink into Dean’s tight heat and thrusts with a similar abandon as their kiss from earlier.

Perhaps Dean should be careful of what to wish for.

***

**-Sam-**

Luke leaves Sam and Gabriel at the front of the pastry shop with a smile on his face and eyes lingering into Sam’s consciousness. The winter breeze has gotten colder in such a short span of time and Sam has a feeling it’ll only get worse.

Sam doesn’t like it but he has no choice but to remain silent since he’s still trying to register the truth that his boss is actually Gabriel’s older brother.

“Sam, why didn’t you tell me that Luke was your boss?” Gabriel asks and spins Sam’s shoulder so the taller man is facing him.

“I didn’t know that he was your brother! He doesn’t have the same last name as you or Cas.” Sam admits and his boyfriend winces in irritation. Milton is far from the name Novak.

“Urgh! I can’t believe this! After all this time! He was your boss and you didn’t tell me? What did he say to you? Does he know we’re together? Better yet, are you interested in him?” Gabriel hisses a question after question and Sam puts his hands up to surrender.

“No. Gabe. Dammit why would you say that?” Sam growls out of frustration. Sometimes he likes it when Gabe gets possessive, except for this instance.

“Oh I get it now! You’ve been in a long distance relationship with Luke this whole time and I’m just your dirty little secret. You should go run after him you dick!” Gabe walks away and Sam pulls him back.

“The hell is the matter with you?” Gabriel rips his arm form Sam’s hold.

“Don’t touch me! Go away!” Gabriel continues to resist and it’s getting harder and harder to make sense of anything.

“Gabe!” Sam pulls Gabriel’s arm but to no avail. The shorter man won’t even look at him. “Gabe! GABRIEL!” with a shout, Gabriel stops on his tracks and looks at Sam with a dark expression.

“Could you for once stop jumping into conclusions and look at me?” Sam laser stares his boyfriend and as much as he hates it, this is the only way he can clear things up.

“Why on earth would you think that I’m in a relationship with my own boss? I was dating Cas before I even met you. And now apparently, that means I dated two of my boss’ brothers.” Sam throws his arms out to surrender. He really doesn’t know what’s going on or if he’s even making any sense.

“Aren’t you real lucky guy Sam? You’ve screwed around with two of my siblings! Someone should hand you a trophy! Biggest Dick of the Year!” Gabe sarcastically says and turns around to start walking away. Sam ignores the last remark and winces.

“Wh-What?” Sam shakes his head in irritation. “No stop! I’ve only dated one of your siblings- **Gabe get back here**!” Sam runs after Gabriel again. “Can you just stop and listen for a second!” Sam shouts and Gabriel turns around and eyes rolling.

“Maybe I should bash you with the biggest dick of the year award.” Gabe adds and Sam is almost at his limit.

“Shut up Gabriel! Just shut up!” Gabe does and Sam heaves to catch his breathe. Being pissed off is exhausting in its own way.

“I am not in a relationship with Luke beyond a business sense. Before dating you, I was dating Cas, that’s it. I didn’t even know that Luke was related to Cas and to you. I was about to enter the shop when Luke suddenly appeared. He didn’t tell me that he was coming here. He said he’d surprise me and I don’t know why he would do that. How in the world could I have gotten Luke Milton out of Gabriel Novak?” Sam admits and fists roll on his sides.

“How long have you been working for him?” Gabriel speculates.

“Over five or six years. I’ve been his lawyer for a case but nothing more so could you please stop overreacting and explain what’s going on?”

Gabriel looks up at the sky. A white blanket of clouds filter the sun’s rays up to the horizon, warning of the imminent snow.

“Luke is my older brother by a year. He changed his last name to ‘Milton’ after my mother’s maiden name after a fallout with my oldest brother, Michael. We haven’t spoken in a long time due to _other_ reasons.” Gabriel admits and Sam’s expression softens. “I’m sorry for lashing out on you. I just- I just feel so jealous over my siblings because they’re all more accomplished, better looking, smarter and taller than me. It makes me think that only a madman would truly have feelings for me.”

Gabriel sniffles and that is the last straw for Sam. He steps forward and quickly pulls Gabriel in for a tight hug. With no words, Sam wants Gabriel to know how he feels. Through the warmth of his body.

“Don’t say that. You’re not any less than your siblings. You’re much better.” Sam whispers into Gabriel’s ear but the shorter man doesn’t seem convinced.

“You’re just saying that. Stop lying.” Gabriel muffles and a wide smirk forms on Sam’s face.

“No I’m not, I’m telling the truth. Believe me. You’re better than any of your siblings. Better than anyone I know. You’re the best person to me and that’s all that matters.”

Gabriel narrows his eyes at Sam. “You’re delusional.” Gabe says.

“I’m just in love with you Gabriel.” Sam leans in to plant a kiss on Gabriel’s mouth. It tales about a few seconds of silence for Sam to realize what he just said.

“You just said you _love_ me.” Gabriel says Sam’s thoughts out loud.

“I guess I did.” Sam nods but is not quite sure what to do after admitting your feelings to someone. He never got a chance to do this to any of his previous partners. The closest he’s gotten in terms of strong emotions is Cas but it was never right up there with love.

“I told you only a madman can have feelings for me.” Gabriel says and Sam nods again.

“Then I guess I’m that madman.” Sam plants a deeper kiss on Gabriel’s lips.

“I’m your madman.”

The winter really can’t get any colder.

***

 

**-Dean-**

Christmas is one of the most important times of the year for Dean. It’s right up there with birthdays and the 4th of July. Everything from the smell of cinnamon, snow-covered trees and the egg-nog, are some of the reasons why Dean loves the holiday. Most importantly, this is the time of the year when the rest of the family comes over to celebrate. Dean has never missed spending Christmas with mom and dad. In fact, he can’t remember an occasion where he didn’t celebrate it with mom’s special home baked cooking and helping dad put the decorations up. It’s been the Winchester family tradition for years.

This year is more special than the others. Sam finally joins them for Christmas. It’s been years since Sam stayed in Lawrence for Christmas because of Stanford and his job. Finally, all members of the Winchester family is present in mom and dad’s place. With a few changes.

This will be the first holiday where Dean and Cas spend it as a couple. There shouldn’t be much changes however Dean wants to make their first family holiday together a memorable one. It’s not that all the other holidays aren’t memorable, Dean just wants to spend the perfect Christmas after all the stuff that’s happened over the year. In a sense, it’s Dean’s way of starting anew.

With Cas snuggled tightly in his arms, Dean never wants to leave the bedroom. After spending a few hours having sex, then eating and moving the sex to the bedroom, Dean can honestly say he’s spent. All he wants is the comfort of Cas, slotted next to his body and nothing more.

Of course his phone rings as soon as Dean thinks he can get peace. And the award for the most annoying bitch of the year goes to Sam.

Cas mumbles in irritation as the phone continues to ring. If there is anyone in the room who is more irritated right now, it’s definitely Dean.

“Hello bitch. Way to go ruining my quality time with Cas!” Dean growls and unwittingly raises his voice. He checks to see if Cas is woken up by him, but like a good little angel, Cas continues to sleep.

**Sam: Dean we need to talk. Something’s come up and I think Cas should be in on it.**

Dean hears some shuffling at the other side of the line and at the same time, worry dances in his head like people dancing around a bonfire.

**Sam: Gabe could you please get off, I’m on the phone with Dean.**

**Gabriel: C’mon Sam! Let’s have another round.**

Dean is gonna need to bleach his brain after this. “Are you having sex with Gabriel while you’re on the phone with me?” The bonfire of panic grows larger and Dean is on the verge of dropping the call.

**Sam: Dean it’s not what it sounds like, Gabriel stop it!**

**Gabriel: You know exactly what it sounds like Dean-o.**

And that was it, Dean needs to get amnesia to forget that his brother is on the phone with him while he’s having sex. Speaking of sex, Cas is shuffling next to him and reaches under the blanket to grip his cock. It’s soft and will probably remain that way by the horrible image of Sam and Gabe doing the horizontal tango on the other line.

“Cas?” Dean asks and Cas is no longer next to him but rather, slotted in between his thighs and giving kitten licks on his dick.

“Sam, I gotta have to call you back…” Dean pulls the phone out of his ear and slowly places it on the night stand. The sounds of Sam and Gabe arguing on the other line gets cut by a push of a button.

“Was that Sam on the phone?” Cas asks before lining his tongue from the base of Dean’s dick to the top.

“Y-Yeah, he and Gabe were busy.” Dean groans and his hips twitch. “Said they needed to talk to us.” Cas smirks while half of Dean’s cock is in his mouth. With a slow slide, Cas releases Dean’s dick with a pop sound.

“They can wait.” Cas continues to lap on the thick vein under Dean’s dick.

“Thought you were asleep?” Dean sarcastically asks.

“I’m a light sleeper.” Cas quickly replies before rolling his tongue on the tip of Dean’s cock.

Dean laughs and wonders if a Christmas miracle just happened.

***

 

Castiel never has a problem of having people over. Especially when he and Dean are more behaved. Most of the time, they can’t keep their hands off each other, so it’s good to have family and friends over so it helps discipline them both.

And what’s good for Cas is good enough for Dean. Or in this case, Dean doesn’t mind having Gabriel and Sam over especially in matters regarding Cas and Gabriel’s older brothers. Dean kisses his teeth at the thought of that douche bag Michael, thinking he has the right to control Cas’ life simply by ‘suggesting’ alternatives. If there is one thing Dean values in his relationship with Cas, is that he has Free Will.

Free Will in a sense that Dean is in love with Cas and not have it any other way.

“So are you saying that Sam’s current boss, the guy who’s practically a psychopath, is actually Cas’ older brother?” Dean clarifies as if he needs to hear the ‘impossible’ twice.

“And Gabe’s.” Sam adds but they all just stare at the floor in silent shame. Something or someone out there has been messing with their lives and it’s really starting to piss Dean off. Out of all the people in the world, Cas has to be brought up with people like Michael and Luke. Brothers, who according to Gabriel, spent the majority of their lives fighting over their dad’s inheritance than anything or anyone else. Anyone- including Cas.

The thought of someone neglecting Cas makes Dean’s blood boil. No wonder Cas was so lost the first time Dean met him. It’s because he had to grow up with two stuck up, douche bag brothers. Cas senses his discomfort and frowns. He slides to Cas’ side and rubs his fiancé’s arm.

“Are those two gonna cause any trouble? Cause, family or not, I’m not ready to share Christmas presents with dick bag one and two.” Dean snarls at Gabriel.

“Neither am I and they’re my brothers.” Gabriel admits and Sam slides next to him on the couch for some holding.

“Sam?”

Sam looks up with an approving look. “Luke’s my boss and I wanna keep our relationship in a professional level, nothing more than that.” Gabriel shuffles uncomfortably.

“Why are you still working with that asshole? I thought you were gonna quit after that email thing?” Gabe asks. Sam and Dean share a look to remember the time when Dean sent Luke an email with a link to a porn website.

“I didn’t say I was gonna quit, I said I thought he was going to fire me after that email.”

“Oh please, let’s be honest with ourselves Sam. You’re just so into my brother. I get it. I just thought you’d cut the bullshit and leave me!” Gabriel rips himself off Sam and storms out the front door.

Cas gets up. “I’ll go take the lasagna out of the oven, Dean could you please help set the table? Sam, please go fetch Gabriel.”

Without a second thought, Sam does as he is told and Cas walks to the kitchen.

Dean stretches his back and sighs. It’s just another typical day with Sam and Gabe.

***

 

Dean doesn’t see or hear about Michael and Luke at Christmas day, which is perfect because he gets to kiss Cas under the mistletoe uninterrupted. Gabe and Dad sit by the fireplace singing Christmas carols to mom and Sam while Bobby gets another cup of eggnog.

Apart from their kiss, Dean’s other favorite part of Christmas is exchanging gifts. Gabe got Sam an expensive watch while Sam got Gabe a scrapbook filled with their photos. Dean gives Sam a mischievous grin, indicating that he’s gonna tease him about it for the rest of his life. Meanwhile, Cas got him an emerald green sweater. It was hand-made, just as mom taught Cas and Dean instantly wears it.

“So I can keep you warm even when I’m not next to you.” Cas admits and Dean almost melts in his fiancé’s arms.

In return, Dean got Cas a music box. It was dad’s music box that grandad gave him. Cas opens it and the song, “As Time Goes By” plays. Dean remembers the time when Cas played that song on the piano for his parents a while back.

The room falls silent.

Too silent.

The song is the only sound in the room. Its tune swims into everyone’s ears and Cas’ lips part but no voice comes out. Just a sweet melody to remember the moment.

When the song ends, Cas’ kiss on Dean’s lips is warmer than the sweater he’s wearing or the tight hold of Cas’ arms. He can actually taste it.

The sweetness of love.

Warm and invigorating. Just like the perfect Christmas he hoped for.

***

 

Dean and Cas spend the new years with family and friends around them.

Everyone comes over to celebrate. Bottles and cans of beer come around as hearty laughter and vibrant hollers echo their walls. Dean invited practically everyone he knew and he couldn’t be happier with the outcome.

While Dean is chewing a mouthful of apple pie, he comes into a realization that it’s the perfect time to capture the moment.

In a loud announcement, everyone huddles near the fire place for a timed photo. The couch was moved so that some people may sit while others can stand at the back or sit on the floor. In Gabriel’s case- lying on the floor and using his elbow for support. Sam is on the couch sitting next to mom and dad, the camera is directly facing them. Bobby, Charlie, Jo, Ellen, Benny and all the others gather around while Dean and Cas stand at the back of his parents. Facing the camera directly.

As soon as Garth pushes the button, he comes running to the group and stands next to Jo with a goofy look on his face. Bobby and Ellen try not to press their shoulders too close, afraid that Jo might notice, or anyone for that matter. But Dean knows.

Dean knows that his surrogate father has been looking at Ellen with the sort of affection you see from Sam and Gabe, or mom and dad. It’s hard to think that Bobby can actually be softy to anyone, let alone Ellen. Who knew they were perfect for each other.

Jo is working for Benny as a waitress while studying to become a police officer under the guidance of Jody Mills. Dean has noticed her reflexes have become sharper as she slaps Garth for trying to press his face next to hers.

Ash still works at home and with Charlie at times, that is, if they’re not too busy fighting in video games. Just a few minutes ago, Dean overheard them talking about beating him and Sam at Call of Duty. But he must’ve misheard it because he knows that he and Sam are gonna win.

As for Castiel, Dean can honestly say that he doesn’t know what this New Year will bring. Well of course there’s marriage. After all he did get on one knee and presented a ring to Cas. He can’t forget that now.

The blinking red light on the camera catches everyone’s attention. Dean pulls Cas in closer for a kiss on the cheek while he hears his name on the other man’s lips.

The camera flashes and Dean captures the perfect moment forever.

Everyone yells out to take another one but right before Garth can step out of the group, another flash happens and no one was ready for it. Laughter and chatter erupts as Jo helps Garth fix the camera settings.

Dean just smiles and allows himself to immerse in the atmosphere of the room.

“What are you smiling at?” Cas asks and Dean just shakes his head.

The answer should be obvious by now.

“Nothing.” Dean says and he looks over to Sam laughing at Gabriel doing different poses on the floor for everyone to see. Gabe has entered the Winchester household like a spot was saved for him.

Sam looks at Dean with an approving smile.

What Dean really wants to say to Cas is that he’s happy. But he doesn’t really need words to describe what he’s smiling at right now.

Both he and Cas know the answer.

Dean just can’t wait to introduce Cas to the rest of the world as his one and only.

For the rest of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were so many other things I wanted to write and explore.  
> I would've liked to see how Luke will interfere with Sam and Gabriel's relationship.  
> As well as Michael to Cas and Dean's relationship. 
> 
> Perhaps write these ideas in the context of Cas and Dean's wedding. 
> 
> I might try a Domestiel extension to this story. 
> 
> But who knows? 
> 
> I will add new Jealous Dean stories in this series. Stay tuned for more "Green-Eyed Dean-ial Winchester"

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first attempt to write a fic on some of the tags/themes above.
> 
> I know it's quite a cliched plot (or is it???) but I still enjoy writing it. 
> 
> I've put two or more ships in here :)


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